Class Of March 2018 Support Thread - Part 4
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Class Of March 2018 Support Thread - Part 4
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Thanks for the new thread. I am up too early having too many thoughts. Obsessing about my Bf but trying to realize that I’m being a bit codependent and I need to re-center. I feel pretty good physically, despite a kind of tough yoga session last night. It’s interesting how I am here consumed by thoughts of things I can’t control but not feeling that overwhelming emotion that usually goes with it. Thankful to be far from alcohol.
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Well. Here comes the overwhelming emotion. I'm so upset. I feel abandoned. He really is stuck in his cycle again. Things were ok for a while. 1 or 2 beers here and there. But then this depressed drunk worm boy comes out and I have to say goodbye to my love. I've been through it so many times. I guess I'll have to transfer my kvetching over to the Friends and Family threads. This is just too much.
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Awwww Plenny!!! I'm so sorry you are going through this. Maybe a little bit of time apart will help him realize how much alcohol is effecting the good parts of his life. I can't imagine seeing it through sober eyes. It would be heartbreaking and frustrating I imagine. He may need a different path of recovery. He may benefit from AA or rehab or smartrecovery or something. He may just need to hit a new bottom. I am glad that you are not tempted to drink by his behavior. I am so proud you are putting your sobriety and yourself first. It is so hard sometimes. Self care first always. It doesn't always feel good (like quitting my job to a much lesser extent) but it is necessary and in the long term things will work out. He may get sober, he may go deeper into the abyss and then get sober. He may bargain with you and continue drinking. He might never stop drinking. Try to prepare yourself for all possibilities. I do fear the day that may come when my bf returns home with a handle of whiskey. If and when that day comes, I'll be coming here for support immediately. This day is going to be difficult. Be gentle and kind to yourself please. Eat well and try to find the positives in the situation if you can. Much love, lady <3
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Thank you!! I went for a run to try to get high. Hahahahaha! It worked, I feel so much better! I'm glad I did that because now I can just go through the list for today and eat, make art, stretch, get ready for work, work, then Bf (I have to come up with a better name for him here) says he's coming over and that we are going to spend the day together tomorrow. Trying not to have any expectations whatsoever! Unfortunately it seems that whenever I reduce my expectations he comes back with flying colors and then my expectations come back hmmmmm.
If that day comes, GBE, if the handle of whiskey comes home, I'll be here for you! Hopefully well equipped with some sage advice because I'm going through it right now. This is my day 9, but his day 4 of the bad cycle. So I'm new at this but I'm determined to get through it a la my previous posts.
Dj Trek Mix I think I'll call him. We always call each other DJ names I have a bunch of them for him but that will do for now.
DJ Trek Mix ended up calling me from the laundry room at the property he is working on today. He is frustrated with his boss. Who's drunken spiral has spun way out of control and he is M.I.A. again. I told him not to take it out on me. I hope this frustration doesn't feed his own spiral even more and I hope I can stop freaking out and be more supportive of him.
If that day comes, GBE, if the handle of whiskey comes home, I'll be here for you! Hopefully well equipped with some sage advice because I'm going through it right now. This is my day 9, but his day 4 of the bad cycle. So I'm new at this but I'm determined to get through it a la my previous posts.
Dj Trek Mix I think I'll call him. We always call each other DJ names I have a bunch of them for him but that will do for now.
DJ Trek Mix ended up calling me from the laundry room at the property he is working on today. He is frustrated with his boss. Who's drunken spiral has spun way out of control and he is M.I.A. again. I told him not to take it out on me. I hope this frustration doesn't feed his own spiral even more and I hope I can stop freaking out and be more supportive of him.
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Oh gosh... it’s just me for a while isn’t it. I guess I’ll keep rambling here because it helps me organize thoughts. Well I had a rough day with a ton of cravings, a bit of a roller coaster with DJTM as well. He seems in and out of being closed off.
It’s annoying but it’s ok because we finally had a lucid talk tonight and he told me he was proud of me and happy for me. He said congratulations on my day 9, and he wants to join me someday when he’s ready. I told him thank you, that it means so much to me, but also to just please not scare me anymore. He knows. We are moving forward. But his support means a hell of a lot and I feel so happy I can finally be in a relationship where I feel safe to sober up, without judgement or crisis, and with someone who truly understands, even if he’s fighting his own battle right now.
