Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 8
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
I've been reading up a lot about PAWS lately. Didn't even know it was a thing until I joined this site. It seems the symptoms can last for up to a year. Makes me feel better in a way. Like the mood swings, irritability, anxiety, sugar cravings and headaches are all serving a purpose... normal side effects of my body trying to return to normal. Amazed my body can even remember what normal is!
Well done Steely for the yoga and avoiding the condescending woman and for being assertive. There's a few people I need to tell to get F!d too but I'm still struggling with that. I still keep thinking everything is my fault. I hope that continued sobriety will help me get better at building boundaries and then when someone inevitably crosses them, I'll feel stronger to be able to stand up for myself. Enjoy your dinner.
Well done Steely for the yoga and avoiding the condescending woman and for being assertive. There's a few people I need to tell to get F!d too but I'm still struggling with that. I still keep thinking everything is my fault. I hope that continued sobriety will help me get better at building boundaries and then when someone inevitably crosses them, I'll feel stronger to be able to stand up for myself. Enjoy your dinner.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Good to hear from you Steely!
Well, speaking of things going so well you're afraid they'll fall apart...
I was doing pretty darn good (despite my gross living situation) and then my sister called. I fell victim to the depression and I got towed under. I also drank. Boy am I a lightweight now! I had a big episode.
My youngest sister blocked my number on her phone about two years ago. She had committed some offenses (outing secrets in my small neighborhood after just moving there and being welcomed on my good word, renting a room from a friend of mine and really messing up, etc.) and I was angry with her and reprimanding her for her behavior. She didn't want to hear me demanding she take responsibility and apologize and reform so, BLOOP! Blocked.
Of course I didn't know she had blocked me until after I had tried to contact her hundreds of times over a two or three month period, including the time I was hit by a car on my bicycle and was sitting in an ambulance, and the moment I decided to move across the country and leave our town. I didn't hear from her until the day before I shipped out, when she skipped up to my apartment as if nothing had happened. I was fuming of course. I told her everything that had happened and asked her why she would not respond to me even in an emergency, and she told me that she had blocked my number and that she had no idea about anything that had happened with me during the past few months. I had been suffering greatly and was still recovering from my separation, and I could have used my sister. I told her to get out of my house.
Two years later, after I had periodically sent the odd happy birthday text or the odd check in to which she never responded, I see a missed call from her and received a long text message. The message was not well written and hard to understand, but I deciphered that she was sorry for her indiscretions back in our town two years ago, and she now realizes that I am not a mere bully, but rather I am the only person in our family to give her love and to truly care for her. I struggled with the information but decided to write her a thoughtful response illustrating that I am very happy to hear she is ok, but that I still need to have space from family as I am just beginning to find happiness. I told her I love her and I love hearing that she is doing well.
A couple of messages followed. They didn't seem to be responses to my long response. They seemed to be elaborating on what she had originally said. She never responded to me or referred back to anything I had said. I shared the transaction with a trusted friend. Something dawned on us.
She still has my number blocked.
She was looking for a reconciliation, reaching out to me painstakingly whilst unknowing that she still has my number blocked. From two years ago. On her end, she has reached out to me but sees I am ignoring her. Because she's not getting my responses.
It's a perfect allegory for my relationship to my family. Basically she thinks I am stonewalling her. Poor dumb bird.
Well, speaking of things going so well you're afraid they'll fall apart...
I was doing pretty darn good (despite my gross living situation) and then my sister called. I fell victim to the depression and I got towed under. I also drank. Boy am I a lightweight now! I had a big episode.
My youngest sister blocked my number on her phone about two years ago. She had committed some offenses (outing secrets in my small neighborhood after just moving there and being welcomed on my good word, renting a room from a friend of mine and really messing up, etc.) and I was angry with her and reprimanding her for her behavior. She didn't want to hear me demanding she take responsibility and apologize and reform so, BLOOP! Blocked.
Of course I didn't know she had blocked me until after I had tried to contact her hundreds of times over a two or three month period, including the time I was hit by a car on my bicycle and was sitting in an ambulance, and the moment I decided to move across the country and leave our town. I didn't hear from her until the day before I shipped out, when she skipped up to my apartment as if nothing had happened. I was fuming of course. I told her everything that had happened and asked her why she would not respond to me even in an emergency, and she told me that she had blocked my number and that she had no idea about anything that had happened with me during the past few months. I had been suffering greatly and was still recovering from my separation, and I could have used my sister. I told her to get out of my house.
