Dingood

Hi Everyone! Today marks two weeks since my last drink.

I've have a problem every since I started binge drinking around age 16 or 17, not knowing when to stop. That was many decades ago. I've had success quitting for several years long ago, but as I look back, it wasn't me who wanted to quit, but someone else who wanted me to.

Now, I finally think I want to quit. Actually, for me, avoiding taking the first drink is not as hard as stopping once I have had the first drink. In other words, it's easier for me to go two weeks without a drink than it is to take one or two drinks and then stop for the night. I WANT to be able to do that, but it's been hard for me.

I already have more energy - that's the big reason I want to quit now. I could feel it taking a toll on my health and I just can't afford to be sick. I would just drink until I was tired enough to sleep. About nine beers was my usual max. Then I really did not rest well.

Have a great evening, and talk with you later!

Dee74

Welcome to SR and to the thread Dingood

D

ReadyAtLast

Hi,
I'd like to join this class please. I am in the Dec 2012 class and was sober for 3 1/2 years before picking up again a few weeks ago. I drank a couple of times since then. On Friday I went all out, drank horrendously,I made a fool of myself but really was a wake up call. Spent yesterday in a state of fear, crippling anxiety, paranoia and guilt and shame.

Today is Day 2. I got out all my recovery books and am starting again from the beginning. I know I can't do this alone and need to be on SR. I drank because I let my recovery slide and didn't take it seriously enough. Looking back I see the warning signs but chose not to deal with them.

I can't moderate or drink occasionally. I knew this anyway but was fooling myself perhaps. It only ever ends one way-badly. I as devastated, embarrassed, ashamed, guilty but last night realized I need to let those feelings go as they feed the beast.

So I'm back and will do whatever it takes to live a sober happy life. I have changed my life round so much for the better over the last 3 1/2 years and have too much to lose and nothing to gain by starting to drink again.

Congratulations to you all on your milestones in this class and look forward to getting to know everyone. I will read all posts soon. It's the middle of the night in the UK here, body clock out of sync after Friday.

Dee74

Welcome RAL

Windancer

It's super early Sunday morning. I just got back from a booze free outing. I feel kind of guilty because I skipped an AA meeting for it ... but I have been attending lots of meetings and I rarely get an opportunity to hang out with friends sober style so I took it. It was even fun and I had a good time. I just want to make sure I'm still in reality and keep my sobriety efforts in full swing. I didn't post on here yesterday either although I did poke around and see what you fine people were up to. In town it was semi suggested by a man that I have a drink but he thankfully knew much better than to push it as I have been brutally honest with the folks I go out with that they truly do NOT want to see me drunk (and one drink will get me on my way there FAST). It only briefly occurred to me that I could have a drink. It was not a craving, only a brief thought. And I can handle brief thoughts. I'm such an infant in my recovery though I certainly don't want to push it and I'm glad I judged this gentleman correctly enough that he didn't push the topic at all when I said no.

I'm having trouble getting motivated enough to get a proper routine going. That is something I really must work on. I have plenty of time I just need to finally get organized and push myself. That is my next goal. I have a fence to build and a run in and stall to prepare for my horses to arrive so there is truly a lot of work to be done (and much to be excited about!).

It's Day#13 today. Monday will be two weeks so yay for me.

Looking forward to checking in with you guys tomorrow morning. (I just may sleep in haha).

hugbear

I'm back after a really bad week where I let myself down again and hurting bad.

Work conference away from home made me self conscious so I drank to overcome this and flirted badly with my boss. Nothing happened but I feel really ashamed as I'm engaged and should know better.

Had to face colleagues in the morning looking rough and feeling stupid.

Fast forward to weekend and had some wine again last night watching TV with partner. He doesn't think I have a problem but just bad at moderating.

I'm just so down that I continue this cycle of getting smashed at weekends for no reason. I have no motivation to do anything and am wasting my life.

I really need help. I don't know who to turn to. So sad...

