BrighterDayz

V, you are one of the sweetest, kindest and most empathetic people around. Things have gotten so bad for me at times that there was no where to go but up, perhaps this mindset will help you~ keep chanting the mantra "things WILL get better."

Arbor

Dee said it best. Use us and the forum to vent. It can only help. :hugs:

phoebe64

Oh, goodness, V, you are never a burden here!! We all care about you and worry for you, and want you to let us know how you are doing! Support, right? That is why we are all here. You cannot be the constant cheerleader for everyone and get nothing to build yourself back up. It goes both ways. Lean on us if it helps you.

I know this has been a very hard year for you. You can't catch a break. It has to turn around. Big hugs and love for you, V.

Briar

V you are not a burden! You are extremely valued here, and you are entitled to live and share life's ups and downs. You will get through this, and having lived this difficult year will make the healthy ones to come that much sweeter. Part of being strong is having the courage to talk about feeling weak, so never hesitate to share your journey with us. Big hugs!

Arbor

Picked up some Eden hojicha the other night plus some Bancha Hojicha. I love having a good arsenal now of teas. I can see how this becomes addicting. 8)

Thanks Briar.

SoberLeigh

Venus, sweetheart, please don't ever fell as though you are a burden to us; we love you and care about you and want to support you through thick and thin.

Good to hear that Miss Fluff is better. You soon will be, too.

SoberLeigh

Mark, great job thinking through the emotions of Friday night in advance.

As Arbor said, it's likely your AV trying to sneak through the back door with a clever new approach. Sneaking little demon; he'll try to find cracks in the windows. Eventually he will learn that your house is locked and sealed up tight.

SoberLeigh

Phoebe, hope the little pup feels better soon.

Good morning, afternoon, evening Octobers.

Hope 'sunshine' awaits you no matter the time of day.

phoebe64

Thanks for the thoughts, Leigh. Pup seems in good spirits, hungry, and keeping food down. Whew. That was not only stressful, but expensive.

If you are reading V, I am thinking of you.

Arbor, I agree, the tea is fun. I happen to be doing invisalign treatment right now, the invisible braces. So, I cannot sip colored beverages when I am wearing them, which should be 22 hours a day. It is limiting my enjoyment of tea. I will go crazy once this is done!

So, I was dog tired, lol, after the dog emergency, but managed to get back to the exercise video today. Did the lower fix. My legs are stiff! But these are good for me, because I feel and see a difference each time I get back around to the same workout each week.

About to settle into Grays Anatomy and Scandal. My daughter now watches Grays with us. It is fun to have a child old enough to enjoy things that are more grown up together. The more adult shows also lead to good conversations at times. We also like Dr. Who. But I am not thrilled with the new Doctor. Not sure if any others here are Who fans.

Not many steps for me today, Briar. I hung with the puppy, but took him for a could of short walks, and stripped off my fleece(where my fitibit was) when I did my exercise video, so lots credit there. Needed a pap later, after kids got home. They watched puppy. I had only dozed off and on in the recliner last night. Not that I will ever catch you, LOL.

Briar

Arbor - I've never heard of Bancha brand. Let me know how you like it.

Phoebe - I wear the Fitbit on my wrist all the time except in the bath and when it's charging. It took a little getting used to, but now I feel naked without it. I forgot it once when I went to my daughters swim lesson where I walk around the pool for half an hour. I was horrified! Turns out you can manually add walks if you forget it. Whew!

Mark - you're very good about sharing your thoughts and calling out the AV. It sets a great example for the rest of us as we work to recognize what we are really thinking under all the AV trickery. I appreciate how candid and proactive you are with that.

Dinner tonight was this week's go-to veggie sauté in coconut oil. I threw that on some brown rice and cooked up a few shrimp from the freezer for protein. Mixed in some soy sauce and sriracha, mmm. Tomorrow I'm aiming for chicken tacos. Thinking I should cook the salsa chicken tonight to save time tomorrow...yeah, better go do that.

venuscat

Hello my lovely Octsobers. I love you guys, and I thank you so very much for your kindness.

