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Old 09-03-2014, 07:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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One Year and Under Club Part 38


Last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-37-a-20.html

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Old 09-03-2014, 07:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I am first??? Amazing....
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Old 09-03-2014, 07:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
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And I'm second first!!!
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Old 09-03-2014, 08:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I so agree with the comments in the last of the previous thread . . . what do you care about and what is my purpose? There are days I feel lost about those things, but I know that the lost feeling will pass. I know now to call someone I love (I usually start with my mom) and just listen and laugh with her. Getting numb when those times hit is not an option.

One thing my husband would say to me on days he knew I was in a funk was "I need you to take care of my wife today. Okay?" He knew when I was in early recovery that I couldn't always do that for myself, but I could do that for him. Now I know that I matter.
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Old 09-03-2014, 08:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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^^^ nice post, great image.
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Old 09-03-2014, 08:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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My experience was very different from the one described by courage2 and A. I believe I slipped from a relatively moderate and fun-loving buzzhound into depressing alcoholism due to loss of meaning. Maybe it was a reciprocal spiral; the more I drank the more pointless everything seemed and the more pointless it all seemed the more I drank.

I went to grad school to pursue a meaningful career. Instead, my career became just a job and I felt stuck in a job that for financial reasons I believed I couldn't afford to quit, but no longer had much if any meaning. I wanted to make a difference and ended up shuffling papers ad nauseum. Interestingly, though I recently changed jobs, I'm still just shuffling papers and the work itself is again pretty pointless, but I'm finding meaning in simple moments and interactions with new co-workers.

Maybe I've abandoned my dreams. Maybe I'm settling. Or maybe I'm learning to appreciate life again. I'm learning about gratitude. I still think I have more to offer and my work is pointless. That's still a struggle. But my life isn't as pointless even if my work is. I'm still trying to create meaning. I guess that is the meaning in my life; trying to make the meaningless meaningful. That sounds kind of sad, but it beats being hungover.
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I don;t think it's sad necessarily, Zero - after all there's plenty of your story to come yet

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Old 09-04-2014, 03:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Good morning, Undies!

I get so much out of the wide-ranging yet incredibly relevant discussions here. My IOP and AA meetings are hugely helpful with the immediate addiction issues. What I find here is an enormous help with long-term living sober. The comments/discussions around gratitude are one example; the current ones about meaning in life are another. It wouldn't take long to find many more examples. These all help enormously as I work to find ways to help me stay sober over the long run. The focus on building a life I can feel good about is for me much more helpful than a constant focus on my addiction. The latter is still necessary at this time in early recovery and I don't want to ever forget that drinking is off the table. What I get here are tools and ideas to boost me beyond the immediate in order to build a happy, addiction-free life. Then there is the big extra bonus of meeting a terrific group of people.

SR is such a safe place to do this work and I am grateful to all of you, and Dee and the other mods for making and keeping it so.
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Old 09-04-2014, 05:43 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Just wanted to say a quick to everyone x
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Old 09-04-2014, 05:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Flynbunny - I saw your comments last night before we transitioned into a new thread. I don't know whether that well-known businessman was targeting you with his comments, but I do know what it's like to feel hypersensitive and ready to strike when something rubs me the wrong way. It was a way for me to stay safe growing up in a challenging environment, but as an adult, that behavior pattern has complicated my relationships and left me feeling lousy. For a while, I tried to stuff away my feelings, but that didn't work either. My feelings were still in charge. In recovery, I've discovered that the way I look at situations affects how I see them. If I use a lens of negativity, I see what's lacking or what's ticking me off. If I use a lens of gratitude, I can see all the good things in the exact same situation. I can see situations realistically, while enjoying what's good about them. For example, at work I can choose to focus on the slithery slippery comments made by a supervisor who rubs me the wrong way, or I can focus on doing work I enjoy with coworkers who keep the day pleasant. I hope that helps.

