Class Of December 2013 - Part 9
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Class Of December 2013 - Part 9
last part here :
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-8-a-20.html
Hope everyone is doing well?
we might need a roll call soon
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-8-a-20.html
Hope everyone is doing well?
we might need a roll call soon
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: kingston ontario canada
Posts: 656
I'm in. Great week with family. Sun and swimming. Huge numbers of people eating together and laughing. I am still drinking, excessively, but am grateful for this group as a healthy center of gravity and source of insight. A friend visited recently, lives far away, talked about going to an AA meeting in our area, seeing some old acquaintances, talked about her own journey, what went into her choice to be sober 20 years ago, I had no idea of her history. Her comfort with herself, and her history, felt like a kind nudge to me. I'm sure she doesn't suspect that I'm an alcoholic, we've had such limited one-on-one contact, but you never know. Our relationship now largely consists of me beating her regularly in online scrabble.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
JR, I've reconnected with some old friends recently, some sober, some not. One in particular was in my life during the heavy days in the late '80's when friends were dying and the coke and heroin scene inspired me to get out of town and to a different state. He confessed he was suicidal and had a kind of rebirth. Still a stoner but doing much better it seems. Always a trip to reconnect with folks from that era in my life. None of us survived unscathed.
So...without going into too much detail I'll say this time of year always seems like major stressville at my place of work. Several years in a row this was the time of year I almost walked out. Now that I'm only a year from possible retirement, and because I'm sober (and I have to give credit to my meditation practice), people around me are bitchy and freaking out and I just seem to have a sense of humor and really don't give a ****. It's a nice feeling. Doesn't mean work is much fun right now, but at least I'm not in hell (if that makes sense).
Hasta luego...
So...without going into too much detail I'll say this time of year always seems like major stressville at my place of work. Several years in a row this was the time of year I almost walked out. Now that I'm only a year from possible retirement, and because I'm sober (and I have to give credit to my meditation practice), people around me are bitchy and freaking out and I just seem to have a sense of humor and really don't give a ****. It's a nice feeling. Doesn't mean work is much fun right now, but at least I'm not in hell (if that makes sense).
Hasta luego...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
we make our own happiness...
consequently, we make our own sadness...
thinking back over the years I remember people asking me, 'why do you let things bother you so much?'
It took a long time to learn that only I had control over my reactions to 'things'...
And I can choose to be happy or I can choose to be miserable...
amazing how being happy makes a big difference in almost everything
I wasn't able to do that until I read "The Sacred Path of The Warrior" among others... mindfulness practice - I need to focus more with my aches and pains- and meditation are key in being able to choose happiness
consequently, we make our own sadness...
thinking back over the years I remember people asking me, 'why do you let things bother you so much?'
It took a long time to learn that only I had control over my reactions to 'things'...
And I can choose to be happy or I can choose to be miserable...
amazing how being happy makes a big difference in almost everything
I wasn't able to do that until I read "The Sacred Path of The Warrior" among others... mindfulness practice - I need to focus more with my aches and pains- and meditation are key in being able to choose happiness
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Originally Posted by LBrain 
I wasn't able to do that until I read "The Sacred Path of The Warrior" among others... mindfulness practice - I need to focus more with my aches and pains- and meditation are key in being able to choose happiness
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 451
Beautiful day here in Northern Virginia. Just got home from Costco with the wife where she bought a wireless printer. My IT son told her it was a piece of **** and read her some scathing reviews on it. "Why didn't you check with me first?!?".
Sooooo, I'm heading out to the driving range while they continue their conversation.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Sooooo, I'm heading out to the driving range while they continue their conversation.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
excellent choice vet... I have a bag full of old clubs... most with wooden shafts that look ancient... ebay here I come...
it is hot and HUMID here in Georgia. Just cut down some trees and waiting for plaster to dry so I can sand and prime... pick up uhaul this afternoon and start loading it for the drive north. Mrs LB is getting pretty antsy about my still being here. But she understands the situation.
