Class of September 2016 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by Sazzle 
Thanks EH!
Kindle engaged. 'Girl on the Train'. I'll be picking it up instead of the wine.
Thanks for your welcome
Kindle engaged. 'Girl on the Train'. I'll be picking it up instead of the wine.
Thanks for your welcome
I've said this before, but you should know as soon as I hear someone's from the UK I read all their posts in a British accent in my head. Not sure that was relevant. Nope, just checked, it wasnt.
ok, I really have to go to bed.Have a good day, and enjoy the book!
EH
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
Originally Posted by EventHorizons
Welcome snarly!
Some men don't cry... they get angry at anyone and everything around them. They blame others for problems that are so clearly their fault anyone can see it, and just for good measure dream up some new ones. They get jaded at the world and try to withdraw into nothingness. They hide behind their stoicism because nobody would understand what they're going through, and only they are strong enough to power through this on sheer willpower alone.
I know... I was a guy who doesn't cry.
Then I became a guy who decided to grow up, and learn a different way from some new friends. And I'm not going to lie, I get a little pee pee eyed when I read about the incredible struggles some people here have faced and the courage it takes to come here and tell everyone else about it and get better.
Sounds like you're already ahead!
EH
Some men don't cry... they get angry at anyone and everything around them. They blame others for problems that are so clearly their fault anyone can see it, and just for good measure dream up some new ones. They get jaded at the world and try to withdraw into nothingness. They hide behind their stoicism because nobody would understand what they're going through, and only they are strong enough to power through this on sheer willpower alone.
I know... I was a guy who doesn't cry.
Then I became a guy who decided to grow up, and learn a different way from some new friends. And I'm not going to lie, I get a little pee pee eyed when I read about the incredible struggles some people here have faced and the courage it takes to come here and tell everyone else about it and get better.
Sounds like you're already ahead!
EH
I really appreciate you taking the time to respond and share your experience. I really have no one around me that I would dare tell this.
I spent 6 years in the Marines and you hit a nerve with the "stoicism". My ex wife used to scream at me to show some emotions.
This past 5 days is the longest I have gone with out drinking.
Ironically, I have been obsessed with not answering my door and have taken my phone apart to keep me from doing something stupid.
Biggest reason is my drinking buddies live all around me and are used to coming overly few nights a week as I am the only single guy with the man cave apartment. They are knocking every night!
I am not used to "hiding" but some kind folks responded saying this is ok and I am feeling better thinking this is about my well being.
See my first post if you want my sordid details....
Thanks again,
Snarly
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome Snarly -great to have you here.
Congrats on 1 weeks bikube
how are you feeling today windancer? As Rob says, don't ever feel bad about posting.That's what we are here for. Post away. Some days we support others and other days where we are very low we just need support. I find when I get support on here it really helps so much - it's am amazing place Hope you got some sleep and feel a little better. I read on SR years ago that the difference between a very bad day and a good day is just 24 hours. I try and rememeber that no matter how bad today is or how low I feel tomorrow wil probably be better
Snarly - Early recovery is so rough -little sleep due to body and brain re-adjusting, emotions and thoughts all over the place. It has a huge impact. Time(and support) are great healers and you will feel better physically and emotionally. Boxsets and reading work for me and I tell myself no matter how little sleep I get it still feels better than having a hangover in the morning. Have you got other support where you are as well as here on SR?
Welcome back Sazzle. I'm back from 2012 too.
Morning EH - Hey I love the fact you read our posts in a British accent-that's fabulous and made me smile
7am here in the UK - it's really very dark with autumn setting in. Must get ready for work. Have a good day everyone
Congrats on 1 weeks bikube
how are you feeling today windancer? As Rob says, don't ever feel bad about posting.That's what we are here for. Post away. Some days we support others and other days where we are very low we just need support. I find when I get support on here it really helps so much - it's am amazing place
Hope you got some sleep and feel a little better. I read on SR years ago that the difference between a very bad day and a good day is just 24 hours. I try and rememeber that no matter how bad today is or how low I feel tomorrow wil probably be better Snarly - Early recovery is so rough -little sleep due to body and brain re-adjusting, emotions and thoughts all over the place. It has a huge impact. Time(and support) are great healers and you will feel better physically and emotionally. Boxsets and reading work for me and I tell myself no matter how little sleep I get it still feels better than having a hangover in the morning. Have you got other support where you are as well as here on SR?
