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Old 09-13-2014, 04:26 PM   #61 (permalink)
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welcome back NSI

maybe it's time to look at what you've been doing for your recovery and really beef it up.

What things haven't you tried that you could try now?

D
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Old 09-13-2014, 05:09 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Hey guys,

I really appreciate all the support in these threads. Earlier today I thought about giving up, and I definitely appreciate all the encouragement. I am glad I am making the decision to stick with sobriety. However, I know that I will need to make some changes to make this work.

For next weekend, I have decided to go visit my parents who live in the suburbs. This will give me the opportunity to get away from being surrounded by bars and give me a good chance to get the first weekend under my belt.

I also tried a new AA group today, and it felt good that I was proactively making positive decisions. I just listened to different peoples stories, and heard some things I could definitely relate to. I will continue to go on the weekends.

After the AA meeting, I went and got a coffee. Between the AA church and my apartment, there were 20+ bars I had to walk past. However, I was able to walk by them easily which felt good. I also felt a sense of hope that I would be able to conquer this and not live a life dominated by drinking anymore.
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Old 09-13-2014, 05:41 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee.

I believe I need to participate more actively in my recovery. Go back to meetings would probably be good. I never was able to muster up the courage to talk, but it did help to listen. When I started relapsing last year, I hadn't been to a meeting or on SR in about 2 months, got swept up in life. Forgot the importance of it and thought I could be a normal drinker. I work a lot and always make the excuse that I am too tired to do anything after work. Lately, it seems like doing anything is a chore and I have no sense of purpose. Clearly very depressed. I'm so sad right now. Crying. I wish so bad that I could just be normal and not an addict. It's so tiring that these thoughts about alcohol haunt me so much all the time. I seriously think death would be better than how I am feeling right now. Got to hold on to that and use it. It's so easy to forget 2 or 3 days from now. I got into counseling because I thought it would help to get some individualized help and I find it easier to speak one on one rather than in a large group, but I have found after 2 sessions that my therapist isn't very helpful. She just wants to go through her remedial paper packets full of information that you could easily find on the internet and not actually listen. I think I'm going to have to fire her. I told her I don't have panic attacks, but she insisted on wasting our time reading about it. I admittedly came home and drank right after our session last week. I think I am struggling with the idea of making the walk of shame back into my favorite meeting I dropped out of. I am sure the ones that remember me will be able to tell right away.
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Old 09-13-2014, 06:15 PM   #64 (permalink)
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AV has been telling me things like "drink now and you won't be throwing away as many days! it will be less of a failure." and "you're lonely and you want to talk so you will have to drink in order to do so." and 'this is just the way you are so you should just relax and have a drink and stop trying so hard to fight it."
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Old 09-13-2014, 06:57 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ANewDayNYC View Post
Hey guys, I really appreciate all the support in these threads. Earlier today I thought about giving up, and I definitely appreciate all the encouragement. I am glad I am making the decision to stick with sobriety. However, I know that I will need to make some changes to make this work. For next weekend, I have decided to go visit my parents who live in the suburbs. This will give me the opportunity to get away from being surrounded by bars and give me a good chance to get the first weekend under my belt. I also tried a new AA group today, and it felt good that I was proactively making positive decisions. I just listened to different peoples stories, and heard some things I could definitely relate to. I will continue to go on the weekends. After the AA meeting, I went and got a coffee. Between the AA church and my apartment, there were 20+ bars I had to walk past. However, I was able to walk by them easily which felt good. I also felt a sense of hope that I would be able to conquer this and not live a life dominated by drinking anymore.
Glad your hanging in there ... I got through the last two weeks only concentrating on one day at a time

I can do all things through he who strengthens me
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Old 09-13-2014, 08:54 PM   #66 (permalink)
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G'day class of Sept '14

Who would've thought we'd have our own class for this lesson, I think that's pretty cool!

I want to extend a particularly a warm hello to all the other DAY 1 people today; sobernfree81
safeandsound
NotSoIvory

I'm also DAY 1, & it's good to know I'm not alone in this.

I'm pretty scared about the whole clean & sober thing, but also optimistic.

Here's to a future that we can actually remember!
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Old 09-13-2014, 08:56 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Welcome GnarlyBoots

D
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Old 09-13-2014, 10:40 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Hey there, Sept class!! I'm an April class member who flunked out, lol. I'm hoping I can roll with y'all here - it's day 1 for me.
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Old 09-14-2014, 01:45 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Morning class of sept 14, day 17 here, 2 AA meetings down and counting. I have decided to step it up to 2 AA meetings a week, Friday and Tuesday nights. I'm not gunna attempt the steps formally yet, but I am reading them randomly during the meetings, taking bits from all of them, I am finding them useful just to recall now and again!

A man who took chair ( sat up front and told of his journey ) at our last meeting said something which stuck with me, he said " out of all who get picked up by the AA lifeboat only 8% stay onboard!) And I thought to myself "I am gunna be 1 of those 8%"

I wish all my sept 14 fellow class mates the best and hope you join me in being part of
that 8% (with or without AA!) x
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Old 09-14-2014, 01:51 AM   #70 (permalink)
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Welcome DD

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Old 09-14-2014, 06:23 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Way to forge ahead class!...great job!

