Notices

TOD has One Year Clean!

Thread Tools
 
Old 12-08-2015, 01:29 AM
  # 361 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Go get you some chickens Startingover! They'll keep you so busy you won't have time to think about using again! LOL That is if you made them house pets!

TB! I was watching Axmen last night! The dad of the group that hurt his knee last season had his knee replaced. He was sitting on the couch with his knee in this contraption that moved his leg slowly back and forth! He said: "This is where I've been for the past five months!" Yikes! I've been having pain in my right knee for several years now! All the running, pushups and situps I did for years in the Army have been hell on my knees! You add in the stiff gas pedals on the Army Hummers I had to drive too and it's added to the pain in my right knee! Thankfully the cactus juice/capsules I've been using is helping the pain to stay away. It get's rid of the inflammation. I'm not EVEN wanting to have my knee operated on! Now if it would only get rid of pain I'm having in the area my foot bends above my ankle! I have NO clue what I injured there, but it's a WOWZER when it strikes! Takes my breath away and I freeze on the spot!

I've learned pain meds only mask the hurt! I want to use things that get rid of the pain. Not just mask it! Those pain meds were literally eating away my soul and body! They tricked my mind into thinking they were the thing that made me feel good! ARGH! In the end? For about 10 minutes only! I was taking so many of them in the end of my using days to reach that good feeling that I'd actually end up puking after taking them. I think now? How in the hell was that feeling good? It's some crazy chit that took over my every thought and waking moment!

I'd wake up, go relieve myself and then grab the pills! I'd pop however many I knew it would take to get that feeling going I was needing before I'd do anything else! After the feeling hit? I wasn't really aware of where I was or what I was doing! I was more in a robot stage of getting things done. This is also the mentality I was in the day I sat down on the couch and turned the TV on! I was just getting ready to light a cigarette when I looked up at the TV and saw the plane hit the twin tower! I froze! I sat there for hours staring at the TV. Somewhere in the middle of all that I called mom! She was crying for all those ppl that lost their lives! A few hours later I got a call from my Unit telling me I had to report for duty the next day! Crap! Whenever I was in uniform I couldn't take large amounts of the pain pills!

In November 2005 I called a methadone clinic and talked to a woman about getting into their program! She told me: "If you think getting off the pain meds is hard? Just try getting off methadone after being on it for awhile! Then she told me it actually eats your teeth and bones up!" Oh hell NO! I chose right then and there to detox off the pain meds. After 30 days of pure hell to get off the large amount of pain meds I was on? I finally started feeling somewhat human! A couple weeks later I called the same clinic to tell the woman thank you for waking me up! To my surprise? There wasn't a woman there by that name or never has been! Hmmmmmmmmm Could that have been an Angel on the phone with me?

I spent the next two years off the pain meds! I had divorced my 3rdH during those two years as well! Then I injured my female parts and needed a hysterectomy! I begged the VAH for one and was refused time and time again! I spent another year on pain meds until I was finally approved for surgery! The first words out of my mouth when I came to: "The pain is gone!" I was put thru some excruiating painful tests during that year too. So painful I was screaming at the top of my lungs for the doctor to STOP! The reason I was made to wait for surgery? The first A/H doctor I saw told me I was imagining the pain. He also wrote in his doctor notes: "This patient is in here for pain meds only! Admit her to a mental ward. Have her evaluated and DO NOT give her surgery!" I begged him not to put me on pain meds again! I only wanted the surgery! I got it a year later after being flown from AR to the TX VAH! After surgery I was puking for two days! They were giving me morphine on top of hydrocodone meds! Jethro went to the nurses station and asked them to stop the morphine. The nurse wrote in my medical record: "The patient's husband told us to take her off pain meds!" The first night I was in the hospital after surgery? I was given a pot to pizz in while in the bed. That wasn't something I could manage though! While I was passed out on the drugs. I overflowed the pot. I laid in the wet bed for hours before Jethro came up to check on me. To say the least: "He was pizzed! He stormed down to the nurses station and demanded someone get me cleaned up immediately!" They wasted NO time in getting me taken care of!

The day I got released I had to beg the doctor for some pain meds to make it home on! I was off the pain meds for two months and then a VAH doctor gave me injections in my lower back to help me get rid of the pain. Two days after the injections. I was screaming for pain meds! The injections were actually something that was supposed to trick my body into healing another injury. If I'd known that from the beginning? I'd never have taken the injections!

So now y'all know why I've been off and on the pain meds a little more!

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 05:26 AM
  # 362 (permalink)  
The truth shall set you free
 
Timebuster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
Well done Sarge. You should be proud of yourself.

