kenton

I've definitely had a few of those "BAM I want a drink" moments too lately Tnek. Well done for not giving in to the craving. I think you're right.... being on vacation and a sunny day definitely camouflages the realities of drink and romanticises it. Thinking about those intense "bam" moments again, I wonder whether they seem so intense now because they're slowly becoming fewer and further apart? When I first stopped drinking, I had intense cravings pretty much all the time so they didn't really feel intense, they felt normal. Maybe now, proper normality has started to creep back in and so the cravings ,when they come seem to have an extra intensity to them? I don't know. But you know what? I've just thought of that explanation and I quite like it. Next time I get a "bam, I want a drink" moment, I'm going to think, "wow! That's intense. You must be becoming really normal".

Huge congratulations on 6 months Kev, that is amazing. Do you reckon the universe set you a little test last night? Sat you next to the slowest wine drinker in the world so you could smell the wine and see how you'd react? Well you aced it. Well done. And I thought I was the only person in the world who is genuinely mystified about how long it takes normal drinkers to finish their drinks. I used to find it really annoying when I was drinking because it meant I'd have to sneak off to the bar and have extra secret drinks. But now I just find it fascinating how people can drink so slow. It's nice it doesn't have to irritate me anymore, even though I don't think I'll ever understand it.

Haven't felt comfortable addressing you all as nobenders because that was the name you came up with long before I joined your group and I still feel a little like an intruder. But I think it's a great name and I'm learning that a big part of life is feeling the fear but doing it anyway so I wish all you fellow nobenders a great day. I love being a nobender.

badgerden

And we love having you Kenton! good morning and positive day all. Getting my hands dirty in the flower beds are in the plans, and eating popcorn.

Please have a positive and joyful day Nobenders, we are all so worth it.

Badge

Poppy79

Don't feel like an intruder Kenton it took me a month or two to make my post first in this group. A very welcoming and lovely bunch of peeps are the nobenders.
I'm awake stupid early yet again, 3.30am here in Australia. Probably didn't help that I toddled off to bed at 7.30pm last night lol.
I've had some intense thoughts about drinking lately and I think you are right Kenton, I can go a week without thinking or craving a drink then BAM, I get frustrated that drinking is off the table for me. Can I just have a few? One blitz session won't hurt will it? YEAH RIGHT!
Thankfully, these cravings/thoughts don't last too long as I know inherently I would be back at square dot and I do not want to go back to my old, sickly life. No sirree!
Congrats on everyone's milestones thus far. I will be hitting the 6 month mark in the next couple of weeks. Yay!!!

kevlarsjal

I still can't believe I made it to 6 months sober!

It's like when I ran a 10k for the first time, a few weeks ago, out of the blue. It took me some days to realise that I really, actually made it!

Today I thought a lot about how my life changed in the past half year and how it cold be now if I kept on drinking. And even though it's still pretty tough I am so glad I chose sobriety over drinking.

Today I feel grateful for having made that decision, for having started therapy, for having my boyfriend's support and for having found this forum and you guys.

Also, I went to AA again today. This time I went to a meeting in my native language (only went to the English speaking ones before) and to my surprise I felt extremely welcome and comfortable.



Thank you Kenton! yes maybe that was a test last night, it sure felt like one. It's a nice idea to see it that way. Please don't feel like an intruder, you're one of us! And I totally agree on what you said about the cravings. I think they don't actually get stronger but rarer and sometimes come as a real surprise so I'm less prepared. But that's because by now it feels so normal and right to be sober. How amazing!

Hi Poppy, Badge and all the others!

tnek97

Congrats on six months! Life is better this way. Not perfect, not magic, just better.

kenton

Congratulations on 6 months Kev!! AMAZING. You did it and should feel very very proud xx

Feel like my resolve to stay sober is REALLY being tested at the moment. People from my drinking past keep creeping out of the shadows and this is weekend some of my "friends" are meeting up without me. They're being very mean about it actually, keep referring to their plans in front of me. I think they're enjoying leaving me out. It's a bit like being back at high school. Pathetic really.

Anyway, the old me would have definitely lost my temper by now. I'd have confronted everyone, acted like a self-pitying victim and said loads of stuff I would live to regret. The new me recognises that they obviously aren't such good friends anyway and it doesn't matter that I've been left out. All they'll do when they meet up on saturday is drink and talk nonsense and feel like rubbish the next day. I, on the other hand will spend priceless, quality, sober time with my family.

