Good to hear from you Steely!
Well, speaking of things going so well you're afraid they'll fall apart...
I was doing pretty darn good (despite my gross living situation) and then my sister called. I fell victim to the depression and I got towed under. I also drank. Boy am I a lightweight now! I had a big episode.
My youngest sister blocked my number on her phone about two years ago. She had committed some offenses (outing secrets in my small neighborhood after just moving there and being welcomed on my good word, renting a room from a friend of mine and really messing up, etc.) and I was angry with her and reprimanding her for her behavior. She didn't want to hear me demanding she take responsibility and apologize and reform so, BLOOP! Blocked.
Of course I didn't know she had blocked me until after I had tried to contact her hundreds of times over a two or three month period, including the time I was hit by a car on my bicycle and was sitting in an ambulance, and the moment I decided to move across the country and leave our town. I didn't hear from her until the day before I shipped out, when she skipped up to my apartment as if nothing had happened. I was fuming of course. I told her everything that had happened and asked her why she would not respond to me even in an emergency, and she told me that she had blocked my number and that she had no idea about anything that had happened with me during the past few months. I had been suffering greatly and was still recovering from my separation, and I could have used my sister. I told her to get out of my house.
Two years later, after I had periodically sent the odd happy birthday text or the odd check in to which she never responded, I see a missed call from her and received a long text message. The message was not well written and hard to understand, but I deciphered that she was sorry for her indiscretions back in our town two years ago, and she now realizes that I am not a mere bully, but rather I am the only person in our family to give her love and to truly care for her. I struggled with the information but decided to write her a thoughtful response illustrating that I am very happy to hear she is ok, but that I still need to have space from family as I am just beginning to find happiness. I told her I love her and I love hearing that she is doing well.
A couple of messages followed. They didn't seem to be responses to my long response. They seemed to be elaborating on what she had originally said. She never responded to me or referred back to anything I had said. I shared the transaction with a trusted friend. Something dawned on us.
She still has my number blocked.
She was looking for a reconciliation, reaching out to me painstakingly whilst unknowing that she still has my number blocked. From two years ago. On her end, she has reached out to me but sees I am ignoring her. Because she's not getting my responses.
It's a perfect allegory for my relationship to my family. Basically she thinks I am stonewalling her. Poor dumb bird.