Class of September 2016 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Wow I sure do have an awful lot of releasing hurt and pain and resentment to do. Still trying to see it as the Creator's way of cutting a lot of my old life out to create space for the new. These mood swings are getting the better of me today too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 8
Monday Monday
Hi everyone! I've read over the posts and there are so many familiar stories here. I can relate to every post in some way.
I have realized that I like to drink a lot. Not necessarily alcohol, just that I like to have a glass of something cold and tasty nearby. When that was beer, it did the job but I paid the price and I have the beer belly to prove it.
Now, I have become almost addicted to this powdered lemonade mix and icewater. It's zero calories and I never seem to get tired of it. I can drink as much of it as I want and no ill effects (except frequent trips to the bathroom.)
Since I have replaced a zillion alcohol calories with zero in my new drink of choice, I am expecting good things from my scale in the coming weeks!
Cheers!
I have realized that I like to drink a lot. Not necessarily alcohol, just that I like to have a glass of something cold and tasty nearby. When that was beer, it did the job but I paid the price and I have the beer belly to prove it.
Now, I have become almost addicted to this powdered lemonade mix and icewater. It's zero calories and I never seem to get tired of it. I can drink as much of it as I want and no ill effects (except frequent trips to the bathroom.)
Since I have replaced a zillion alcohol calories with zero in my new drink of choice, I am expecting good things from my scale in the coming weeks!
Cheers!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 61
Evening all, just checking in. It's the end of Day 7 for me. I was in the same location/situation/circumstances today as when my relapse happened last week, but today I felt no temptation. 
Well done to all you two-week guys, and to everyone else of course, with a few days or many days!
Well done to all you two-week guys, and to everyone else of course, with a few days or many days!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Just wanted to say I'm super grateful to everyone in this class and all the support I have received during some very tough times. It's amazing what we can do for each other even if we are miles and oceans apart 
I feel a bit selfish because lately (and especially today) I have been somewhat neglectful on reading others' posts and supporting all you guys ... I've just been posting all about me, me, me. I better be careful I don't get into poor me, poor me, poor, me, pour me a drink.
I feel, and I truly hope others feel this way too, that I have turned a corner in my recovery. Dee has seen me here on SR on and off for years never really getting much farther than stopping the boozing for a short while. Heck there are many times I have been sitting here drinking on SR and trying to give support and advice to newcomers at the same time (face palm....oh, the shame). I have enough 24 hour silver AA chips to fill a drawer and it's high time I probably began giving some back lol. But I feel like I'm actually following through with my plan this time instead of just coming up with something that was way too complicated to begin with that I ended up failing very fast. I really, really want to change my life for the better and I don't want to be a raving, wounded drunken lunatic anymore. If I don't change it I will end up dead or in jail or both and I am not being dramatic. It is that serious. Never mind the pure hell I put my family and friends through.
I have other addictions I have to overcome as well. But there is no way I can drop them all at once. I'm addicted to zopiclone, I still relapse on benzos sometimes and I rely on kratom to get my through the day everyday. Oh, and I vape. I'd be a stoner too except pot makes me paranoid (so maybe that is a good thing ... one less thing to worry about). All this has to go but I must get rid of the booze first and foremost. I didn't think it would ever happen but AA meetings, AA literature, the fellowship, my sponsor and the 12 Steps are really helping me. I still find AA hard to swallow sometimes but swallow it I will as the alternative is not an option. So if there is anyone out there who thinks AA may help them but have a lot of hesitation and feelings against it I would really suggest giving it a long, fair, honest try. I've "tried" AA before but I really didn't try. I didn't give my heart and soul to the program, and if you don't give your heart and soul into it (at some point) it will not work. But you can take it piecemeal at first ... all you really need is an open mind and willingness.
Ok that's enough of my ramblings for now. I may be back soon though lol.