A few months sobriety and suddenly I'm beginning to see things more clearly. I see now that even if the whole entire world meets up on Saturday without me, IT DOESN'T MATTER!! It's only one day. The world will continue to turn and what's important is that I wake up on Sunday hangover-free. Simple. I think my drinking made life much harder for myself than it needed to be.

Still early days but I'm beginning to receive the gift of clarity. If this is at 6 months, how clear will my mind be at a year?? Can't wait to find out.

Strength, respect and thanks to you all xxxx

Dee74

I wasn't ignoring anyone but I was away from net access for a day or so - good to be back

Congrats again Kev - a great achievement

Hiya badgerden, poppy tnek and anyone lurking - I hope noone feels unwelcome here...a good thread is an active one

Kenton I had a lot of passive (and not so passive ) aggression from my former drinking buds. I'm sure lie me you had no plan to change them or shine a light on them but thats what they fear.

I could understand that, but it all got so ridiculous I cut a lot of ties and I don;t regret doing that, even now.

Life is too short to surround yourself with people who do not have your best interests at heart.

D

kenton

Good advice Dee. I have been a little taken aback by the nastiness from some of these "friends" and did wonder whether it was somehow linked to me not drinking. They weren't like it before I got sober. I've certainly got my fair share of faults but I honestly know that I'm not a judgemental person. And when it comes to drinking, I could never judge anyone anyway! But maybe they think I'm going to start lecturing them about their drinking or something. Maybe my sobriety makes them feel uncomfortable and they'd rather not be around it. I don't know for sure because none of them seem keen to talk to me at the moment but what feels really really good is that I recognise it is their issue, not mine. This is massive for me. I've always had this guilt and self loathing hanging round my neck that makes me feel everything is somehow connected to me and everything is my fault. I know I'm not perfect but I also know I'm not a bad person. And if I have to cut ties with old friends to protect my sobriety, so be it. It will mean I'll have more time for new friends. And guess what?? I've already started making new friends. I'm smiling a lot more these days and people at work and at my kids school seem to be smiling back. I've had great chats with a couple of other mums this week and we're meeting for coffee next week. Feel so much more positive and I thank you guys for all your help and support in helping me get to this place. I know there will be bumpy times ahead, but I'm happy today and I'm taking the time to register that I'm happy today. Thank you xxxx

Dee74

any time Kenton

D

tnek97

Last night I went out for a long walk after dinner. It's a nice path that travels along a couple nice ponds, and through some natural Florida forest.

I used to walk along this path and spend the entire time just wishing to be sober. I would daydream to myself how it would feel after 10 days, 30 days, a couple months. How I would sleep better, etc. I would actually imagine myself having conversations about how I got sober. Of course, usually I was also walking off a hangover, sweating out the booze. I think I would subconsciously do this, hoping it would plant a seed.

Last night the memory of these walks popped in to my head, and I smiled: here I am, actually living out my past dreams. I've been spending more time listening to podcasts about sobriety, living sober, but also living your better life. How to appreciate things in life, how to slow down, etc. I took that moment last night to appreciate just being alive.

Now, here I am listening to the soundtrack from E.T. (because I'm a huge nerd), and typing this, and feeling very grateful and emotional (damn you, John Williams!)

The wisdom on this site, and from other sober people is so valuable. The strongest piece: you must change your life, it's not enough to just put down the bottle. I'm finding that the more changes I make (and some are very small), the better I become.

Last night, for me, that change was being grateful and allowing appreciation to flow.

kenton

Beautiful post Tnek. Think you just posted some of that wisdom you spoke about. Thank you.

kevlarsjal

Thank you tnek, Kenton and Dee! A day away from the internet can be quite liberating though, don't you think?

I loved your post Kenton. It's something I often have to remind myself of. If other people (family, so called 'friends' or who ever) behave in a disrespectful way that i doesn't mean, that there's anything wrong with me. It's not that I'm not nice, cool, fun or good enough. It's mostly not my fault. But it's their character flaws, their insecurities and their poor skills of coping with their own lives that make them behave like that. So there's no point in trying to adapt to what I think my friends want me to be like. I don't have to change in order to please my friends. There's nothing wrong with me but maybe I have the wrong friends.

