kevlarsjal

Reading all your peoples posts gave me serious confusion about time zones and the size of our planet! Saturday and Tuesday happening somewhere out there, here it's Monday evening

I had an okay day, I slept 10 hours and had a long nap in the afternoon and my cold is nearly gone. Amazing how sleep helps our bodies to heal themselves.
In the evening I went to a big AA meeting with 50 people attending which isn't my cup of tea at all, but I was pleased I went because I think I need to do what I can to prevent a relapse.
My boyfriend was in a really bad mood today but it got better once we talked about it and I like it that he also is willing to work on his problems.

Hugs and love to you poppy! war is the worst thing humans can do and it never made any sense to me. Thinking of you.

Kenton I followed your advice there and focused on getting well again today and I feel much better. Having to step in for myself and giving myself the love and attention I expect from others is something I have to work on.
I liked your post about the night out with your friends. It's never the normal drinkers that I envy either. I only envy other alcoholics that seem to get away with their drinking but then again I don't cause we all know where it leads to sooner or later.

Poppy79

Oops I got my days wrong. It was Tuesday here yesterday, not Saturday haha. Brain fog was pretty evident yesterday for mwah.

kevlarsjal

Last night I kept me and my boyfriend awake until 4 am cause I had an asthma attack. Didn't have them for 3 years... I didn't have any emergency medication with me and when I came home today I noticed that the ones I had expired 2 years ago. So I really have to go to my doctor to get a new prescription. And I have to make an appointment at another doc for my ankle which is just getting worse even after not running for 2 weeks.

Talked to a woman from AA on the phone today, she was quite pushy and didn't approve of the type of meeting I went to last Thursday which I really felt comfortable at. I try to ignore her opinion and just stick to whatever feels right to me.

I cooked a nice dinner, gnocchi with a creamy tomato sauce and salad and had two donuts for dessert. Oops.

And I bought a small bottle of alcohol free wine that I want to use for cooking. I know people on here have very different opinions on cooking with alcohol and on alcohol free beer or wine. But I miss being able to cook with white wine and since i won't be drinking it but putting in my food, plus it's already alcohol free from begin with, I decided for myself that it's okay.

Hope you're all doing great my fellow nobenders! Xx

kenton

It's Wednesday morning here in London! Can't believe it's mid week already. Time seems to be passing by exceptionally quickly at the moment. Must be this full and active sober life I'm living!

Kev, I'm lucky enough not to suffer from asthma and always think an attack must be one of the scariest things ever. I really hope it was a one off and also that you get your ankle sorted out soon.

Last week Dee mentioned on here about the passive and not so passive aggression of drinking buddies in early sobriety. So glad that was mentioned because I've had the passive and yesterday I got the aggressive!!

These drinking buddies have been friends of mine for many years and whilst I'm not saying they're alcoholic like me (I don't know whether they drink alone like I used to) but on nights out their drinking certainly gave mine a run for it's money.

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, over the last few months I've slowly been frozen out of the group. They've met up without me and let me know that they're meeting up without me. Thanks to this site, I've managed to remain composed throughout all of this and kept my family and my sobriety as my priorities. I've also started building up some new friendships with other people.

Yesterday at work I got a phone call out of the blue from one of my old drinking buddies. She told me that she was doing this for my own good and then proceeded to assassinate my character. Apparently I've changed. And not in a good way. Apparently I was good fun before but now I'm boring. Apparently I need to stop being selfish and start thinking about them. Apparently they all think like this and she was talking on behalf of them all. It was sort of like an intervention in reverse; the point of the conversation was to get me drinking again.

I sat at my desk and listened and all I kept thinking was, "I don't know how to react". It struck me that maybe all my years of drinking has stunted my emotional development and now I need to learn how to respond appropriately. When I was drinking and felt attacked I dealt with it in one of 2 ways; I either lost my temper and started shouting or I apologised immediately for everything and let everyone walk all over me. There was no middle ground in my response. Yesterday I tried to find that middle ground. I thanked the "friend" for taking the time to call, told her I'd listened to what she had to say, didn't agree with most of it and now needed to get back on with my work. I then hung up.

Been thinking about the phone call a lot ever since and trying to be as rational about it as possible. I know that when I was drinking I was no doubt offensive and a pain in the butt more times than I can remember and I know that was 100% my fault. But since I've been sober I honestly can't see what I've done to provoke such an aggressive attack. I'm quite a thoughtful person, I've remembered everyone's birthdays, driven them all on nights out and never once commented negatively on anyone's drinking. The only way I've changed is that I've stopped drinking.

