NewChapterJan18

Numblady

Well I think Palmer’s insight about being woke to our reality but also not wanting to be too rash in our decision making is spot on. I don’t know if I’m a crazy person but this is actually someone else’s thought so I’m not the only one who has it but it’s Ike one day you can be ready to get out of a marriage and the next, well, it’s fine. That’s an oversimplification because I know we still have some very basic issues but we did have a very good talk yesterday. I just opened up and was honest with him about how I felt. Well at least a good part of it. And then he sent me flowers, made me dinner, cleaned and pressure washed my vehicle, and got me a gift. So now i feel like a lousy wife. I hate Valentine’s Day for the most part. Just a silly day if you ask me.

And I don’t think I knew this at the time I posted but I totally got out of going to the capitol yesterday. They canceled our hearing! Yes!! I actually got to have a kind of normal day. The bad part is at the end of the day one of my staff (not a direct report but coincidentally the same friend who came and stayed with my sick child so making it feel especially depressing and bad) and I got into it a little over the handling of a very political issue. It wasn’t ugly but she was pissed about the way upper management was handling a communication and eventually after I left, she fired off an email to the other party that is going to cause a major controversy. Now the deputy wants to fire her which I think is extreme and also paternalistic in the sense that we should be able to make personnel decisions for our own division (with rare exception) but I swear. The drama! It wears me out. I want to work at the DMV.

NC, love all the riding you are doing and the joy it is bringing you.

PS, I am bummed right along with you about the job. I know you are grateful for current gig but also getting ready for more of a change. You are open to it so my thought is it WILL come along for you. Just maybe on a different time frame.

Okay have a super day, everyone!

PalmerSage

Numblady, your post made me think of a quote I read once about long marriages, basically attributing their longevity to the fact that two people want to get divorced at different times. I know that's terribly cynical, but also funny and I'm glad your husband seems committed to doing his part to try to make up for his behavior. And as for the cancelled hearing, YES! Such an awesome bonus, and it resulted in a kind of normal day? Victory! I still hold out hope that you will find a new job that you're super passionate about, but without all the political and interpersonal drama that seems to plague your current job.

I'll be around during the day, and will be back to post more. Have a great day, everyone!

scottynz

Hi everyone,

I love the discussion about marriage and that quote about wanting to get divorced at different times. I was only married a yearwhen my husband died and my partner and I have been together for 9 years and through a bumpy patch recently. I always try hard not to compare my marriage to my current relationship. I know had my husband lived we would have had our own challenges as couples do. I am still passionately in love with my husband and I am lucky that my partner understands and welcomes that. I’ve been missing him more than usual in recent months and I think Palmer your insight into being more ‘woke’ is spot on. Now we are into our second year of sobriety I think I feel more present in my life if that makes sense?

Re. sugar cravings, they have gone now, but were really powerful. I also find because I have decided I can have it if I want to on occasion, it is a different feeling from the abstinence needed for alcohol. We are in the middle of a heatwave here and an ice cream truck came down our road, that was really tempting, but it seems because I knew I could have one and wasn’t resetting any kind of ‘x number of days without sugar’ counter I actually decided not to. I have been overweight for so long, it is quite exciting to see some changes in my body starting to happen. I have a long way to go, but while not drinking felt like a denial at the start, no sugar feels like a gain as the longer I go without it the better food seems to taste.

Mind you, we are going out for dinner at a place with amazing desserts so watch this space

NewChapterJan18

Numblady

Scotty, love hearing how realizing gains helps keep you grounded on the no-sugar thing. It also sounds like you are feeling the way I do about alcohol, that losing it was also ultimately a gain. Now mind you there are still times that the desire to stop feeling my feelings and numb out is crushing, absolutely crushing — but more often than not, the longer I go the more I feel like other people who are drinking are the ones who are missing out. They don’t know what they have within them to handle difficulty, how much it sabotages their sleep and their emotions, etc. I’ve gotten to where I feel like the lucky one in the equation. Also hugs just for how much you miss and have experienced without your husband with you. It sounds like you were deeply in love and committed and I’m really glad your partner is supportive of how that doesn’t change after your husband’s death.