Off to womp it up with the PTO. I'm happy that I got wrangled by a friend to organize supplies for an upcoming fundraiser. It's nice to offer my help, plus I get to hang out with a really good friend this morning. Part of my plan to ward off falling into a depression is to make it a genuine effort to hang out every week with my good friends, whose company I truly enjoy. I spend a lot of time around a lot of people, but it's time engaged with good friends that keeps me buoyant. I'm proud that I'm taking care of myself by sticking to my depression-fighting protocol! I'm proud that I'm not giving up just because it's challenging to change my old behaviors.

Have a great day Undies!
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Old 09-04-2014, 05:59 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Toots

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Old 09-04-2014, 06:03 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by gleefan View Post
Flynbunny - I saw your comments last night before we transitioned into a new thread. I don't know whether that well-known businessman was targeting you with his comments, but I do know what it's like to feel hypersensitive and ready to strike when something rubs me the wrong way.
Thanks gleefan and all other SR friends who read my post...It helps. I discovered that my sponsor knew the 6 month chairing rule but encouraged me to sign up regardless.

Feel like a pawn in a fiefdom battle of "Sober Wars". My new realization ( not hateful or eating me up ) is recognizing humility is a quality I highly value and strive to achieve daily , but that line of being a doormat for other BS is unacceptable!!

Flynbuy is Dead, long live Flynuby!!!!

Part Deux.....the resurrection of the spirit!

peace
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Old 09-04-2014, 06:21 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Flynbuy View Post
but that line of being a doormat for other BS is unacceptable!
This is a lesson I am still working on. Sobriety has helped me deal with this for the first time in my life.
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Old 09-04-2014, 06:26 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi again, I know when we change to a new thread things can get lost, if you look back to the last page of the last thread, Flynbuy reached out for some support and was kinda overlooked in the move.
" Man, bopping along staying sober and trying to grow spiritually. Attending daily meetings - over 90 in less than 90 days and WHAM!! Get blindsided by something stupid that just proves how far I have yet to go......

I am in a pretty dynamic group at AA of some quality sobriety. A lot of diversity with one thing in common. I really love meetings and usually walk out uplifted and feeling great.

A couple days back, my sponsor suggested it was time for me to chair a meeting. I do not have a burning desire but was prompted, do love to engage people though. I signed up for next week. Sponsor is 22 years sober - great guy (today -----haaaaa).

Anyway, the gent running the meeting started by saying we need volunteers for sign up for October chairing. But, remember - you have to have six months in order to do this.

POP - I felt like I was personally attacked that perhaps he stated this cause he saw my name on the schedule, knowing I had less than 6 months time = fiefdom attack by him .....maybe??

Now, no one has ever stated that before. Today's chair is a guy who is a well know successful business man in town. Very dynamic - and IMO ego driven. He is in his early 50's been sober since he was 21. Mommy sent him to rehab and told him to shape up is the vibe I always got.....

If he wants to know WTF drinking was, he should have been around me for 35 + years.......He's a rookie.


Anyway, takes a lot for me to post this as I am an AA supporter ( please don't bash it ) and feel I am on a great path - through grace - to be at day 87. However, now I am pissed off = resentful and going to the dark place......F***.

I am really this friggin sensitive????? WOW>>>>>
Can't reach sponsor, but I don't want to stir up jazz in the group.......Guess just venting, it'll pass..."

I know our nurturing Undies don't deliberately ignore anyone, it was just an unfortunate situation.
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Old 09-04-2014, 06:28 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Glee, I see our posts crossed just now, I knew you would know just what to say!! X
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Even though we haven't all travelled down the same road, we are all on the same journey

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“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis.
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Old 09-04-2014, 06:40 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by zerothehero View Post
My experience was very different from the one described by courage2 and A. I believe I slipped from a relatively moderate and fun-loving buzzhound into depressing alcoholism due to loss of meaning. Maybe it was a reciprocal spiral; the more I drank the more pointless everything seemed and the more pointless it all seemed the more I drank.

