Controlled drinking 26 months later
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
I can safely say that even if I was a "normal drinker," life is better without alcohol in any form. Even a single (strong) beer, if I'm being honest, made me hazy and tongue tied toward the end of my drinking career. I started hating the sensation of being intoxicated, but by then I was addicted. I am never going back to that again.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
I had a friend like this. He's in prison now. He wasn't even in denial and he had a healthy outlet for his anger. I was drinking too so I couldn't be of much help to anyone. Lot's of yets to go. What a waste.
The brain/body is obviously taking a beating. I know at thirty it may appear indestructible. What about as it deteriorates and some loved one disappears. What are your plans for then?
The brain/body is obviously taking a beating. I know at thirty it may appear indestructible. What about as it deteriorates and some loved one disappears. What are your plans for then?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Stay vigilant, Vanderlay. As it seems you are aware, your approach requires a lot of vigilance.
I won't judge you for your approach to life but I like many others here find sobriety easier, more straight-forward and more rewarding than moderation in any form. Plus it saved my life.
It might be an idea to stick around and keep reading this forum, even if you don't feel like actively contributing. Sobriety needs vigilance too, and reading on this site is good for that. It might also be good to keep you from wandering over the line to endangering behaviour ... which I imagine for you would be a constant battle.
I won't judge you for your approach to life but I like many others here find sobriety easier, more straight-forward and more rewarding than moderation in any form. Plus it saved my life.
It might be an idea to stick around and keep reading this forum, even if you don't feel like actively contributing. Sobriety needs vigilance too, and reading on this site is good for that. It might also be good to keep you from wandering over the line to endangering behaviour ... which I imagine for you would be a constant battle.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
YET =
You're
Eligible
Too
I could never do what you are attempting to do, Art. (and yes, I get the reference).
It sounds exhausting. And - your number of drinking days per month, and the amount you drink when you do drink, is approximately what I was doing. I ended up with 3 DUI's (slow learner), almost lost ALL of my friends, lost the respect of LOTS and lots of people, got into financial trouble, lost almost all of my self-respect. Don't think all that can't happen to you, even though you think you are managing now. I think you do realize this, at least from what I can tell from your posts.
I hope you decide to quit. Life is so much simpler. Maybe you will get to the point, like most of us did, where you will not enjoy your drunk time. And I sincerely hope the YETS don't catch up with you before that happens.
You're
Eligible
Too
I could never do what you are attempting to do, Art. (and yes, I get the reference).
It sounds exhausting. And - your number of drinking days per month, and the amount you drink when you do drink, is approximately what I was doing. I ended up with 3 DUI's (slow learner), almost lost ALL of my friends, lost the respect of LOTS and lots of people, got into financial trouble, lost almost all of my self-respect. Don't think all that can't happen to you, even though you think you are managing now. I think you do realize this, at least from what I can tell from your posts.
I hope you decide to quit. Life is so much simpler. Maybe you will get to the point, like most of us did, where you will not enjoy your drunk time. And I sincerely hope the YETS don't catch up with you before that happens.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
I appreciate your posting this, because it has helped clarify something for me again.
After drinking a bottle of wine or more almost every night for more than half of my life, I KNOW that I have no control over alcohol. I am not able to just have a glass once in awhile.
I thank God every day that I have quit before anything really horrible ( legal, accident, etc.) happened.
It is so much easier to be free of it! No more arguing with myself, no more planning, hiding it, no more worry or shame.
I wish you the best, and I wish you a lot of luck, but TBH it sounds like your AV ( your addiction) is talking, it doesn't sound like you are in control. In my personal experience, it just keeps getting worse and worse.
Best of luck.
After drinking a bottle of wine or more almost every night for more than half of my life, I KNOW that I have no control over alcohol. I am not able to just have a glass once in awhile.
I thank God every day that I have quit before anything really horrible ( legal, accident, etc.) happened.
It is so much easier to be free of it! No more arguing with myself, no more planning, hiding it, no more worry or shame.
I wish you the best, and I wish you a lot of luck, but TBH it sounds like your AV ( your addiction) is talking, it doesn't sound like you are in control. In my personal experience, it just keeps getting worse and worse.
