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Old 05-17-2010, 04:15 PM
  # 341 (permalink)  
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Hello to all and welcome scoob - it's great to have you in our group!

For some reason I couldn't post this morning and have a function tonight, so I'm pressed for time, but I just had to get online and read everyone's posts before I leave the house. You said it trader: it's like getting mail from all your friends. You are all special to me - more than you know! I'm going to check back in later after I come home (and watch 24 on my DVR).....

I had the droopies today myself, but managed to put in a few hours work, run some errands, feed the cats, pay my bills (barely), talk to an old friend, and do 1/2 hour of exercise. Progress, not perfection, right? Slept pretty good last night, so that was a plus.

Loved the plastic scooby cup, Crow. What's the matter with waitresses these days?

And I have to say congratulations to Norther and Snowman - only a few hours and you'll have stayed sober for 2 weeks. Way to go!!!!

Hi Draciack, flux, jlr (good to see you posting!), Margareth, spen, Atlas - and anyone else my memory let slip by. ROCK ON!
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Old 05-17-2010, 04:17 PM
  # 342 (permalink)  
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Day 3

OK, day 3,

Went to bed at 12:30 AM local after watching a movie called "the valley of Ely" with Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon as the parents of a soldier found murdered in America after his return from Iraq.

It was a '''dad wants to find out what happened to his son and why did he die" type of thriller but it really is a very sad expose about the devastation created by the evil that is the war in Iraq.

The devastation for parents losing a child and the devastation of PTSD and the shock waves of violence and disruption that it brings home to those who have no concept of what really goes on in war.

It was very smartly done with the storyline being interwoven with the video's send home by the son during his time in Iraq chronicling his deconstruction into a violent, torturing dysfunctional wreck and I loved the ending. America is truly in distress.

It may not have been the smartest thing to watch while in withdrawal and alone but at least I watched it sober and that is something that hasn't happened in a long time.

I had panic attacks and nightmares all night but I just woke up from actual sleep to a short telephone call from my husband with words of comfort and support and a sharing of our night of withdrawal. Very nice.

I'm now drinking a cup of coffee and thinking about the film and the fact that this is day 3 and getting easier. Halleluja.

And contemplating the weirdest thing: I'm truly grateful... for the existence of alcohol and what it has given me. Because it did but that is perhaps a story for the gratitude thread.

Originally Posted by porkchopped View Post

Margereth - The internet is magic!! You are a true farmer!! That is very cool. And you have the animals to keep you company!
They call it lifestyler here but in England it's smallholder and in the US they call it Farmsteading I think. We run our 1.7 hectare as organic as we can with the help of Wwoofers (Willing workers on organic farms) who are young enthusiastic people wanting to learn about our way of life and stretch their holiday funds at the same time. We offer them a bed and food and they work four to five hours a day. Great system... if you can do it sober.

Hard to imagine that until five years ago I was a stressed out model maker owning my own special effects company with my husband an equally stresses out special effects engineer, eh?

I woke up with three of my cats (One recently adopted us and is a real sweetie) on my bed and a third on a fake designer bag from a previous life.
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Old 05-17-2010, 05:07 PM
  # 343 (permalink)  
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Hi, I am Dean and I am an alcoholic and addict. I was in the class of April but I chose to drink. This time I have lost almost everything. My job of 14 years is gone and my marriage is not well, I will just say very shaky. I attempting to make some more changes with my recovery, thank God that I have another chance to live. I am hoping that my family medical leave gets approved before I get fired. Need to get into a intensive outpatient therapy.
Going to a meeting 1st one since my relapse.
I hope that everyone is well
Thanks
Dean
05/16/10 sobriety date
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Old 05-17-2010, 05:28 PM
  # 344 (permalink)  
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Hey Dean

I'm sorry to hear things did not turn out so well, but I'm glad your back with us
D
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Old 05-17-2010, 06:54 PM
  # 345 (permalink)  
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Welcome to the class, Dean!

I was just talking to a friend (who knows of my alcohol problem) and I told her that I was "tired of relapsing." After I said that, I stopped for a minute and thought about it. I AM tired of relapsing. It's like I am deliberately preventing myself from getting better, from getting to where I need to be, deliberately sabotaging myself. Maybe being tired of relapsing is good. Maybe I don't have the energy to keep getting drunk and recovering from it time and time again. Wow --- light bulb moment!!!

There's that phrase I hear all the time on here "sick and tired of being sick and tired." I'm starting to see the truth in that.

