Controlled drinking 26 months later
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
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I have problems making up my mind about this thread. One part of me thinks the lifestyle you're trying to maintain sounds extremely uneasy, exhausting and quite dangerous to be honest.
Another part of me is jealous that you who calls himself an alcoholic still can drink. I am not much jealous of normal drinkers who drink cause I think they don't get the same out of it like alcoholics do. And I don't envy their style of drinking. But part of me always hoped I could drink like my dad does. He drinks 1-2 bottles of wine a day, never hungover, never drinking during the day, never drinking to pass out and apparently he doesn't even have any health issues. He's been doing that for the past 30 years already and it looks like it works for him. To me that's alcoholic drinking and the addicted part in me whishes I had gotten away with it for longer, too.
Another part of me is jealous that you who calls himself an alcoholic still can drink. I am not much jealous of normal drinkers who drink cause I think they don't get the same out of it like alcoholics do. And I don't envy their style of drinking. But part of me always hoped I could drink like my dad does. He drinks 1-2 bottles of wine a day, never hungover, never drinking during the day, never drinking to pass out and apparently he doesn't even have any health issues. He's been doing that for the past 30 years already and it looks like it works for him. To me that's alcoholic drinking and the addicted part in me whishes I had gotten away with it for longer, too.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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In all honesty i haven't made my mind up either. the more variables i account for the more that seem to keep cropping up. only time will tell i suppose.
i still compare it to what i did with smoking. broke down the addictive process. the physical vs mental addiction, my triggers, my habits, what i excelled at and what i failed at and came up with a iron clad plan. AND IT WORKED. 5+ years later i only smoke once a month, i call it my smoking weekend. last smoking weekend was 3 mos ago. it worked so well i forget to claim my smoking weekends now...
Now smoking is more addictive, but it's not mind altering. Different animal completely to deal with.
i still compare it to what i did with smoking. broke down the addictive process. the physical vs mental addiction, my triggers, my habits, what i excelled at and what i failed at and came up with a iron clad plan. AND IT WORKED. 5+ years later i only smoke once a month, i call it my smoking weekend. last smoking weekend was 3 mos ago. it worked so well i forget to claim my smoking weekends now...
Now smoking is more addictive, but it's not mind altering. Different animal completely to deal with.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,340
Originally Posted by vandelay187 
I definitely admit i'm an alcoholic.
What does alcohol add to MY life?? Excellent question. it fuels my passion for travel, exploration, and adventure. Whether it's flying somewhere or driving somewhere i can have my drinks in the airport listening to music or staring at the crappy 4 walls of any hotel i stop at driving cross country. I do the x-country amtrak runs as well in a nice cozy roomette and once again - i have my beers, my laptop, and great movies/tv and i could be anywhere. Remove that... why bother going...?
What does alcohol add to MY life?? Excellent question. it fuels my passion for travel, exploration, and adventure. Whether it's flying somewhere or driving somewhere i can have my drinks in the airport listening to music or staring at the crappy 4 walls of any hotel i stop at driving cross country. I do the x-country amtrak runs as well in a nice cozy roomette and once again - i have my beers, my laptop, and great movies/tv and i could be anywhere. Remove that... why bother going...?
Until it doesn't, is the problem
Maybe, this (mistaken, imo) belief is what takes some of us so long to get here.
Lucky are the ones who figure it out before there are catastrophic consequences. Or not catastrophic, but, a bleak life.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
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Originally Posted by vandelay187
I think this is all outstanding discussion. I'm trying to be as candid and open as possible, at the risk of borderline uncomfortably putting myself out there... in the hope that this thread speaks in some helpful way to others that read it. so i hope that's a success.
I definitely admit i'm an alcoholic. so my point with my other friend was that if i've admitted this why can't he? He's either being dishonest with me or dishonest with himself. But i digress..
What does alcohol add to MY life?? Excellent question. it fuels my passion for travel, exploration, and adventure. Whether it's flying somewhere or driving somewhere i can have my drinks in the airport listening to music or staring at the crappy 4 walls of any hotel i stop at driving cross country. I do the x-country amtrak runs as well in a nice cozy roomette and once again - i have my beers, my laptop, and great movies/tv and i could be anywhere. Remove that... why bother going...?