And on the other side I have to work on not feeling left out all the time. I tend to take it so personally. My BF is meeting two of his school friends this afternoon (on of them only being in town for the weekend) and it'll be a guys thing, just the 3 of them. He offered me to join them but I said no cause I think it might be nicer for them without me. Also I still have a pretty bad cold and should rest a day. Plus being in bars is very difficult again at the moment. So it should be all okay right? I get to stay in bed with a nice cuppa and time to myself and the guys can have a nice chat about what's going on in their lives lately. But part of me feel left out, thinks my BF doesn't want to spend time with me and I feel rejected and am scared of getting hurt, so I feel like going home and not spending the eve unit with my BF. Just because I don't want to feel like I sit around and wait for him while he's having fun with his friends. Stupid, annoying me.

Oh and also it's his birthday weekend, so another reason why it's totally okay for him to meet up with friends and not sit around and babysit me cause I have a cold... plus we spend his birthday together which was yesterday and went out to try and find shops that want to sell the kids book he wrote and illustrated and then had a lovely dinner at a local restaurant.

Speaking of which, I don't know why but I almost drank. I noticed that I am extremely tempted to pick up again but it always happens in situations when I'm not prepared.
We had a hot chocolate in a cafe / bar in the afternoon and cause I know I have to be more careful I sat where I wouldn't face the bar and everything was good. But after the dinner we got two small mango-liquors that came with our bill. My BF put on his jacket and then went up to the waiter to pay cause we didn't want to wait for him to come back. So I was alone at the table with the two drinks and I knew my boyfriend wouldn't come back to the table, so he wouldn't see the empty glasses. It was nearly impossible to leave without drinking them.

I have to admit I only didn't do it cause I was scared he might smell it. If it would've been only me or me and a friend.... who knows what would've happened. Maybe I'd be back on day one. Scary thought. But well, it didn't happen


Tnek, what an inspiring post! That's why I sometimes feel almost grateful for being an alcoholic (in recovery). It makes me really reflect on my life and have a closer look on it. Forcing me to change it so it becomes bearable and hopefully enjoyable for me. Something I think lots of people never do.


It's dead quiet here again. I hope that means all nobenders are doing really great! If not, please post

kenton

Well done Kev for resisting the mango liqueurs. I know I would have been exactly the same..... eyeing them up and weighing up all the possibilities .....would I get seen? Would they smell on my breath? What would happen after I downed them? The great thing is that you didn't drink them and you never know, those mango liqueurs might prove to be pivotal to your sobriety journey. You might look back on them and remember a time you were tempted but chose not to drink. I'll think of those mango liqueurs every time I find myself in a position when I could drink and think, "do what Kev did...walk away from the alcohol."

All good with me. Another sober weekend drawing to a close and it's been great. Hope everyone is happy and well xxxx

kevlarsjal

I like your positive outlook on this Kenton! It's all about how we choose to see things, isn't it?


Sorry for the double post, but I just want to get my thoughts out, I hope that's okay.

This cold / tonsillitis that I'm struggling with for over a week now turns out to be a real test to my sobriety.

One thing is that I just love how simple it is to get rid of the symptoms by having some cold meds (much like drinking). The other thing is that I get so frustrated when I can't do things I want to do because of being ill.

I can't run which helped me with my mood so much. I don't get much done which makes me feel like a failure and stressed. I can't do fun things like meeting friends when my boyfriend is out having fun with his friends which makes me angry and jealous.

He just decided to now go for dinner with them which means he'll come home even later and then we won't even eat together. He'll come home at 8:30, I will have to cook food for myself, eat on my own and he already said he wants to paint and watch a series that I don't like (gives me nightmares). I don't have much stuff I can do at his and I'll feel like I want attention which I won't get and now I regret that I didn't just go home 2 hours ago when he left. I feel like the stupid idiot that waited cause I wanted to spend time with him and hoped we'd eat together and now nothing goes like I hoped or planned and being your typical alcoholic I can't handle this. So annoyed with myself.

Then again I feel like maybe it's not necessary to go home (which will be a real pain cause I'd have to get on the bus with a fever and everything) and maybe we could still have a lovely evening. But what if I get too frustrated and let my boyfriend see that frustration, which would most likely lead to a fight? Ugh I don't know what to do!