Best of luck.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,150
Just knowing that possible drinking is on the table would lead my Addictive Voice to shout at me all day long Monday -Thursday. "You have a bad day, drink just tonight to feel better." "You had a good day, drink to celebrate." It would drive me literally to drink.
I tried many different approaches to moderation and guess what, none of them worked. Normal people don't have to come up with elaborate plans to control their drinking, they just stop after one or two. There is a name for people like us-alcoholics.
This disease is progressive and things will only get more difficult for you as you continue to rewire your brain with your weekend binges.
Good luck and please come back here if you are serious about another approach to living life.
I tried many different approaches to moderation and guess what, none of them worked. Normal people don't have to come up with elaborate plans to control their drinking, they just stop after one or two. There is a name for people like us-alcoholics.
This disease is progressive and things will only get more difficult for you as you continue to rewire your brain with your weekend binges.
Good luck and please come back here if you are serious about another approach to living life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by MLD51 
YET =
You're
Eligible
Too
I could never do what you are attempting to do, Art. (and yes, I get the reference).
It sounds exhausting. And - your number of drinking days per month, and the amount you drink when you do drink, is approximately what I was doing. I ended up with 3 DUI's (slow learner), almost lost ALL of my friends, lost the respect of LOTS and lots of people, got into financial trouble, lost almost all of my self-respect. Don't think all that can't happen to you, even though you think you are managing now. I think you do realize this, at least from what I can tell from your posts.
I hope you decide to quit. Life is so much simpler. Maybe you will get to the point, like most of us did, where you will not enjoy your drunk time. And I sincerely hope the YETS don't catch up with you before that happens.
You're
Eligible
Too
I could never do what you are attempting to do, Art. (and yes, I get the reference).
It sounds exhausting. And - your number of drinking days per month, and the amount you drink when you do drink, is approximately what I was doing. I ended up with 3 DUI's (slow learner), almost lost ALL of my friends, lost the respect of LOTS and lots of people, got into financial trouble, lost almost all of my self-respect. Don't think all that can't happen to you, even though you think you are managing now. I think you do realize this, at least from what I can tell from your posts.
I hope you decide to quit. Life is so much simpler. Maybe you will get to the point, like most of us did, where you will not enjoy your drunk time. And I sincerely hope the YETS don't catch up with you before that happens.
I was sure it could never happen to me.
Until it all did.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
You know those math problems in school? A train leaves the NE at 10 miles an hour carrying lumber and another train leaves the SE station at 25 miles an hour.....that's what reading your plan sounds like to me. It makes my head hurt.
Good luck to you, but I think you are missing the one very important piece, your health. You are killing yourself with the amounts you are drinking. Never mind you are not addicted.
Good luck to you, but I think you are missing the one very important piece, your health. You are killing yourself with the amounts you are drinking. Never mind you are not addicted.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Hi Vanderlay. I've been around SR for a loooong time now, and I have read a lot of these moderation posts, and one thing I have noticed is a lot of the moderation posters tend to come back in weeks, months or years with tail tucked firmly between legs, usually because something bad happened that showed them that "moderation" wasn't such a good idea after all.
I can't say I blame you though. I have over twenty years of research trying to prove that I too could moderate. And now I know from all this experience that just taking one drink opens the possibility for all kinds of bad things to happen, so I just don't even try anymore. I truly hope you don't have to have something bad happen to you to realize it's not for you either. To be perfectly honest, I've seen that a lot on SR. I hope for you nothing but good things, regardless of what you decide to do.
I can't say I blame you though. I have over twenty years of research trying to prove that I too could moderate. And now I know from all this experience that just taking one drink opens the possibility for all kinds of bad things to happen, so I just don't even try anymore. I truly hope you don't have to have something bad happen to you to realize it's not for you either. To be perfectly honest, I've seen that a lot on SR. I hope for you nothing but good things, regardless of what you decide to do.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
vandelay,
Thanks for posting here. I think some of the people who responded to you were unnecessarily unpleasant. In my view (which is probably in the minority) hearing from people who are still trying to drink in a controlled manner is helpful. What you described is not for me - at all. But hearing from you and others who are still trying to drink less helps me to understand other points of view. Thanks and please keep coming back.