I went to grad school to pursue a meaningful career. Instead, my career became just a job and I felt stuck in a job that for financial reasons I believed I couldn't afford to quit, but no longer had much if any meaning. I wanted to make a difference and ended up shuffling papers ad nauseum. Interestingly, though I recently changed jobs, I'm still just shuffling papers and the work itself is again pretty pointless, but I'm finding meaning in simple moments and interactions with new co-workers.

Maybe I've abandoned my dreams. Maybe I'm settling. Or maybe I'm learning to appreciate life again. I'm learning about gratitude. I still think I have more to offer and my work is pointless. That's still a struggle. But my life isn't as pointless even if my work is. I'm still trying to create meaning. I guess that is the meaning in my life; trying to make the meaningless meaningful. That sounds kind of sad, but it beats being hungover.
I've been there buddy - I know very well the tough place you're in. PM me if you could use help on any of this, as I've (mostly successfully) gotten through this phase.

Happy AM rest of my undie buddies. Womp womp Thursday.
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Old 09-04-2014, 06:50 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Hey Flynbuy, also saw your post on the last thread. Maybe I like drama a bit too much, but when business fiefdom king-turd-of-turdhill brought up the 6 month rule, I would have innocently asked,

"My sponsor, X, suggested I put in to chair as they feel it would be a good next step for me in my sobriety journey. Your comment is obviously directed at me, so I would appreciate hearing why you feel I should not chair a meeting just because I am under six months"

Then let the fur fly.

This allows your sponsor to stand up for you and potentially make king-rules-of-rulesturd-hill aware that their indirect attempt to censure you does not come without consequences (usually douchebags like this act this way because they get away with it). This becomes:

- A win for you, as your journey to sobriety is defended and praised to the entire group
- A win for your sponsor, as they are given an opening to discuss issues they may have with legalism within your meeting
- A win for the entire group, as one dickbag doesn't get to call all the rules

As one member related at an AA meeting last week when discussing his sober >30 year sponsor:

"I told him he's the guru of AA. He looked at me, and said that no, he is not the guru, and that he is exactly the same as me. He is on day one of his sober life every day."

In other words, just because a person hasn't drunk in a long time doesn't make them any better than someone on day one, or day 90.
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Old 09-04-2014, 06:53 AM   #18 (permalink)
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I saw your post, FlynBuy. I've been in the same boat at AA. The first group I was in had STRICT guidelines for various positions, yet nobody with that time wanted to do them. I would volunteer all of the time, and was constantly shot down bc I didn't have the time. It never made sense to me. I was capable and able and willing. . . but bc I was 2 months short of the time, I didn't "qualify" so we did without some things. I did earnestly do the things I was qualified to do and loved it.

My current group isn't like that. Willingness goes a long way and they think getting people involved in the group's working is a huge plus for new folks. They just don't hand the keys over, but they love having someone wanting to be part of making the meetings happen. I love that.

One thing to remember is that the rooms are full of alcoholics who are working a program, too. They will step on toes, be sensitive, moody, and not get things right. Some days it will be you that is stepping on toes, being sensitive and moody. Try to give folks the benefit of the doubt that they aren't trying to upset you. They are there, the same as you, working their program.

Love your attitude about this, though. Being a doormat is never acceptable, but humility goes a long way.

Blessings.
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Old 09-04-2014, 07:00 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Altoids View Post
I saw your post, FlynBuy. I've been in the same boat at AA. The first group I was in had STRICT guidelines for various positions, yet nobody with that time wanted to do them. I would volunteer all of the time, and was constantly shot down bc I didn't have the time. It never made sense to me. I was capable and able and willing. . . but bc I was 2 months short of the time, I didn't "qualify" so we did without some things. I did earnestly do the things I was qualified to do and loved it.

My current group isn't like that. Willingness goes a long way and they think getting people involved in the group's working is a huge plus for new folks. They just don't hand the keys over, but they love having someone wanting to be part of making the meetings happen. I love that.

