TB: Yes I still have the times where I'm down and out! It usually occurs because of Jethro's attitude or what's coming out of his mouth! Usually negative chit that I just don't want to hear or put up with! I know he's miserable in many ways! But that doesn't mean I have to be a part of it! My little escape is the porch room!
Or going outside with one of the little ones to spend time with! He just doesn't GET it! What life can be like w/o the pain pills and the other negative crap he wants to dwell on! Like what's in the news!
He doesn't understand how to separate himself from negative stuff! He likes to rant and rave as well as roll in it! I try telling him he can't change anything or anyone except himself. So stop dwelling on negative stuff! I pretty much waste my breath! He'll get on the phone with another individual he used to work with that loves talking politics! They will talk for hours! Sigh! At least it keeps him out of my space and the porch room!
I do my best to keep myself in check and on the right track 24/7! I've been thru hell and back after the three marriages and the time in the ARNG! As well as the odd jobs I had when I wasn't working full-time for the ARNG! I was working for a college and had this older woman tell the chair person, my boss, that TOD is white trash! I was standing at her doorway getting ready to walk into her office for another reason when I heard her say that! I stepped into her office and read her the riot act! I was SOOO pizzed off! This older woman was in a high ranking position too!
It's amazing what we go thru in life and we still can come out the other side as a survivor! No matter the reason or what we cling to in order to make it thru doesn't matter! It's the fact we made it thru that matters! If we have to cling to the sides of a cliff to make it another hour w/o using our DOC? Then hang on for dear life baby! Those pain meds ruled my life for a long time. But they aren't anymore!
I still have dreams of using them and even think about the feelings while I'm awake as to how they made me feel. I enjoy them for a little while and then I make myself think about the hours and days of misery I went thru to get off the stuff! And all the horrible things I went thru while taking them. That's what shakes the leaves on my tree! I don't ever want to go thru that again!
I just spent three hours working on getting the chicken pit area cleaned! We have found three large hens for Marvin! Young things that just started laying eggs! He will be in Heaven once we get them home! LOL I can handle one hen in the room here, but not three! YIKES! They're also used to sleeping outside so I'm going to house them at night in the pit area! I'll let Marvin decide if he wants to sleep outside in the pit area with the girls or in here! There's only one wall between here and the pit area. If they make the least little sound? He'll be crowing or fussing! So I might just kick him out into the pit area! He slept in there by himself for a long time until a 12ft black snake slithered up into his sleeping carrier! Crap! That's when I moved him inside here on the enclosed porch!
I'm now covered in old dusty hay and itching all over! So it's time to hit the shower and then crawl between the sheets.
Wishing everyone a clean day!
TOD