Briseis

Day 7, so far.

Today is my usual day to drink, but I'm not going to. Staying super busy all day

One worrisome development is I've been having recurring heart palpitations all week. Like they woke me up this morning.

I'm only in my mid-30s, so this seems odd. It's weird too because they occur when I'm getting super relaxed. Then, I get very anxious when they're occurring and this seems to make it worse. Idk if it's stress or what.

Ugh. One thing after the next. I tell you. Oh well. Have a great day!

nmd

Lucky day 13 for me!

Welcome EJM824, thebigc, jryan19982, magpie13!

magpie13- beautiful golden retriever! is it yours? Mine is about a year and a half, still a puppy with his mischief

thisibelieve- no need to feel like a loser. getting sober at your age will set you up for a real life with real opportunities. Nobody ever accomplished anything in life getting trashed at a fire playing beer pong. A lot of feelings will come out once you stop drinking, but that's not a bad thing. Just take care of yourself, and don't sweat the other stuff.

luper - yeah, making it stick can be tricky. The big thing for me has just been recognizing my own limitations, not something I do very well. I have to say too, my brain feels otherworldly at times... tired mostly, but hard to describe. Anything you can do to get out more?


Last night for me wasn't tempting as much as annoying, we stopped over to the neighbors after dinner to talk and hang out. I had my own soda in a cooler, but the drink pushing and questions about why I wasn't drinking were a bit much. Two of my neighbors are what I would categorize as pretty bad alcoholics- if they didn't have jobs it would be very bad drinking wise. It's pretty easy to change the subject with drunk people though, and I really never once wanted to drink. I had a few flashbacks to the last time I was drunk at their house... It was a horrible night that ended in a screaming match with me and my GF and my kids watching and crying. I didn't want to drink thinking about it, it just just made me want to hug my kids. I'm not advising hanging out with people who are drinking early on in sobriety, but I kind of knew this situation wouldn't be a problem. I can't go to the store and buy beer for the house though, something about picking up 12 pack make me want to drink...

nmd

congrats on a week!

I've had heart palpitations, starting in my early 30s I think. They can be caused by any number of things, it would probably would be best to see a doctor. They can at the very least do some in office tests to eliminate the possibility of a major medical event.

JingleBob

I wanted to introduce myself here. Day 1 for me. Again. And again. I've known I have a drinking problem for more than twelve years. Have often said I want to stop, usually I'll make it five or ten days, occasionally more. I think my "record" is sixty nine days. That was last year. But, honestly, I have never fully committed myself to sobriety as a way of life. I mostly just sat on my hands and didn't drink.

There's no big life event going on with me right now, nothing that I've super screwed up, unlike some of my other attempts in the past. (In fact, two days from now is the ten year anniversary of my DWI. I think I stayed sober 33 days after that one.) But I'm just tired of how I feel. My drinking is starting earlier in the day and I'm feeling the aches and pains of hangovers worse than ever. I drank three bottles of cheap red wine by myself yesterday between one pm and just before midnight. In fact, it seems silly to type this now but I had half a glass left from the last bottle at 11:59 pm exactly last night. I took one more sip and poured the rest out, it seemed symbolic and meaningful to my drunk self last night. This morning, I just feel drained and worn out. And I've got to work all day starting in an hour.

I'm forty years old now, it's time to do whatever I need to do to stop drinking permanently. I'm tired of feeling this way. So I've got the start of a plan in place. Posting here on this board that I've lurked at off and on for a while now is part of that plan.

safeandsound

magpie and jinglebob--I can relate. This time there was no major event (besides the usual blackouts. meaning embarrassing and hurtful behavior, but that was the norm). I was just sick and tired of being constantly hungover and barely functioning. I was disgusted with myself and vowed each morning to quit, only to drink again that evening or afternoon. Partly because I was disgusted with myself. Vicious cycle. Hope you stick around.

nmd--yes, staying stopped is the hard part. Yesterday I had a fleeting thought of drinking. These happen fairly often, and I just ignore them because I know I don't really want to. I prefer the sober life.

But a danger for me in the past was that I got feeling so good sober that I felt I had to f*** it up somehow. Like I didn't want to be the "good girl." I tend to think of people who never drink or have never done drugs as uptight and sanctimonious, and I don't want to be that. I want to be the rebel, damnit!

This is completely ******** thinking on my part. When I look at the facts, and at the drooling, babbling, or screaming idiot I became when drunk, that is not rebellious or cool at all. It's pathetic. Anyway, definitely a trigger for me; also, I have a lot of self-hatred and sometimes when I'm sober awhile I think I miss punishing myself.

Anyone else experience this? I'm worried it will pop up again. Right now I'm too newly sober to feel it--last time it was around a month.

Saturday--up super early with 5 hours of sleep, but I feel good. Couldn't exercise today because I strained a muscle yesterday, but I did some stretching and am using this back massage thingy to try to get rid of the headache. Made a huge bowl of oatmeal with granola, read SR, made a shopping list, will meditate. In other words, totally bizarre behavior for me. I would usually be paralyzed in bed until at least noon, then half-dead for the rest of the day. For now, it feels so good to be taking care of myself for a change.

I have work to do but have decided to take the entire day off and just work my butt off tomorrow. I'll really enjoy it instead of being in a drunken haze.

