Numblady

Sunflower our posts crossed. I’ll text you.

PalmerSage

Sunflower, I'm sorry things haven't improved, but so happy that you have good friends (including our amazing Numblady) to support you and help you work through it. We're all here for you, whatever the outcome and whatever you decide you need to do.

Numblady, the giant house sounds amazing, and the fact that you're going to do some family yoga is so sweet. Now that you're there, hopefully you can enjoy yourself a bit and release some of the tension from work. As you said, the best you can do is to be reasonable and open with your communication, the rest is on them.

The rest of my day yesterday went more smoothly than the previous few. I was able to get some pesky chores out of the way, and start to focus on the move. My husband is super excited about the house, can't wait to move back, and loves all the improvements. I've become attached to this cavernous and quirky rental house, I love the simplicity of basically "camping" here among the boxes, and not having the constant responsibility of entertaining everyone all the time. However, I hate having to shuttle the kids back and forth to the bus stop, not having access to my favorite things, and not really being able to "live" here fully, especially for the sake of my kids. So I'll need to find a balance, and I think my first order of business is to carve out a cozy corner where I can plant a desk and my computer, away from the chaos, to continue to refine and pursue my goals (including, as NL mentioned, elusive emotional sobriety). Today will be somewhat relaxed (I hope), and I plan to take some time off work this upcoming week to focus on the move, my interview, and maybe even some self-care if I can swing it! I also have some family birthday celebrations that I need to plan and execute, that will be a great benefit of being back in our home.

I hope everyone has a good day, and checks in often!

NewChapterJan18

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class!

I could not get to sleep last night and then when I did, I woke up several times again. This is starting to get real old, real fast! It's so weird, I never have trouble sleeping usually. I wonder what's going on.

A busy week ahead but hoping it will be productive. The next 6 weeks involve a lot of travel for work, client meetings and events. Had a cr@ppy weekend eating wise. Will be eating low carb this week and next to hopefully kickstart some weight loss and get my head in the game, as I know I'll feel self conscious at work meetings if I don't shift a few pounds.

Hope everyone has a great week!

Dee74

Thinking of all the Januarians this week

D

PalmerSage

Numblady

Hi everyone. Just cruising through.

NC don’t want to scare you but for me insomnia was definitely a pregnancy thing. Not that you are necessarily anywhere near that but it was an issue for me. Or maybe it’s just an exercise thing?

Palmer feel embarrassed I don’t actually know this but is today or tomorrow the actual move date? Super excited for you.

I too had a drinking dream. And then afterward I swear my glass of water tasted like booze! Thankfully all a dream and I woke around 5 naturally and not hungover. Had a flurry of work activity which felt good to do before everyone got up. Going to try and force a quick workout before we clean up and get out of the rental. But I may run out of time. Alas.

Have a super Monday!

Sunflower79

scottynz

Another drive by I’m afraid.

I am always blown away by the grace people in this class show under all kinds of pressures.

As Sunflowerso eloquently said being glad to be sober is such an important thing to remember to be.

I’ve had a couple of drinking twinges recently, not temptations or desires to drink, but I guess regret it is no longer an option. I always think that is a red flag so jump back here to read my old posts to remind myself where that option

Numblady

Hi friends. Well back to the stress! Fight with my husband last night. Very depressing. I just get tired of him being drunk and lashing out at people and cussing in ear shot of the kids and being self centered. Overdue on a key deliverable that I’ll have to sort out while at capitol for two major hearings. That are happening at the same time. And family stress because my husband is going to have to pick my daughter up early and get her here for a sitter and he’s understandably irritated with that because I sprung it on him last night and he was solo with my son for the days he was sick plus the weekend (except when he got a babysitter Friday night. also Saturday night. And my friend from work came over for 4 hours to be with him on Sunday. Then dragged my kid out to dinner with my husband’s friends). But even though I’m being snarky I do think he was justifiably annoyed with the surprise transportation twist and leaving later than he planned. I have a sitter because I anticipate being stuck at the capitol which is very bad timing but what are ya gonna do...

I’m going to pop over to gratitude to get myself out of pity mode and then try to do a quick workout to put myself right for the day.

Sunflower79

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

I feel like I just come here to moan these days, and I am so sorry for bringing the negativity. I feel like you guys have so much going on and you manage it all so gracefully and with such a positive attitude, and I'm just over here in the corner grumbling. It's just one of those weeks and it's only Tuesday - more HR issues and work drama, etc. Same old story. I'm going to take NL's advice and go post on gratitude after this to try and shake myself out of it.