Two years later, after I had periodically sent the odd happy birthday text or the odd check in to which she never responded, I see a missed call from her and received a long text message. The message was not well written and hard to understand, but I deciphered that she was sorry for her indiscretions back in our town two years ago, and she now realizes that I am not a mere bully, but rather I am the only person in our family to give her love and to truly care for her. I struggled with the information but decided to write her a thoughtful response illustrating that I am very happy to hear she is ok, but that I still need to have space from family as I am just beginning to find happiness. I told her I love her and I love hearing that she is doing well.
A couple of messages followed. They didn't seem to be responses to my long response. They seemed to be elaborating on what she had originally said. She never responded to me or referred back to anything I had said. I shared the transaction with a trusted friend. Something dawned on us.
She still has my number blocked.
She was looking for a reconciliation, reaching out to me painstakingly whilst unknowing that she still has my number blocked. From two years ago. On her end, she has reached out to me but sees I am ignoring her. Because she's not getting my responses.
It's a perfect allegory for my relationship to my family. Basically she thinks I am stonewalling her. Poor dumb bird.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Probably a good idea Plenny, blocking the number. At least for the time being. You need to focus on you and your health. Be selfish.
Great to see you back Steely
sorry to hear about your anxiety. But flipping awesome that you are doing things to curb it, like hippy yoga moves. Not hippy as in 'hi my name is rainbow cherry blossom' but hippy as in the junk box removal move you wrote about lol.
Kenton, you are right... how far you have come in such a short while... not thinking of ending it all but instead feeling raw emotions with clarity and depth. It's certainly hard at times but they do seem to get easier with more sober time under the belt.
Keep on trucking everyone we totally got this xoxo
Great to see you back Steely
sorry to hear about your anxiety. But flipping awesome that you are doing things to curb it, like hippy yoga moves. Not hippy as in 'hi my name is rainbow cherry blossom' but hippy as in the junk box removal move you wrote about lol.Kenton, you are right... how far you have come in such a short while... not thinking of ending it all but instead feeling raw emotions with clarity and depth. It's certainly hard at times but they do seem to get easier with more sober time under the belt.
Keep on trucking everyone
we totally got this xoxo
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Steely, sorry you're in a rough spot. That's what we're here for. The whole site is here if you need to get stuck to it for a bit. But if it feels unhealthy, you do you.
You have made me hungry. I am going to work, and I'm going to order some smoked sausage to eat with a pear and a mango. A big comfort food for me.
I have overdone it on sugar as well.
You have made me hungry. I am going to work, and I'm going to order some smoked sausage to eat with a pear and a mango. A big comfort food for me.
I have overdone it on sugar as well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,664
Put down that mop Plenny. There is a Scandinavian country somewhere that on each International Women's Day or something women stick their straw broom out of the window and shake it. I did it one year here in Australia.
Thank you and welcome Fenton. Was it you who talked about PAWS? Fair dinkum, I do reckon I could have it, but there are so many other stressors in my life that hard to tease the two out, or maybe thay hang together?
The thoughts of drinking do enter my head but they waft away effortlessly, as just another self destructive enterprise. No one own the future but I really do know that one drink changes me completely. It's scary.
I'm finding the bringing together of the past, the losses, the abuses very difficult to hold unafraid and without anxiety. Sort of like alcohol is the angst, and I drink it as a substitute for the real thing. Shite, no wonder it hurts so bad. Re-integration ain't easy.
Housing situation is fraught and and can so relate Lady. Relocation is right up there on the stress creators.. You will love it when you get it all set up.
Plenny, I am the litmus test for poverty in australia, well not really, but I understand the lack of funds. It inhibits so much, we need resources, but there are ways around it and you sound like you are pulling your budget together. Me too, but sometime the bone gets pretty thin.
Looks to be a beautiful day in Sydney and I regret in no way me telling that a/hole to get F'd. Minimal thoughts on maybe I shouldn't have said it, but I should have!
I just put this post on the wrong page and don't know how to cut and paste it. Hope it reaches you somehow.
Thank you and welcome Fenton. Was it you who talked about PAWS? Fair dinkum, I do reckon I could have it, but there are so many other stressors in my life that hard to tease the two out, or maybe thay hang together?
The thoughts of drinking do enter my head but they waft away effortlessly, as just another self destructive enterprise. No one own the future but I really do know that one drink changes me completely. It's scary.
I'm finding the bringing together of the past, the losses, the abuses very difficult to hold unafraid and without anxiety. Sort of like alcohol is the angst, and I drink it as a substitute for the real thing. Shite, no wonder it hurts so bad. Re-integration ain't easy.
