Dream2bClean

OK guys, Im back after my 8 days no alcohol that I messed but I am still several weeks of no shooting up.
I was doing so good but decided to drink which lead to OC's and all that but no shooting althgh tempted but my husband WOULD kick me out for that (althouth its totally fine to snort them all day
But I am back on day 1 of no alcohol, planning on AA tonight, first time, i was going to NA but it wasnt clicking, very few females, not a lot of newcomer love so I am hoping I get get what I need from AA. Like an immedicate temp sponser, I heard they actually have lists at some meetings printed up of them.
THat would be great! I got wasted sat night, sent several innapropriate text messages I have no recollection of, and my good "friend" decided to show them to my husband as opposed to talk to me directly which made me very mad but its (apparently) b/c he cares, is worried about me, and feels bad for my husband b,c he is his friend too. Although he decided to eliminate some innapropriate things he has said to me in the past. I honestly have no recollection of these messages, my husband knows I would never want to be with this person but b/c of alcohol I have already cheated on him once, and had previous drunken text messages to random guys in my phone.
He is understandable devisted by what is now an obvious pattern, but those actions are not so much the problem as the drinking is.
So Im back I <3 LOVE SR and I pray I am here to stay this time.
I hope everyone is well and someone remembers me <3 Dreaming (Again ;(

smacked

Welcome back.. I did a lot of ****** things when I was messed up too, and it wasn't motivation enough to stop me. I was only done when I felt like I wanted sobriety more than anything else and was willing to do anything to get there. If you're ready, nothing can stop you but yourself.

Anna

Welcome back!

The main thing is to learn from what happened and do things differently this time.

Dee74

Welcome back Dream.

I hope the last time was your last time

D

Dream2bClean

Me too please God let this be the last time. I am going to my first aa in an hour hopefully that will help although my anxiery is through the roof even with the med from my dr to take for a few days to prevent seizures (again) I have taken the 1 I am supposed to but it doesnt seem to be helpin.

Any suggestions on the anxiety?

Thanks
<3 Dream

least

Chamomile tea is relaxing, so are several herbal remedies like valerian, scullcap, and hops.

Recovery1983

Hey Dream, I'm glad you came back. Drunk texting/calling was one of the things I did when I was under the influence. The dialing was never a good thing because I said some nasty and hurtful things. I've lost friends and ruined relationships because of them.

Addiction is difficult and we have all been where you have been. Like others have said, I hope you have learned from your previous relapses. Change is the important thing, otherwise you'll just be stuck in a vicious cycle. It sounds like you have plan, which includes AA, so stick with that and do whatever you need to do to stay sober.

WhiteWave

There's a tea out there called "Easy Now".... it's organic; that or the sleepytime tea that's pretty common. I think a soothing cup of either of those after a long, hot shower would really do the trick. Especially if you can get some dark time outside in the nighttime to cleanse by slowly sipping your tea as your hair dries

Starburst

Rooting for you, Dream, we all make mistakes, perhaps think about what triggered you and work on a solution. Keep well and keep posting, this should be Day 2 for u now. (((HUGS)))

Kmber2010

Glad to see your back Dream. Take what you have learned and move on. You will get it. Don't dwell on the past and what you could've done differently. Do it differently now.

All the best! Keep posting...

Dream2bClean

Thank you all sooo much! I love SR! I was scared to come back but I knew this would be the welcome before. Before I went to my AA meeting I decided to but 1 large beer deciding that would help b/c my anxiety was CRAZY.
I am abouit to post abou the meeting. Someone put me in that HUGE meeting, with tons of wonderful woman, at all levels of sobriety, and my age too!
I am soooo HAPPY right now. I poured out the beer when I got home, and took a long hot bath, tried to read my AA book that was just given to me Man I really fely the love there, I want that, I can do it.
I rerally liked NA years ago, but this just feels different, I feel home.
I am going to 2 meetings today, my week was basically mapped out for me by these wonderful ladies, I need something to do during the day until I am back to work, and ecercising and living again, which I now have hope for when just a few days ago I was seriously considering ending it all, which would have ruined my husband and daughters lives.
I now have hope in a little white chip, and cried when someone picked up one for 90 days b/c in my entire adult life (except my entire pregnancy) I have only got to 30 days a few times w/ NA.
Last night between the meeting anss a long hot bath and a lot of pacing and not being able to concentrate, and drinking a lot of diet dr peppers (which I know is not good for the anxiety) better pick up some caffeine free today, but I needed that "routine" apparently of getting up going to the fridge, drinking something in a can and repeating, I should also get some small bottles of san pelligrino too. Its expensive but thats what worked when I became pregnant and it worked wonderfully b/c I need the H20 more than the diet sodas. I needed the carbonation and the bottle.
My body must have a lot of fluid in it b/c I got up with my husband this morning to see him off to work and check in here (which I havent done it years for him) but he said it looked like I slept on concrfete b/c my upper back which doesnt have a lot of extra cushioning if you know what I mean, he said it was a puffy, and almost scraped up, and its just from sleeping on a sheet.
I really hope that goes soon. Its already calmed down but it was painful. I know that chronic inflammation can cause a lot of health problems so I ant that gone, and it would be nice to be able to wear my wedding rings again, which I never can b/c my fingers were always puffy.
Ah the little things.
Good Morning- East Coasters! Everyone at SR have a Wonderful Day!
I know I am!
Thanks for listening as always SR, I am going to work on shortening my posts but for now I know you all dont mind (or at least dont make it known) but its very theraputic for me and I need to just ramble here and I know you guys want me to do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober and this really help!
<3 Dream

Kmber2010

Coming to SR saw me through those first few days and I continue to come so please ramble and post as there is always someone here to read. I spend a lot of time if I am up at night or when I am unwinding and I do lots of reading here.

So glad you are back on the wagon and I felt nervous too when I posted about my relapse. Everyone of course was as supportive as can be and that was so what I needed.

Have a good one!!

Starburst

''Thanks be to GOD! HE gives us victory through our LORD JESUS CHRIST'' 1 Cor. 15 v 57 - When the tide eventually ebbs, you will rise above the things that have threatned and frustrated you for so long. - GOD is your inspiration and a solid rock u can cling to. More than that HE is the ONE who holds onto you to enure that you will NEVER be swept way!

augustwest

Meditation
pranayama
yoga
exercise