This reminds me that I got to start taking care of things so that if I suddenly am gone, she won't have a mess on here hands... and it WOULD be a mess. Time to start unloading stuff big time. Those things one can't part with because, as a man, I might need it someday. I have a lot of stuff I'm going to need someday.
it is hot and HUMID here in Georgia. Just cut down some trees and waiting for plaster to dry so I can sand and prime... pick up uhaul this afternoon and start loading it for the drive north. Mrs LB is getting pretty antsy about my still being here. But she understands the situation.
This reminds me that I got to start taking care of things so that if I suddenly am gone, she won't have a mess on here hands... and it WOULD be a mess. Time to start unloading stuff big time. Those things one can't part with because, as a man, I might need it someday. I have a lot of stuff I'm going to need someday.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
I'm sure your wife agrees, Brian, that yes, you need ALL that crap. My sister's husband died a couple of months ago. She's living off the sale of his crap. He was an engineer or something, and had five acres of crap, including boats, jet skis, cars, trucks, trailers, and believe it or not, a flippin' train (like the kind used for carnival rides), and a disassembled damn airplane AND helicopter for cryin' out loud! (Not to mention the brewery and the grow room for medical marijuana.) They were all "projects" that he had to keep because someday he was gonna get to it, them, all that crap. Not a single item is worth more than a few thousand dollars as is, but craigslist and piecemealing it out is paying the bills. I don't know what she's gonna do long term. That property and their lives are what one might call Dysfunction Junction, you know, on the corner of Silly St. and WTF Avenue. It's a source of concern and consternation.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: kingston ontario canada
Posts: 656
On the subject of concern and consternation: we have a very large 19th century barn that just loves to embrace other peoples' crap. I'm trying to preserve it as an antique. Cleaned it out once, filled a huge dumpster. But it just kind of ...collects stuff. And it's very roomy. Also definitely on the page of getting rid of things, trying to put myself into the head of the person who has to dissolve the estate. Premature angst, but a rare instance of foresight, I guess. Less is more.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
fortunately for me, and my wife, I don't have a fleet of old rusting Monte Carlos in various states of disrepair dispersed among the tall uncut grass and weeds with various other collections of other people's junk.
But who knows if I lived in the country with acreage...
Seeing what someone else has to go through after losing a husband is enough to encourage me to get a move on. Especially when the other half has absolutely no clue of what the husband was hoarding and collecting. Nobody who never uses them needs a couple hundred scroll saw blades or a hundred screw drivers, sockets and allen wrenches -- yeah I may be exaggerating about the screwdrivers - maybe only 75 of them... imagine that I gave away a lot of stuff last year too...
But who knows if I lived in the country with acreage...
Seeing what someone else has to go through after losing a husband is enough to encourage me to get a move on. Especially when the other half has absolutely no clue of what the husband was hoarding and collecting. Nobody who never uses them needs a couple hundred scroll saw blades or a hundred screw drivers, sockets and allen wrenches -- yeah I may be exaggerating about the screwdrivers - maybe only 75 of them... imagine that I gave away a lot of stuff last year too...
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Funny. Yeah, my sister is in a rural area on about six acres. It creeps her out to do the craiglist thing out there, but she figures she has no choice, and his kids, though they live nearby, are no help. She's the stepmother. Go figure...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
hey all, I have a uhaul trailer loaded and ready to head north... hopefully the trip is uneventful... I really won't know if there are issues until I get out on the highway, but I think I should be okay, I'd hate to have to unload and repack this thing. It got ugly near the end. I was just piling stuff in there and may have upset the balance of weight more toward the rear. But after a test ride it seemed to handle okay. Semi trailers blowing past at 80 mph is another story.
Hopefully talk to you in a couple days or less. I have a doctor apt Thursday to hear more or less about my heart issue - I think it's a non-issue myself.
