My partner has a severe nitrous problem

Old 01-10-2024, 04:48 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: California
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My partner has a severe nitrous problem

My partner has had a severe nitrous problem going on 20 years next year. I know this isnít that unusual but I do think the amount heís using and the length heís using is what makes him stand out.

He has been spending between $4000 and $5000 a month for the past 15 years on the stuff. he keeps telling me to relax, itís just a couple hundred dollars a dayÖ Whatís the big deal. I am wealthy now, and so is he, but I did not come from money. So knowing that some of my family members are struggling with money while heís spending that insane amount on, that garbage really bothers me.

When I confront him about it, he just points out that we have a nice house, nice things, etc. etc.

Heís very good at hiding it. He holds a very technical day job, seemingly with no trouble. He works from home, and at 3 PM starts his binging, and it runs until about 1 AM.

Heís unbelievably selfish. I guess all drug addicts are. When I think what that money could do for people that actually need it for things like new beds for kids in need or to pay for college tuition. It makes me want to vomit.

He doesnít want to go to rehab because he says the religious element turns him offÖ But Iím atheist as well. I think the biggest difference between us is my upbringing. I have extreme pride in my family and my name. He seems to have absolute none.

We live in a small town, and he has no problem with staggering drunk down the sidewalk while walking the dog. It mortifies me.

I think heís an alcoholic, tooÖ But I donít know. When heís binging, he drinks a bottle of vodka a day, but when we go on vacation, he can go nine days without drinking anything. So that part is confusing.

Iím not even sure what Iím saying here. I think Iím just looking for hope. If you look at pictures of him from 20 years ago and pictures of him now, itís clear that this problem will resolve itself soon enough 😩
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Old 01-10-2024, 05:26 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Hi and welcome Weasely

yeah that's a pretty hefty bill to run up regularly, no matter how well off you are.

It doesn't sound like your husband has many qualms about the way he's living, especially when you confronting him doesn't bring about any kind of real change.

Do you think there's a point where you might say enough's enough and leave?

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Old 01-10-2024, 06:26 PM
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Location: California
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I think about leaving him, but there is that sunk cost fallacyÖ weíve been together for 25 years

The first five years were amazing. He only drank about a bottle of wine a month, and that was about it. Iíve not ever really heard of people suddenly having drug problems in their late 20s.

Then on top of it both of our families think that everything is totally fine. My family doesnít seem to believe in divorce at all and somehow Iíve wrapped that up with an idea of shame or failure.

My story is also fairly typical, and one regard, because of his behavior. Iím forced to be the super responsible partner who never drinks and is always sober. Which works out because I donít really like drugs or alcohol at all, especially not now.

iíve set one of my friends as my emergency contact on my phone because thereís something happens to me past 3 PM. Thereís nothing my partner can do for me.
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Old 04-18-2024, 11:55 PM
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Location: NSW - Australia
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Doesnít sound like heís doing a lot for you pre 3pm.

Sounds a miserable life.

For you?

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