Anyway, this story has a happy ending because when I went to bed last night it suddenly struck me.. I never once contemplated drinking. Even after being attacked and being forced to confront my own behaviour, somehow I'd been able to manage my emotions without turning to alcohol. Maybe it's never too late to start to emotionally mature.

And today I feel fine. I didn't fly off the handle yesterday, I didn't say anything I regret. I now know for certain where I stand with these old friends. They want me to start drinking again and I'm not going to start drinking again so the friendship has run its course. I got no hard feelings, I wish them well. I'm excited about my new life. Hope all you guys are doing great xxx

Dee74

had a few of those calls too Kenton.

My drinking life was so boring I had to obliterate myself to tolerate it.

I'll take my current life thanks - never been happier more productive or more at peace

D

kenton

You're so wise Dee!! Yes, my drinking life was incredibly boring. I see that now. Why head for oblivion if you're having fun where you are? I wasn't having fun, I also see that now. I was useful to have around because every morning my friends could wake up feeling rough and think, "well at least I wasn't as drunk as Kenton". Not blaming them, no one forced me to drink. And no one can force me to start again. I feel like I'm finally in my own corner; finally stopped sabotaging everything for myself. And this is after only 6 months! Who would believe that stopping doing something would give so much? Xx

tnek97

Wow, kenton. My friends may be a bit miffed that I've been spending more time doing things that are centered around bettering myself, but I don't think they'd ever call me up and confront me for it.

Nice job on how you handled it. I've noticed that when I do tell people I've quit drinking, they handle it one of two ways: either it means nothing to them, because they're not drinkers (or big drinkers) themselves, or they overreact as if I've told them they need to stop drinking as well.

It's as if our own sobriety holds up a mirror to our friends. I've certainly had similar reactions in the past myself. I would say things like "I don't trust someone that doesn't drink", or "how dull", etc. You know the drill. Anything to make our own obsession seem less dark, and more fun.

We are moving forward, and taking the steps to live a better life.

rainypnw

Hi, all! I just caught up on all of the posts from the past week or so. Good to see that you are all doing well and handling your daily struggles as they come.

I stepped away from my sober supports during and after the big move to the new house. It's been a rough two weeks, but I'm back on the sober side as of 3 days ago. I'm going to continue to check in here because I love this group. But, I think it's also time for me to join the April group. Thanks for all of your support over the past few months. Nobenders rock!

kevlarsjal

Oh dear! That sounds like a total kindergarten with your friends Kenton! I'm sorry to hear they treat you that way but I'm impressed with how well and thoughtful you handle the situation. I don't know how I would've reacted.

When I got sober I was surprised to find out that most of my friends don't drink anymore or have the rare glass of wine with dinner every other month. It's only my dad who is a bit disappointed when I say I won't drink that night. I haven't told him why I don't drink, but I'm sure he'd be understanding if I told him and he's still nice and accepts it now even without knowing.

I had another asthma attack last night but was lucky enough to squeeze in a doctors appointment this morning so I got new meds prescribed.

Now after picking them up from the pharmacy I see that the sprays contain ethanol! I totally forgot to ask about that

Not sure how to handle this. I had an inflammation in my mouth where I had to apply about 1 drop of a liquid that contained alcohol and I thought it was weird but still okay. I didn't swallow it and it was only 1 drop and clearly for medical reasons.
Maybe I should treat this the same way? I don't know but the thought of breathing in alcohol seems wrong to me. I did some research and apparently the alcohol content per pump is so low, it's below 0.01 g
I met a woman at AA who also suffers from asthma, maybe she has some advice. I messaged her and she will phone me after work.


This afternoon I talked to my mum on the phone and told her about my brothers wedding. She, like I assumed, did not get invited and was very hurt by that fact. Her and my brother quit contact 25 years ago, for reasons unknown.
Like always she tried to make me talk to my brother about it, making him rethink his decision.
This time I stood up for myself though and told her, in a nice, understanding and helping manner, that I will no longer try to fix their relationship, that it's their business and that it's just too much of a burden for me.
I feel good about setting up boundaries without feeling like I disappointed her or was unfriendly. That's a huge development for me and makes me happy.

kevlarsjal

Good to see you back here, rainy! And congrats on 3 days, you're on the right way again and that's what counts

kenton

Congratulations on being back and three days Rainy x

And well done Kev for setting boundaries. That sounds like the kind of situation you don't want to be in the middle of. What's that saying? Don't shoot the messenger? They wouldn't make up a saying about it unless messengers were always getting shot (figuratively speaking) so I reckon you've made a wise choice.