Who likes waiting around at an airport? That is deemed a pretty crappy experience overall. I've often claimed i'm the perfect amount of 'alcoholic'. I can be in the dreaded airport and completely content with a 2-3 hour delay.
As far as my friends go we all have pretty solid relationships. it's occurred to me that since high school we've all remained very tight probably due to the alcohol. It's been the norm to get sloppy silly drunk when we hang out so it's only become an issue with the one friend who did admit i got annoying but only after i really sought that info. the others we all still drink at the same pace. Pretty tight, open, and honest with family too. if they had an issue with it they'd say so and they seem content since my perfect week progress. That said i don't drink much on the thanksgivings, etc... so they don't see my normal weekend routine.
I definitely admit i'm an alcoholic. so my point with my other friend was that if i've admitted this why can't he? He's either being dishonest with me or dishonest with himself. But i digress..
What does alcohol add to MY life?? Excellent question. it fuels my passion for travel, exploration, and adventure. Whether it's flying somewhere or driving somewhere i can have my drinks in the airport listening to music or staring at the crappy 4 walls of any hotel i stop at driving cross country. I do the x-country amtrak runs as well in a nice cozy roomette and once again - i have my beers, my laptop, and great movies/tv and i could be anywhere. Remove that... why bother going...?
Who likes waiting around at an airport? That is deemed a pretty crappy experience overall. I've often claimed i'm the perfect amount of 'alcoholic'. I can be in the dreaded airport and completely content with a 2-3 hour delay.
As far as my friends go we all have pretty solid relationships. it's occurred to me that since high school we've all remained very tight probably due to the alcohol. It's been the norm to get sloppy silly drunk when we hang out so it's only become an issue with the one friend who did admit i got annoying but only after i really sought that info. the others we all still drink at the same pace. Pretty tight, open, and honest with family too. if they had an issue with it they'd say so and they seem content since my perfect week progress. That said i don't drink much on the thanksgivings, etc... so they don't see my normal weekend routine.
Now I am even more confused about your motivations.
This strikes me as just sad. I remember thinking in a very similar way , for far too long.
Either your life revolves around drinking , or your drinking revolves around your life , either way you term it , it is really just spinning at a standstill. The only possible trajectory is a tightening inward/downward spiral.
Jettison the booze , start on a different path , one that has a chance to actually go somewhere. Or not , your choice, I'm going to bow out of this conversation too, I think I miss understood the intent, I now realize I have no idea what you are trying to say or show.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Come on Snazzy....Clever is one of the bargaining stages we go thru before we know we can't outsmart the addiction! I am here to raise my hand. I have had many self dialogues with myself over my clever plan of moderation drinking. It is what you do to discover you are out of control. One of the steps before you KNOW you must give it up. I understand this...
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Sorry if i took this into an in-appropriate or argumentative place. I think I've said enough for now. I'll check back in and just observe over the next few weeks though. it's been really helpful just discussing a lot of this so thanks again everyone.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
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I haven't read the entire thread but quite a bit. That being said, I don't understand the point. Whether you call yourself an alcoholic or not, if you drink as much as you do it is harmful to your mind and body. You are also not the best you you can be.
Those are two facts that are indisputable. Now will you get by doing what you do? Maybe.
Will you live longer then you would if you drank as much as you really want to? Probably.
I've tried everything you have or want to try and nothing I did made my life better. Nothing!
Those are two facts that are indisputable. Now will you get by doing what you do? Maybe.
Will you live longer then you would if you drank as much as you really want to? Probably.
I've tried everything you have or want to try and nothing I did made my life better. Nothing!
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,340
Originally Posted by vandelay187
Sorry if i took this into an in-appropriate or argumentative place. I think I've said enough for now. I'll check back in and just observe over the next few weeks though. it's been really helpful just discussing a lot of this so thanks again everyone.
