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I Drank After 2 Years and Six Months: I知 in Despair

Old 08-10-2019, 10:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Tatsy View Post
excruciating nightmares reliving the past and corrupting my desire to prevail. So the AV continues it痴 subjugation whilst I知 not conscious.
I'm gonna challenge you on this, Tats. The nightmares reflect things you're worried about, perhaps in the extreme. Things your subconscious is working on resolving. One of the things you're clearly extremely worried about is the AV. Naturally. But the AV is only a voice; it has no power over you. It's not to be feared, only to be recognized then dismissed.
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Old 08-10-2019, 04:57 PM
  # 122 (permalink)  
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Hi All;

Am comfortable at the the lake. The car ride was nice and not above the speed limit. I saw the officer that ticketed me last week for speeding writing up some other poor speeder as I was driving by. I wasn't quite sure of politeness etiquette in that situation. Should I have waved? We did share my first time. . .

. . . Getting a speeding ticket .

I'm going to make a nice decaf coffee or herbal TA to watch the sunset tonight. I'm feeling much better than this morning when I was facing the intestate weekend tourist traffic.

Spouse just took puppies for a car ride so they can bark at deer--a highly regarded entertainment in the canine world, and he will listen to The Who at high volume while they bark so you can imagine the cacophony of rolling sound my Kia is as I write in peaceful silence. So grateful I have the house to myself for a bit.

How was your day?
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Old 08-10-2019, 07:22 PM
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Hawkeye, sounds great, writing in peaceful silence.
my neighbourhood right now is having a so-called block-party...which is a drunkfest. always is. you know the boring and tedious way that goes:people getting louder and louder with each repetition of their sentence, which they feel they have to repeat when nobody responds, only this time and every time thereafter it starts with the added 斗ike i said: blahblahblah and then someone turns the music up and once that happens the like-i-saids get louder still and...this will go on until past midnight.
my day was fine.
my evening will be survivable but annoying.
Tatsy, where are you at?
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Old 08-11-2019, 04:00 AM
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fini, I'm glad the block party is over by now. So glad nothing of the sort happens in my neighborhood.

Nice job on avoiding the speeding ticket, Hawk. Is the lake really a lake? I didn't think we had those on the east coast.

Hey Tats,
What's shakin?
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Old 08-11-2019, 06:11 AM
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The lake is part of the Tennessee Valley Authority.

It is a Midwest/top of the south thing. Kentucky Lake and Lake Barkley. The latter is where my house is. We have a view of Land Between the Lakes which is a ginormous park between the two lakes spanning several states. That's why so many birds and wildlife. They even have a bison prairie in LBL. Lots of boating as you can get to Gulf of Mexico, Ohio river, etc. so also barges and shipping.

It's a lovely place.
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Old 08-11-2019, 06:21 AM
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We have lakes in Ga, SC, AL....

How's it going Tatsy?

My day yesterday was emotionally tough. A very mixed bag, mostly peppered with sadness, dark humor and practicality. Like I said- mixed. Lots of issues on our plate and I am so grateful for the dedication my husband and I have to ever better communication and the emotionally honest and intimate vulnerability we bring to our life. Even when others don't jibe w it. Le sigh - and le gratitude for today.
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Old 08-11-2019, 06:24 AM
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Tasty,

How are you doing today my friend?

I am back on your side of the pond, thinking about you.

X
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Old 08-11-2019, 09:13 AM
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Tatsy,

Your radio silence makes me think you are still drinking. Okay, so what are we going to do about that....?

Maybe you池e still stuck in that frustrating place where you want to desperately want to quit, but you池e not feeling that desperate want yet. I致e been in that place before. I値l sit around drinking wondering when I知 going to get to that place where I知 just so sick and tired of it that I can actually try to quit. I値l look forward to getting to that sick and tired place and I値l wish I was already there. So I drink and wait patiently, wasting even more and more of my life.

How about trying to stop drinking BEFORE you get to that sick and tired place?? Think about how proud you値l be, what an amazing accomplishment you will have achieved, and how you can use such a success to bolster your successes in the future. You might not desperately feel the wanting to quit right now, which is why ignoring your AV at such a time will be such an achievement. To ignore your AV during a time that does not yet feel like rock bottom?! Boy that will help to strengthen those sober muscles! Start working those sober muscles 💪 out. The only exercise you need to do is not drink alcohol.
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Old 08-11-2019, 02:11 PM
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Hey Tatsy,

I'm glad you're checking in to read your friends' posts. Whether you're drinking or not, how about telling us what's going on? You know we all want to help as best we can. Seems like spending excessive amounts of time alone with just your thoughts isn't doing you any favors.

