jackrussell

Ten bucks a piece?! Love it.
Financial analysis of habits can be funny. I can throw $30 a day at wine but still use two hands to squeeze the last dead drop out of the toothpaste tube, part of me thinking as I squeeze: this stuff costs $5 a tube! I will not waste a dollop!

On the mindfulness thread, found this on the Guardian today. National strategies to develop mindfulness as a tool in public health. Good stuff.

Mindfulness has huge health potential ? but McMindfulness is no panacea | Jon Kabat-Zinn | Comment is free | The Guardian

LBrain

I like that ( "A way of being") as a description of mindfulness. So true.
My relationship with my wife has grown by leaps and bounds because of it.

I am more accepting of, everything.

Yesterday I woke with what in the past would have been a full on sore throat and the works. By noon I was over it and the sore throat was gone. I somehow talked myself out of it.

good day, I've been getting mentally prepared to go hunting the past few days. Every night in bed I 'walk' the entire hunting grounds in my mind and mark distances and such. Watching many videos to get 'used to' seeing deer.
Made a shoulder roast yesterday - very tasty. Way better than beef.

have a good one...

ActualAlcoholic

Yah I picked up a side gig to pay off some bills. It was actually pretty nice, you get to pop in earbuds and listen to an audiobook and really only interact with people when you deliver the stuff. Perfect if you're not in to sitting still and aren't huge on social interactions, hah. And holy ****, if you want some leg muscles, that'll do it.

My journey? Made it 1 1/2 years without the booze. Had quit pot a few months after alcohol. Never really got in to AA much but would occassionally attend a meeting. At some point it actually almost felt easy being sober in a way.... Life wasn't easy, but I kind of felt like the not-drinking aspect was alright.

But I found it difficult to talk about with dates. A few people were turned off by it when I told them. The last person I dated before I fell off the wagon, I never told. At some point after a few dates they suggested we get drunk together. And I was so dumb, lying to myself, "Yah... I've made it 1.5 years without a drink. I think i've got this thing covered." So I did. And then I would only drink out on dates. And then I found myself drinking every time we went out together. And then I found myself drinking at a local bar where I made friends. And then I found myself at the bar every night, and every night I wasn't there I was at home drinking and chainsmoking cigarettes--which I had quit over 5 years ago.

So eventually I was right back where I quit last time, only I was in a new neighborhood that had more bars (my local spot was 1.5 blocks from my apartment).

Think I just missed being "normal" and thought I could do it. But I'm not normal, I'm a ******* alcoholic.

Went to an AA meeting yesterday, felt good about it... Until I went to buy some groceries. Never made it. Saw the Cubs game was on in a bar I passed, used that as an excuse to stop in for a drink. Drank for th next 8 hours essentially. Hung over as hell, body feels really funky, shaky. Not sure what side of the symptoms I'm on, coming or going. Goooooood times.

Dee74

This link is great for making a recovery plan tailored to your needs, Actual.

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

zerothehero

Well...I'm sorry you're hungover. Your story, though, is timely for me. I'm at 22 months and have had some "I'm not really an alcoholic and I could probably do moderation" kind of thoughts. Good reminder that I'm likely fooling myself. I need to stick with the never again mentality, though I can relate to what you said about wishing you were normal. It's hard not to beat myself up for being a loser. We're not losers - we're just drunks. Anyway, I hope things get better for you.

On a side note, I've been kind of a loose cannon at work lately. Suspect I'm gonna be cut down a notch if I don't shut up. Just so frustrated. I need to focus on gratitude. It basically has to do with the piles of crap thrown on me that have nothing to do with my job description and that make it difficult for me to be effective in the role I was originally hired to perform. My job no longer aligns with my passions. I mean, I feel like I had a career that somehow got scattered and became a ******* job. When I try to create limits or boundaries to what I believe should be my proper role I'm accused of not being a team player. **** it. I'm riding it out and getting out of there (but not soon enough). I hate feeling like my life is on hold until I muster the balls to resign or retire. Poopdollar is what it is. Looks all green and valuable on the outside, but inside it's just a stanky turd.