For me, it is a case of sharing "been there, done that, got the t-shirt" and it is a crappy t-shirt
I hope you stick around and do some reading. There is so much gold to be mined from this site, in this thread and elsewhere.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 50
As far as cigarettes being more addictive I call BS. I too can just have one once in a while. I used to smoke a pack a day or more in high school. I now have one when I am hanging out with my mom (she smokes like a chimney and I see her every few months). I don't set a designated date, but if I go on vacation with someone who smokes, I will usually smoke with them and just stop when the vacation is over. As far as alcohol goes, this is not the case for me. I find it much more addicting. If doing what you do works for you than great, but it seems like a lot of work. My brother in-laws wedding is in 3 months and that is going to be a hard time for me not to drink (my wife is Scottish). I have thought about just having some with the family (by some I mean getting blotto'd with the Scotts), but I don't see it being worth it in the end.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 125
Everyone here has tried to make a deal with the devil. Only on weekends, matchsticks, blah blah blah.
Does anyone remember the sitcom "Titus" where he called raising his children the "Titus Method". I remember one episode when he and a friend watched his kid stick a fork in an outlet. Zapp!! Titus said"See, he won't do that again"
With alcohol we all need to be zapped first..
Does anyone remember the sitcom "Titus" where he called raising his children the "Titus Method". I remember one episode when he and a friend watched his kid stick a fork in an outlet. Zapp!! Titus said"See, he won't do that again"
With alcohol we all need to be zapped first..
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
You really wouldn't want to travel if you couldn't drink just so you didn't have to sit in an airport for 2 hours without a beer? Really? You just wouldn't go?
I will note that i don't get sloppy at the airport... or have any desire to. So that's generally a 3 drink situation. So maybe there's something to that. Maybe there's something to that 4+ drink threshold.
I'd be angry at the airport not because i'd rather be home drinking but because i'm stuck someplace i don't want to be and my time is being wasted. My time off time. That's the most valuable time i have. And i'm sitting there, friggin waiting. counting each agonizing second. around all these friggin people. Was it my miscalculation that caused this delay and caused me to be so deeply immersed in this fresh hell? should i have picked another airline? should i have driven instead? or am i just this time the victim of being on someone else's transit medium. (remember after enduring all of this i still have to board the plane and continue waiting!)
I don't think the alcohol is so powerful in this case, but i'm using it to trick myself into thinking, my vacation has started, and i can enjoy even this delay. (think aspergers) I don't think the above mini rant would be any different if it was 5 years sober approaching the same situation. I'd still hate it with the fury of 1000 suns. or i'd relax, have a beer, and again trick myself into thinking, 'my vacation has started'.
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On second thought, maybe this is a chicken or the egg scenario. is it that 'my vacation has begun' or 'drinking has begun' ?? I still say - drinking is great but it's not that great. Not great enough to have such a sway one way or another in emotion or reaction to a situation.
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Just a reminder that it's against our rules to promote the use of drugs or alcohol.
And, I am totally content waiting in an airport/doctor's office/for a bus/in a restaurant, because I always have a good ebook which I can pull out and read. It's a heck of a lot better than drinking.
And, I am totally content waiting in an airport/doctor's office/for a bus/in a restaurant, because I always have a good ebook which I can pull out and read. It's a heck of a lot better than drinking.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,651
This is a sobriety forum. By its very nature, alcoholism doesn't allow for controlled drinking.
I'm a binge drinker and my "control" would involve binging for a weekend, going to the hospital for withdrawals, at least a week of shakes, and missed opportunities to live.
No thanks.
I'm a binge drinker and my "control" would involve binging for a weekend, going to the hospital for withdrawals, at least a week of shakes, and missed opportunities to live.
No thanks.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by dwtbd
As far as I can tell, from their posts, the OP is not trying to quit. It does not seem that he is addicted.
He knows he probably shouldn't drink, but he still does, although he knows he's treading a fine line. This is why he tries to minimizing the fall-out from his drinking, and mostly gets drunk alone.
He wants to drink and get away with it, even though he probably suspects that something is very wrong somewhere.