Palmer, that is a brilliant quote. I think I’ve talked about this here but I love what a friend of mine said after I bumped into her and she had just celebrated some milestone anniversary. Maybe 20? She said “do you want to know what the secret to a long marriage is?” I of course answered “yes”. She said “It is...don’t get divorced.” A little cynical but also kernels of wisdom in there. I have parlayed that into my mantra of the secret of not freaking out to be to just not freak out no matter what. And thanks for your wishes on my job. Yesterday when I was potentially going to be told to fire someone when I did not agree with that, I looked around at jobs. Nothing really outstanding but there was a cool one in Galveston that I briefly fantasized about going for. But the schools there are not good and I’m sure being on the island would feel different pretty quickly.

Still, fun to fantasize.

I hope everyone has nice weekend plans. I mainly just have a to-do list but hopefully there will be some fun sandwiched in there at times. Right now I’m blowing off a bike ride in favor of going to sit at a coffee shop and just try to catch up on personal emails and chores and such.

Hi NC and all others! Talk to you later this weekend!

Numblady

Good morning! Me again. Nothing new to report. Just saying hello. I had a pretty cool day yesterday of getting caught up on household stuff like planning out summer camps and personal email and stuff, as well as puttering in yard and house. With extra awesome solid nap and early bed time. Which was almost interrupted by a chirping smoke alarm, which I had to dismantle temporarily so I could go to sleep. Why do they never, ever make the low battery alert during the daytime? Why does it always have to be the middle of the night?! At least this time it was before I was already asleep. I think I already may have complained about the last time it happened. Which WAS in the middle of the night. During a sleepover. This time I had to take down two because there are two right next to each other in our room. Not sure why. Made me worried one of them was carbon monoxide and I was going to die in my sleep along with my children. Which is stupid because it was clearly the low battery chirp. But just in case I closed down my SR windows so if I did kick the bucket the stuff I said about my marriage wouldn’t be right there waiting to be discovered. Rational not rational.

Hope you’re having a good weekend!

NewChapterJan18

PalmerSage

Hi all! Well, this weekend was super exhausting and I'm never moving again as long as I live. It's always the end that gets me, when you're trying to get rid of all the little odds and ends like random power cords and pot lids and kids artwork that clearly took them 5 minutes max to create, but you kind of feel bad about throwing away anyway. I moved so many boxes, trying to be a good example to my kids who are in a lazy phase, lecturing them about things like resilience and scrappiness while secretly wanting to hide under the bed in a random room somewhere. Ah well - our real house is chaos from top to bottom, all four stories, but at least the hard part is DONE. Numblady, I was thinking of our naps when someone posted a meme that said "I just pulled an all day-er." That's how I feel when I stay awake all day on weekends, ha! Well, I need to go over to the rental to take care of some stuff, but I'll be back later...have a great day, guys!

Sunflower79

Numblady

Palmer I totally almost posted that I was never moving again because it sucks so bad but then I thought that would just be kind of putting negative light on something you were going through that is already difficult — but now that you’ve said it, let me echo that sentiment completely. Never again. At least never again with children underfoot. And ideally never again with a semi-hoarding husband. 4 stories? Wow! That sounds cool.

Hi to Sunflowerr, NC, anyone else!

I’m headed back to the Capitol today. Boo but after 3 days of relative ease and only working a few hours a couple of the days I’m feeling a little better about having to go. And about the work week in general. Hope it lasts! Have a great day!

NewChapterJan18

NewChapterJan18

NewChapterJan18

Hi All,

Pretty quiet around here! Hope everyone is doing OK. Back in the office with a tonne to catch up on but feeling like it will be a productive day. Had another drinking dream and woke up feeling so grateful to be sober. Have a great day, all!

Dee74

still reading

D

PalmerSage

Hey NewChapter, thanks for keeping the lights on for us! I'm so glad that even though things sound busy, you're squeezing in a little fun here and there, like fox "hunting" - so cool!!!

I've been reading here, but for some reason every time I start to post it seems super negative. The amount of stuff in this house is really getting to me, after living without most of it for 9 months, now I realize how little we actually need and use. My husband is a borderline hoarder, so I really have to work around him to get rid of anything. I think "one box at a time" sounds great in theory, but in practice it's more like rooting through half open boxes for specific things and then leaving the rest in a state of disarray. And the more stressed I become, the more crap I eat, so my weight is slowly climbing again.