Housing situation is fraught and and can so relate Lady. Relocation is right up there on the stress creators.. You will love it when you get it all set up.
Plenny, I am the litmus test for poverty in australia, well not really, but I understand the lack of funds. It inhibits so much, we need resources, but there are ways around it and you sound like you are pulling your budget together. Me too, but sometime the bone gets pretty thin.
Looks to be a beautiful day in Sydney and I regret in no way me telling that a/hole to get F'd. Minimal thoughts on maybe I shouldn't have said it, but I should have!
I just put this post on the wrong page and don't know how to cut and paste it. Hope it reaches you somehow.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Hi everyone!
My BF and me managed to end our fight and I feel much better. He came over on Thursday and almost left again when I told him that his shouting scared me. I said that if he goes again, we'll never work through this and that we can't run away from facing this discussion and working our way through, if we both want this relationship to continue. He stayed and the next day after some thinking he said that he now thinks that my therapist is right and that he can't shout at me, that it's not comparable to crying and that he is too sensitive and feels attacked too easily. I also apologised for being so insecure at the moment and not trusting him like I should. He never gave me the slightest reason to be jealous so I shouldn't let the negative image I have of myself affect my trust in him so much.
I think it's the same as some of you described. If something goes well, I get suspicious and try to find any evidence for my doubts and worries. So this is the first relationship that I'm happy in and I can't believe that he still is interested in me even though he knows about all my issues. We spoke about this today too and came to the conclusion that we both need to learn to have more trust in life in general.
Old me would've kept doubting my BFs love for me and explained to him how tiny aspects of his behaviour fuel my worries and how this and that he said makes it seem like he doesn't love me as much. And I would've done that drunk, with too many tears involved. Really giving him no chance to explain but a real reason to start questioning our relationship. This then, would've been the ultimate proof for me that I was right all along. I don't want to go down this route again. So I decided to simply trust him and life. Thinking about this I came to the conclusion that that might be what all the higher power talk is about. To let go of wanting to have control over everything in life and to simply have faith and trust instead.
After we discussed that, the weekend was just lovely and relaxing. I baked a cake and cinnamon buns, cooked some healthy dinners to make up for all the chocolate, painted eggs while my BF was drawing and on Sunday my mum came over.
Also on Thursday I ran 14k which is the longest for me so far. I absolutely love running. It does wonders too my mood. Unfortunately I won't be able to run for some days cause I have a bad tonsillitis... I need to find alternatives to keep my depression at bay.
The good thing about being ill is, that it reminded me of how annoying it is, when I'm not clear headed. Whenever I have a bad cold I get so much brain fog and basically feel like I'm slightly drunk. Which, without doubt, can be nice sometimes but most of the time it's just annoying when I want to use my brain but I can't. And when I was still drinking everyday, I absolutely HATED it that I HAD to drink (to fight the shakiness and anxiety and to be able to eat) which then made it impossible to study or think clearly. So feeling very similar due to the tonsillitis and fever is a very good reminder. Trying very hard to be optimistic and seeing the positives in everything here. I like to think that this is the reason why I got ill because last week I was in serious doubt about my addiction and I think it was a big step towards relapse.
Happy belated birthday to you Solly!
Poppy, it made me happy when I read that you discovered running for yourself. Do you enjoy it as much as I do? I need to sell stuff on eBay too, but it's so time consuming!
Good to see you here again, Steely! I was hiding under a rock lately too. To me it makes total sense that the yoga helps. From my experience my body and soul are very connected. That's why running helps me so much!
Well done on standing up for yourself! And I have to work on my eating too. Whenever I feel bad I stop taking care of myself and it often results in not eating or eating crap. I hope your anxiety gets better soon. Have you tried Passion flower tea? I rediscovered it lately and maybe it's just a placebo but I find it helps.
That sounds exhausting with your sister, Plenny. Blocking her seems very reasonable to me. I think putting yourself first is the right way to go here and something many of us struggle with.
Hugs to you LSW! Did you have an okay weekend in the end?
Kenton, that's really nice what you said about our bodies still remembering what normal is and how to fix themselves. I always get so frustrated with my body and mind if I don't make constant progress (or at least not in a visible way) so I need to remember your words. And also work on my self esteem and not feeling like everything is my fault or responsibility. That's probably one of my main areas to work on. Oh and the worrying too. Whenever something's going well, I feel like I shouldn't trust it to protect myself in case it gets taken away from me. I can't allow myself to be happy and care free. It's crazy how many similarities most of us have in this class.