Welcome to the newcomers and happy Saturday, everyone!

luvmygirls

I have a familiar feeling of being restless and at loose ends today. I took my older son to soccer while my husband took my younger one to baseball. When we all got home, my husband kept asking me, "what do you want to do today? What should we do for lunch? I want to do what you want to do." There are a million things I could do around the house, like laundry, organizing, etc. But all I want to do is sleep or drink. I'm on Day 10 and I'm not sure what's happening...nothing is unusual, I just feel like I don't know what to do. I am overwhelmed at the moment, but I think it will pass. Thanks for "listening."

Neverthought

We're having what seems like the exact same day. Took our kid to art class, had breakfast and picked him up and went back home. We were going to do yard work but it's like 85 degrees and I'm in fall mode and don't feel like dealing with the heat.

That's what drinking does though. It gives us a sense that makes it ok to do nothing. When in turn, it's ok not do anything. Sometimes it's just nice to watch a movie or rest.

Frankly, I'm bored out of my mind....but I'll deal with it.

Indeed, it will pass!!!

Luper

wow, must be something in the air today.

I am with you josharon and neverthought...restless, at loose ends, and bored. Lots to do, but no desire to do it. Just one of those days I guess.

But you are right...this too shall pass I need to learn how to just relax..

Lookingforchange

Hi, is it ok to join this for support and advice-my first day sober complete. Huge relief! Looks like your all doing really well

Briseis

Ugh. Me too. Spinning my wheels and feeling supppeeeerrr antsy. Very cranky and not very nice! I went to dance this morning and was a total lump. Hoping to shake this crappy mood out of my system and stay sober in the process.

DearPrudence

Well, back to Day 1 for me. *sigh* A combination of being tired (long trek through the campus of the college we were looking at), disgruntled (took twice the time to get through the metropolitan area to home as it did to get from the college to the metro area-- not supposed to be that long! Stupid traffic!), bored (been drinking nothing but water and pop throughout the day, wanted something with flavor, there was nothing w/ flavor that didn't have booze in it at the restaurant we went to). Had 2 glasses of chardonnay.

At least this time I know I can go 12 days w/o, and can only work to better that number.

DeannaM77

Feeling really hopeless right now because I caved and drank at my brothers tonight. Definitely not ready to be around the drinking right now. Feeling like I will never get this right. I hate suffering from this addiction but I only have myself to blame I guess I should stay away from the website for a while. I can't seem to get my **** together. I pray that I will someday soon.

FaithfulAndFree

@deanyya

It's okay not have it all together..... That's what we are here for, to figure it out! Stick around, here you will find the tools needed and support to kick this addiction for good.... You can do it!

Dee74

I don't think you need to stay away - the bottom line is you need to do more now, not less deanyya.

I think you really need to commit to some lifestyle changes, just for a while, and stay away from booze.

I also think you probably need more support...and you need to make better use of the support you have.

Posting after you drink is not as helpful as posting before, y'know?

Have you thought any more about AA?
D

nmd

Hey Deanya- welcome to the not having our stuff together club! Waiting doesn't make it easier though, wishing you the best and hope you stick around. I've found each time I messed up that I needed to strengthen my hand. Does your brother know you are quitting? If you are close, it might help to have the support in the family. Any reinforcements you can find will help.

DearPrudence- Yes, traveling with family is probably one of the most stressful things. Maybe have a drink of choice ready before you go to a restaurant next time so you don't cave when the waiter is standing there waiting for your order? No, it won't be chardonnay, but I think that's the point. Ginger ale, sparkling water, lemon water, tea, coffee, fruit juice, iced tea, etc.

Starting day 14 wrapping up a second weekend. Had a bit of a hard time reading the local free paper yesterday, seems like every page was micro-brews and oktoberfests, my normal routine this time of year... That and I really need to put a stop to some planning around my birthday coming up. My girlfriend can respect me not drinking, but I don't need friends and neighbors trying to push shots on me. I just want to disappear and be left alone for my birthday honestly, I can't stand the center of attention anyways.

Yesterday day was good though, I got through my AV bs, and got a ton of things done and feel great this morning. My poor dog just reminded me he wants tog for a walk and I didn't take him yesterday, so I think that is my morning plan. Have a great day everyone!

FaithfulAndFree

Waking up on day 8!!!! 1 week down! Forever to go! Hahaha.. I'm up and down. Some times excited about my futures, other times anxious and depressed thinking about the past... I know this is par for the course, but it doesn't mean it is easy.... I haven't had any real cravings, but my AV is finding alternative ways to infiltrate my mind. I am very careful to not trust my mind in these moments... Assess the possible outcome and freeze that AV out! Again I've been here before, my biggest issue is long term sobriety, but this time I have choose to spend a great deal of time with family and reading... I will only reintroduce friends and social situations once I have full confidence in myself.... And even at that time they will only be taken in small doses...

Neverthought

Yes, I agree with the others, stick around.

One of the most counter-productive choices you can make is to stay away from SR. That is, of course, if you really want to quit.

Neverthought

Hey gang.....checking in on day (34).

Looking forward to football and tracking my fantasy football team. And putting up Halloween décor later this evening.

Have a nice day......

And Stay Strong Septemberites.....

luvmygirls

Sorry, deanyya. I agree that maybe you should be here more, rather than less. Off and on, I've been really close to taking that drink, too. We are all in this together. You are not alone.

ForwardMotion

Morning class! A nice start to day 7, up early on my day off, catching up on SR with a cup of coffee!