Welcome back Sazzle. I'm back from 2012 too.
Morning EH - Hey I love the fact you read our posts in a British accent-that's fabulous and made me smile
7am here in the UK - it's really very dark with autumn setting in. Must get ready for work. Have a good day everyone
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hi RAL! Good to 'see' you again
I'm 9hrs in and feeling so relieved I posted early this morning.
Here's to a strong Day 1- I have to meet an old friend tonight who is staying in London for a few days. I've already warned her and she's on the wagon too.
Must get ready for work.
Sending everyone strength and good wishes
I'm 9hrs in and feeling so relieved I posted early this morning.
Here's to a strong Day 1- I have to meet an old friend tonight who is staying in London for a few days. I've already warned her and she's on the wagon too.
Must get ready for work.
Sending everyone strength and good wishes
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Originally Posted by Snarly
Hi all, Just started posting today and saw this thread. Not sure if I should start posting here as it is the end of Sept already! Sober 6 days and posted what to me has been a really rough few days. I just realized that this board is where I should hang out to keep me from doing anything stupid...nighttime is the worst! Thanks to everyone....feels a little like listening in? Snarly 
This is the perfect image for me...I'm the one who needs to get smacked constantly to remind me alcohol bad for me
This is the perfect image for me...I'm the one who needs to get smacked constantly to remind me alcohol bad for meGood luck. Day 1 here
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Welcome to all the new people! It's an awesome group here. . Going to bed past midnight so officially 21 days. 3 weeks. Woo hoo. Being a bender/binger I usually go two to three weeks no problem.. Then have a drink and its on and popping for 3-5 days of non stop drinking. Not this time. No more withdrawals for me. Yuck. Goodnight from Cali.. Good morning to most.
. Going to bed past midnight so officially 21 days. 3 weeks. Woo hoo. Being a bender/binger I usually go two to three weeks no problem.. Then have a drink and its on and popping for 3-5 days of non stop drinking. Not this time. No more withdrawals for me. Yuck. Goodnight from Cali.. Good morning to most.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
According to my sobriety counter I've been sober for 9 days, 15 hours and 3 minutes.
It's amazing how once you get out of the madness everything feels normal- like the madness was never there in the first place.I think this is why I have relapsed so often- I forget the pain too easily.
I am really struggling with the idea that I need to find outside support for this. I don't mean therapy because I actually love therapy and will find a new one eventually- right now I need all our health care funds to go to our marriage counseling which is $135 a session - yikes! We are in such a dark place right now, I would empty out our small savings account to get help. Yesterday he told me I am the meanest person he has ever met, and called me "disgusting." You would think those words would sting but they don't- I know I am not a mean person, I am just unfortunately reacting to the present situation and it's very hard to be nice to someone who isn't on your side anymore.
But I digress...
Back to getting help- my last therapist (the one who called me vain after the second visit and whom I have since divorced) was an "AA is the only way" type of therapist. She literally scoffed at me when I mentioned Lifering and Smart Recovery and said AA is the only method with a proven track record. There are actually no meetings for the other 2 groups in this town anyway so that wouldn't be an option.
The sobriety podcast that I listen to makes it sounds like if I'm not working a program of some type, I am a dry drunk. Is this the case? Do I have to be going to meetings to be actively trying to get sober? I listen to these podcasts weekly, and I check on here as often a I can. What else can I do in my recovery that doesn't involve AA?
And listen, I am open to trying out a meeting, I just need to commit to going and get over the feeling I have that my husband would be upset about having to "watch the kids." He does nothing for himself outside of the house so I always feel guilty when I run errands or go to the gym and leave him with the kids. I think we could bring this up in therapy- it must be some type of codependency issue.