Hope you had a lovely vacation with your hubby and friends, badge!
Wishing everyone a great start into the new week!
My BF and me managed to end our fight and I feel much better. He came over on Thursday and almost left again when I told him that his shouting scared me. I said that if he goes again, we'll never work through this and that we can't run away from facing this discussion and working our way through, if we both want this relationship to continue. He stayed and the next day after some thinking he said that he now thinks that my therapist is right and that he can't shout at me, that it's not comparable to crying and that he is too sensitive and feels attacked too easily. I also apologised for being so insecure at the moment and not trusting him like I should. He never gave me the slightest reason to be jealous so I shouldn't let the negative image I have of myself affect my trust in him so much.
I think it's the same as some of you described. If something goes well, I get suspicious and try to find any evidence for my doubts and worries. So this is the first relationship that I'm happy in and I can't believe that he still is interested in me even though he knows about all my issues. We spoke about this today too and came to the conclusion that we both need to learn to have more trust in life in general.
Old me would've kept doubting my BFs love for me and explained to him how tiny aspects of his behaviour fuel my worries and how this and that he said makes it seem like he doesn't love me as much. And I would've done that drunk, with too many tears involved. Really giving him no chance to explain but a real reason to start questioning our relationship. This then, would've been the ultimate proof for me that I was right all along. I don't want to go down this route again. So I decided to simply trust him and life. Thinking about this I came to the conclusion that that might be what all the higher power talk is about. To let go of wanting to have control over everything in life and to simply have faith and trust instead.
After we discussed that, the weekend was just lovely and relaxing. I baked a cake and cinnamon buns, cooked some healthy dinners to make up for all the chocolate, painted eggs while my BF was drawing and on Sunday my mum came over.
Also on Thursday I ran 14k which is the longest for me so far. I absolutely love running. It does wonders too my mood. Unfortunately I won't be able to run for some days cause I have a bad tonsillitis... I need to find alternatives to keep my depression at bay.
The good thing about being ill is, that it reminded me of how annoying it is, when I'm not clear headed. Whenever I have a bad cold I get so much brain fog and basically feel like I'm slightly drunk. Which, without doubt, can be nice sometimes but most of the time it's just annoying when I want to use my brain but I can't. And when I was still drinking everyday, I absolutely HATED it that I HAD to drink (to fight the shakiness and anxiety and to be able to eat) which then made it impossible to study or think clearly. So feeling very similar due to the tonsillitis and fever is a very good reminder. Trying very hard to be optimistic and seeing the positives in everything here. I like to think that this is the reason why I got ill because last week I was in serious doubt about my addiction and I think it was a big step towards relapse.
Happy belated birthday to you Solly!
Poppy, it made me happy when I read that you discovered running for yourself. Do you enjoy it as much as I do? I need to sell stuff on eBay too, but it's so time consuming!
Good to see you here again, Steely! I was hiding under a rock lately too. To me it makes total sense that the yoga helps. From my experience my body and soul are very connected. That's why running helps me so much!
Well done on standing up for yourself! And I have to work on my eating too. Whenever I feel bad I stop taking care of myself and it often results in not eating or eating crap. I hope your anxiety gets better soon. Have you tried Passion flower tea? I rediscovered it lately and maybe it's just a placebo but I find it helps.
That sounds exhausting with your sister, Plenny. Blocking her seems very reasonable to me. I think putting yourself first is the right way to go here and something many of us struggle with.
Hugs to you LSW! Did you have an okay weekend in the end?
Kenton, that's really nice what you said about our bodies still remembering what normal is and how to fix themselves. I always get so frustrated with my body and mind if I don't make constant progress (or at least not in a visible way) so I need to remember your words. And also work on my self esteem and not feeling like everything is my fault or responsibility. That's probably one of my main areas to work on. Oh and the worrying too. Whenever something's going well, I feel like I shouldn't trust it to protect myself in case it gets taken away from me. I can't allow myself to be happy and care free. It's crazy how many similarities most of us have in this class.
Hope you had a lovely vacation with your hubby and friends, badge!
Wishing everyone a great start into the new week!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Originally Posted by Ladyshipwreck 
Happy Easter
I say "happy" but honestly ever since my mom passed away, there is like this cloud of depression for me on every holiday. I dread them. I do find joy through my children but even with that I get sad because she is unable to see them. And most of all I think of my dad. I cannot begin to put into words the gut wrenching sadness I have on every holiday/significant day when I think about my dad and the pain he must have.