What could it be, though?
vandelay187,
Your addiction is apparently in control, and you are living out its dictates. It is actually organizing your life around itself, and you are trying to minimize the damage. It will continue to do this, and you may or may not succeed in damage control in the long run.
You are probably wagering that you can succeed at damage control, but even if you do, it will very likely come at the expense of other things you once valued, or presently value.
You cannot imagine a life without the drug, but the day may come when you cannot tolerate the damage, either. Usually, the price goes up, and the noose tightens.
If that day comes, you will still be faced with the same dilemma you have right now. Namely, whether to drink, or not to drink.
I understand your predicament, but consider where you are headed, and consider a perfect year, rather than a perfect week. It may give you some perspective.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Well. i think this thread has indeed run its course at this point. As far as my feedback goes anyway. My final takeaway is this:
Many years ago i sought out some kind of forum like this one just to read up on what those post alcohol experience, etc... i was led to livingsobersucks and as a result gained the perspective you might imagine. I gave up and thought, well, if living sober sucks, then i guess i better practice managing this.
Then when i searched again I found this site. I've learned here that perspective couldn't be farther from the truth and when i am ready to give it up it probably won't be so bad. The fact that so many here seem to be 'recovered' and actually happier is a great thing to know is possible down the line.
Many years ago i sought out some kind of forum like this one just to read up on what those post alcohol experience, etc... i was led to livingsobersucks and as a result gained the perspective you might imagine. I gave up and thought, well, if living sober sucks, then i guess i better practice managing this.
Then when i searched again I found this site. I've learned here that perspective couldn't be farther from the truth and when i am ready to give it up it probably won't be so bad. The fact that so many here seem to be 'recovered' and actually happier is a great thing to know is possible down the line.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Living sober sucks, much like the book, is a quit drinking site, about living life sober, is it not? That you latched on to the title, and discarded the rest of the content, should tell you something.
Regarding this recovered "and actually happier" thing you're concerned about, that "happier" part is your addiction talking.
It is the addiction saying "Life is no good, and if you're not happy, you may as well drink, so if you can't get happy, you can't quit drinking."
The warped "happy" logic just points to more drinking. It is the addiction organizing your thoughts in order to perpetuate itself.
Happiness may be a life ideal, but it is not a recipe for quitting drinking, or a guaranteed outcome. Quitting drinking simply removes a ball and chain that may lead to devastating losses.
Regarding this recovered "and actually happier" thing you're concerned about, that "happier" part is your addiction talking.
It is the addiction saying "Life is no good, and if you're not happy, you may as well drink, so if you can't get happy, you can't quit drinking."
The warped "happy" logic just points to more drinking. It is the addiction organizing your thoughts in order to perpetuate itself.
Happiness may be a life ideal, but it is not a recipe for quitting drinking, or a guaranteed outcome. Quitting drinking simply removes a ball and chain that may lead to devastating losses.
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Never been to the site but the full title to that book is Living Sober Sucks! (but living drunk sucks more).
For me, living sober doesn't suck anyway.
Trying to drink and no having negative consequences, trying to stop drinking and not being able to, hurting the people you love...*that* sucked.
Early recovery was rough - but no tougher than my drinking life was - and you get through the ups and downs in a few months.
I hope you allow yourself that opportunity one day.
I've never felt happier, more free, or more at peace than I do now - and all I had to do was put down the bottle.
The thread's gonna stay open.
Even if you're not picking up whats being laid down here (and thats your call) I hope someone else reading might just find a reason or two to quit, or stay quit.
D
For me, living sober doesn't suck anyway.
Trying to drink and no having negative consequences, trying to stop drinking and not being able to, hurting the people you love...*that* sucked.
Early recovery was rough - but no tougher than my drinking life was - and you get through the ups and downs in a few months.
I hope you allow yourself that opportunity one day.
I've never felt happier, more free, or more at peace than I do now - and all I had to do was put down the bottle.
The thread's gonna stay open.
Even if you're not picking up whats being laid down here (and thats your call) I hope someone else reading might just find a reason or two to quit, or stay quit.
D
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