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Class of September 2014 part 2

Old 09-20-2014, 01:56 PM
  # 261 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by deanyya View Post
I made the mistake last night and bought a pint of Captain Morgan's. I can't stop asking myself why? So tired of giving into this nasty habit. I only drank 3 glasses and dumped the rest down the drain. Then I went to bed and cried myself o sleep. Felt good to let it out. I rarely ever cry. To used to holding it all in.I have decided to fit an AA meeting into my schedule next week. I am not a social person so I will go and listen. I don't think I can do this without f2f support.
Glad you choose to pour it out and stick around. We all make mistakes. figuring out what to do differently and continuing to try is key. Let us know how the meeting goes!
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Old 09-20-2014, 03:57 PM
  # 262 (permalink)  
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Happy b'day safeandsound! Over a week, woohoo, go us! I'm sure there are a couple of other SR'ers who share the same birthday, my memory is foggy though...

As I don't have a job and I am in a brand new city, I am spending a lot of time alone and things are pretty non-existent for me socially, esp. now I have removed drugs and alcohol. So I'm forcing myself to a 7pm AA meeting tonight, I hate public speaking and meeting lots of strangers at once and it's both of those things. Anyway, I've got nothing to loose except perhaps a bit of dignity (not much there to start with tho tbh!).

Sorry you're feeling rough safeandsound, I hear you, we've just removed the thing we turn to in times of emotional discomfort so it makes sense we're feeling all this negative stuff. Are you writing at all? It can be really helpful for me to get stuff down on paper, it gives all that bottled up emotional angst someplace to go and makes it all feel a bit more manageable. Have you started up any news hobbies to replace the usual 'drinking' time? I have started painting at night, it's been quite therapeutic.
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Old 09-20-2014, 04:01 PM
  # 263 (permalink)  
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Thinking of you deanyya. You could have just given yourself completely over to the liquor, gotten hammered, hungover and continued to drink for days on end but you didn't, you came back here and released some emotions you have been holding in. I know I sure am tired of holding in my feelings and actually that alone (just up to my ears with stress, some of it due to me "allowing" others to walk all over me) is a huge trigger for me.

Not saying it's a great thing to be in tears on a regular basis, but maybe if we all "ugly cried" a little more often we would release these stressful and uncomfortable feelings.

Do you know what triggered it, and do you remember what your AV convinced you of before you stopped at the store? I would be interested in knowing if you feel like sharing.

Friday night my ex had my son, only the second night I have had to myself since I became sober on sept. 7, and my AV was in overdrive. Telling me just tonight, just until I get to the happy place and no further, maybe I'll get the small 4 pack of wine bottles that will help me moderate and I'll drink only two...

I fought the bugger off by asking myself how I would manage to moderate when I knew that was a long shot, and I didn't want to buy cigarettes (only smoke while drinking) and knew if I did buy cigs I would use as an excuse to drink until they are all gone, which could be all weekend. Then I decided I had told myself I didn't want to waste a weekend feeling like crap and finally the voice went away.

Anyway, just curious if you wanted to share what your trigger /AV voice was saying. I'm glad you're still here and the rest of the class! Welcome to newcomers as well!
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Old 09-20-2014, 04:19 PM
  # 264 (permalink)  
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I don't think it's easy for anyone...certainly wasn't for me.
I remember nights circled up into a ball on my bed fighting the urge to go and get booze.

I spent a lot of time here too - helping others helped me see what I needed to do too.

It's not easy - but if you really want to change it's really the only way to go.

If you find yourself drinking again I think it's fair to ask what else should I be doing - what other things can I add?

what is my emergency strategy like - when the urge hits do I think about ways to stop myself - do I reach out for help.... or do I just abandon myself to the urge?

I've spent the weekend rescuing my PC from screens of death...it's sometimes a meticulous procress but piece by piece, programme by programme, component by component, you can get things back to a working, stable, non-crashing state.

