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Spectacular Connections Check-in Part II

Old 02-04-2009, 09:58 PM
  # 381 (permalink)  
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*Sigh.* Slow day today. I couldn't concentrate, didn't get much done. Had a few minutes where I thought I was going to have some terrible cravings but luckily that did not happen. Made some plans for dinner tomorrow but I just feel sort of melancholy. I have felt that way a lot lately and I do not like it. Have a friend texting asking if we can party sometime and the more depressed I feel the harder it is to say no. Thinking about driving down to visit bf just to get away from the parties here this weekend but have tons of homework so that will dictate if I am able to get away.

Spent a lot of time on the couch rubbing the dog's ears today....

Hugs to you, ananda.
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:53 AM
  # 382 (permalink)  
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Hugs to ananda, gneiss, TSH...and anyone else who needs one.
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Old 02-05-2009, 09:24 AM
  # 383 (permalink)  
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You know at 18 mos i'm only just begining to uncover what it is that I seem to want/need in my life. I think understanding that may be pretty important to supporting real freedom from the "voice of my addiction"....(i actually don't like that term, cause it is as if it is something seperate, but its the closest i can come to sying what i mean). I wonder why I always want to run away from looking at and acknowleging that.

glad you are all here thx.
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Old 02-05-2009, 10:28 AM
  # 384 (permalink)  
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Have not been in the secular threads for a while but feels great to have landed here today. Ananda - hearing about what you are going through at 18 mos is inspiring. I am only 24 days in but keep getting new stuff surfacing that makes me realize how much alcohol was affecting my life.

Furb, - I appreciate your rant a few days back about AA and feelings re "seculars" - I find is so hard to get good recovery info that is not laced with AA perspective, and at the same time I know for sure that lots of people get sober without AA. I don't want to put AA down, but also don't want to be put down by AA.

Good to be in secular atmosphere!
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Old 02-05-2009, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by KindBird View Post
Furb, - I appreciate your rant a few days back about AA and feelings re "seculars"!
Which thread was that? Not sure if I caught it...
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Old 02-05-2009, 11:22 AM
  # 386 (permalink)  
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Oh, man...my mom is trying to sabatoge my diet (unintentionally). Cookies and ice cream everywhere. How can I stay strong?








Thanks a lot, mom!
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by KindBird View Post

Furb, - I appreciate your rant a few days back about AA and feelings re "seculars" - I find is so hard to get good recovery info that is not laced with AA perspective, and at the same time I know for sure that lots of people get sober without AA. I don't want to put AA down, but also don't want to be put down by AA.

Good to be in secular atmosphere!
I think that says it all Kind. If there wasn't those overzealous types it may be cool. This is a little known fact but the cannibals did not eat all the missionaries that came to save them. Only the really annoying ones.

I was looking for it DK but couldn't find it. Someone ticked me off and when that happens I am a psycho. At least I can't hurt anybody here unless I send them a little virus. lol lol lol
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Old 02-05-2009, 02:14 PM
  # 388 (permalink)  
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Hi, y'all.
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Old 02-05-2009, 02:28 PM
  # 389 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fubarcdn View Post
I was looking for it DK but couldn't find it. Someone ticked me off and when that happens I am a psycho.
Hmmm... I wonder if it got removed.
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Old 02-05-2009, 03:51 PM
  # 390 (permalink)  
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I didn't find anything removed, deleted, or unapproved.
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Old 02-05-2009, 03:55 PM
  # 391 (permalink)  
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LOL consider yourself well and truly told off!
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:14 PM
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Originally Posted by doorknob View Post
Hmmm... I wonder if it got removed.
I found it after using my fine tooth comb and super strong reading glasses. It is post #372 if you are interested.

My eyes ain't what they used to be.
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:14 PM
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Hello all, hope you're well?

Bit of a tricky day today - Mum rushed back into hospital today with pains, may be another heart "event" after the heart attack the other week. Just when we thought it was all ok!