You remember that just a week ago I was in similar dire straits. Interacting here really helped me to get my head on straight - or at least a whole lot less off kilter. Let me (us) return the favor?

xo
O
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Old 08-12-2019, 09:38 AM
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Hi all;

Last full day at the lake and back home to a dentist appointment in the early morning to get a filling replaced tomorrow morning. Eeeeeek.

How are you folks today?
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:00 AM
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Hello all my lovely sober friends, I知 so truly grateful for your amazing, faithful support.

I知 saddened to report that my absence is caused by a continued taper. I feel ashamed, that I知 letting you down. Yet, I知 concerned about heart palpitations, raised BP and HR etc., so I知 taking it slowly, perhaps too slowly, but I知 on my own with my pets.

I just felt guilty at my lack of communication, and thought it best to provide you all with an accurate update, albeit, negative. Thank you, everyone for being here. I do promise I値l stop, finally

Please don稚 give up on me, your kind support is spurring me on. 💓
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:03 AM
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Talk about that taper.

How many a day?

What will tomorrow be? One? Or Zero?

When is the end date?

A "taper" that started on 7/26 is failing as a taper, Tatsy.

What's the plan?
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:12 AM
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I知 concerned about heart palpitations, raised BP and HR etc., so I知 taking it slowly, perhaps too slowly, but I知 on my own with my pets.
^^ All AV.
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:43 AM
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Chiming in hoping for more info on the taper, T - or, actually, what you are willing to do to quit, now. We believe in you- but it's totally up to you.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:45 AM
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OK. I previously tapered, stopped, then started again. The usual Huge equiv. of 1 litre spirits a day, as I was previously. Madness, I know.

As an international forum I’ll keep it to the equiv of bottles of red wine. I tapered to 3 bottles, then 2.5 bottles, then 2 bottles, then yesterday 1.5 bottles. So that’s where I am now, trying to keep to 1 bottle, then half a bottle tomorrow, then the next day none, or if necessary sip 1 unit only, throughout the day. It is hard. But I can do it, because it’s do or die, there is no try, as Yoda said.

I do realise I must be exasperating.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:55 AM
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This is a bit like putting off going to the dentist. You know it must happen and agonising over it does not make the reality of the appointment go away. You may just as well speed up and get it over with. It痴 going to be painful anyway so the sooner the better. And the sooner relief will come. Just a thought.
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Old 08-12-2019, 12:08 PM
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Sorry, I didn’t taper to 3 bottles, I started the taper at that amount. Please don’t give up on me. I know I can succeed, I have before, I just need a little cheering on and positive experiences and guidance now; after the slings and arrows of outrageous (mis)fortune....
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Old 08-12-2019, 01:44 PM
  # 138 (permalink)  
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Tats, first off I don't think you're exasperating at all. You're suffering and I'm sorry for that and I want very much for that to stop. I can hear you in my head saying, "But luv, can't you see I've done this to myself?" Yep, I know. You know I know. Doesn't matter, you are still deserving of compassion. The only one you're "letting down" is yourself. We all just want to help - no matter which approach is taken by anyone here, we just want to help you make the decision to be done.

It's easier for me to understand mLs of liquor as opposed to bottles of wine. Just sayin. Anyhow I looked it up, and the internet tells me there are 5 servings in a bottle of wine. I'm no medical expert, so I can only tell you that - for me - getting down to that amount would mean I could "easily" quit the following day. I mean seriously, for people who drink/drank the prodigious volume of alcohol that we did, 5 drinks is pretty much nothing but torture. But I get it; I've done that out of fear of some new dreadful withdrawal symptom appearing. If you are seriously concerned that you might have a medical issue, you know what to do about that.

Make today your last day. I know you can do it, I know you should do it. It's far too easy to go "a little" over on your allotment. And if you're anything like me, that soon becomes a reason to go off to the races again. (I screwed up again, I'm a screw-up, I might as well drink.)

xo
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Old 08-12-2019, 01:52 PM
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Tats,

I am no expert on tapers, but I just hope you will get to the end as soon as you can, so the beginning can start.

XX
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Old 08-12-2019, 02:49 PM
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I know you can do it Tats.
My last taper I finished with flat warm beer only as needed on my last day.

It tasted so nasty I didn't want more. 🤢

How are you doing with eating and hydration? A pinch of salt in each glass of water will help in stabilizing electrolytes.

Do you have bad insomnia or can you sleep? Jigsaw puzzle helped me there.
Glad you posted. Onward and upward!
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