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Getting to know and love me

It has very much enhanced my spiritual journey to to feel the energy of my sexuality. I have found that for me to learn to conserve and contain this energy is almost better than food. I know I have to have food, water, light and contact with others and my HP. But I do not have to have sex....

This may sound strange to some but before I knew about this energy I was always constipated and had 2 periods a month and always felt tired and drained. Like a stream that is dammed up my energy was blocked. I thought I needed to release this blocked up energy and I tried to use someone else's body for that purpose.

I thought I needed to have sex. It is very easy for a woman to find a willing participant. I thought I was being selective I chose people I knew and liked but after I always felt there was something missing and I always felt drained. My constipation and monthly bleeding would often increase at these times of having sex.

I met this very healthy individual (a woman) I noticed something about her from the very beginning she had something I did not have which was self esteem.

I worked in a therapeutic environment and had been clean from alcohol and drugs for several years. I thought I was healed and balanced. Somewhere along the line I realized I did not have any healthy role models who were women. My mom operated from a victim, martyr place and I believe I chose that stance for myself as well. It was automatic there were a million ways for me to operate from this position. Although before I got off of drugs and alcohol I was in therapy to help me get clean and I stayed in therapy for several years afterwards and they helped me so much there were still many layers upon layers of "stuff" for me to deal with. Getting past the victim hood was huge for me.
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Death

Posted 10-26-2008 at 02:32 PM by splendra

I have worked with people who are dying and at first it was so scary and I did not think I could handle it to know going in that some of them were just hours and sometimes even minutes away from their last breath. How could I be of comfort to them was a question I had going in. Many times I just sit and breathe with them. None of us are going to get out of here alive ya know.I found this energy in being a witness to their last breath and nothing has taught me how precious life is as much as visiting...
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the girl can't help it
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To the one who could get away

Posted 09-17-2008 at 11:44 AM by splendra

I remember being where you are right now. It was a long time ago and I have lost a lot and hurt a lot because I did not recognize that when I was where you are now I was at a "jumping off the train to no where point".

My H is a great guy he really is he is so funny and smart and very talented and creative when he wants to be that is.

But and there is a big butt his disease is progressing and the window of seeing the great person he is is getting smaller and...
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the girl can't help it
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continued

Posted 08-09-2008 at 07:44 AM by splendra

My friend helped me to see me as energy, light she showed me a reflection of myself that I had never seen. She helped to get past the slaps in the head and heart that I had endured all of my life she helped see that I was leaking all over she showed me how to heal these leaks. I have since still made many mistakes and I still leak sometimes. The good thing is that I am aware now when before I was not.

My sexuality is no longer just an urge that I go on a mission to release or satisfy....
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the girl can't help it
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