I'm totally with you guys on the feeling of impending doom. I get it constantly and can totally relate to being afraid of something like a car running off the road and hitting my kids.
I know a lot of mothers of babies place their hands on the babies back to make sure they're still breathing. I still do that and my "baby" is 8.
I constantly think I get a whiff of something burning and then imagine the house is going to burn down.
Almost every time I drive somewhere more than a couple of miles away, the possibility of getting into a horrible a wreck enters my mind.
In my case I don't think alcohol is not related. I was a chronic worrier as a child as well. I'm sure it played into why I love drinking so much though. I could finally relax without having intrusive thoughts. I thought that quitting drinking would help a lot more than it has actually.
Well I'd say I'm going to stop myself while I'm ahead but I know I've already gotten a little too deep into the darkness. So I'll stop before I reach the Mariana Trench.
I say "happy" but honestly ever since my mom passed away, there is like this cloud of depression for me on every holiday. I dread them. I do find joy through my children but even with that I get sad because she is unable to see them. And most of all I think of my dad. I cannot begin to put into words the gut wrenching sadness I have on every holiday/significant day when I think about my dad and the pain he must have.
I'm totally with you guys on the feeling of impending doom. I get it constantly and can totally relate to being afraid of something like a car running off the road and hitting my kids.
I know a lot of mothers of babies place their hands on the babies back to make sure they're still breathing. I still do that and my "baby" is 8.
I constantly think I get a whiff of something burning and then imagine the house is going to burn down.
Almost every time I drive somewhere more than a couple of miles away, the possibility of getting into a horrible a wreck enters my mind.
In my case I don't think alcohol is not related. I was a chronic worrier as a child as well. I'm sure it played into why I love drinking so much though. I could finally relax without having intrusive thoughts. I thought that quitting drinking would help a lot more than it has actually.
Well I'd say I'm going to stop myself while I'm ahead but I know I've already gotten a little too deep into the darkness. So I'll stop before I reach the Mariana Trench.
Also, for the record, the Mariana Trench is a deep, dark, almost nearly fathomless place where all kinds of new life springs up on a daily basis, despite the most unimaginably harsh conditions. Perhaps sometimes it's ok to delve. New growth is the name of the game down there
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
You guys are amazing. Incredible to wake up and read all your posts. All that insight, shared experiences, clarity and honesty. I don't think you can put a price on any of that. Thank you.
Plenny, I totally get your feelings of frustration regarding your sister and I agree with everyone else who said blocking her number is a good decision, at least for now. You need to protect yourself from triggers. My birth family is a huge trigger for me. Probably the biggest trigger actually. In my family we were all given a label from birth and it didn't seem to matter what any of us went through..... bereavement, divorce, mental health issues, surgeries etc, those labels stuck. My label was "difficult" and I sure lived up to that one on many occasions. What I've started learning is that when one of my sisters, brothers or my mum is feeling bad about themselves, that's when I'll get a phone call. The phone call will start out ok but pretty soon, I'll start feeling attacked. When I was drinking, this would trigger my drinking and once I was drunk I would get so wound up about what was said during the phone call there was nothing on earth that could stop me from phoning/texting whichever family member it was to express my anger in the most emotionally charged way imaginable. After this there would follow weeks of other phone calls from other family members telling me how "difficult" I was; how much I'd upset my mum/sister/brother/whoever. They'd also let me know that they'd met up to discuss me and I would feel left out, filled with remorse and self loathing and turn to the only thing I felt understood and gave me any support - alcohol.
Now that I've been sober for a while, each time I've felt attacked, I've been able to recognise that maybe not every issue in the world concerns me and continue the conversation without reacting. I think one of my brothers and a sister is coming round to the new "me" and I've started rebuilding my relationships with them. I don't think my mum and another sister are so keen on the person I'm becoming and I don't hear from them anymore but I'm ok with that. In my idea of a perfect world, one where I've been sober for years and there's rainbows and kittens everywhere, I'd like to think that I could have a great relationship with my birth family but if this doesn't happen, I'm not going to let it throw me off course. I know that my sobriety isn't a cure for everything and to be honest, a world with rainbows and kittens everywhere would irritate the hell out of me anyway. Living life on life's terms; that's what I aspire to.