Off to watch a little TV and get some sleep. Day 4 tomorrow. I don't have the physical withdrawals that many of you do, but I can only imagine how horrible that must be. I get brutal hangovers but they never last beyond one day and are usually done by mid-afternoon. However, they were getting worse all the time. The psychological hell I went through after drinking was very tough to take. May I never have to go through it again.

Good night May Flowers!
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:03 PM
  # 346 (permalink)  
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thanks,
traderjane what you said hit right on the head. I do not know why I do what I do when relapse, I am so sick. Sabotage, maybe I want to miserable- how sick is that. I went to a therapist on Sunday, today went to a addiction specialist and a meeting. Tomorrow I go to another therapist through my work employee assistance. Hopefully they can get me into a 6 week intensive outpatient therapy. Got to get done before I find out when I get fired. I do not think that I can get fired while on family medical leave act.
Got to get some reading done, therapist gave me a book called "the feeling good handbook.
I hope and pray that everyone has a good night/day.
Dean
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:11 PM
  # 347 (permalink)  
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Welcome, Dean, sounds like you are moving forward with a good plan. Sorry about losing your job and your shaky marriage. Stick around; this is a really supportive group. Posting here certainly eases the pressure a little.

Crow, LOL about the little plastic sippy cup. The bars around my campus actually don't stock glasses, so every time I would order whiskey they'd put it a tiny, white cup--the exact kind used in dentist offices, actually, to rinse and spit. That, I won't miss

Porkchop, SleepTime tea? I'll give it a go. It's odd; some days I hardly have the energy to put on pants, while others I can't sleep a wink. And some days, I can't do either. These first 30 days are an absolute roller coaster. A fun one though

Jlr, congrats on making it through the first week! That's big stuff. The first time I told someone who was not an alcoholic (my sister) that I was attending meetings, I was both scared out of my mind and dying to tell someone. Turned out, she was really supportive and my fear was misplaced, as it usually is.

Artsoul, the droopies? Hahaha, great term, I love it.

Magareth, sorry to hear about the panic attacks and nightmares. My dreams during the first week were incredibly vivid and scary as hell too. Glad to see you got some sleep and made it to Day 3.

To the rest of the Mayflowers:
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:33 PM
  # 348 (permalink)  
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Hey everyone. I finally realized that I need to step out of Daddy's footsteps and stop drinking. I'm on Day 1, still nursing last night's binge, but I'm empowered and excited. I've been perusing this board for a bit, and am already feeling at home.
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Old 05-17-2010, 08:28 PM
  # 349 (permalink)  
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Welcome InsaneHeart Good to have you here.
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Old 05-17-2010, 08:41 PM
  # 350 (permalink)  
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Hi InsaneHeart - when I first came to SR I felt at home here too. I had so many emotions (scared, miserable, excited), but the more I read, the more it seemed so right to sign up. It's nice to have this thread, too, cuz we all need a little extra support in the early days.

Sending you a warm welcome......as I'm sure others will too!
Post as much as you want. We're listening!
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Old 05-17-2010, 11:05 PM
  # 351 (permalink)  
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lurking

Hey insaneheart,

I'm only in the third day but feeling a whole lot better already. I lurked around for a long time before I found the courage to step up and I think that you will feel welcome here. I know I do. Just keep reading the posts on this site and stick around. I think you'll find there are people here for you when you need them.
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:03 AM
  # 352 (permalink)  
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Welcome Scoob, rki84, Insaneheart & dkayvins!!

Congrats Jlr5 on a week! That's awesome

dkayvins--Welcome back I hope we can aid in the necessary support during this process. we do a pretty good job of keeping each other sane (er) here

Porchopped---
"What do you think made the difference for you in wanting to abstain and not be sucked back into old habits??"

easy! My reputation & paranoia about how I THOUGHT people were perceiving me. I went to the bar tonight to see my friend's band play & drank soda water with a splash of cranberry & twist of lime (it was tasty) & every conversation I had there wasn't the usual back & forth in my mind of --- is this awkward? or me feeling the need to tell someone an excuse, consisting of: I've had a few drinks or I'm really stoned...
I mean I have a pretty bad attention span when I'm dead sober, so...when I've had a few drinks or I'm stoned, it can get to where I feel like I need to give an explanation--even when I didn't.
I still threw down some moves, even after working three doubles in a row too

I talked to a good friend of mine who just got back from being on the road. I told him about my recent decisions & what not. He said "I really want to still hang out, I need a good friend around. Is it ok if I drink?", I thought that was sweet & i think I'm getting to a place where I can be ok with that. I told him of course.