One thing to remember is that the rooms are full of alcoholics who are working a program, too. They will step on toes, be sensitive, moody, and not get things right. Some days it will be you that is stepping on toes, being sensitive and moody. Try to give folks the benefit of the doubt that they aren't trying to upset you. They are there, the same as you, working their program.

Love your attitude about this, though. Being a doormat is never acceptable, but humility goes a long way.

Blessings.
You are a much nicer, more charitable person than I am.

I need to be more like you and less like me.
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Old 09-04-2014, 07:09 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Hello Undies,

Thanks for the wide variety of sobering subjects to ponder.

Goal setting and finding/or not finding purpose in life without booze:

Hum, I think that I can honestly say that I spent my entire adult life without a goal or purpose. I simply did what I thought was expected of me. Along that path I went to college, fell in love, got married, helped to make babies that I also fell in love with, worked very hard at jobs that I for the most part really enjoyed so that we could have and do nice things. Plus, I could continued to enjoy playing and watching competitive sports. Then, when not living life as a dry drunk, I would drink for what I thought was fun or to ease the pressure. I earned that buzz!

Heck, you could have sat back and looked at the nice house, late model foreign car and SUV, country club, beach and European vacas, weekend lake house, beautiful, sexy wife with two amazing daughters, cool dinner parties with good friends, and least I forget Rufis, our skye terrier to complete that pretty picture, and say…now that dude is living the American Dream!

Fact is, that picture isn't finite. It was so infinite for me…always wanting, then needing bigger, better, faster, or more. I rarely, no, never just sat back and said, WOW, this is nice…so much to be grateful for. Take a deep breath dude and relax. I was way too busy chasing the next best thing. Haha, that attitude was never more evident than in my drinking. The second, I mean like the exact second I got that drink in my hand, I was busy scheming where my next drink was coming from.

I was an empty suit…morally, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. Full of excess, all or nothing and WIIFM’s (what’s in it for me's). All it took was to add my addiction to alcohol to that fire to get it burning out of control.

Then it happened. Yes, the sky opened up for me. December 3rd, 2013 at 5:45 pm. I’m sitting at an AA meeting following the funeral of my Aunt that day. It also happens to be my six month anniversary, so I’m looking forward to that chip. I collect that chip on queue. Then, all of a sudden this girl sitting next to me says, “Hey, I’m 5 months sober today, were is mine?” As luck would have it, this meeting only gives out chips for 1,2,3,6,9 and 12 the first year. The dude passing out the chips says he will put a 3 and 2 together. So I said to hold that thought, I have a 5 month chip that served me quite well and I would love to just pass it on. She takes this stupid chip from me and puts it to her heart with both hands, teary eyed and thanking me. It’s a big meeting and we are the only two celebrating an anniversary that day. The next order of business is to ask how you accomplished that milestone. I went first and have no idea what I said? However, I will never forget what W said. She said, “You know, all my life I've been searching for something, I never knew what until it hit me last month. I've looked around here and the other meetings I attend and I see a peace and serenity with the old timers…they are happy and content in their hearts. That’s what I want.” BAM, that comment hit me like a ton of bricks. I was never happy with what I had…always wanting something bigger, better, faster, newer or different. If I liked it, I just wanted more of it. (ex: golf, drugs, alcohol, sex, money, etc) Haha Toots, and not in that order.

I just could not get what she said out of my mind. She blew me away. That is EXACTLY what I have been searching for also. I just didn’t know it till that minute. Consequently, now my purpose in life is to each and every day use the many tools at my disposal in quest of peace and serenity. Then I know it will guarantee a joyous, happy and free life.

For those of you that don't know, I wear a pendant around my neck and a tatt on my back that remind me of that quest every day. That ah ha moment was another weight being lifted. Life can be fulfilling and meaningful in a much deeper sense without alcohol. Who knew? I didn't...until that day.

Well, I think I went over on just this one subject. Anti D’s for another day.

I’m going to steer clear of the bad stuff today. Join me?

Carlos xx
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“ ‘Yes, you have been through all this before,’ replies his heart.
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