Recovery is a lot like that

D
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Old 09-20-2014, 04:49 PM
  # 265 (permalink)  
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Hi I am new, I am hoping that I can find some people that understand me. I want to be a better husband and father. I drink too much, but am in a family that drinks too much. The last time I gave it up for 100 days was 10 yrs ago, I took so much grief. I older now and well I just had 4-5 glasses of wine, I want tomorrow to be day #1 but I have absolutely no one who will understands, so I'm looking for a support group. Maybe there are people out there like me, maybe not.
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Old 09-20-2014, 05:04 PM
  # 266 (permalink)  
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welcome to the thread and to SR escrubb

You'll find a lot of understanding and support here

D
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Old 09-20-2014, 05:54 PM
  # 267 (permalink)  
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Escrubb
You will find a lot of understanding and hope here welcome!
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Old 09-20-2014, 07:07 PM
  # 268 (permalink)  
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Hi BlissWithin & escrubb.

safeandsound. What D said...I couldn't have come up with any better advice than that.

AncientMariner. Funny story about going out to eat. In truth, people don't give it a second thought when they see someone eating alone. That is, unless you're wearing a detective costume, starting directly at them and taking notes in a tiny notebook.

thisibelieve. Noooooo, nooooo, it's not easy for any of us. That's why we're here. I don't think there's anyone in this class who has quit once and never looked back. I'm not saying that relapse is inevitable - I'm just saying that sometimes it takes more than one try to get it right.

ANewDayNYC. Glad you're sticking to your weekend plans - that was a good idea.

Cecilia44. Thanks, eh? And yes - the thrift store can be amazing if you have the patience to find the good stuff.

Alynn. I did the yard sale thing today as well...it was a community yard sale so it was massive (around 10 blocks long). Found some great stuff.

deanyya. You dumped it out. That shows that you're not willing to give up. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Getting some support seems like an excellent idea.

roguedreams. Yeah, I think it's pretty much impossible to be an exotic dancer without drinking or doing something else. It's just part of the culture. Ditto with bars and some restaurants.

nmd. Three 10 year olds? Yikes. I was such a loudmouth when I was 10...hats off to you.

gnarlyboots. I don't think you have to speak if you don't want to...let us know how it went.

D. That computer metaphor is brilliant. My AV is silent. Nothing. It's weird. It's like something inside me broke and the voice broke along with everything else. It's almost like I died and I'm floating around trying to find a body so I can have a voice again.

Anyway, I feel pretty horrible today. I felt fine going out to the yard sale...then I went to a farmer's market and the grocery store. After that, I had a bath and that's when I got too tired to stay awake. Now I have a nap headache and I just feel kind of sick. I hate days like this. Feels like I'm hung over.

However, the positive thing is that I talked to a whole bunch of people today and there was no sign of anything resembling a panic attack. That was the one really bright spot in my day.
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Old 09-20-2014, 08:59 PM
  # 269 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Pretend3r View Post
Thinking of you deanyya. You could have just given yourself completely over to the liquor, gotten hammered, hungover and continued to drink for days on end but you didn't, you came back here and released some emotions you have been holding in. I know I sure am tired of holding in my feelings and actually that alone (just up to my ears with stress, some of it due to me "allowing" others to walk all over me) is a huge trigger for me.

Not saying it's a great thing to be in tears on a regular basis, but maybe if we all "ugly cried" a little more often we would release these stressful and uncomfortable feelings.

Do you know what triggered it, and do you remember what your AV convinced you of before you stopped at the store? I would be interested in knowing if you feel like sharing.

Friday night my ex had my son, only the second night I have had to myself since I became sober on sept. 7, and my AV was in overdrive. Telling me just tonight, just until I get to the happy place and no further, maybe I'll get the small 4 pack of wine bottles that will help me moderate and I'll drink only two...