Being at the bar tonight really didn't bother me & I felt good about being able to FINALLY be a REAL DD & not just the one who can see the straightest or what not.

I'm being an insomniac right now--(it's 3 a.m.!)! I always do it unintentionally & by the time I realize it, it's too late & I'm left with a few hours of sleep. Time is such a product of mental extremes! Too fast when u need it to last & too slow when you need it to GO!

Nighty nite! :mog that's intense
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Old 05-18-2010, 02:47 AM
  # 353 (permalink)  
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Man what a bad day at work so much for being positive earlier on.

Started off by being repayed in beer for a favour I had done for someone at work a few weeks ago, didnt want to go into a long blown out conversation as to why I didnt want it so just chucked it in the car. Don't worry it is still in there and I have no intention of drinking it. Which is amazing as I have no real craving for it

Then it went down hill from there as I had numerous run ins with staff/sales people who take no responsibilty in anything they do at work, always someone elses problem. Which always ends up with me sorting out the mess.

Good thing is before I probably wouldnt have had the energy or a clear enough head to battle these issues and wouldve been walked over. This time they saw the new me, someone who wont take crap anymore
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Old 05-18-2010, 05:38 AM
  # 354 (permalink)  
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Sorry about the bad day, fluxcap. They happen, don't they?

This is not my first time in sobriety and I remember whining to my sponsor "why isn't anything changing?" when people were ticking me off and her going "It is. You're sober today." The only thing we can change is us. By not drinking/using one day at a time.

As far as parties and bars, after a few months of sobriety I realized that I was much more aware of my not drinking than anyone else was. Nobody else particularly cared. Unless they were very close to me, I didn't really need to say anything at all (even then, you'd be suprised how accepting people are). It was a shock to realize the world honestly didn't care what was in my glass/hand. And long explanations made me sound a bit defensive.

Although I never had a sippy cup -- that really is hilarious. Makes it easy to keep track of your glass at least!

Yesterday, no anxiety -- today I wake up at 4am and my riding a wave of anxiety. Ugh. Need to find a way to get to a meeting or something.
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Old 05-18-2010, 07:03 AM
  # 355 (permalink)  
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Day 15: over two weeks. I find it hard to believe. My job requires a lot of energy, and it's so cool to have so much of it. I'm thinking of trying to cut down on all the crap I've been eating since I quit. I wonder, though, if it is too early to divide my efforts like that.
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Old 05-18-2010, 07:38 AM
  # 356 (permalink)  
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Congrats on the over 2 weeks Norther!!

I don't have a lot of words of wisdom today, but just wanted to say hello and wish everyone well. I'm about to go for a run in this rather yucky spring weather, but better to be sober and exercising in it than hungover and in bed!

I have nothing on the agenda in the evenings over the next week, which is probably a good thing. I need to stick around home and really get into the groove of not drinking everynight. Going out always seems to mess me up, but perhaps if I have a more solid sober base before going out it will help.

Have a nice day everyone! Welcome to the newcomers!
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Old 05-18-2010, 07:40 AM
  # 357 (permalink)  
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Can I join?

Today is day 5 for me. I'm doing all right. My withdrawal (more like a hangover) has been gone for several days. I've been eating right, taking vitamins, and getting some exercise. And I'm feeling pretty good, although I still get tired in the late afternoon.

I was an April member, but since I drank several times, I'd like to join here. I've read all the posts and you May Flowers have a good thing going. The April group was good too (they probably all are) so I'll still make some posts there.

Best wishes to all of you.
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:06 AM
  # 358 (permalink)  
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Welcome, Bob!!!
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:10 AM
  # 359 (permalink)  
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Hi - TraderJane told me what a great group this is, so here I am. I have stopped and started many many times over the past 5 years or so. I have tried moderation and it works for a few days and then I am back to square one. So I am on a new mission here - I want to feel good when I wake up in the morning, I want to exercise and I can't do that when I am hungover and I want to be sharp and on top of my game at work. Can't do that if I drink. So today is (another) Day One for me. Stocked up on Pellegrino and Limes and decaf tea. Here we go....
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:21 AM
  # 360 (permalink)  
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Oh, wow! I tried moderation -- what an awful time that was!
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