As an atheist i do not believe in a soul or that anything of the ego survives after death. I think you have the one life and to try and live a good one, be happy, and make the most of it.

I believe that when my loved ones die then they're gone, if they live on in any way it's in their children and in people's memories of them, and the mark they left on people's lives.

Personally i think religion is largely about fear of death, as well as ignorance about the universe and how things work.

So i think that whilst atheists don't have the false comfort of life after death and their loved ones being "in a better place" it does mean facing that fear of death which is very strong.

She should be ok, but it just makes me think about stuff and i wanted to share it with my secular alcoholic buddies.
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:17 PM
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Good post Spark.
Here is hoping that your mother gets better. Look after her and show her you love her. Peace.
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:18 PM
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I hope she's ok, spark. :ghug2
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:22 PM
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I hope things are less serious than you think Spark, take care, my thoughts are with you and your family. :ghug3
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:54 PM
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Thanks guys and gals

i'd be lying if i said i hadn't thought about a drink, but i'm glad to be sober, to be able to support my family as they're supporting me, to be able to try and deal with the whole confusing jumble of emotions and not hide from them.

The thing is i don't fear death per se - i'm not frightened of dying - i worry it might be painful for a bit but that'd be the case with or without an afterlife.

I think mark twain said it well, about being dead for billions of years before being born and it wasn't an inconvenience then!

The thing that hits me really strongly is the thought that one day someone you love will be gone and you won't see them again. But as harsh as that is to face up to, it's still (to me) a fact, probably the coldest fact about life there is, but one that has to be faced.

I guess this is the first time i've really had to face it - when my grandparents died i did what i did in most emotionally turbulent situations and got very drunk.

She should be fine though.
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Old 02-05-2009, 05:11 PM
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Originally Posted by spark42 View Post
Thanks guys and gals

The thing that hits me really strongly is the thought that one day someone you love will be gone and you won't see them again. But as harsh as that is to face up to, it's still (to me) a fact, probably the coldest fact about life there is, but one that has to be faced.
Ya that is the toughest. I lost my mother when I was 24 and my father later on. I tell my wife that I hope to go first.
She says if you keep drinking you will get your wish.-------and sooner than you think.
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Old 02-05-2009, 06:27 PM
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I first came face to face with the cold facts of mortality when my mother died two years ago, I had had bereavements before but at one step removed.

It caused a massive shift in my psyche and I don't think I have dealt with it properly, its not the thought of no afterlife that affected me so strongly, that sounds like a good thing to me.

I don't really know why it affected me so strongly, perhaps I should stop ignoring what happened and examine it properly.
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Old 02-05-2009, 06:38 PM
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Sparkey...i actually find this to be a very critical part of what i have to face as an atheist in a society that believes in an "after" life....i won't bore you with details and suspect they aren't important...but has really lead to my understanding of time as a human construct...to organize data...and this moment is every moment and every moment dies at its birth...

Sorry writing this for me really

But I have had to face the immenance of death (sorry for spelling errors) a number of times in my family as of the 5 immediate members, I am the only one who has not had cancer that should kill them.

My father died 3 years ago. He had lung cancer, diagonised in February a week after my brother was diagnoised wtih bad prostrate cancer. They were in the hospital at the same time for surgeries. Dad was getting ready for chemo and died from a side effect of a medicne he had recieved in surgery. It was all very sudden in a way..not car wreck sudden. I was in detox when he died and drank for several more years. When i was in treatment (and that time it took) my other brother (not the prostrate one) who we call braintumor brother as he had a braintumor and "should" have died 25 years ago ... walking miricale..had a major stroke.

There are many great writings on the human condition, impermancy and the value it adds to the human existance. And I do believe that stuff...it is my "faith" not some afterlife or rewards or rebirths.

I can't think of a more important thing to consider in our lives than birth/life and death...

Anyways sorry to rant..saw an opportunity to think and took it

(hug) hope all is going well at this point for you.
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