I'm in a state, and it's not my own private Idaho.

jackrussell

Actual: you've certainly got some pretty good insight on what's going on with your affair with booze. I guess that we can tell ourselves what we want to hear when it comes to the idea of having just one drink. Or just a few drinks tonight. I've reeled myself in that way so many times; and continue to do so, actually. Once you've crossed the threshold into that alluring cozy room, you fall. There is no cozy room, of course.
Looks to me like you are getting back onto a healthy path. Or at least thinking of planning to consider trying to attempt to take steps to formulate a strategy to try to rediscover a thread that might lead to a way to get back onto a healthy path. Which is a good start.
Good man.

LBrain

Actual - it's tough... I was in a similar situation years ago, my girlfriend was a drinker and I was trying to not be at the time... I guess it was my first and last attempt at moderation. I went downhill quickly. Another ten+ years of no holds barred drinking...

The thing is, you know and understand the issues you face. Getting back on track may seem insurmountable at times. But you know you can do it. It takes a solid commitment to yourself. And it also makes us become more choosy in our relationships, whether it be with casual friends or a romance. Altering my lifestyle is a huge part of being successful as I go forward. And if it means dropping 'friends' then that's what it takes. AND, we have to swallow our pride. If someone we are dating suggests we get drunk - or drink at all - we MUST be able to say we don't drink, can't drink, under any circumstances. If they don't like it then we have to send them packing. There are many more people who don't drink out there. We have never been aware of them, but they do exist. Many more than we realize.

jackrussell

How are you doing, Vet? Long time since hearing from you.

Vet69

I'm just taking it one day at a time and trying to keep my goals in site. I read the posts here on SR to keep up with you guys. Lots of work. We're hoping that the government doesn't shut down again. I'm not optimistic. It creates a big mess to clean up. But life goes on.

LBrain

good to hear from you vet.

the best thing about the government "shutdown" is that folks are not allowed to work cause there isn't money to pay them. Yet when they finally do get it settled, the workers go back and get all the back pay they didn't work for... love it.
I'm still debating whether or not to hold out for a gov't job or to just get back in 'lectric business. Time is starting to become a factor.

Vet69

I want to get paid of course. I would rather go to work and do the job than be forced to stay home and be forbidden to work, including logging on to my email and checking my voicemail. The mess we come back to is incredible to clean up. I hope it doesn't happen. But I see no change in body language and rhetoric up on the Hill that gives me confidence.

Dee74

Hope you guys have a good weekend

D

zerothehero

I feel kinda like Dee's Frankenstein. But I'm walking.

Dee74

I hear ya, Zero

jackrussell

Creepy black and white Frankenstein thingee, Dee. What is that, anyway? Not a video, not photo...hmmm I am tech-speak out of touch. Anyway, the guy looks a little like Lou Reed, Walk on the Wild side vintage.

Dee74

it's an animated gif Jack - a little like those flick animations you'd make on books in school - make little changes to each drawing, flip the pages and...ya get movement.

Same idea - just with a lot of gifs put together.

I think that comes from the original Frankenstein movie (1931) or so.

D

zerothehero

One chord is fine. Two chords are pushing it. Three chords and you're into jazz. -Lou

Dee74

...Reed

D

jackrussell

I remember ordering Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music from the Columbia record club many moons ago, excitedly opening the package when it arrived, popping it into the old tape deck, and being stunned to find that it was, well, just noise. Lots of noise. And it was the same when I played a minute of it next day. And a year later. Wikipedia says the 'album' was considered a joke when it appeared, 'a grudging fulfillment of a contractual obligation', or a forerunner of 'noise rock'. Apparently, Lou later claimed to have intentionally incorporated references to Beethoven. Ha!
That man missed his calling. Should have gone into politics.

Dee74

I forgot the reference to the Rock and Roll Animal cover. He did look a bit Karloff-y there.

That album, and Lou Reed Live, are an amazing record of a great live band.

D