I fought the bugger off by asking myself how I would manage to moderate when I knew that was a long shot, and I didn't want to buy cigarettes (only smoke while drinking) and knew if I did buy cigs I would use as an excuse to drink until they are all gone, which could be all weekend. Then I decided I had told myself I didn't want to waste a weekend feeling like crap and finally the voice went away.

Anyway, just curious if you wanted to share what your trigger /AV voice was saying. I'm glad you're still here and the rest of the class! Welcome to newcomers as well!
Thanks for the support I knew it was a mistake to buy the liquor but I let my AV get the best of me. Like Dee said, I guess I just abandoned myself to the urge. I am slowly getting stronger and learning new ways to defeat the urge. I really do want to change and that is why I have decided to finally check out AA. I also just received the book" kick the drink easily" by Jason Vale in the mail today. I will begin reading the book tonight. I would have to say that stress definitely plays a huge part in triggering the urge to drink. This time of year my hours get cut for a few months at work so I don't have as much money as usual. But continuing to stay sober should put some extra cash in my pocket. I am trying to replace the negative with the positive. Trying to fix a relationship with someone who I am no longer attracted to (my children's father). Yesterday I took 3 of my 4 girls shopping to by the 2 younger ones some new shoes. And the whole time we were there they wouldn't stop whining or they wanted this and that. Anything to bring attention to us. Very embarrassing and the stress was rattling my nerves just a little. I do not take them shopping with me much. My AV convinced me that I should have a couple drinks. Just a excuse to drink even though I knew it was a horrible mistake. The urge would have disappeared had I given it time. My sober date was also September 7 but now I need to start over again. All for just a couple of drinks. Definitely not worth it. And thanks Dee for your post. You gave me a lot to think about. And Avice, I will never give up.
class of September for being here
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Old 09-21-2014, 03:04 AM
  # 270 (permalink)  
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Good morning class! Day 26 here and finally feeling like things are starting to settle down a bit...the roller coaster is not climbing the steep hill anymore.

I love reading your posts everyday. I just want you to know that every single one of you has helped me to stay on the right path this time. Thank you!

Welcome to all of the newcomers...this is a great class. Keep trying and never give up the fight. It is not easy, as we all know. But it is definitely possible.

So, a bit of good news. I actually left my house yesterday and went with my best friend (well, my only friend at this point) to a huge festival in my hometown. I haven't been back there since my brother passed away 8 years ago. It was a 100 year celebration of this event. My anxiety has gotten alot better in the last 26 days, but situations like that make me terribly nervous. I had to leave my house (safe place), drive 40 miles, and face a ton of people. Thankfully, my friend has similar issues and we had each others back. Always an escape when the panic hits. She does not drink either, which helps alot. Was a little shocked to see people drinking in the street though. They block the whole thing off for the event. I didn't think they allowed drinking outside of the beer tent or bar, but maybe I just don't remember? I don't think I would have gone if I knew, as I know how important it is to stay far away from those situations. Anyway, I was totally nervous, but ended up having a great time with her. Sat back watching people. At first I was thinking (kindof obsessing?) I really wish I could have a drink right along with them........my eyes were constantly drawn to the glasses of beer they were carrying around...but as I started to watch as the day went on, they were loud, obnoxious, and making total fools out of themselves. I just kept thinking, that used to be me. I'm so glad I can hug people without smelling like alcohol and drive home without taking the back roads to avoid the cops. And I'm sure they don't feel as great as I do this morning...

So now I will continue to work on my anxiety issues along with my sobriety. Not an easy road for sure. It's really hard to face your fears, but I know that if I don't it will not end well. I love to isolate, but am starting to see how that has really affected my sobriety. One day at a time.

I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. Please keep on fighting the fight, and congrats to those that keep adding onto to those sober days! I know you can all do this!

You guys are just an awesome group of people!

((hugs))
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Old 09-21-2014, 03:15 AM
  # 271 (permalink)  
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Good to have you 'back' Deanyya

Glad today went ok Luper

D
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Old 09-21-2014, 03:24 AM
  # 272 (permalink)  
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I stuffed up, going to fade away for a while.

