Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 7
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,837
Congratulations on 6 months, Bodhi! Way to go!!! Awesome accomplishment!
Free - I agree with CP in that the meal looks great, but definitely not on my diet. Ha ha.
CP - have you recuperated from watching the grandchildren? I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling. It is hard, and I still find myself wavering from time to time. Some days it is just hour to hour and if it has to be that way, so be it. I am not big into AA but have found dialing in to some of the 24 hour meetings available online helps get through the rough spots.
Viking - a pair of socks definitely tops the cake for Employee of the Month! I had a box full of old plaques that I (as well as my late husband) used to get years ago and I just threw them all out. Not like I can donate them or even recycle them. Such a waste. Show us the money, right!!??
Just got Mr. LHW ready and out of the house to head to his golf tournament. I will join him on Saturday night for the tournament BBQ. He is playing 9 holes today, 27 holes tomorrow and 18 on Saturday. He will be wiped out for sure. I am tired just thinking about it.
As for me, the dishwashwer was not fixed earlier this week, so we have called another appliance repair service who is coming tomorrow sometime. More waiting around for people to show up. The one who came twice already doesn't seem to know what he is doing...just orders various parts and switches them in and out to see what works and when it doesn't, repeats the process. There is a two week turnaround time each time he orders a part and returns. At that rate, we will still be doing this next Fall. Hopefully the "new" place will know what they are doing. Other than that, I am going to catch up on some shows (Good Doctor, Blacklist are two of them) and fix some meals to put in the freezer for next week. We kicking around the plant based stuff and find we really like some recipes from the Plant Paradox cookbook specifically some carrot cake muffins and cauliflower muffins.
LHW
Free - I agree with CP in that the meal looks great, but definitely not on my diet. Ha ha.
CP - have you recuperated from watching the grandchildren? I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling. It is hard, and I still find myself wavering from time to time. Some days it is just hour to hour and if it has to be that way, so be it. I am not big into AA but have found dialing in to some of the 24 hour meetings available online helps get through the rough spots.
Viking - a pair of socks definitely tops the cake for Employee of the Month! I had a box full of old plaques that I (as well as my late husband) used to get years ago and I just threw them all out. Not like I can donate them or even recycle them. Such a waste. Show us the money, right!!??
Just got Mr. LHW ready and out of the house to head to his golf tournament. I will join him on Saturday night for the tournament BBQ. He is playing 9 holes today, 27 holes tomorrow and 18 on Saturday. He will be wiped out for sure. I am tired just thinking about it.
As for me, the dishwashwer was not fixed earlier this week, so we have called another appliance repair service who is coming tomorrow sometime. More waiting around for people to show up. The one who came twice already doesn't seem to know what he is doing...just orders various parts and switches them in and out to see what works and when it doesn't, repeats the process. There is a two week turnaround time each time he orders a part and returns. At that rate, we will still be doing this next Fall. Hopefully the "new" place will know what they are doing. Other than that, I am going to catch up on some shows (Good Doctor, Blacklist are two of them) and fix some meals to put in the freezer for next week. We kicking around the plant based stuff and find we really like some recipes from the Plant Paradox cookbook specifically some carrot cake muffins and cauliflower muffins.
LHW
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,479
Originally Posted by ClearPath64 
On a more serious note, I need some tough love here guys as I'm getting nowhere. Sinking lower, really, with every failed attempt. Accountability to myself isn't getting it done. It's unbelievable how easily my resolve vanishes into dust in the afternoon. No fight. No desire to ask for help. Just nothing. "One day at a time." "Just don't drink today." Such straightforward, simple advice. I can dole it out to others, but I simply just ignore it when it comes to me.
My life has been one of procrastination. Very little planning. Scrambling to get things done at the deadline. Only addressing issues when they become super-critical, or too pressing to ignore. The tragedy with alcohol for me is the slow, slow degradation of my mental and physical wellness. Never too pressing to ignore (no legal issues, good results at annual checkups). But I have to treat this fight differently. I know it. The person sitting here typing this in the morning knows it with all of his heart. I don't know what to do with the robotic, soulless person that takes the reins in the afternoon. I have to figure out how to snatch the reins back from him.