Recovery is about finding your true self. By that I mean finding things that bring you happiness and satisfaction in life. I understand that addiction and depression can hinder ones growth in life. When I was addicted to pain meds every morning I wake up so depressed and with such guilt. Everyday the same damn routine. Get up feel horrible about my life. And its not were life has taken me, Its were I have taken me in life. But temporally I would feed my body with drugs and escape running away from me one more day.

Reservations of letting go of the only way I know how to survive and cope with life is so freighting and depressing. Freighting because if I didn't take my drugs I will be sick from withdrawals. Depressing because of my addiction life s*ck. What a vicious cycle to live life like that.

Thank you for sharing your story, it gives me a lot to be grateful for.

Hugs and prayers
TB
Timebuster is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 06:32 AM
  # 363 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
You are awesome Tod
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 12-09-2015, 02:24 AM
  # 364 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
TB: Yes I still have the times where I'm down and out! It usually occurs because of Jethro's attitude or what's coming out of his mouth! Usually negative chit that I just don't want to hear or put up with! I know he's miserable in many ways! But that doesn't mean I have to be a part of it! My little escape is the porch room! Or going outside with one of the little ones to spend time with! He just doesn't GET it! What life can be like w/o the pain pills and the other negative crap he wants to dwell on! Like what's in the news!

He doesn't understand how to separate himself from negative stuff! He likes to rant and rave as well as roll in it! I try telling him he can't change anything or anyone except himself. So stop dwelling on negative stuff! I pretty much waste my breath! He'll get on the phone with another individual he used to work with that loves talking politics! They will talk for hours! Sigh! At least it keeps him out of my space and the porch room!

I do my best to keep myself in check and on the right track 24/7! I've been thru hell and back after the three marriages and the time in the ARNG! As well as the odd jobs I had when I wasn't working full-time for the ARNG! I was working for a college and had this older woman tell the chair person, my boss, that TOD is white trash! I was standing at her doorway getting ready to walk into her office for another reason when I heard her say that! I stepped into her office and read her the riot act! I was SOOO pizzed off! This older woman was in a high ranking position too!

It's amazing what we go thru in life and we still can come out the other side as a survivor! No matter the reason or what we cling to in order to make it thru doesn't matter! It's the fact we made it thru that matters! If we have to cling to the sides of a cliff to make it another hour w/o using our DOC? Then hang on for dear life baby! Those pain meds ruled my life for a long time. But they aren't anymore!

I still have dreams of using them and even think about the feelings while I'm awake as to how they made me feel. I enjoy them for a little while and then I make myself think about the hours and days of misery I went thru to get off the stuff! And all the horrible things I went thru while taking them. That's what shakes the leaves on my tree! I don't ever want to go thru that again!

I just spent three hours working on getting the chicken pit area cleaned! We have found three large hens for Marvin! Young things that just started laying eggs! He will be in Heaven once we get them home! LOL I can handle one hen in the room here, but not three! YIKES! They're also used to sleeping outside so I'm going to house them at night in the pit area! I'll let Marvin decide if he wants to sleep outside in the pit area with the girls or in here! There's only one wall between here and the pit area. If they make the least little sound? He'll be crowing or fussing! So I might just kick him out into the pit area! He slept in there by himself for a long time until a 12ft black snake slithered up into his sleeping carrier! Crap! That's when I moved him inside here on the enclosed porch!

I'm now covered in old dusty hay and itching all over! So it's time to hit the shower and then crawl between the sheets.

Wishing everyone a clean day!

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-09-2015, 02:34 AM
  # 365 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by soberwolf View Post
You are awesome Tod
Thank you soberwolf!

I don't consider myself awesome! Just damned persistent in what I need to do to keep myself on the right track. I also have all the chickens and dog to care for too!

Back in 2005 when I was coming off a large amount of pain meds was horrible. It broke my heart to look at my Silkies thru the living room window waiting for me to care for them. I had NO energy and could only stand at the window and cry! They depended on me to take care of them and I was worthless! I had to depend on others to come take care of them. It tore at my heart to only be able to watch from the window!

Determined and persistent would be the way I describe myself now! Those damned pain meds will kill me if I was to take them again! I'm not ready to die! I want to live a healthy life! I want to find happiness in whatever I can! That is the key to me surviving the world I was forced into for so many years!

Thanks anyway for feeling in your thoughts I'm awesome! I'm really no different from anyone else trying to stay clean! I just have a lot more to my story than some do! That's the difference!

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-09-2015, 04:34 AM
  # 366 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
then X
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 12-09-2015, 06:30 AM
  # 367 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 116
Hey TOD

How's the cutie mirror loving strawberry blonde holding up?... I love her story and the fact that she's the last of 9 makes her a little fighter! I love fighters. I think I want her lol... Seriously, how much work are chickens?
Determined82 is offline  
Old 12-09-2015, 01:53 PM
  # 368 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Now this is what I call "JUST PRECIOUS!" Sherry sitting on her fuzzy blanket, beside the mirror - asleep!"



TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-10-2015, 02:38 AM
  # 369 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi D82, TB, Soberwolf and KZ!

Let's dance!




I just finished another night in the pit area getting it ready for Marvin's three girls! Had the music playing to keep a good tempo up and going! All I need to do is get the hay put down. Then put some food and water in there! And it will be ready for the new hens! There might have to be some adjustments for the hen that has a leg problem though! We'll figure it out after she gets here!

I have a hen that is blind in one eye! One that has a little bit of a crooked beak and now one that's got a leg problem! Nortybelle told me in a text earlier this evening; my house was for the disadvantaged! I told her back: "Shhhhhhhhh!" LOL

I'm hot, itching and ready for a shower! Molly's bed is already ready for her and the coffee pots are ready for when we wake up too! AND I washed all the dishes!

I might not get as much done as I used to? But I'm glad I have the energy and willpower to get done what I do get done! Those damned pain meds kept me in La La Land all the time! Nothing got done then! Except the animals care that is! And that was a chore all on it's own! Ugh!

Everyone have a clean day! Smile! Does the heart good!

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-10-2015, 06:53 AM
  # 370 (permalink)  
The truth shall set you free
 
Timebuster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
Look out, give TB some room he's taken over again lol

This is how we did it in my days.




Originally Posted by Tiredofdrugs View Post
I just finished another night in the pit area getting it ready for Marvin's three girls! I have a hen that is blind in one eye! One that has a little bit of a crooked beak and now one that's got a leg problem!
Marvin is one lucky rooster. I can even find one girlfriend and he gets a flock of three LOL And I'm not that choosy either, I'll date a girl with a crooked nose, a limp and one blind eye

Hugs and prayers
TB
Timebuster is offline  
Old 12-10-2015, 09:01 AM
  # 371 (permalink)  
Member
 
kzaug2014's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
Hey Tod,
So Marvin's getting 3 new gf's? Yayyyy! Lucky Marvin! I can't see the videos that you & TB posted, because they don't show up on my phone for some reason.

I know what ya mean about those pain pills! I've gotten more accomplished around here in the past 6mos, than in the previous 10yrs combined yikes lol! My hubs, on the other hand always had plenty of energy on methadone. I'm pretty sure it has something to do w/his ultra fast metabolism.

So we went to our storage unit to get our Christmas tree & decorations out last wkend. There were 15 18gal totes! Holy cow...I don't even remember buying all that stuff, which doesn't surprise me because my memory really sucked on those opiates and benzos! I have enough ornaments to decorate 6 full size trees lol. But, I separated the Christmas decor into 2 piles...keep & auction off. I kept all my antique stuff & filled 6 tubs up to auction off. Yay!

TB, Rotf, you crack me up!

Have a great day all! (( Hugs ))
kzaug2014 is offline  
Old 12-10-2015, 09:21 AM
  # 372 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I love the way you are with your chickens its very sweet
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 12-10-2015, 01:19 PM
  # 373 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 116
Hey TOD
I love to dance
Sherry looks adorable in your last posted pic. I'm literally in Love and am seriously considering getting a chicken!
Hope you've had a good day my friend. Stay safe (and sober
Will catch up over the weekend
Determined82 is offline  
Old 12-10-2015, 11:38 PM
  # 374 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I'm dancing Tod
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 12-11-2015, 01:53 AM
  # 375 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Okay y'all!

Here's a couple of pictures of the pit area I've been working on for the girls! This is walking into the pit area off the porch! There's a board to the left against the railing where they can walk on it to get into the pit area!



This is the area they'll be sleeping in and laying their eggs in! We've got a white bulb and heat bulb above the hay covered area! They'll be needing the heat bulb next week! Temps are going to be dropping! It's 58 degrees right now and going to be in the 70's for a few days!



And these are the three girls! They will be arriving late Friday afternoon! The white one is "Jennifer". The Red one is Lilly and the speckled one is Leanora! Those are their names they'll be arriving with! They are 11 months old!



TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-11-2015, 02:01 AM
  # 376 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by Timebuster View Post
Look out, give TB some room he's taken over again lol

This is how we did it in my days.






Marvin is one lucky rooster. I can't even find one girlfriend and he gets a flock of three LOL And I'm not that choosy either, I'll date a girl with a crooked nose, a limp and one blind eye

Hugs and prayers
TB
If this is how you dance? Then that walker of yours must have rocket paks on it? ROFL Makes the walker disappear in all it's speedy action. Leaves only you to look like you're actually dancing! IK IK I'm BAD!