Good luck to you all and I wish you all the best in your recoveries. You're a good crew.

Adios class,
Gnarly
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Old 09-21-2014, 03:59 AM
  # 273 (permalink)  
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Fading away for a while would be the worst thing you could do for yourself right now Gnarlyboots.

You've done nothing the rest of us haven't done at some time...beating yourself up is both pointless and counter productive to further recovery.

Isolating yourself is not the answer. Learning from your mistakes, and moving forward, is

We're here to help - I suggest you use SR more, not less

D
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Old 09-21-2014, 04:53 AM
  # 274 (permalink)  
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Day 14 here, wow 2 weeks!

Deannya, you have a full plate momma. I feel for you. You are doing things right in this sobriety thing - its just hard especially at first. Going to AA to just hear others talk was an eye opener for me, even though I didn't join. I especially liked the "old timer" who told his story - including the part where he never relapsed which was amazing to me since I've relapsed plenty. He gave me a bag of m&m's when we left and told me to eat them if I felt like drinking! It will likely be a good experience for you too, tell us how it goes. Great idea to read that book you ordered, i havent read it but hsaw other posts referring to it on the forum. You really are attacking your problem and you should be really proud that you are changing for the better. I hope you have a great, RELAXED Sunday.

Hey nmd, young confused, hope you guys have a great day and keep on keeping on. Young confused I read some of your other posts, one about an interview I think, and just wanted to say that you can do this!

Avice - hope you are feeling better and have no anxiety. I know how that feels to an extent...mostly after I had been drinking heavily the night before.

Luper - congrats on 26 days!!!! And, congrats on getting out of the house.

Escrudd welcome to SR. These forums have helped me stay on track, the longer I stay on track the easier it has gotten to say no to the AV.

Gnarlyboots - please don't choose to drink because of a slip. Get back up and dust yourself off. We all understand what you are going through because we have all been there! You had a slip and can come right back to keeping focused and keeping sober, plus everything that Dee said! We will be waiting to hear from you so don't leave us hanging!
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Old 09-21-2014, 06:01 AM
  # 275 (permalink)  
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Hitting day 7! Busy day today with the boys who have a cub scout event and the school tomorrow.

GB- hope you choose to give it another go. I've been messing up for six months and the longer I wait to try again, well, the longer I waited. It got harder to stop drinking and the problems got worse not better. Staying sober has its trials, but nothing compared to drinking.
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Old 09-21-2014, 06:19 AM
  # 276 (permalink)  
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Day 9

Dee, what a beautiful post! I too loved the analogy. Thank you.

Deanyya, thinking of you. In spite of your struggles you reached out to me, and that is awesome. We can get through this. Welcome escrubb and anyone else new. Pretend3r--happy birthday!! Two weeks is such an achievement! Hope you take the time to reward yourself today. Gnarlyboots, don't go!! Just start again at Day 1 as so many of us have! It sounds cheesy, but you are worth it. Please take care of yourself. And I would sure miss your funny, insightful posts.

I have learned that what I've been going through the last three days is classic withdrawal (dizziness, headaches, emotions, body pain, exhaustion, inability to focus). Yesterday I spent the whole day on the couch except to get up and eat. Today my four-day headache has turned vicious. I've never experienced this before, but I also never drank as much as in the last year (daily drinking, blackouts 4-6 times a week).

However, my body does not feel like lead today, and my mind is clearer. Also, because I was in so much pain and couldn't do much else, I read tons and tons of posts on SR and got some wisdom and support. Thank you Septemberites especially! It so helps to know others are going through similar things.

If this headache goes away, I may even get some work done today! Feeling good that the worst (I hope?) has passed.

Have a wonderful sober Sunday, everyone!
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Old 09-21-2014, 06:33 AM
  # 277 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by nmd View Post
Hitting day 7! Busy day today with the boys who have a cub scout event and the school tomorrow.