So today I'm going to take it hour by hour. I'm going to post here in the afternoon for the first several days, until I can get my legs under me.
Being transparent with you guys is important to me. And maybe a tiny step forward. I have nothing to hide. I can't do this alone.
My life has been one of procrastination. Very little planning. Scrambling to get things done at the deadline. Only addressing issues when they become super-critical, or too pressing to ignore. The tragedy with alcohol for me is the slow, slow degradation of my mental and physical wellness. Never too pressing to ignore (no legal issues, good results at annual checkups). But I have to treat this fight differently. I know it. The person sitting here typing this in the morning knows it with all of his heart. I don't know what to do with the robotic, soulless person that takes the reins in the afternoon. I have to figure out how to snatch the reins back from him.
So today I'm going to take it hour by hour. I'm going to post here in the afternoon for the first several days, until I can get my legs under me.
Being transparent with you guys is important to me. And maybe a tiny step forward. I have nothing to hide. I can't do this alone.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Hey guys. Thanks for the support. I knew that opening up here was the best first step.
Suze, those are both great suggestions and I will take them to heart. I definitely need to mix up the routine, though the oppressive heat wave removes some of the outside options, temporarily anyway. I got to the store earlier than usual today to stock up on some healthy food options. Preparing meals ahead of time sounds like a good plan.
LHW, there is a local AA meeting that meets daily at Noon, about five minutes from my house. I circled the parking lot twice today, but didn't muster the courage to park the car and go in. I keep telling myself that nothing will change in my life if I don't take a risk. I think that I'm going to do it. Maybe get there a little earlier, before it fills up, and try to blend in a bit. Sorry to hear about the fiasco with the dishwasher.
Dee, I probably have too much free time, to be perfectly honest. Need to get back to working, or volunteering, as you suggest. My daughter would love for me to be her daily nanny for the 3 grandkids, but I just don't have the energy or patience for that.
Thanks again guys.
Suze, those are both great suggestions and I will take them to heart. I definitely need to mix up the routine, though the oppressive heat wave removes some of the outside options, temporarily anyway. I got to the store earlier than usual today to stock up on some healthy food options. Preparing meals ahead of time sounds like a good plan.
LHW, there is a local AA meeting that meets daily at Noon, about five minutes from my house. I circled the parking lot twice today, but didn't muster the courage to park the car and go in. I keep telling myself that nothing will change in my life if I don't take a risk. I think that I'm going to do it. Maybe get there a little earlier, before it fills up, and try to blend in a bit. Sorry to hear about the fiasco with the dishwasher.
Dee, I probably have too much free time, to be perfectly honest. Need to get back to working, or volunteering, as you suggest. My daughter would love for me to be her daily nanny for the 3 grandkids, but I just don't have the energy or patience for that.
Thanks again guys.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,837
CP - you and I are in the same place. I can't do the local in person meetings. I will happily send you the online links to the AA meetings I resonate with if you would like. To be honest...there is an AWESOME one on Wednesday nights out of NYC...they are called humanists..,. so do not do the God thing. I need that. Anyway, I am so glad they decided to keep meeting after the pandemic.... really good group of folks. Let me know via PM if you would like me to send you the links. It's so hard....I am really struggline right now too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
CP and LHW, sorry to hear you are struggling. I’m also riding a struggle wave. We’re going to Cape May this weekend and vacations have been a high risk time for me to relapse. Actually the last two times I drank in the last 16 months (feb 2021 was when I truly came to terms with being sober and made a real go of it) were both on a vacation where I was away from my routines and tools.
what really helped me was to connect with others going through the same thing and keeping myself busy during my “witching hours” which was 4pm - 7pm. To connect I came here and went to AA online meetings. After a few weeks going to AA, I came across Recovery Dharma online which is Buddhist based recovery. I really love the Dharma Recovery meetings there’s usually a reading. A meditation, and shares. I tried out a bunch of different meetings until I found a few that resonated with me. For the keep me busy during 4-7, I tried out different fitness classes until I found some I really liked and I still go to today. I have a therapist I see weekly. I also went to acupuncture and a chiropractor. Everyday after work I had something on my schedule even if it was walking the dog some place new or going to a meeting. I went to grad school too.