Well, I didn't get my work done. Half, maybe. My body couldn't keep going. I will finish first thing tomorrow.

I'm so glad to hear that little Huxley is OK phoebe love. It's awful when they're sick.

Going to be watching Greys and Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder and maybe Code Black, Criminal Minds and Law and Order tonight....yes, kidding, I can't watch all of those today. But what a smorgasbord of TV shows I have waiting for me. Makes me happy. It always makes me think of all of the times my mum used to say to me that I had a degree in television.

So...in the past month of being sick and having way too much time to dwell on things, I moved through a lot of grief and pain. Arbor and Briar know about this....I can't remember if I've told anyone else here...the best friend who abandoned me was way more than that. It was actually my boyfriend, and even though there were some pretty big issues with the relationship, I always knew that there was this other person in the world who really loved me. You know that feeling right? It's a beautiful feeling of security and belonging.

And when your partner literally disappears on you without so much as an explanation or goodbye text, well, all I can say is that it damaged me. Profoundly. And I need to tell you guys this so that I can move forward. I can't do that when I'm keeping a secret.

TBH, I think choking on this and not being completely honest is why I got so rundown and sick. And the main thing that kept me from getting drunk over this is Dee's words in my head about how drinking AT someone never works...not sure if it applies here, but it helped. My ex has shown himself to be the opposite of the incredible guy I thought he was, and he is not worth me losing my sobriety over. I am better than that.

Ok, me time is done.
Huge hugs for everyone. ♥

phoebe64

Oh, V, had no idea about all the personal stuff. You have had so many losses this year, with your partner and your father. But I did not know the drama of your breakup was still lingering. BTDT With prolonged breakups. It is hard. Sometimes we need people, and other times, not many around. It's so hard.

But if we can, it gets so much better to find people who lift us up. It's very hard, and sometimes, we are alone. But, I have been much happier alone than when in my bad relationships.

How can I/we support you? Sending you big hugs.

phoebe64

Briar, my Fitbit is a clip thing. Not a wrist one. The Zip. So, it clips only waistband or goes in a pocket. I need to clip it to my waist. I often stick it into the pocket on my fitness fleece zip layer. Then, I shed that and forget about the zip!

Puppy seems ok! We still have doctors orders, but he seems fine. Hope it sticks!!

venuscat

Yes....my aunt in April, my dad in May and my BF at the same time. Although I didn't actually know he had abandoned me until the end of July. I saw something on Facebook and I realised that he had been lying to me for quite some time...

And then I started eating. And got run down and sick. And decided I was not worth saving. Not worth loving....that's depression. I just didn't see it.

So what you can do is exactly what you are doing phoebe love ~ being my friend. ♥

Thank you

Dee74

There are good things to come in your future V - don't doubt that

D

phoebe64

I understand eating. It is my constant battle. You can overeat, under eat, but never not eat. It is a rough road , if it is an issue, and it may more of an issue for me that drinking. But, really, it means we need to find people. I still struggle even though I have kids to help that. But I crave adult friendship who gets me.

phoebe64

Sorry for typos. Tough from phone.

Briar

V you are learning to live without a lot of the companionship you've had in the past. That's incredibly hard and disorienting. As Dee said, I think you have very good things in your future, and it doesn't sound like your partner was the right person to support your growth. I believe that when one door closes, another opens. And when it closes with a slam, that just confirms there's no going back, only forward to a better place. I've lost relationships in the past and felt such intense loss, but now I see how much I gained by moving on and seeing value in myself independent of the relationship. You will move forward and add people to your life who will love and support you in the right ways. I know you will.

Briar

Phoebe - oh yeah, I forgot all about the zip! *gentlemen, avert your eyes* can you clip it to your bra? My friend has a little silicone clip for her Flex, and that's how she wears it all the time.

venuscat

I was trying to work out the avatar Briar...awesome.
Here's another one....

ghost tea (350x263).jpg

How is it that talking to therapists about all of this didn't help, but getting honest with you guys feels like the best decision I have made in a long time. I feel lighter...the burden is gone now.

I guess it's true that the secrets we hold onto keep us sick...true for me anyway.