Kev, so glad things are better with your bf and hope your tonsillitis gets better soon. Great that you are seeing positives in everything. Inspirational. Wanted to reply to everyone's posts but as usual I've let my brain go to places it hasn't been to for years, maybe ever and got carried away. Have to go to work now. Hope everyone has a great day and thanks again for everything. It really does make a difference knowing that there are people like you lot in the world.
Plenny, I totally get your feelings of frustration regarding your sister and I agree with everyone else who said blocking her number is a good decision, at least for now. You need to protect yourself from triggers. My birth family is a huge trigger for me. Probably the biggest trigger actually. In my family we were all given a label from birth and it didn't seem to matter what any of us went through..... bereavement, divorce, mental health issues, surgeries etc, those labels stuck. My label was "difficult" and I sure lived up to that one on many occasions. What I've started learning is that when one of my sisters, brothers or my mum is feeling bad about themselves, that's when I'll get a phone call. The phone call will start out ok but pretty soon, I'll start feeling attacked. When I was drinking, this would trigger my drinking and once I was drunk I would get so wound up about what was said during the phone call there was nothing on earth that could stop me from phoning/texting whichever family member it was to express my anger in the most emotionally charged way imaginable. After this there would follow weeks of other phone calls from other family members telling me how "difficult" I was; how much I'd upset my mum/sister/brother/whoever. They'd also let me know that they'd met up to discuss me and I would feel left out, filled with remorse and self loathing and turn to the only thing I felt understood and gave me any support - alcohol.
Now that I've been sober for a while, each time I've felt attacked, I've been able to recognise that maybe not every issue in the world concerns me and continue the conversation without reacting. I think one of my brothers and a sister is coming round to the new "me" and I've started rebuilding my relationships with them. I don't think my mum and another sister are so keen on the person I'm becoming and I don't hear from them anymore but I'm ok with that. In my idea of a perfect world, one where I've been sober for years and there's rainbows and kittens everywhere, I'd like to think that I could have a great relationship with my birth family but if this doesn't happen, I'm not going to let it throw me off course. I know that my sobriety isn't a cure for everything and to be honest, a world with rainbows and kittens everywhere would irritate the hell out of me anyway. Living life on life's terms; that's what I aspire to.
Kev, so glad things are better with your bf and hope your tonsillitis gets better soon. Great that you are seeing positives in everything. Inspirational. Wanted to reply to everyone's posts but as usual I've let my brain go to places it hasn't been to for years, maybe ever and got carried away. Have to go to work now. Hope everyone has a great day and thanks again for everything. It really does make a difference knowing that there are people like you lot in the world.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 354
Hi everyone. Sorry I have not been around. Been in depressed mode but have not drank. Was just on loner time. Should not do that but just feel like that sometimes. I need to read up on everybody but I hope you are all well and things are good. Thinking of you all. Xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Kimmy I totally understand how you feel and I think some of us went through (or are still going through) depressed mode. You're not alone in this 
Thank you Kenton families can be such a difficult topic and I envy those who have a really good and trouble free relationship to theirs. I just hope I won't mess it up with my own kids if I should ever have any. Knowing that I'm an alcoholic sometimes makes me think I probably shouldn't have children cause there's always the danger of relapsing. So I wonder if I could ever be a good mum. Don't know if that's pessimistic / too much worrying again or just rational.
Thank you Kenton
families can be such a difficult topic and I envy those who have a really good and trouble free relationship to theirs. I just hope I won't mess it up with my own kids if I should ever have any. Knowing that I'm an alcoholic sometimes makes me think I probably shouldn't have children cause there's always the danger of relapsing. So I wonder if I could ever be a good mum. Don't know if that's pessimistic / too much worrying again or just rational.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,102
Good Morning all, and hello to all the ones I have not connected with yet.
November2017, my sober twin, how are you doing?
Rainy, hope you are doing well in your new home, new life, new adventure!
Steely - you always have the best posts, love ya.
Plenny, LSW and Poppy, lots going on with all of you, positive thoughts and prayers going out to where they are needed!
Life in the Badgerden is cruising along. I am starting the Basefit exercise/health coarse Friday, both terrified and looking forward to it at the same time.
Take care all!
Badge
November2017, my sober twin, how are you doing?
Rainy, hope you are doing well in your new home, new life, new adventure!
Steely - you always have the best posts, love ya.
Plenny, LSW and Poppy, lots going on with all of you, positive thoughts and prayers going out to where they are needed!
Life in the Badgerden is cruising along. I am starting the Basefit exercise/health coarse Friday, both terrified and looking forward to it at the same time.
Take care all!
Badge
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Thanks everyone for your astute responses. I have blocked my sister's number and am really looking forward to moving on fro this latest episode.