Dee74

Change starts with a plan hugbear

I'd recommend posting more here , especially as the weekend gets nearer, checking out this link about plans...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

and thinking about other options like addiction counselling, or a recovery group like AA or something similar, or maybe even outpatient rehab?

You don't have to be that person with the embarrassments, the inappropriate behaviour and the secrets.. You can be the real you.

If you want change, you absolutely can make it happen

D

hugbear

Thank you Dee.

Being an alcoholic is such a hard thing to come to terms with. Hard to explain where to start. I'm shy and unconfident. I don't like myself at all and only get temporary relief from the self hatred when I'm drinking.

I need to get over the anxiety first and then focus.

I want a better life.

Dee74

Don't you find though that the drinking actually makes the self loathing worse in the long run?

I hated myself completely for decades...but after getting sober I realised I was nowhere near as bad as I thought I was.

D

ReadyAtLast

Hi hugbear,
I can relate to your post. I'm female and have behaved really badly at work functions and flirted with boss etc when drinking. You don't have to go through this again though.

I am also shy and anxious and dislike myself but drinking just made it worse and made me do stupid things. My life has gotten so much better since quitting and I've learned to like myself as I am and not pretend to be someone I'm not. I'm not the life and soul of the party so won't try and pretend to be anymore. I'm an introvert but that's ok. Obviously I've taken my eye off my recovery to be back here on Day 2 again but I know a sober life is ahead and can be for us all.

Drinking never makes anything better.

Meshelly

Thank you. =)

EventHorizons

Good morning! So, today is 18. I guess I counted wrong last night, but I used this thing I found on the interwebs called a calendar and saw that I had screwed that up. Guess I was excited to get to 100 faster, then 1000. I'm going to work on 18 today though.

Readyatlast, I'm curious (only if you're willing to share) what happened after 3 1/2 years? My longest was 6 months and I thought I was more or less cured and could have a few drinks with some buddies I hadn't seen in a long time, and for better or worse it was only a couple of drinks. That only reinforced the "I'm cured" thinking and once a week became two or three, became 5 or more. But 3.5 years? I am so far away, but maybe thinking about it now will help, especially if you say you saw the signs. Again, only if you're willing.

And good work windancer! The hardest thing for me to resist is someone else trying to put a drink in my hands. I want to hangout and socialize but often feel awkward. And somehow someone wanting to drink with me feels the same as them wanting to hang out with me, and by now I've learned it's not always the case.

Good luck today everyone! I'm rooting for you!

EH

HelenofTroy

Starting my day 20. Who'd have thought?

I watched 28 days last night. Sandra Bullock is such a good actress. The surprising thing for me is that I didn't want a drink while watching the drinking scenes. I watch Coronation Street and when I was still drinking I would get triggered watching the pub scenes of them drinking wine. Well I've had no TV for the last couple of months because of a house flood. Long story short I am catching up on a week's worth of Coronation Street this morning and no triggers.

It is just 3 weeks tomorrow since I stopped drinking but I feel like even though I still have the occasional thought about having a drink I have made great gains already. Onward and upward!

ReadyAtLast

Hi Eventhorizons,
I'm quite happy to share. If I had shared my feelings on here over the last few months I might not have picked up again

I was also wary of posting as don't want people to think how you can be sober for so long and then drink again and it put people off. But that's not the right way to think either and I hope no one thinks that.

My life has changed so much for the better since I got sober (after many periods of weeks sober) I used Rational Recovery AVRT and SR daily. It was hard at first, mentally more than physically but I got there and learned to be who I was without alcohol. I moved home, job, ended my marriage and had a total life makeover which wouldn't have happened if I'd still been drinking.