I feel so much better
It’s annoying but it’s ok because we finally had a lucid talk tonight and he told me he was proud of me and happy for me. He said congratulations on my day 9, and he wants to join me someday when he’s ready. I told him thank you, that it means so much to me, but also to just please not scare me anymore. He knows. We are moving forward. But his support means a hell of a lot and I feel so happy I can finally be in a relationship where I feel safe to sober up, without judgement or crisis, and with someone who truly understands, even if he’s fighting his own battle right now.
I feel so much better
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Oh I'm still posting. Having a hard time. I'm still not convinced I want to give up marijuana especially if it's just on vacation. If I decide to partake here, I don't think I should have to reset my sobriety date. It's legal here. I don't know. What do yall think? There's alot more drinking happening than I thought there would be. I am having an o douhls right now. Playing the tape forward as best I can.
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You got this i know you can. Make sure you always have something n/a to drink and snacks. It helped me miraculously through my old drinking buddies visiting. And today I watched the tape over and over again throughout the day.
I keep saying to myself I’m better, I’m a better person, my life is better, I don’t metabolize this anymore, it doesn’t work like it used to, I am actually better company, I am having more fun but I feel calmer, etc
Take moments to yourself if you can to touch base with yourself
I keep saying to myself I’m better, I’m a better person, my life is better, I don’t metabolize this anymore, it doesn’t work like it used to, I am actually better company, I am having more fun but I feel calmer, etc
Take moments to yourself if you can to touch base with yourself
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It's been much better today! Watching his cousin compulsively keep drinking starting at lunch and smoke weed constantly reminds me of when I had to do that to get by too. It wasn't fun. I left my phone at home so have to use the bf's but it's nice to disconnect from some of it for a bit.
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I don't think I should have to reset my sobriety date. It's legal here. I don't know. What do yall think?
ps glad the ol AV is quieter today GBE
D
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Ah. I keep waking up really early. My cat is struggling with the fleas and had to take a tapeworm pill yesterday. She’s been very clingy so she keeps sleeping on our pillows, which honestly is pretty annoying she is never ever seeking attention. She definitely feels better after the bath we gave her yesterday, and we have a vet appointment in the morning, getting a rabies vaccine and hopefully new and better flea meds. Summer in the south is just full of extra goodies.
Yesterday DJTM and I drove way out to the Gulf to see the beach. We have been trying to do this particular drive for about 2 years but never made the time for it. We stopped at a sports bar and ate a pretty disappointing fish basket (why in a fishing town do they have to get frozen tilapia it makes me so mad) and DJTM had a very cold nice beer. I had a craving but remembered that after the starchy bad fried lunch I would feel really bloated and self conscious and cranky and probably crash later if I didn’t keep drinking. Which was always my problem! Then we’d probably fight because I wasn’t feeling good. So I had a soda water. Not that I entertained the thought of ordering a beer, but I had to think through and fight that craving. I know that the chemicals do not work with me anymore and probably never did. My genetic makeup is actually a real trap for alcoholism..
Well we went to the state park where there’s a nice little beach and we waded in the surf. We started driving around looking for a better meal but DJTM crashed and became cranky so we got in an argument. But we made up and I got to buy some nice tomatoes and cucumbers, and peaches and sausages so I felt better.
I’m happy we finally went to the beach and I was even happier when DJTM didn’t buy beer to drink at home. He only had the one all day. It was nice to not be exposed to another binge.
Yesterday DJTM and I drove way out to the Gulf to see the beach. We have been trying to do this particular drive for about 2 years but never made the time for it. We stopped at a sports bar and ate a pretty disappointing fish basket (why in a fishing town do they have to get frozen tilapia it makes me so mad) and DJTM had a very cold nice beer. I had a craving but remembered that after the starchy bad fried lunch I would feel really bloated and self conscious and cranky and probably crash later if I didn’t keep drinking. Which was always my problem! Then we’d probably fight because I wasn’t feeling good. So I had a soda water. Not that I entertained the thought of ordering a beer, but I had to think through and fight that craving. I know that the chemicals do not work with me anymore and probably never did. My genetic makeup is actually a real trap for alcoholism..