My family is like a tangle of lampreys, pulling me down as they devour me. So it's probably best to stay away.
My family is like a tangle of lampreys, pulling me down as they devour me. So it's probably best to stay away.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Portsmouth UK
Posts: 97
Originally Posted by Plenny
Thanks everyone for your astute responses. I have blocked my sister's number and am really looking forward to moving on fro this latest episode.
My family is like a tangle of lampreys, pulling me down as they devour me. So it's probably best to stay away.
My family is like a tangle of lampreys, pulling me down as they devour me. So it's probably best to stay away.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Greetings from the land of Oz
Kevlar, I wouldn't go so far as to say I am running hahaha, more like intermittent jogging between walking. I do like it, but I worry I am doing damage to my knees... I read somewhere years ago that jogging is bad for the knees. No idea why that little nugget of information has stayed in my brain all this time. But I do feel proud that I am advancing in my fitness by being able to jog for bits and bobs at a time lol.
Yes, eBay is very time consuming. I put up 46 items of clothes, bags, wallets and it took me bloody ages. Taking pics, writing about the condition blah blah blah. But...... I did sell 15 items to 1 lady in far North Queensland who lost everything from Cyclone Debbie. Made me feel good. I gave her a massive discount on my asking price. she likes my taste in clothes and bags, which also made me feel good. Probably a bit shallow on my part but it's nice to receive compliments.
I'm so glad this thread is alive and kicking, I always get a little excited when I see a new post waiting for me to read.
Sollythegolly, your name cracks me up every single time I see you have posted. Thanks for having that name, it's awesome lol.
Families are tough! I've had my fair share of family issues in the past, I don't speak to a few of them anymore and I am okay with that. Got my mum, hubby, dogs and friends so I feel lucky
Have a wonderful day lovely nobenders.
And like Kenton said, thank you for being you and being here to share your journeys.
xoxoxo
Kevlar, I wouldn't go so far as to say I am running hahaha, more like intermittent jogging between walking. I do like it, but I worry I am doing damage to my knees... I read somewhere years ago that jogging is bad for the knees. No idea why that little nugget of information has stayed in my brain all this time. But I do feel proud that I am advancing in my fitness by being able to jog for bits and bobs at a time lol.
Yes, eBay is very time consuming. I put up 46 items of clothes, bags, wallets and it took me bloody ages. Taking pics, writing about the condition blah blah blah. But...... I did sell 15 items to 1 lady in far North Queensland who lost everything from Cyclone Debbie. Made me feel good. I gave her a massive discount on my asking price.
she likes my taste in clothes and bags, which also made me feel good. Probably a bit shallow on my part but it's nice to receive compliments.I'm so glad this thread is alive and kicking, I always get a little excited when I see a new post waiting for me to read.
Sollythegolly, your name cracks me up every single time I see you have posted. Thanks for having that name, it's awesome lol.
Families are tough! I've had my fair share of family issues in the past, I don't speak to a few of them anymore and I am okay with that. Got my mum, hubby, dogs and friends so I feel lucky
Have a wonderful day lovely nobenders.
And like Kenton said, thank you for being you and being here to share your journeys.
xoxoxo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,102
Good Morning my Nobenders! I haven't said recently how proud and happy I am to be a part of this group. I do not post a lot anymore, but check in often and post when I have something irrelevant or off topic to say, anyway, hoping all of you have a wonderful day planned and all good things your way!
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Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Just had a rather intense "craving", or something. It wasn't even so much a craving for drinking, as it was a memory of the "romantic" side of drinking.
I'm taking a stay-cation this week from work. I was driving home from the mall, it's a nice day out, around 3pm, and I'm a little bored, thinking what to do next, and my mind went "the old me would just head to the tavern or ale house", and Bam! I've thought about those places many times in the past, and nothing, but today was rather intense. Probably due to being on vacation, nice day, hungry, those "romance" memories of booze.
I went to the store, grabbed a diet coke, a tub of ice cream, and then on the drive home, played that tape forward to tomorrow, and how awful I would feel. Doing better now, that I've arrived home, and had some sugar, and posted here.
Anyway...I just needed to talk that out. Thanks, friends.
I'm taking a stay-cation this week from work. I was driving home from the mall, it's a nice day out, around 3pm, and I'm a little bored, thinking what to do next, and my mind went "the old me would just head to the tavern or ale house", and Bam! I've thought about those places many times in the past, and nothing, but today was rather intense. Probably due to being on vacation, nice day, hungry, those "romance" memories of booze.