Hopefully talk to you in a couple days or less. I have a doctor apt Thursday to hear more or less about my heart issue - I think it's a non-issue myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: kingston ontario canada
Posts: 656
I was working yet again painting the outside of the house today. Was walking to get a ladder from a garage and had a moment of insight,of mindfulness, I guess, and stopped myself and looked around and breathed in the gorgeous aromatic lush rain-soaked environment. My mind had been yattering about pushing harder, you're slow, pick it up...etc. And I just stopped and breathed, and smelled things, and felt the sun on my back. And thought: if you could come back to this moment from an infirm future, and walk this walk, and feel this sun, and breathe in this moment, would you waste any time worrying about productivity? Or would you just inhale, and enjoy? And get back on the ladder. Migod, it's hard to stay in the moment. And a glass of white wine was hovering all the while like a thought bubble .
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Nice. I've injured myself many times because I was lost in thought...the past...the future...rethinking mistakes...worrying about doing it again...and BAM! I drag the saw across my knuckles - or some such idiocy. It is good to stop and breathe - and it is good on many levels, no?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Made it home safely. At times I almost forgot I was towing a trailer. Ride was very smooth. But on the hills I noticed and so did the gas tank. Uneventful drive. Clear sky and cool weather most of the drive. Arrived home 14.5 hours after I left. Slept for 8 and woke up way too early. Now the fun part of unloading and storing this crap. Wife told me I better start selling stuff TODAY!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: kingston ontario canada
Posts: 656
What's up with the heart, LB? Any insight come from the monitoring?
I would like to hear something from TL and Muhv.
I've had a mixed week. Usually pretty grateful to be where I am, but have had some brutal bouts of self assessment, given my persistent addiction, the awesome impotence I have in its shadow. You know the routine, the bipolar swing in the course of a day. I would easily hire my intellect as a lawyer, if I needed one in a criminal action, for its power in laying out the costs of my drinking habit, and the benefits of extricating myself from it. Makes a formidable case. Migod, that intellect is so good. So impressive. But the dark knight character can just switch that guy off in a flash: (where'd he go?!) I did some reading of the Mindful path to addiction recovery on strategies to deal with craving and aversion, but I seem to be skipping the craving stage. Of course, disappointment and a kind of shame can be whited out quickly, but the scarring remains, I think.
I'm not sure that I've ever had as little control as I have now.
To be clear: I'm not the kind of alcoholic who downs a bottle of rye and comes home every other night with black eyes. I don't drink and drive. I actually perform reasonably ably, given the huge price I pay daily, cognitively and physically. So: the optimist in me feels I'm on a path that is offering insights at every step. And some ain't pretty.
So, that's been my week. There you have it. Thanks for listening.
I would like to hear something from TL and Muhv.
I've had a mixed week. Usually pretty grateful to be where I am, but have had some brutal bouts of self assessment, given my persistent addiction, the awesome impotence I have in its shadow. You know the routine, the bipolar swing in the course of a day. I would easily hire my intellect as a lawyer, if I needed one in a criminal action, for its power in laying out the costs of my drinking habit, and the benefits of extricating myself from it. Makes a formidable case. Migod, that intellect is so good. So impressive. But the dark knight character can just switch that guy off in a flash: (where'd he go?!) I did some reading of the Mindful path to addiction recovery on strategies to deal with craving and aversion, but I seem to be skipping the craving stage. Of course, disappointment and a kind of shame can be whited out quickly, but the scarring remains, I think.
I'm not sure that I've ever had as little control as I have now.
To be clear: I'm not the kind of alcoholic who downs a bottle of rye and comes home every other night with black eyes. I don't drink and drive. I actually perform reasonably ably, given the huge price I pay daily, cognitively and physically. So: the optimist in me feels I'm on a path that is offering insights at every step. And some ain't pretty.
So, that's been my week. There you have it. Thanks for listening.
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