Well we went to the state park where there’s a nice little beach and we waded in the surf. We started driving around looking for a better meal but DJTM crashed and became cranky so we got in an argument. But we made up and I got to buy some nice tomatoes and cucumbers, and peaches and sausages so I felt better.
I’m happy we finally went to the beach and I was even happier when DJTM didn’t buy beer to drink at home. He only had the one all day. It was nice to not be exposed to another binge.
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I've heard the gulf is really blue! Not like the muddy Atlantic. Good on DJTM for keeping it to one and you for not having anything. This dipping my toe into the going out scene has not been my favorite. It's encouraging to see you doing it and successfully. I want to have a good time sober but it's harder when someone is getting wasted around you. Idk
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Hi guys,
Catching up again..last week I was down with a horrible flu. Can't remember the last time I was that sick. Just starting to feel better now.
LHW, if you're still reading, best of luck sorting out the issues that you feel are underlying your desire to drink. I feel similarly, and it's something that I'm still struggling with. I know that there are things that I've had my head in the sand about for a long time, and I worry that they'll undermine my sobriety if I don't deal with them soon. So I empathize and I wish you the best. Please check in now and then to let us know how you're doing.
GBE, so glad you made it through the last bit of your job at the Park. I'm sorry that a job that you took in the hopes of a less stressful day-to-day life turned out to be SO stressful! In any case, you made the right decision obviously. Have a wonderful vacation. I hope that you can move past the thoughts/urges that are still with you and have a great, relaxing time. Best of luck with your return to work when you're back, too!
Plenny, I have a lot of admiration for the way you're handling your relationship with your BF. It does sound like he's getting to the point where he really wants to prioritize your relationship and change. I hope he sees how you're doing so well without alcohol, and will make work towards doing that for himself. I'm glad you enjoyed your beach day. Oh, and I relate to your cat troubles. We have 3 cats, 2 of which are getting up there in age and are going through some health issues. Love them a lot, but it's stressful when they're having problems. Hugs to you!
I need to get my butt in gear this week. I've especially been slacking on getting exercise. It's so dumb - I was doing really well with the running and swimming for a few months, and it was making such a positive difference in my mood and self-esteem, and then I just dropped it and I'm having such a hard time motivating myself to get back into it. Why is it that some things that are so good for us are so hard to continue doing? On that note, I think I'll try to get in a run before it gets too hot.
Have a good day everyone!
JT
Catching up again..last week I was down with a horrible flu. Can't remember the last time I was that sick. Just starting to feel better now.
LHW, if you're still reading, best of luck sorting out the issues that you feel are underlying your desire to drink. I feel similarly, and it's something that I'm still struggling with. I know that there are things that I've had my head in the sand about for a long time, and I worry that they'll undermine my sobriety if I don't deal with them soon. So I empathize and I wish you the best. Please check in now and then to let us know how you're doing.
GBE, so glad you made it through the last bit of your job at the Park. I'm sorry that a job that you took in the hopes of a less stressful day-to-day life turned out to be SO stressful! In any case, you made the right decision obviously. Have a wonderful vacation. I hope that you can move past the thoughts/urges that are still with you and have a great, relaxing time. Best of luck with your return to work when you're back, too!
Plenny, I have a lot of admiration for the way you're handling your relationship with your BF. It does sound like he's getting to the point where he really wants to prioritize your relationship and change. I hope he sees how you're doing so well without alcohol, and will make work towards doing that for himself. I'm glad you enjoyed your beach day. Oh, and I relate to your cat troubles. We have 3 cats, 2 of which are getting up there in age and are going through some health issues. Love them a lot, but it's stressful when they're having problems. Hugs to you!
I need to get my butt in gear this week. I've especially been slacking on getting exercise. It's so dumb - I was doing really well with the running and swimming for a few months, and it was making such a positive difference in my mood and self-esteem, and then I just dropped it and I'm having such a hard time motivating myself to get back into it. Why is it that some things that are so good for us are so hard to continue doing? On that note, I think I'll try to get in a run before it gets too hot.
Have a good day everyone!
JT
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It’s so good to see you JT!!
I’m glad you’re feeling better. A few days ago, I woke up so angry I could only think of running. I did a really little short jog just to make myself out of breath and buzzed and I felt so good after!
I’m glad you’re feeling better. A few days ago, I woke up so angry I could only think of running. I did a really little short jog just to make myself out of breath and buzzed and I felt so good after!
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