Day (20) and feeling good today. Just finished an early run for groceries. I'm feeling energetic and yet a bit scrambled.

I hope everyone had a nice sober weekend and has a great upcoming week.

Just checking in and welcome to the newcomers and those rejoining us.

Stay Strong Septemberites...
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Old 09-14-2014, 06:31 AM   #72 (permalink)
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after this relapse i'm rejoining
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Old 09-14-2014, 06:38 AM   #73 (permalink)
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Congrats on day 17 tic You are doing so great. Day 8 here and I can't wait to catch up to you. Feels so good to be hungover free. Staying home today to catch up on housework. Feeling very motivated and full of energy. It has been a very busy summer with little time spent at home. A part of me is glad that summer has come to a end. With 4 kids and more toys than we have room for, my house is quite a disaster right now. Never had much energy being hungover to get much done around here. Time to make it sparkle. I hope everyone is doing great and enjoying a wonderful sober Sunday
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Old 09-14-2014, 06:40 AM   #74 (permalink)
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Congrats on day 20 Neverthought
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Old 09-14-2014, 08:15 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Day 2!!

I can't believe I am waking up without having had a drink last night!! I made it!! It's been at least 6 months since that happened. I sometimes feel sorry for my body. I went to sleep earlier than usual and apologized to my husband because we were in the middle of watching a show, and he said, "You'd usually be passed out by now anyway." Apparently I usually pass out watching TV, then wake up a couple hours later totally out of it OR ready to start a fight. Charming.

Neverthought--so many things you said helped me get through yesterday and today. Thank you. Congrats on 20 days!

There are so many people starting at the same time. Hope everyone made it yesterday, especially NSI. I know that depression and the feeling of being trapped by this horrible addiction. I try to tell myself I'm more than that. I'm a good person who does bad things when drunk. I also know depression doesn't always listen to logic, so I hope you're OK.

I have so much energy today. Also a new feeling. I know this happy feeling sometimes goes away after awhile in new sobriety, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts! Today I plan to just think of getting through it hour by hour, staying busy, eating and drinking anything I want except booze (is anyone else FAMISHED when they quit?). Candy helps.

Gnarlyboots--"Here's to a future that we can actually remember!" Love it.

Good luck everyone. I'll be checking back throughout the day.
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Old 09-14-2014, 08:28 AM   #76 (permalink)
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Congrats on day 17 tic You are doing so great. Day 8 here and I can't wait to catch up to you. Feels so good to be hungover free. Staying home today to catch up on housework. Feeling very motivated and full of energy. It has been a very busy summer with little time spent at home. A part of me is glad that summer has come to a end. With 4 kids and more toys than we have room for, my house is quite a disaster right now. Never had much energy being hungover to get much done around here. Time to make it sparkle. I hope everyone is doing great and enjoying a wonderful sober Sunday
Nice work deanyya....last Saturday you set a goal! You went to the wedding, and while you did acknowledge you were going to drink, you were also very adimate that you would not drink the next day and beyond. Great job sticking to your guns!

Congrats on day 8.
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Old 09-14-2014, 08:31 AM   #77 (permalink)
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Just checking in day 8. Welcome gnarly, DD, lawgirl. Congrats to those hitting more and more days sober (neverthought, Tic, deanya) and congrats to those facing difficult challenges in the early days but sticking with it (NSI, NYC). Have a nice relaxed Sunday everyone!
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Old 09-14-2014, 09:00 AM   #78 (permalink)
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Neverthought--so many things you said helped me get through yesterday and today. Thank you. Congrats on 20 days!
Thanks deanyya.

And thank you for the update SAS. You made my day! We're proud of you. We all know very well that day (1) can be brutal.

You mention about the happiness wearing off. I know the feeling.

Although, I look at it this way and I believe it's a similar experience for others.

The first few weeks I'm on a natural high and feelings of joy bubble out of me without effort. It's as if our body and mind are thanking us. Then it sort of gets intertwined with doubt and our addictive voice. But what I've learned and try to keep in mind is, that it's just the next stage to begin soul searching again, and dig-down and find the rest of happiness that has been suppressed. Plus, it distracts our AV. Ultimately, it's all there, we just have to find it and reach for it and let it out. In my early stages I often flash back to memories going back 20-30 years and I just take a deep breath and smile. It's a nice feeling. It's unfortunately that I have this addiction, but I'm/we're fortunate to have enough strength to fight it.

So, let's all reach for it class, it's there.

Hang in there and Stay Strong Septemberites....
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Old 09-14-2014, 09:03 AM   #79 (permalink)
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A cool, beautiful morning! I hope everyone is enjoying a sober day so far!
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Old 09-14-2014, 09:04 AM   #80 (permalink)
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Just checking in day 8. Welcome gnarly, DD, lawgirl. Congrats to those hitting more and more days sober (neverthought, Tic, deanya) and congrats to those facing difficult challenges in the early days but sticking with it (NSI, NYC). Have a nice relaxed Sunday everyone!
Thanks Pretend3r and congratulations on (8) days.

Do something nice for yourselves class, you all deserve it.
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