TB! Jethro told me to tell you: "Go to Craigslist! That's where we found Sherry and Marvin's three hens! Good luck!" LMAOF I'm saying: "You aren't looking in the right places!"

BTW: How is your friend that went to the VAH for the liver test?

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-11-2015, 02:45 AM
  # 377 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by kzaug2014 View Post
Hey Tod,
So Marvin's getting 3 new gf's? Yayyyy! Lucky Marvin! I can't see the videos that you & TB posted, because they don't show up on my phone for some reason.

I know what ya mean about those pain pills! I've gotten more accomplished around here in the past 6mos, than in the previous 10yrs combined yikes lol! My hubs, on the other hand always had plenty of energy on methadone. I'm pretty sure it has something to do w/his ultra fast metabolism.

So we went to our storage unit to get our Christmas tree & decorations out last wkend. There were 15 18gal totes! Holy cow...I don't even remember buying all that stuff, which doesn't surprise me because my memory really sucked on those opiates and benzos! I have enough ornaments to decorate 6 full size trees lol. But, I separated the Christmas decor into 2 piles...keep & auction off. I kept all my antique stuff & filled 6 tubs up to auction off. Yay!

TB, Rotf, you crack me up!

Have a great day all! (( Hugs ))
Do you have an iphone? You should be able to see the video's if you do?

Yes Marvin is SOOOO ready to have girls he can run around with in his life again! Not a good time to be getting them though! It's supposed to start raining tomorrow and rain for several days. I hope I can persuade them to get off the porch and go underneath Jethro's work tent. Don't know how quick they'll take to Marvin either. That's going to be another adventure to deal with!

In the early days of taking the pain meds! I had tons of energy. But then I slowly started slowing down while on them! Once I got my body cleaned off of them? I had lots of energy again! Now I've mellowed out! I have my ups and downs! Some days are busy busy and others are slow slow! LOL

Ugh! I haven't put a Christmas tree up in a long time! Don't have room for one any way! I gave my daughter all the deco's she made and were significant to her growing up!

I'm not worried about SD and her kids! I know that might sound harsh to some. She hasn't bothered contacting me since she left her husband! She talks by text with Jethro. We don't even know where she's at right now. After her husband told me what she posted on FB about myself? I'm done with her! I feel so used after everything I've done for and given her!

My daughter on the other hand just received her Associates Degree! Woot! Woot! I received a very nicely written email from her husband today. He had written his thoughts down for me to see how he felt about my daughter/his wife after her going thru three years to earn this Degree! I cried!

Yes TB is quite the character! LOL We keep each other rolling in texts! He keeps me wound up and I'm constantly chewing on his azz for misbehaving!
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-11-2015, 02:48 AM
  # 378 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by soberwolf View Post
I love the way you are with your chickens its very sweet
Thank you Soberwolf!

They are our kids in feathered suits! They keep us entertained and give us lots of love back for the good care we give them! I share them thru my posts so others know what kind of days I have around here! It's one or the other always needing attention for something! LOL I beg them at times to please let momma get some rest!

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-11-2015, 03:11 AM
  # 379 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by Determined82 View Post
Hey TOD
I love to dance
Sherry looks adorable in your last posted pic. I'm literally in Love and am seriously considering getting a chicken!
Hope you've had a good day my friend. Stay safe (and sober
Will catch up over the weekend
Miss Sherry is doing wonderful! There's no more rattling in her chest and she's only sneezing dry sneezes! She's fallen in love with the freeze dried meal worms too. She gets so excited when I fill her bowl back up with them. It's nice to hear her so cheerful now!

She was literally the walking dead when we picked her up! If she weighed a pound I'd be surprised! She was SOOOO skinny and SOOOO sick! She's now got life in herself and has put on a little weight! When we come into her bedroom she'll just start cheeping up a storm to us! LOL

Here's a picture of the top of her head while sitting in the crook of my arm. She's got a head full of feathers! I'm going to have to do a lot of trimming so she can see!



Do some research on chickens before you get one! Be sure you get the right one for what you are wanting! There are smaller ones than our Silkies out there. They are the Old English Breed! They are smaller than pigeons! The Silkies are big time setters! They reach a point they just want to set on eggs for hatching! We give them ceramic eggs for that business. Don't want anymore babies! LOL Molly and Maria are past the setting age! Sherry will probably want to set when she gets older!

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
Old 12-11-2015, 03:13 AM
  # 380 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by soberwolf View Post
I'm dancing Tod
Where? I can't see you! LOL

I'll believe you though! I know you're at least smiling! And that's a good thing!

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:49 PM.