Anyway, any input would be appreciated. I don't want to be a dry drunk- I want to do this with my whole entire heart- I just don't know what that means right now.
Happy Tuesday friends...
It's amazing how once you get out of the madness everything feels normal- like the madness was never there in the first place.I think this is why I have relapsed so often- I forget the pain too easily.
I am really struggling with the idea that I need to find outside support for this. I don't mean therapy because I actually love therapy and will find a new one eventually- right now I need all our health care funds to go to our marriage counseling which is $135 a session - yikes! We are in such a dark place right now, I would empty out our small savings account to get help. Yesterday he told me I am the meanest person he has ever met, and called me "disgusting." You would think those words would sting but they don't- I know I am not a mean person, I am just unfortunately reacting to the present situation and it's very hard to be nice to someone who isn't on your side anymore.
But I digress...
Back to getting help- my last therapist (the one who called me vain after the second visit and whom I have since divorced) was an "AA is the only way" type of therapist. She literally scoffed at me when I mentioned Lifering and Smart Recovery and said AA is the only method with a proven track record. There are actually no meetings for the other 2 groups in this town anyway so that wouldn't be an option.
The sobriety podcast that I listen to makes it sounds like if I'm not working a program of some type, I am a dry drunk. Is this the case? Do I have to be going to meetings to be actively trying to get sober? I listen to these podcasts weekly, and I check on here as often a I can. What else can I do in my recovery that doesn't involve AA?
And listen, I am open to trying out a meeting, I just need to commit to going and get over the feeling I have that my husband would be upset about having to "watch the kids." He does nothing for himself outside of the house so I always feel guilty when I run errands or go to the gym and leave him with the kids. I think we could bring this up in therapy- it must be some type of codependency issue.
Anyway, any input would be appreciated. I don't want to be a dry drunk- I want to do this with my whole entire heart- I just don't know what that means right now.
Happy Tuesday friends...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by CuteNGayYay
Welcome to all the new people! It's an awesome group here. . Going to bed past midnight so officially 21 days. 3 weeks. Woo hoo. Being a bender/binger I usually go two to three weeks no problem.. Then have a drink and its on and popping for 3-5 days of non stop drinking. Not this time. No more withdrawals for me. Yuck. Goodnight from Cali.. Good morning to most.
. Going to bed past midnight so officially 21 days. 3 weeks. Woo hoo. Being a bender/binger I usually go two to three weeks no problem.. Then have a drink and its on and popping for 3-5 days of non stop drinking. Not this time. No more withdrawals for me. Yuck. Goodnight from Cali.. Good morning to most. 
South Asian
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 121
Hello All. The week has been good. 23 days sober now. Feeling pretty ok with only the occasional craving. Stressed at work. Some bad news about a school friend. Liquor held no appeal as a response. Maybe my triggers are when I feel I deserve a reward. A reward for staying sober, for working hard, for self-discipline. Liquor=fun. Ofcourse, only in my warped mind. Lately, the fun was still there in some measure, but it was followed by unpleasantness. (I can see my alcoholic brain at work, characterising quite severe withdrawals as "unpleasantness"). Stay happy and never give up friends.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi everyone
I'm not doing well in keeping up with this thread. I think I'll just jump in again, forget trying to read all the previous posts, and take it from here. I know I'm missing lots of back stories but there is just so much!
40 days here. Doing well.
Sunflower-I'm no pro (clearly if you look at my relapse record) but I think some kind of program is really important. Does it have to be AA? I wouldn't think so. AA just happens to be the oldest and usually most prolific program. I know people for whom AA has worked tend to sing its praises to the rafters, but that doesn't mean there aren't other methods. Its the route I go because I know it works and there are tons of meetings to choose from.