I don't know if I told you guys, but after much agonising, I decided to apply for the Masters again this year, starting in September. It's the one I had gotten accepted to last year but decided not to take as I felt I had too much on and it was too early in my sobriety to add any extra stress. There's no guarantees I'll get accepted again this year, but I'm still fretting wondering if it's the right decision. Work is just so full on, no matter what I do, and I am so worried about my time management let alone the huge expense of taking it on. I'm so enjoying having time with my horse to get away from business and stress and I'm worried that won't be possible if I take this on. I'm really confused. I think this is weighing on me more than i thought, and probably the reason I'm not sleeping (sorry, no babies NL! haha).

@PS: It sounds to me like you give 110% in everything you do, always. I think stepping back a little in work is a good thing. You are pulled in so many directions, taking care of so many people around you, if you can manage to carve out a little reprieve, that's survival - absolutely no guilt necessary!

@Sunflower: Couldn't agree more re: grateful for being sober. I hope things are improving for you.

@Scotty: Interesting that we all seem to be having some twinges over the past couple weeks. Important reminder for us all to stay vigilant and read/post when we can. I hope the new school year is settling in well!

@NL: I'm sending you a huge hug! I can totally relate to feeling in the trenches stress wise. I'm sorry to hear about fight with hubby, that's never nice, even less so when you have a tonne of other stuff on your plate that you're trying to manage. Throw in kids to that mix and you deserve sainthood! I hope your workout helps to give you a little headspace.

Hi Dee!

Numblady

Hi Peeps.

NC I feel the same way (I just come on here to complain). That sounds like a tough decision with the Master’s and does seem like you’d have to step back from work to be able to do it. But I guess you can think more about this if you get in. Like I was saying over the trip to see my grandparents, sometimes it’s so hard to know what the right decision is. Last night I lie awake feeling so hurt and disappointed in how things have turned out in my marriage but really genuinely not knowing what I wanted to do. No scenario makes sense to me really. I guess that means I need to sit on it which is also a way of avoiding it but that’s where I am today.

Hope the move went okay PS!! And hi to Dee and all others.

Not much to report here. Two more hearings today. Then just one tomorrow and hopefully none next week. Ugh!!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

Riding lesson tonight which I'm really looking forward to. Had hoped to get to gym at lunch but my grandmother called to ask if I could meet her for lunch as she was at the hospital around the corner from my office, so felt I did the right thing in skipping gym in favour of grand-daughterly duties!

NL: Just wanted to thank you for your post yesterday - your mention of exercise/workout t clear the head and visiting gratitude thread to clear the cobwebs of negative mood inspired me to follow suit and do the same. After posting in gratitude I felt such a weight lift, and hitting the gym after work resulted in a 5k at PB time this year so far. So thank YOU!! I'm really sorry you're feeling this way about your marriage right now. It is a soul destroying place to be in when it feels like no way is up and it's impossible to make the 'right' decision. Sometimes 'sitting on it' is more active and productive than simply avoiding - oftentimes if we give ourselves a break from trying to work so hard on analysing and pressuring to find the answer, and rather just give ourselves to space to breathe, the answer can percolate in its own time. I hope the hearings go well today. Sending hugs your way!

Hi to everyone - PS hope moving went/is going well!!

PalmerSage

Hi all! Sorry for not posting yesterday, we were moving and it was a complete circus, terrible weather, lots of mud, thousands of boxes, too much stuff - always way too much stuff. Luckily, we have a week or so until we have to have everything out of the rental house, so we can drag this thing out forever.

I also had my second interview for that job this morning - it was good in the sense that he complimented me as being the top candidate by far and said he would hire me on the spot, bad in the sense that he can't make my salary requirements for this position. Luckily, there is another position coming up which lines up with my experience, and he strongly encouraged me to apply for that. It's OK, but I was kind of excited for a change and a new opportunity. Ah well, everything happens in its due time I'm sure.

I see that a lot of us are struggling a bit, but one thing that I noticed when I went "all gratitude" is that I missed the thought processing that we do here - maybe a nice way of saying complaining - but I do think it really does help. Or maybe I just like to complain, also a possibility!

Hi to NewChapter, Numblady, Scotty, Sunflower and Dee! I'm off to catch up on everyone's posts.

scottynz

@ PS great to hear the move is happening, I am sure it must be exhausting. It is incredible to reflect on the year you and your family have had and all of this with the background of not drinking.

Sorry to hear this job did not pan out, but perhaps given what is involved in settling into a new home maybe you will get some breathing space before the challenge of starting another job kicks in. Fingers crossed the other role eventuates.

I get what you say about the ‘all gratitude’, that positive focus and lens can be really empowering, but life is not all gratitude and there are some things I am NOT grateful for and some people I would cheerfully strangle.