I feel a bit selfish because lately (and especially today) I have been somewhat neglectful on reading others' posts and supporting all you guys ... I've just been posting all about me, me, me. I better be careful I don't get into poor me, poor me, poor, me, pour me a drink. I feel, and I truly hope others feel this way too, that I have turned a corner in my recovery. Dee has seen me here on SR on and off for years never really getting much farther than stopping the boozing for a short while. Heck there are many times I have been sitting here drinking on SR and trying to give support and advice to newcomers at the same time (face palm....oh, the shame). I have enough 24 hour silver AA chips to fill a drawer and it's high time I probably began giving some back lol. But I feel like I'm actually following through with my plan this time instead of just coming up with something that was way too complicated to begin with that I ended up failing very fast. I really, really want to change my life for the better and I don't want to be a raving, wounded drunken lunatic anymore. If I don't change it I will end up dead or in jail or both and I am not being dramatic. It is that serious. Never mind the pure hell I put my family and friends through.
I have other addictions I have to overcome as well. But there is no way I can drop them all at once. I'm addicted to zopiclone, I still relapse on benzos sometimes and I rely on kratom to get my through the day everyday. Oh, and I vape. I'd be a stoner too except pot makes me paranoid (so maybe that is a good thing ... one less thing to worry about). All this has to go but I must get rid of the booze first and foremost. I didn't think it would ever happen but AA meetings, AA literature, the fellowship, my sponsor and the 12 Steps are really helping me. I still find AA hard to swallow sometimes but swallow it I will as the alternative is not an option. So if there is anyone out there who thinks AA may help them but have a lot of hesitation and feelings against it I would really suggest giving it a long, fair, honest try. I've "tried" AA before but I really didn't try. I didn't give my heart and soul to the program, and if you don't give your heart and soul into it (at some point) it will not work. But you can take it piecemeal at first ... all you really need is an open mind and willingness.
Ok that's enough of my ramblings for now. I may be back soon though lol.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 47
You've got this Windancer !! You can do this. One day at a time.
Don't ever feel bad about voicing troubles and pains, worries and stresses, as well as your good days and successes. We all help each other and we all gain strength from each other. That's why I love this forum. I love this class. Whenever I think about giving in and drinking, I come here to read and post, and it helps tremendously.
Hang in there Windancer. We are right there with you.
PEACE !! ✌️☮✌☮
Don't ever feel bad about voicing troubles and pains, worries and stresses, as well as your good days and successes. We all help each other and we all gain strength from each other. That's why I love this forum. I love this class. Whenever I think about giving in and drinking, I come here to read and post, and it helps tremendously.
Hang in there Windancer. We are right there with you.
PEACE !! ✌️☮✌☮
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
Night time is the worst for me
Taking it hour by hour now.
Around this time I'm usually pretty messed up.
Not sleeping any sort of regular hours. When I do, don't remember how I fell asleep.
Just started getting chills and sweats again - thought I was over that
Netflix has been an amazing source of distraction. I just started watching "The Walking Dead" and have a strong sense that I will probably finish the series by weekend.
I am so grateful I stumbled on to this forum.
Snarly
I love this smily - because I really feel I need to be constantly beeten rather than drinkin or I'll be 
or 
As you can tell, easily amused at the moment so humor me with the smilies - I think someone put them there to keep big kids like me focused
Around this time I'm usually pretty messed up.
Not sleeping any sort of regular hours. When I do, don't remember how I fell asleep.
Just started getting chills and sweats again - thought I was over that
Netflix has been an amazing source of distraction. I just started watching "The Walking Dead" and have a strong sense that I will probably finish the series by weekend.
I am so grateful I stumbled on to this forum.
Snarly
I love this smily - because I really feel I need to be constantly beeten rather than drinkin or I'll be or As you can tell, easily amused at the moment so humor me with the smilies - I think someone put them there to keep big kids like me focused
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by Snarly 
that a simple "welcome" read on a computer screen made me cry...and I rarely do.
I was raised that grown men don't cry..
Guess that's a whole other set of issues i need to deal with.
Snarly
I was raised that grown men don't cry..
Guess that's a whole other set of issues i need to deal with.
Snarly
hang in there, it's normal we all go through it.
Welcome to the class!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 68
Wow windancer, I don't know how you manage to find the strength, but I am always impressed with your resolve! I'd throw some smilies in, but the phone version doesn't work quite as easily.