If you've already expounded on why you don't like AA, forget my question. But I'm wondering what your objections are? I know I objected to AA for years. At first (and I got my first year using AA) I objected to the 'cult like' feel and was afraid it would 'take over' my life. Now I have no life to take over.....didn't seem too concerned when alcohol took over my life. I also objected to the 'god' thing. Again, illogical because it is not a 'religious' program, its spiritual. I came to the conclusion that my objections were based in maintaining my addiction. In other words, I didn't truly want my addiction dead. I was hanging on to old ideas and thinking. That was an eye opener for me. This idea that I really do seem to hang on to my addiction, even when I think I truly believe I want to recover. I also hang on to my past and my crap...not intentionally, its just habit. There is fear in simply letting go. I'm working on that. Being ready to let a higher power remove my short comings and resentments is totally foreign to me. But I hope I get there because for me that is the only way. My past keeps my addiction alive.
Have a great day everyone.
I'm not doing well in keeping up with this thread. I think I'll just jump in again, forget trying to read all the previous posts, and take it from here. I know I'm missing lots of back stories but there is just so much!
40 days here. Doing well.
Sunflower-I'm no pro (clearly if you look at my relapse record) but I think some kind of program is really important. Does it have to be AA? I wouldn't think so. AA just happens to be the oldest and usually most prolific program. I know people for whom AA has worked tend to sing its praises to the rafters, but that doesn't mean there aren't other methods. Its the route I go because I know it works and there are tons of meetings to choose from.
If you've already expounded on why you don't like AA, forget my question. But I'm wondering what your objections are? I know I objected to AA for years. At first (and I got my first year using AA) I objected to the 'cult like' feel and was afraid it would 'take over' my life. Now I have no life to take over.....didn't seem too concerned when alcohol took over my life. I also objected to the 'god' thing. Again, illogical because it is not a 'religious' program, its spiritual. I came to the conclusion that my objections were based in maintaining my addiction. In other words, I didn't truly want my addiction dead. I was hanging on to old ideas and thinking. That was an eye opener for me. This idea that I really do seem to hang on to my addiction, even when I think I truly believe I want to recover. I also hang on to my past and my crap...not intentionally, its just habit. There is fear in simply letting go. I'm working on that. Being ready to let a higher power remove my short comings and resentments is totally foreign to me. But I hope I get there because for me that is the only way. My past keeps my addiction alive.
Have a great day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 55
Good morning everyone! Got caught up on all the posts. Congrats Cutengay on 3 weeks, windancer for 2 weeks, Horatiao48 on 23 days and of course everyone else on each day sober! Yahhhhhh!
welcome Snarly and Sazzle.
This past weekend I've been having what I call 'future flash cravings' where I picture myself drinking in a situation in the future. These are scaring the sh*t out of me. It's weird because these are stronger than any cravings I get to drink right now. I have the feeling that these will be my big battles to overcome.
Day 25 check.
welcome Snarly and Sazzle.
This past weekend I've been having what I call 'future flash cravings' where I picture myself drinking in a situation in the future. These are scaring the sh*t out of me. It's weird because these are stronger than any cravings I get to drink right now. I have the feeling that these will be my big battles to overcome.
Day 25 check.
Living the life
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,211
Good morning everyone. Welcome to all the newcomers and those coming back. This is such a good place for support!
I had a very frustrating night last night. I am trying to get my house back in order after a 2 month ordeal over a flood. I was trying to get my entertainment system set back up which means figuring out what was attached to what, as well as covering all cables and wires because my cats are wire chewers. I was trying to get this done before the U.S. Presidential debate came on. Well I kept running into challenges and my satellite system wasn't seeing the signal for whatever reason and I was running out of time so I decided to hook up a set of rabbit ears to another tv but the power cord for that tv is still MIA. By this time it was debate time and I am so disgusted with this whole house disaster thing that I decided that I deserved a drink. It just popped into my head so matter-of-factly that I almost acted on it. Then the sober voice (SV) on my other shoulder told the AV to shut up. The AV said but you deserve a reward for putting up with all this! and the SV reminded me of the lovely fizzy fruit drinks in my fridge. And then I was fine. I was amazed in hindsight that that was all it took. Over and done in 5 seconds. Whew!