Anyway over the last few months I have been under a great deal of stress, financially and emotionally. I have a house up for sale which in the UK seems to be never ending stress and anxiety and worry and people can just pull out any time. Just feel like the whole house of cards can collapse. Relationship with my ex-husband has its ups and downs mainly over maintenance and access. My boss at work had been making inappropriate advances towards me some months ago which I handled and it's stopped but it's just all the little things all at once. My current relationship, although good, sometimes makes me feel insecure-you know I love him more than he loves me etc. Anyway it was just all of it - and most importantly I'd stopped working on my recovery. I had slipped in all areas of my life and my recovery. Maybe slipping in my recovery led to the slips in other areas. But there are no excuses. I drank a few weeks ago -just once. Nothing bad hapepend. Then I did it again a couple of weeks ago. Until I was completely obsessing about it. once it's back in it's back in my mind with a vengeance. I drank on Friday night and made a complete fool of myself.

I can (and did) beat myself up with shame guilt, embarrassment and crippling fear and anxiety yesterday but am telling myself that is no good. Yes we learn from fear and remember it but it fades quickly so I need something more. I need to be back on SR daily and do other work to strengthen my sobriety. I don't feel I 've wasted the last 3 1/2 years. I've learned many lessons and my life is still good but there is no way I'm putting it all at risk. I'm under no illusion that I'm back at Day 2 but I'm in the best place here on SR.

ReadyAtLast

Congratulations on 3 weeks Helenoftroy

Windancer

I second that.
Well done HelenofTroy

hugbear

Hi ReadyatLast

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I'm female and in the UK too. I'm sorry to hear that you've been overwhelmed lately.

I'm on Day 1 - one of many. I'm a typical binger, through the week I'm dry but I hit the wine at the weekend, then spend days hungover with nothing achieved. I'm in a good relationship but it has had its up and downs in the past. I'm engaged but the wedding plans haven't begun as we have different ideas on what we want which contributes to my stress.

I'm 37 with a good job but no children. My partner has grown up children from a previous relationship. I would have loved to have a child but I know this is unlikely now. I suppose the drinking has got worse as I've been coming to terms with being childless and not having a plan for life without kids. Ive been feeling sad about this for about 5 years but always pushed the thoughts away or drank them away.

I'm determined that today is a new day and I want to be sober and not a self-pitying wreck.

Thanks for listening and I can't stress how much it means to not be going through this alone. X

Dingood

I'm thinking maybe it would be a good idea to get in the habit of visiting here and making a short post, and reading a few posts every day.

After work would be the perfect time, when I typically would be looking to unwind with a beer (and another, and another.) Hopefully it will remind me of what I am trying to do.

It's a good chance to think too. About WHY I want to drink. And more importantly, why I should not.

ReadyAtLast

Dingood - it's definitely a good idea to post every day. I share my thoughts and feelings and hope to help others too. If I feel I want to drink coming here reinforces why it's a bad idea.

Hi hugbear - I'm a little older than you at 42 though have a young child. 37 isn't too old ( unless you have medical reasons and if that's the case I'm sorry). When I stopped drinking my life changed in so many ways for the better. I used to read on here about people saying their lives changed so much when they stopped drinking. I was sceptical and thought they were exaggerating perhaps. But it really is true. I would not be where I am now, in the job I'm in now or the person I am now if I'd not stopped. Of course things aren't perfect -no one's life is but I've learned that I have control over my life and my decisions. I don't have to just react to others but can may my own decisions. One of the reasons I left my husband was he would not let me have another child and now I am unable to have anymore. The first thing I needed to do though was stop drinking. Everything else came after that, gradually,

You're never alone on SR - there is always someone here

I hope people don't think what am I talking about - things can't be great if I picked up again. Of course they aren't great at the moment but that's life. It has its ups and downs it's how we learn to deal with it sober that matters. I lost my way and stopped dealing with things sober and that's why I drank again. But all is not lost. Hope that makes some sort of sense.

CuteNGayYay

Thanks for sharing RAL
Day 19..saw Sully last night ..very good. It's nice to get out on weekends now and so sober things and feel good the next morning. Watching football today and relaxing wit an iced coffee. I hope everyone has an amazing Sunday.