Something very similar happened to me, and it cost me probably an extra two years of super duper drunkenness. The pain was intense, and continues to this day in many ways. I always wondered what would have happened had I been sober during that period of my life, but had I been sober maybe I wouldn't have caused her to stray. I've always blamed myself for what happened too. And I'm certainly not a violent person, and even drunk, only manage to rise to the level of occasional belligerence, but had I caught them in the act, I can guarantee you that out of the three of us, there's a chance nobody would have walked out of that situation.
The fact that you're still up, alive, well, and sober to boot is absolutely amazing! It sounds like you have the heart of a champion, and you should be proud of yourself.
And I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of place... but I don't think you have anything to apologize or be sorry about here.
EH
Something very similar happened to me, and it cost me probably an extra two years of super duper drunkenness. The pain was intense, and continues to this day in many ways. I always wondered what would have happened had I been sober during that period of my life, but had I been sober maybe I wouldn't have caused her to stray. I've always blamed myself for what happened too. And I'm certainly not a violent person, and even drunk, only manage to rise to the level of occasional belligerence, but had I caught them in the act, I can guarantee you that out of the three of us, there's a chance nobody would have walked out of that situation.
The fact that you're still up, alive, well, and sober to boot is absolutely amazing! It sounds like you have the heart of a champion, and you should be proud of yourself.
And I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of place... but I don't think you have anything to apologize or be sorry about here.
EH
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Jumping in (at 5am UK). I've been drinking wine every single night for the last fortnight and I feel gross, anxious, disappointed and nauseous.
Hope to be able to read this whole thread, but I've got a few more hours to try and sleep before I face work (with a fake smile and 'can do' attitude) so please forgive me if I can't keep up. I just need to jump in now before I talk myself out of it .
Seriously bored of disrespecting my body, mind and soul. X
Hope to be able to read this whole thread, but I've got a few more hours to try and sleep before I face work (with a fake smile and 'can do' attitude) so please forgive me if I can't keep up. I just need to jump in now before I talk myself out of it .
Seriously bored of disrespecting my body, mind and soul. X
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 68
Welcome snarly!
Some men don't cry... they get angry at anyone and everything around them. They blame others for problems that are so clearly their fault anyone can see it, and just for good measure dream up some new ones. They get jaded at the world and try to withdraw into nothingness. They hide behind their stoicism because nobody would understand what they're going through, and only they are strong enough to power through this on sheer willpower alone.
I know... I was a guy who doesn't cry.
Then I became a guy who decided to grow up, and learn a different way from some new friends. And I'm not going to lie, I get a little pee pee eyed when I read about the incredible struggles some people here have faced and the courage it takes to come here and tell everyone else about it and get better.
Sounds like you're already ahead!
EH
Some men don't cry... they get angry at anyone and everything around them. They blame others for problems that are so clearly their fault anyone can see it, and just for good measure dream up some new ones. They get jaded at the world and try to withdraw into nothingness. They hide behind their stoicism because nobody would understand what they're going through, and only they are strong enough to power through this on sheer willpower alone.
I know... I was a guy who doesn't cry.
Then I became a guy who decided to grow up, and learn a different way from some new friends. And I'm not going to lie, I get a little pee pee eyed when I read about the incredible struggles some people here have faced and the courage it takes to come here and tell everyone else about it and get better.
Sounds like you're already ahead!
EH
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by Sazzle
Jumping in (at 5am UK). I've been drinking wine every single night for the last fortnight and I feel gross, anxious, disappointed and nauseous.
Hope to be able to read this whole thread, but I've got a few more hours to try and sleep before I face work (with a fake smile and 'can do' attitude) so please forgive me if I can't keep up. I just need to jump in now before I talk myself out of it .
Seriously bored of disrespecting my body, mind and soul. X
Hope to be able to read this whole thread, but I've got a few more hours to try and sleep before I face work (with a fake smile and 'can do' attitude) so please forgive me if I can't keep up. I just need to jump in now before I talk myself out of it .
Seriously bored of disrespecting my body, mind and soul. X
Good luck!
EH
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