So I popped open a sparkling blackberry and watched the debate online. This morning I contacted a techy friend and got the satellite situation sorted. I have no sound coming out of the tv and I don't have the speakers hooked up yet to the surround but I think I know what the problem is there so that is on my agenda today as well as unpacking boxes and trying to organize. It's a beautiful sunny day here and I am on day 22.
Wishing everyone a great sober day!
I had a very frustrating night last night. I am trying to get my house back in order after a 2 month ordeal over a flood. I was trying to get my entertainment system set back up which means figuring out what was attached to what, as well as covering all cables and wires because my cats are wire chewers. I was trying to get this done before the U.S. Presidential debate came on. Well I kept running into challenges and my satellite system wasn't seeing the signal for whatever reason and I was running out of time so I decided to hook up a set of rabbit ears to another tv but the power cord for that tv is still MIA. By this time it was debate time and I am so disgusted with this whole house disaster thing that I decided that I deserved a drink. It just popped into my head so matter-of-factly that I almost acted on it. Then the sober voice (SV) on my other shoulder told the AV to shut up. The AV said but you deserve a reward for putting up with all this! and the SV reminded me of the lovely fizzy fruit drinks in my fridge. And then I was fine. I was amazed in hindsight that that was all it took. Over and done in 5 seconds. Whew!
So I popped open a sparkling blackberry and watched the debate online. This morning I contacted a techy friend and got the satellite situation sorted. I have no sound coming out of the tv and I don't have the speakers hooked up yet to the surround but I think I know what the problem is there so that is on my agenda today as well as unpacking boxes and trying to organize. It's a beautiful sunny day here and I am on day 22.
Wishing everyone a great sober day!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by EventHorizons
Wow windancer, I don't know how you manage to find the strength, but I am always impressed with your resolve! I'd throw some smilies in, but the phone version doesn't work quite as easily.
Something very similar happened to me, and it cost me probably an extra two years of super duper drunkenness. The pain was intense, and continues to this day in many ways. I always wondered what would have happened had I been sober during that period of my life, but had I been sober maybe I wouldn't have caused her to stray. I've always blamed myself for what happened too. And I'm certainly not a violent person, and even drunk, only manage to rise to the level of occasional belligerence, but had I caught them in the act, I can guarantee you that out of the three of us, there's a chance nobody would have walked out of that situation.
The fact that you're still up, alive, well, and sober to boot is absolutely amazing! It sounds like you have the heart of a champion, and you should be proud of yourself.
And I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of place... but I don't think you have anything to apologize or be sorry about here.
EH
Something very similar happened to me, and it cost me probably an extra two years of super duper drunkenness. The pain was intense, and continues to this day in many ways. I always wondered what would have happened had I been sober during that period of my life, but had I been sober maybe I wouldn't have caused her to stray. I've always blamed myself for what happened too. And I'm certainly not a violent person, and even drunk, only manage to rise to the level of occasional belligerence, but had I caught them in the act, I can guarantee you that out of the three of us, there's a chance nobody would have walked out of that situation.
The fact that you're still up, alive, well, and sober to boot is absolutely amazing! It sounds like you have the heart of a champion, and you should be proud of yourself.
And I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of place... but I don't think you have anything to apologize or be sorry about here.
EH
It hurts like hell and I can't get the memories out of my head. I'll be wounded about that for awhile. I can't recall if I mentioned in a post before this, but he went on to call me crazy, psychotic and delusional when I caught him to try and continue his lies with the other woman. He knows how damn hard I've worked on my issues, and he does that to me. Honestly, that was as bad, if not worse, than the act of an affair itself. He betrayed me in a very deep, painful way. I want to hug him and kick him in the nuts as the same time. I try to remember that he is very ill ... he had been hiding a bad cocaine addiction.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Congrats CAGY on 3 weeks & Windancer for 2 weeks & Horatio on 23 days. Sending strength to everyone else too for every day you have.