I went to the store, grabbed a diet coke, a tub of ice cream, and then on the drive home, played that tape forward to tomorrow, and how awful I would feel. Doing better now, that I've arrived home, and had some sugar, and posted here.
Anyway...I just needed to talk that out. Thanks, friends.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
I feel with you tnek! I also experienced intense cravings today. My boyfriend spoke on this hipstery panel about his job and I came with him for moral support as he hates to speak in front of an audience.
What I didn't know when I agreed on going was, that there'd be a bar with free drinks.
Normally I am okay with situations like that, I would say. I've been to bars and boozy dinners on several occasions since getting sober but this time it was much harder because I wasn't prepared for it at all! What a difference that made!
I went there super hungry (plan was to grab dinner on the way home) and also feeling slightly weird from all the cold medicine I took. So I came in and my BF who went there early said 'they have a free bar tonight, might as well have some wine, eh?' (He was being sarcastic of course).
On my way there my AV was already shouting at me on two occasions (first when I passed a bar which advertised their gin&tonics as today's special for only 3€, which was exactly the amount of change I had in my pocket; and second when I was right outside the venue and played with the thought of texting my BF I'd be late and go have a drink in the wine bar right next to it).
So hearing about the possibility of free wine wasn't helping. Then this guy sat next to me who sipped for endless times on his white wine and he sat so close that he held it more or less right in front of my face. I was exposed to the smell the whole time and couldn't stop staring at his glass. It was pure torture. I was tired, hungry, not clear headed cause of the cold (and meds) so my AV went wild.
I got extremely annoyed by this guys slow sipping because, WHY?! Why would you drink it so slowly? That's insane to me! If I had gotten my hands on it, I would've finished it in less than a minute! And also I just really wanted him to finish it so it'd be out of sight and I wouldn't have to smell it anymore.
To be fully honest with you guys the only reasons I didn't drink were that my BF was with me and i didn't want him to see it and confront me about it (but for a moment thought even that wouldn't stop me) and mostly cause it's exactly 1/2 a year for me today (posting this after midnight) and I didn't want to cave in just a few hours before my 6 months milestone.
But yea, OBVIOUSLY, lots of work left to do. And on my way home i decided I'd attend AA again and do it properly this time with a sponsor and doing the steps.
I'd be so disappointed in me if I'd relapse and didn't try everything before. And I definitely am starting to forget already about the downsides of my drinking in the past and what kind of hell I went through in early recovery.
What I didn't know when I agreed on going was, that there'd be a bar with free drinks.
Normally I am okay with situations like that, I would say. I've been to bars and boozy dinners on several occasions since getting sober but this time it was much harder because I wasn't prepared for it at all! What a difference that made!
I went there super hungry (plan was to grab dinner on the way home) and also feeling slightly weird from all the cold medicine I took. So I came in and my BF who went there early said 'they have a free bar tonight, might as well have some wine, eh?' (He was being sarcastic of course).
On my way there my AV was already shouting at me on two occasions (first when I passed a bar which advertised their gin&tonics as today's special for only 3€, which was exactly the amount of change I had in my pocket; and second when I was right outside the venue and played with the thought of texting my BF I'd be late and go have a drink in the wine bar right next to it).
So hearing about the possibility of free wine wasn't helping. Then this guy sat next to me who sipped for endless times on his white wine and he sat so close that he held it more or less right in front of my face. I was exposed to the smell the whole time and couldn't stop staring at his glass. It was pure torture. I was tired, hungry, not clear headed cause of the cold (and meds) so my AV went wild.
I got extremely annoyed by this guys slow sipping because, WHY?! Why would you drink it so slowly? That's insane to me! If I had gotten my hands on it, I would've finished it in less than a minute! And also I just really wanted him to finish it so it'd be out of sight and I wouldn't have to smell it anymore.
To be fully honest with you guys the only reasons I didn't drink were that my BF was with me and i didn't want him to see it and confront me about it (but for a moment thought even that wouldn't stop me) and mostly cause it's exactly 1/2 a year for me today (posting this after midnight) and I didn't want to cave in just a few hours before my 6 months milestone.
But yea, OBVIOUSLY, lots of work left to do. And on my way home i decided I'd attend AA again and do it properly this time with a sponsor and doing the steps.
I'd be so disappointed in me if I'd relapse and didn't try everything before. And I definitely am starting to forget already about the downsides of my drinking in the past and what kind of hell I went through in early recovery.
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