Thanks for posting here. I think some of the people who responded to you were unnecessarily unpleasant. In my view (which is probably in the minority) hearing from people who are still trying to drink in a controlled manner is helpful. What you described is not for me - at all. But hearing from you and others who are still trying to drink less helps me to understand other points of view. Thanks and please keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I'm in no way offended by this thread, as I would make these myself in the past. Here's one from 2-28-15: "Hi,everyone! Been a couple weeks since I've stopped in. I've been drinking again,but not daily, blackout or even drinking to get drunk. A couple beers after work or with dinner if eating out(I no longer keep beer or anything at home). I've found a new therapist for my self and it's really been a blessing to find some peace through that outlet instead of numbing with a bottle of vodka. It's been about two weeks since I've been hungover or felt any withdraw symptoms. I've sworn off shots and hard liquor for good and really don't care to ever get "drunk" again. In the process of selling off one of my ventures and WILL be making my move to the beach in June! Not sure what I'm looking for by typing this out? Just stopping by to say hello and hope every one's doing well." That being said, look at my posting history after that. Multiple "back again's", "accused of drinking on the job",ect.. Then the whammy "Just got out of jail". I was only fooling myself with my moderation plan/attempts. I'm not saying you can't do it..I'm saying I tried and failed. It is progressive! I heard recently "You can't make an alcoholic a normal drinker, just as you can't make a normal drinker an alcoholic." Wishing you the best!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
I don't have a black/white view on alcohol. It's my belief that alcohol use/abuse is on a sliding scale. There are people who don't drink and don't want to for whatever reason on the one end. And true "alcoholics" on the other. Most of us fall somewhere in between. Some heavy drinkers can moderate their alcohol intake, some can't. It's your call whether alcohol adds or detracts from your life. If the approach you're taking works for you, keep on. If not, figure out what would. Maybe stop drinking for a month or two and see how that feels.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 29
This sounds almost exactly like what I started out doing. Went to Mexico with my wife, had a great time controlling my drinking, socialized while drinking at events, things were looking good...until they weren't. Needless to say I almost died several times. My last drunk was with my son and his sweet girlfriend. I decided I needed to borrow her car for a second while we were waiting on our steaks. I ended up smashing into a concrete embankment going 80. It has cost me much harm in many ways.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 924
Hello Vandelay,
Welcome to SR and thank you for posting. You're clearly a very bright and very self aware person.
Please keep coming back and posting, it's a hugely supportive community here; one that helped me regain my life and my self respect.
Right now you are probably unable to fathom just what a beautiful life is possible without booze.
Don't just take my word for it, there are thousands of people here will tell you the same thing. It's so bright you'll need sunglasses mate. And because you'll have saved so much of your hard-earned by not pissing it down the drain, you can make them designer sun glasses.
When you're ready, put a fraction of your current efforts into sobriety and you will be rewarded day after day with not a perfect week, but a perfect life.
Trust me, change your thinking and give it a shot.
Welcome to SR and thank you for posting. You're clearly a very bright and very self aware person.
Please keep coming back and posting, it's a hugely supportive community here; one that helped me regain my life and my self respect.
Right now you are probably unable to fathom just what a beautiful life is possible without booze.
Don't just take my word for it, there are thousands of people here will tell you the same thing. It's so bright you'll need sunglasses mate. And because you'll have saved so much of your hard-earned by not pissing it down the drain, you can make them designer sun glasses.
When you're ready, put a fraction of your current efforts into sobriety and you will be rewarded day after day with not a perfect week, but a perfect life.
Trust me, change your thinking and give it a shot.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by vandelay187
well that's the part i want to work on in my 3rd year. but i want both. i enjoy both very much.
For a 5'7" woman of regular to thin build, it is absolutely stunning what my body "could do." Until it couldn't. I reached the point of "quit or I give you a year, year and a half like you're going. " And for some reason- I believe God's plan- I believed that particular dr- even though I'd been told nearly the exact same thing three- THREE- years before that.
The fact that I am as healthy as I am 386 days sober is a miracle. Simply put.
Just sayin'.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by vandelay187
well that's the part i want to work on in my 3rd year. but i want both. i enjoy both very much.
noun - ambivalence
1. uncertainty or fluctuation, especially when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.
2. Psychology. the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.
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