Pirene - I think that's normal to have future thoughts. There will always be an event where we would normally drink at or feel we should - birthday, anniversary, wedding, christening, Christmas, holiday, BBQ anything really. I try 2 things - really trying to stay in the moment and not be overly concerned about the future. Yes it's easier said that done but it is helpful. Mindfulness is a good way of doing this,staying in the present and the 'now'. If you like reading there are some good books on this subject.
For anyone else who likes reading a great book I have is "Think Right, FeelRight" by Dr R Isett. It's all amount changing ways of thinking to more healthy ways and learning to control your thought processes rather than them control you. It may sound a bit cliched but it really does work.
Sunflower - maybe look at Rational Recovery and AVRT which takes a very different approach to AA and works for many.
Hi Frickaflip - good to meet you
Well done on getting through the cravings Helen. the more you do this the stronger you will become
Hope everyone is having a good day.
Pirene - I think that's normal to have future thoughts. There will always be an event where we would normally drink at or feel we should - birthday, anniversary, wedding, christening, Christmas, holiday, BBQ anything really. I try 2 things - really trying to stay in the moment and not be overly concerned about the future. Yes it's easier said that done but it is helpful. Mindfulness is a good way of doing this,staying in the present and the 'now'. If you like reading there are some good books on this subject.
For anyone else who likes reading a great book I have is "Think Right, FeelRight" by Dr R Isett. It's all amount changing ways of thinking to more healthy ways and learning to control your thought processes rather than them control you. It may sound a bit cliched but it really does work.
Sunflower - maybe look at Rational Recovery and AVRT which takes a very different approach to AA and works for many.
Hi Frickaflip - good to meet you
Well done on getting through the cravings Helen. the more you do this the stronger you will become
Hope everyone is having a good day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Eventhorizen "pee-pee eyed" lol
Winddancer, I've been at this for years too. Its hard to come back to this site time and time again, but it is too good a resource to stay away. I've always been received with a "welcome back." Sorry for all the turmoil in your life right now. It will pass, but only if we remain sober. SO, lets make it stick.
My son is home sick with some asthma issues today, so I am staying home from school as well. Plan is to monitor his breathing, clean house, and start working on an 8 page paper. yay.
My biggest problem with remaining sober is that when I start to get that itch, I don't reach out. I need to reach out. I will reach out. That's my plan.
Winddancer, I've been at this for years too. Its hard to come back to this site time and time again, but it is too good a resource to stay away. I've always been received with a "welcome back." Sorry for all the turmoil in your life right now. It will pass, but only if we remain sober. SO, lets make it stick.
My son is home sick with some asthma issues today, so I am staying home from school as well. Plan is to monitor his breathing, clean house, and start working on an 8 page paper. yay.
My biggest problem with remaining sober is that when I start to get that itch, I don't reach out. I need to reach out. I will reach out. That's my plan.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
It amazes me how such little things can drive us mad in early sobriety.
I was supposed to have a Purolator delivery this morning with MEDICATION that I need. For the second time in a row it's held up because of a sorting error. Now I have to meet the truck somewhere to get my medication because waiting till this evening when the trucks come back is a very painful option.
I am really ticked off with Purolator.
I was supposed to have a Purolator delivery this morning with MEDICATION that I need. For the second time in a row it's held up because of a sorting error. Now I have to meet the truck somewhere to get my medication because waiting till this evening when the trucks come back is a very painful option.
I am really ticked off with Purolator.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
QUOTE bblackbirdflyy "Its hard to come back to this site time and time again, but it is too good a resource to stay away..."
This is such a brilliant quote. I love it - one of those that stays with you forever. Thank you bblackbirdflyy
Hope your son feels better very soon.
This is such a brilliant quote. I love it - one of those that stays with you forever. Thank you bblackbirdflyy
Hope your son feels better very soon.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy
Eventhorizen "pee-pee eyed" lol My biggest problem with remaining sober is that when I start to get that itch, I don't reach out. I need to reach out. I will reach out. That's my plan.
My biggest problem with remaining sober is that when I start to get that itch, I don't reach out. I need to reach out. I will reach out. That's my plan.
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