Poppy79

Good morning all
Kev, stay at the fellas house. Don't hop on a bus and trek home with a fever.
Maybe hop into bed with a book. Reading in bed always make me super tired.
You will wake up tomorrow bright eyed and bushy tailed (Australian saying?) and have a lovely day with the man
I'm doing ok, super long weekend again, we have a public holiday tomorrow for Anzac Day where we remember fallen soldiers. I am planning on going to the dawn service tomorrow morning. I will cry no doubt as I remember my poppy. He was in the navy and died just over 20 years ago.
I'm worried about my mum again. That's another post though.
But I'm not drinking WOO HOO. The intense thoughts didn't rear up this weekend either.
I will check back in again a bit later, need coffee stat xoxo

Dee74

I hope you feel better soon Kev

hugs for you too Poppy. Lest we forget

D

kenton

From reading your post Kev, I don't think you sound like a "typical alcoholic who can't handle this" I think you sound like someone who is physically unwell at the moment and is quite understandably getting fed up with being physically unwell. Of course you want to feel supported and looked after; that's normal. But if people are falling short of your expectations, that's when you have to step in, look after yourself and do everything you can to support your recovery (all kinds of recovery). It will be much easier to handle your AV when you're physically strong so for now be kind to yourself. Keep warm, rest as much as you can - do whatever you need to do to get over this illness. Don't rush it; you'll be running and doing everything else again before you know it. I wish you a full and speedy recovery xx

Thinking of you today Poppy when you remember your poppy. Also sending lots of strength your way for your worries about your mum xx

I've just dropped my kids at school and need to get to work before the traffic builds up but wanted to say hello and briefly mention last night.... yesterday a friend called really upset. She's going through a horrible divorce and said she feels like she's become a recluse. I could tell she really wanted to go out. It was late Sunday afternoon and I fancied spending the evening curled up on the sofa catching up with "Homeland" but I felt bad that I hadn't realised how lonely she felt. I'm also always looking for signs from the universe and seeing as I'm currently being frozen out by all my old drinking buddies, I thought maybe this was the universe's way of telling me to stop thinking about myself and get out there and spend time with other people. So I ended up organising a last minute night out with this friend and 8 other people we know at a theme restaurant. It was Sunday night so I reckoned it would be quite tame and finish early. Wrong! This restaurant was jammed with drinkers and not drinkers sipping slowly at their one and only glass of white wine but drinkers drinking like I used to. At first I was a little overwhelmed being so close to so many of my own kind. I feared that my inner alcoholic would get called out to get involved in the downing of shots and guzzling of wine. But you know what? It was fine. Better than fine. It was an education. I got to see how the heavy drinkers eyes clouded over as the night wore on. I watched them stumbling all over the dance floor and even helped a girl who was crying and vomiting in the toilet. And I'm not judging, I really hope I don't sound like I'm judging because I've been that crying girl in the toilet more times than I literally can remember but my point is I realised last night that the heavy drinkers don't have to be "my kind". I don't have to be labelled, I can be whoever I want to be and I can coexist in a world with normal drinkers and heavy drinkers and I can stay sober.

A final eye opener from last night..... The group I was with are not heavy drinkers but as I was the only person not drinking anything at all I was the nominated driver. They had all had a great time (especially my friend who'd been upset earlier in the day) and when I drove them home they were all completely coherent and I know they'll wake up today feeling fine. I realised that I didn't envy their "normal" drinking powers, I recognised that I'm lucky to have normal drinkers as friends because they don't make me feel boring for not drinking. Drinking for them is just not a big deal. Crikey, I've gone on for far too long and will now be late. Eek!! Not even sure what the point of all this is. I just feel like I learnt stuff last night and wanted to share. Have a great day xx

badgerden

Good Morning all, Kenton I also have turned into the designated driver, when I first stopped drinking and made the leap of telling my friends my decision, I was really worried that it would change everything and that they would not want to hang with me, or invite me anywhere, as virtually all of them (and me at the time) drank to one degree over another. But I was very pleased when that was not the case, we still went to the old hang outs, had bar b q's etc, with no judging, some gentle teasing but all in fun. There are a few of the younger ones 22-24, whom I work with, that drinking and getting tanked is still the goal, and they do look at me like an old fuddy duddy and wonder how could you have had a good time if you remember everything and don't spend your Sundays, or Mondays hung over from your great time? Well as the saying goes, been there, done that, puked on the T-shirt.

To all the rest of my Nobender family I am wishing you the best of days!
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Poppy79

Hello hello,
Dawn service was very sad, lots of tears remembering my poppy and others who put their lives on the line for our freedom. I particularly resonated with the veteran speaking reminding us that war should not be glorified. I wish the governments of the world would take heed to that statement!!
Oh and it turns out my worry for my mum was unwarranted. Miscommunication on her part. Such a relief
Again, I am thinking this bubble of happiness will burst at any given moment. Meh!!
Have a lovely Saturday lovely people
xoxo

Dee74

I have to deal with Tuesday first Poppy lol
Glad your mum is ok, and thanks for remembering the diggers

D