Boy typing that all out I just realized dang I did a lot lol. Now that the cravings aren’t so loud (they’re more sneaky these days) I’ve paired down the witching hour activities, but I still do a lot after work. I don’t think about it as keep me busy so I don’t drink anymore it’s evolved into me getting the most out of life and feeling fulfilled. It takes a lot of time, urge surfing, and meditation helped me a lot.
Thank you both for sharing how you’re feeling. It’s reminded me to sharpen my toolkit. I haven’t been to a recovery dharma meeting in about 3 weeks. I’m definitely going to join one this weekend.
what really helped me was to connect with others going through the same thing and keeping myself busy during my “witching hours” which was 4pm - 7pm. To connect I came here and went to AA online meetings. After a few weeks going to AA, I came across Recovery Dharma online which is Buddhist based recovery. I really love the Dharma Recovery meetings there’s usually a reading. A meditation, and shares. I tried out a bunch of different meetings until I found a few that resonated with me. For the keep me busy during 4-7, I tried out different fitness classes until I found some I really liked and I still go to today. I have a therapist I see weekly. I also went to acupuncture and a chiropractor. Everyday after work I had something on my schedule even if it was walking the dog some place new or going to a meeting. I went to grad school too.
Boy typing that all out I just realized dang I did a lot lol. Now that the cravings aren’t so loud (they’re more sneaky these days) I’ve paired down the witching hour activities, but I still do a lot after work. I don’t think about it as keep me busy so I don’t drink anymore it’s evolved into me getting the most out of life and feeling fulfilled. It takes a lot of time, urge surfing, and meditation helped me a lot.
Thank you both for sharing how you’re feeling. It’s reminded me to sharpen my toolkit. I haven’t been to a recovery dharma meeting in about 3 weeks. I’m definitely going to join one this weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by ClearPath64
On a more serious note, I need some tough love here guys as I'm getting nowhere. Sinking lower, really, with every failed attempt. Accountability to myself isn't getting it done. It's unbelievable how easily my resolve vanishes into dust in the afternoon. No fight. No desire to ask for help. Just nothing. "One day at a time." "Just don't drink today." Such straightforward, simple advice. I can dole it out to others, but I simply just ignore it when it comes to me.
My life has been one of procrastination. Very little planning. Scrambling to get things done at the deadline. Only addressing issues when they become super-critical, or too pressing to ignore. The tragedy with alcohol for me is the slow, slow degradation of my mental and physical wellness. Never too pressing to ignore (no legal issues, good results at annual checkups). But I have to treat this fight differently. I know it. The person sitting here typing this in the morning knows it with all of his heart. I don't know what to do with the robotic, soulless person that takes the reins in the afternoon. I have to figure out how to snatch the reins back from him.
So today I'm going to take it hour by hour. I'm going to post here in the afternoon for the first several days, until I can get my legs under me.
Being transparent with you guys is important to me. And maybe a tiny step forward. I have nothing to hide. I can't do this alone.
My life has been one of procrastination. Very little planning. Scrambling to get things done at the deadline. Only addressing issues when they become super-critical, or too pressing to ignore. The tragedy with alcohol for me is the slow, slow degradation of my mental and physical wellness. Never too pressing to ignore (no legal issues, good results at annual checkups). But I have to treat this fight differently. I know it. The person sitting here typing this in the morning knows it with all of his heart. I don't know what to do with the robotic, soulless person that takes the reins in the afternoon. I have to figure out how to snatch the reins back from him.
