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I Drank After 2 Years and Six Months: I知 in Despair

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I Drank After 2 Years and Six Months: I知 in Despair

Old 08-02-2019, 11:50 AM
  # 81 (permalink)  
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THREAD ANNOUNCEMENT

Tatsy is in the room: in control of future posting and executive control of her body.

Tatsy and her dorsolateral prefrontal cortex have succeeded in reforming the link with her striatum (basic outline - other parts involved, but I shan’t go all neuroscience, and I don’t fully understand it but I believe it).

Tatsy is thereby now recapable of regaining control of and steering the mothership of her body: consequently fully utilising won’t power. No more alcoholic drinks will be raised to her lips.

Tatsy’s ancient, but useful brain parts (comprising the origin of feelings, emotions, memories....I won’t go all neuroscience) will be ignored when IT/They speak in the language of AV. Tatsy is aware that the AV has a narrow focus on an alcohol drink, which it deems a solution to any problem/feeling/emotion; or an addition and accelerant to happy emotions.

Tatsy’s higher, more evolved part of her brain, the inhibiting part, will simply note, but ignore the AV. Tatsy’s Won’t Power will remain in force, and this time prevail.

I am truly indebted to every poster here, for bringing me to my senses. Much love to all x
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Old 08-02-2019, 12:11 PM
  # 82 (permalink)  
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That . is. some. POWER. right there.
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Old 08-02-2019, 01:16 PM
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I知 very happy for you! Congratulations, Tatsy. (Hugs)
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Old 08-02-2019, 01:28 PM
  # 84 (permalink)  
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Really glad to hear it
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Old 08-02-2019, 06:58 PM
  # 85 (permalink)  
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well hello there, Tatsy
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Old 08-02-2019, 07:05 PM
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D
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Old 08-03-2019, 04:50 AM
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So you mentioned your painting supplies...there are some seriously talented artists on this site (and in my life) who are past over-drinkers.

I am looking forward to your musings on paper. I imagine the first ones will be dark and maybe have a lot of red. Or maybe that's just how my anger and grief manifest when I'm *in it.*

How are you feeling today? I think the first few days or couple weeks of my sober time contain enough memories to keep me from ever picking up a drink again. I can't tell you how different I am now with some continuous sober time under my belt. It's worth the discomfort, Tats.

Food, lots of it. I find food is medicine. There is no end of nutrition info online, so it's been a great hobby/time user for me. I don't know where on the planet you live, but if it's summer where you are there are so many food festivals and farmers' markets. The berries are now at peak in my part of the world. I just picked bunch of wild blackberries and ate [too many of] them yesterday. Tastes like summer. So much fiber!
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Old 08-03-2019, 05:19 AM
  # 88 (permalink)  
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Hi Tatsy

Just saw this thread and read through. Well done on you decision!
I wanted to share that during my relapses last year I also began getting a rash when drinking which was a symptom I never used to have.

It is as though I have become allergic to alcohol and it causes a direct autoimmune response. With sobriety it faded and went away.

How is your Day 1 going?
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Old 08-03-2019, 05:30 AM
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Woohoo.

Just great news ❤️
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Old 08-04-2019, 08:36 AM
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how are you doing today, Tatsy?
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Old 08-04-2019, 05:26 PM
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Prayers and support to you.
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Old 08-04-2019, 05:30 PM
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GO Tats!
You got this?
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Old 08-05-2019, 04:16 PM
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Yes you do!
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Old 08-06-2019, 10:32 AM
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Thinking of you.
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Old 08-06-2019, 12:45 PM
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Tatsy, I'm late to this thread having been away from SR. Sending love and support to you. You (the real Tatsy) are an incredibly strong, capable person, full of heart, and you have every capacity needed to step back over the threshold into the beautiful sober life you were living. We're all here for you with no judgment.
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Old 08-06-2019, 03:59 PM
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Hi Tatsy;
Just checking in to see how you are today
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Old 08-08-2019, 04:54 PM
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Tatsy,

Speak up, we can't hear a word you're not saying.

xo

O
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Old 08-09-2019, 06:12 AM
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Yeah, it's been a whole week!! (since you quit.)

Howsit?
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Old 08-09-2019, 06:15 AM
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Another bump for the thread to see how the lovely first-person Tatsy is doing?
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Old 08-09-2019, 09:15 AM
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I truly love every single person who has posted here, you’re special souls, indeed.

I separated from that ‘want’ to drink, as I did before. Then, then, the AV spoke in such terms, that it was the truth, and I agreed. This isn’t the same as the last time, I was happy and content not drinking, Then life’s events were tumultuous and unfair and quite frankly, in some respects, pretty evil and vindictive and uwarranted and directed at me. And I simply don’t see a way to have karmic justice. And the ramifications and repercussions, if there’s no justice is life changing for me.

And I do realise, that to drink, is to absent myself from engaging proactively in my life, in order to alter its course, but I think it’s too late and I really do not know how I can possibly rebuild. I just don’t.

August, you’re right, first-person Tatsy is still here, but battling, battling against that voice that speaks such truths, and often agreeing that I’m in dire circumstances and how it’s too late to turn things around...and it encourages me to drink, to drown out the doom and gloom and might as well end it all thoughts. Sorry, everyone, but first-person Tatsy listened to the AV and left the room.

Yet, I know I can return, if I can summons, whatever. Because I don’t want to die, so any experience, whatsoever, will be welcomed by the real me, not the me that wants to drink herself to death, in hopeless despair.

I hate myself for writing that last sentence, there are good people lying in hospital fighting and dying of cancer and other terminal illnesses, and I’m tipping alcohol down my throat, it’s disgusting.
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