GB- hope you choose to give it another go. I've been messing up for six months and the longer I wait to try again, well, the longer I waited. It got harder to stop drinking and the problems got worse not better. Staying sober has its trials, but nothing compared to drinking.
Way to come back strong nmd and great advice.

"longer I wait to try again, well, the longer I waited". Geez, I couldn't have said it better.

Hope you come back GB....this is the place to be!

Hi class! Great advice is being donated by all. I couldn't say what's already been said without trying to steal someone else's thunder. Therefore, not much for me to say.

Day (27) here and reading all of those posts in once again proving to be therapeutic......keep it up class and thanks! It's awesome when someone responds to a struggling class member and it applies to another.

Stay Strong Septemberites.....
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Old 09-21-2014, 07:43 AM
  # 278 (permalink)  
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Deanyya, thisibelieve, and introspectator, glad to see you bounce back – you guys can do this!
-
Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I went fishing yesterday with my dad, a lot of people were drinking on the boat but I was still able to enjoy myself and have fun.
-
Congratulations on all the great milestones - Neverthought (27), Safeandsound (9), NMD (7), Pretend3r (14).
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Really glad to be a part of this class.
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Old 09-21-2014, 09:55 AM
  # 279 (permalink)  
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Hi classmates. On Day 7 here. Really tired today as I woke up at 1 a.m. and didn't get back to bed until 4 a.m. A nap is for sure in order today. Very soon actually.

I can't believe I have made Day 7. I got over my 5 day "hump" and here I am! Have dealt with the AV harshly on days 4, 5 and 6 and praying it gets better.

Being tired doesn't help, but a couple of hours of sleep should change how I feel a lot.

gnarlyboots, don't leave us. Ditto what everyone else said. If you go now, who knows how long before you get around to coming back. One slip is one slip and every single one of us have been there. Heck, I have been trying to quit drinking for 6 years practically and am only now getting a few days under my belt. Please keep trying!

O.k., I read everyone's posts on this page, but I am too tired to comment on much more. Hugs to everyone and have a great sober Sunday. Nice day here too!

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Old 09-21-2014, 12:19 PM
  # 280 (permalink)  
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deanyya. I have faith in you - I know you want this. Do you have anyone in your life that could look after the kids for an hour so you can go for a walk once in a while?

Luper. Clap, clap, clap (that was internet applause). I know how hard it is to go into that kind of situation when you have anxiety issues. Boy, do I know. Without knowing it, you were practicing some techniques I learned from my therapist (she specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety). Do it even if you're scared, and give yourself permission to escape. Despite the fact that my finances are in ruins, I wouldn't take back a single cent I spent on therapy. CBT changed my life.

gnarlyboots. I do not like that choice of words - 'fade away'. You could, you know...and not just from this board. I'm going to send you a PM.

Pretend3r. Thank you! I have some stuff to report on my life in general at the bottom of this post. Congrats on 2 weeks, eh?

nmd. Day 7. Hats off to you!

safeandsound. I also had a wicked headache and muscle pain. Yoga helps. So does Motrin.

ANewDayNYC. Going fishing sounds like a super weekend to me. Annnnd, you were able to have fun without joining the beer crew. That's pretty big.

Cecilia44. Congrats on Day 7. Sleep as much as you need to - your body will thank you later.

I still haven't been able to kick the depression today. I think that it's a combination of withdrawal and having no life in this city (I'm fairly new here), but I keep referring back to D's computer analogy. I'm not big on patience - I'm used to the quick fix. I did go downtown though, and I had a conversation with a guy for around 15 minutes about how he quit smoking. I'm going to give myself a clap, clap, clap for that one, because it's the longest conversation I've had with a stranger in who knows how long. No hint of even getting close to a panic attack. I am really starting to think that I have a chance of living a normal life. Maybe even a super cool life where I actually live up to my potential instead of wasting away and waiting to die. I have no idea how long it'll take for me to stop feeling exhausted and bummed out, but I'm willing to wait.
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