And Tnek, your post reminded me that I always used to say I never trusted non drinkers. I used to say there was obviously something wrong with people who couldn't allow themselves to lose control. Yeah, because losing control did me so many favours!! Good to be reminded of how I used to think..... will hopefully make me super vigilant if and when these thoughts ever return. Thank you xx

kevlarsjal

Thanks Kenton! It felt so liberating and her reaction was positive too. She even apologised for not being very thoughtful about this before and completely accepted my point. One step closer to being a proper grown up and taking care of myself, yay!

Thinking back I also was quite judging about non drinkers before. But in the past years I tried to act like one on the outside too, almost all my drinking happened at home, well hidden from others.

My boyfriend said something concerning when he came back from dinner and drinks with this old school mates. He was down and felt like they liked him less cause he's less of a funny, silly guy when he doesn't drink. And while they warmed up and were more funny, silly, relaxed after each drink, he just became more stressed and tired with every non alcoholic drink.
He said thoughts like 'what's the point in being sober anyway?' 'What's good about being sober if no one likes the sober me?' and 'my friend ...... drinks just as much as I used to drink and even admits to having a drinking problem, still he keeps on drinking, why can't I do the same then?'

I know that's probably questions popping into alcoholics' heads sometimes but because he's sober for soon 5 years and always is such a big help and inspiration for my own recovery it frightened me a bit to hear him saying that. It wasn't even that something major happened, he just met up with old friends and it made him question his sobriety.

Then the darker, bad part in me thought, that maybe, if he relapsed that would make the perfect excuse for me to drink again too. I know these are very dangerous thoughts. I still feel like the ice is extremely thin for me at the moment. But I do what I can to keep me focused. Like posting here way too much

Dee74

I'm recently doing some projects with an old muso friend who've known since I was 12 and who I last saw when I was drinking..

it is different - he's different too - but ten years does that

but it's not different bad, just different.

The fun, the good time and the shared memories are all still there.

It took a while to me to learn how to 'let go', have fun, be me and not be scared of that, or worried the urge to drink might return?

it will happen tho

D

kenton

Kev, I think it's great that you're so aware and honest about your 'dark' thoughts. Thinking them through and posting about them is WAY WAY better than ignoring them and then possibly drowning them out with alcohol. I think you are dealing with stuff amazingly well.

It's my dad's birthday today. His first birthday since he died. Didn't think it would affect me all that much. It's just a day after all. And there's so many people in the world suffering real, terrifying hardships, why should I be upset that my dad was born on this day? Why does it even matter, now he's dead? But damn these emotions because I do feel upset. It feels so weird not getting him a birthday present. I thought about getting a can of his favourite beer earlier to pour onto his grave. But I'm not spending a penny of my money on the poison that put him into that grave. It turned my stomach even thinking about putting the can of beer in my shopping trolley. So instead I got a nice plant to put on his grave together with a birthday card. His birthday does matter. I think it will always matter to me. Sorry to sound downbeat. Great news is I don't feel like drinking. Hope all you guys are doing ok xxx

SollytheGolly

Greetings Fellow Travellers, Nobenders and Classmates. First, an apology for not checking in last week. Goodness knows where the time went. I tried to think about what I'd achieved over the last couple of weeks, but drew a blank. I suppose it's a bit like the song lyrics- "I'm busy doing nothing, working the whole day through......". Altogether now.......... louder, I can't hear you.

Anyway, here I am at 23 weeks (161 days) and still going strong. Holidays next week, so los of pub lunches and long walks. Maybe a bit of temptation there. Nothing quite like a long cold beer after a good walk. Well, it will have to be lime and soda wither ice and a slice now.

Hope this post finds you all fighting fit. Remember to keep keeping the faith.

Dee74

hi Solly - glad you're doing well
Kenton I think the plant is a much better idea all round

D

kenton

Had the most vivid dream last night that I was drinking. And this morning I've got a phantom hangover to go with all the phantom drinking! Thank god the relief that it was only a dream is real. Happy Friday everyone

Dee74

Hope you and everyone else has a good weekend. Kenton
You too Steely if you're reading?

D

kenton

Thanks Dee, you too. And thanks for all your posts. In my head you are the ultimate guru of wisdom. In my dad to day life whenever I have to make a decision or face a tricky issue (not necessarily AV or alcohol related) I think, 'what would Dee74 say?!' Have a great weekend everyone xx

Dee74

Thanks for the kind words Kenton, I hope to live up to them

D