My no sugar regime is going well, along with healthy eating I have now lost 7kgs (approx 15 pounds) and people are starting to comment that they can see it which makes me feel good. I still have a long way to go, but as we know from our sober recovery there are no short cuts. I definitely think learning to be sober has helped me quit sugar in terms of mental tools to deal with cravings, but boy did I find the withdrawals and the sugar voice more powerful. It will be interesting to see what happens when I do decide to have something sugary, will it taste too sweet or will I go face down in candy?

Numblady

Good morning!

NC, so glad the regimen worked! It doesn’t always but does with enough regularity that i try it frequently. And thanks for the supportive words about the tough decision making and where I am in the marriage.

Palmer, so glad the move is mostly behind you and that you have some time to get stuff out of your rent house. Hopefully you won’t be like me and my husband and Take forever to finish the job off. Speaking of jobs I’m very sorry to hear about the news on this most recent one. I know that has to take the wind out of your sails a bit but you’re wise to stick to your guns on salary requirements. I also totally love what you said about needing to come here to process/complain. I definitely think both are important. To acknowledge our own feelings of frustration, sadness, despondency, etc. And to come here and get validation and support. But then also periodically to put things in a different context and focus on the things that make all our lives so fortunate and beautiful. And to get out and do stuff to get out of our heads!

Scotty, way to go on the sugar and weight loss! I have definitely been going in the opposite direction but I know myself well enough to know if I add one more challenge to my life right now I may break. So I am occasionally abusing ice cream as I mentioned to Palmer in a different convo. Some day maybe i will be able to follow suit!

Today is the final day of hearings for this week. Had to testify a good bit yesterday. It was fine. Hopefully today I’ll just be sitting around and have no purpose and then get to go back to the office.

Have a great day all!

PalmerSage

Hi all! Numblady, I read your posts about your husband and I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. With some sober time and distance from "escaping" through alcohol, I feel like our true life circumstances are gradually revealing themselves, and once we're "woke" (haha) to those realities, it can be hard to take necessary action to improve things without being rash in our decision-making, you know?

Scotty, your comments about cheerfully strangling people and falling facedown in candy were the highlights of my morning. I really admire you for sticking to your guns, and would love to join you now that I'm done with the chocolate nut clusters I had for breakfast...seriously, I've been RIDICULOUS with the sugar lately, and I feel like I look and feel so much worse as a result.

NewChapter, that was so nice of you to visit your grandmother, and I'm sure she appreciated it! I love reading your descriptions of your horseback riding adventures, now that we're back in our neighborhood I may actually stop by the stables one of these days...

I was pretty bummed yesterday about the job outcome, but I think I did the right thing by sticking to my salary requirements, mostly because it would be silly for me to take a risk, do more work, work more hours, and accept less money. The experience did make me appreciate my job more, especially the ability to telework amid all of this moving craziness.

Have a great day, all!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

I stood on the scales this morning and I'm the lowest weight I've been in a year! I've been sticking to a relatively low carb diet this week and I'm so happy to finally see some results. My riding lesson was lovely last night with no drama and my horse completely behaved, which was so nice! I headed to the stables early this morning to take him out before work, just the two of us, for some light exercise. He was an absolute dream and the weather has also picked up a bit, nice and bright and much less cold. It was so enjoyable to just get out in the fresh air ahead of the day. Hubby and I went for a nice lunch together to celebrate Valentine's as I am riding again this evening after work and won't be home until late. Work has been blissfully drama free so far (I hope my saying so doesn't tempt fate!!) and it is just an all round good day. I figure if I stress and moan enough about the challenging days, I damn sure better appreciate the good days!

PS: I'm sorry to hear the job opportunity didn't plan out as expected, but I agree that sticking to your guns re: salary was crucial. On the bright side, it sounds like you totally blew them out of the water, and perhaps the other job in the pipeline may even be a better fit? My Nana always says 'what's meant for you won't pass you' - maybe this is one of those times :-) Also, how lovely that the experience has refreshed your perspective of your current job for now, at least in the meantime, this might provide a little reinvigoration. Well done on getting this far into the move!! Don't even worry about sugar right now - as Numblady said, you have to know yourself and when you have so much on your plate, sometimes it would be foolish to try and take on an added stressor. All in good time. You should TOTALLY go to your local stables!! I would absolutely love, love, love to hear how you get on! Without any exaggeration, going back riding and leasing a horse has been one of the best decisions of my adult life.

Scotty: You are my inspiration when it comes to sugar wrangling - I am so impressed! Do you find the cravings have subsided, or is it still very much an active battle of will? I must say your 'cheerful strangling' and candy face-plant imagery definitely gave me a laugh, thank you!! haha

NL: I'm glad testimony went well yesterday, I hope today is a quiet one and that you get lots of downtime tomorrow!

Doris47

Checking in on day 16 🙌🙌🙌🙌 feeling good people.
🙏💖