I know that I need to focus on what is within my control, and take concrete steps to improve things. On the plus side, there is a lot of unused space in this house where I can stage boxes and temporarily store stuff before it's donated, sold, or thrown away. It will be good exercise to take items up to the top floor, and while I'm there I will see my treadmill and maybe even step onto it? I know how much it would improve my mood, so that is definitely in my plans. I'm getting through one day at a time right now.

Scotty, Dee, Numblady, hope all are well! I'll be around later.

Sunflower79

Numblady

Hey everyone. I like Dee came to read but didn’t really have much to say so I just lurked

NC, like others, glad you got the “hunt” in and that you have something bringing you such joy.

Palmer, of course your thoughts might be negative. You are in the middle of a gignantic move. There is no doubt of the stressful power of things. Too many of them. Not the right ones. Whatever. I agree with you and Sunflower that getting some of them out of sight can at least allow you some time to do the unpacking the way that you want to do it, more consciously and slowly. Make a box carrying goal and then commit to ten minutes on the treadmill and see where it takes you. It’s worth a shot. Or at least maybe get some boxes out of your way. I think I also just called my husband a borderline hoarder. Not only that but we just have very different approaches to setting up the house. He would like the things that get used to be out in plain sight. I like the things that get used to be handy but put away. And he just has more stuff. It can be frustrating.

Sunflower, I’m glad you’re putting that out here and being honest. I want to try and grab coffee soon. Not that I could stop you if you did decide to drink but I sure hope you won’t! But still. Wanna give you a big hug and hear about it. Hang in there. Will text you later too.

Have a great day!

NewChapterJan18

Hi All,

Making good progress through my task mountain, so feeling pretty happy about that - still avoiding one major task that's been hanging over me though, but I think I'll push that back (again..) until tomorrow! It's an absolute mountain of detailed, annoying forms for the insurance companies and every time I attempt to do it, I get so disproportionately enraged I have to walk away - hence it's been lying there uncompleted for weeks! Whyyyy do they have to make it so difficult??

PS: With you on the eating front. I did well and lost a few lbs, then between work travel and busy few days, I totally used that as an excuse to go off the deep end and here I am back at square minus one. I agree with NL and Sunflower re: teh boxes situation - if you can place them somewhere that you can close off so that they're not constantly in sight, hopefully it might give you some peace of mind and you can then work through them at your own pace, methodically, rather than feeling the constant pressure and frustration of having to stare at them all the time.

Sunflower: I hear you on the drinking thoughts. I've been having a lot of drinking dreams lately, which means it's definitely playing in the peripheries of my mind. Even though I've been waking up so glad they are just dreams, I wonder if there is something more to it. Definitely need to stay vigilant. How are things going with your husband? Are you still enjoying your new bible study group?

NL: Hope everything is going well with you and that work isn't too hectic (although I think I know the answer to that unfortunately..!)

Hi Dee, Scotty!

Numblady

Sunflower how are you doing today? I am still thinking of you!

NC, good luck reaching the summit of Task Mountain! I think I’ve almost given up thinking of my job like a task mountain. It’s more like a conveyer belt or something. Or a treadmill. I wanted to take a little time off this afternoon for my son’s birthday. And of course last night a big newspaper hit piece is coming and we have to get our feedback in tomorrow cob—and it’s all from my area. And of course the deputy said we need this letter asap. And I have to write it myself (?? This is weird right? Telling me not to delegate it? What does it matter if I approve it?) I’m still planning to pick him up early and go do some stuff. As I’ve whined so many times, just wish it didn’t have to be so difficult to meet the other needs in my life besides work. I also had a guy coming by yesterday to finally hang this trellis thing that would be a huge weight off my mind to get hung because then I can replant my bougainvillea plants by it and wait for spring. But had to go back down to the Capitol for a meeting instead.

Sorry for whine. That’s not actually how I intended to focus. But alas. I’m sleepy and haven’t had my coffee so I guess that’s what you get!