So today I'm going to take it hour by hour. I'm going to post here in the afternoon for the first several days, until I can get my legs under me.
Being transparent with you guys is important to me. And maybe a tiny step forward. I have nothing to hide. I can't do this alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
James, and LHW, it IS so hard….
here’s an analogy. Our subconscious rules most everything we do. Our brains are adaptable miracle workers, and we unknowingly program them through repeated actions, like driving, or using our sink, or drinking alcohol.
Have you ever been scared of a collision sitting in the passenger seat and stomped your left foot down? WTH, right? We KNOW we are the passenger, and KNOW there’s no brake there, but we do it anyway. Why? Subconscious stuff.
Sink. In laws have the SAME sink as we do in our home, but our at home is a wave under to turn water on. Golly darn it if I keep doing it at least once a day, waving my hand foolishly under a sink I’ve told myself doesn’t work like mine, and I KNOW WHERE I AM, I’m not home for cripe Pete . But, Yep, that subconscious.
ive been driving 45 years. I’ve had that wave under sink for three, and I’ve been drinking for 45 years.
We CAN change our subconscious. We CAN, YOU CAN.
Effort, persistence, effort, persistence, doing it differently will change that knee jerk reaction, that fall back, to drink.
i believe in all of us, I trust our sober wise ones.
Big hugs
🤓❤️
here’s an analogy. Our subconscious rules most everything we do. Our brains are adaptable miracle workers, and we unknowingly program them through repeated actions, like driving, or using our sink, or drinking alcohol.
Have you ever been scared of a collision sitting in the passenger seat and stomped your left foot down? WTH, right? We KNOW we are the passenger, and KNOW there’s no brake there, but we do it anyway. Why? Subconscious stuff.
Sink. In laws have the SAME sink as we do in our home, but our at home is a wave under to turn water on. Golly darn it if I keep doing it at least once a day, waving my hand foolishly under a sink I’ve told myself doesn’t work like mine, and I KNOW WHERE I AM, I’m not home for cripe Pete . But, Yep, that subconscious.
ive been driving 45 years. I’ve had that wave under sink for three, and I’ve been drinking for 45 years.
We CAN change our subconscious. We CAN, YOU CAN.
Effort, persistence, effort, persistence, doing it differently will change that knee jerk reaction, that fall back, to drink.
i believe in all of us, I trust our sober wise ones.
Big hugs
🤓❤️
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
Also, read the story of member Forwards. I mean all their posts, from way back. Incredible success from seemingly impossible position.
Read the blog of member bloss. Incredible journey.
Listen to Charlie and Joes. Step four you tube, take notes. It’s three hours without stopping to take notes.
Work out, as adv says.
Sit on your hands
Look up urge surfing. Here on SR.
Take a shower. Drink a glass of water. Take a walk, swim, jog, bike ride.
Clean a junk drawer
play the tape forward. Come read SR FIRST. Read relapse stories. Read success stories.
Google liver disease.
Big hugs.
🤓❤️
Read the blog of member bloss. Incredible journey.
Listen to Charlie and Joes. Step four you tube, take notes. It’s three hours without stopping to take notes.
Work out, as adv says.
Sit on your hands
Look up urge surfing. Here on SR.
Take a shower. Drink a glass of water. Take a walk, swim, jog, bike ride.
Clean a junk drawer
play the tape forward. Come read SR FIRST. Read relapse stories. Read success stories.
Google liver disease.
Big hugs.
🤓❤️
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,837
Good Morning everyone.
It's very early here...I've been awake since about 4:30 AM. Having trouble sleeping these days since I had some medication changes a few weeks ago.
Thanks, Bodhi, Free, for the advice. I do have to alter my routine somewhat during the danger zones. There is no need to have to suffer through certain periods of the day, just change things up a bit. I always walk in the morning, but maybe I will change that to the afternoons for awhile if it's not too hot out. Or do both! A better idea!
Bodhi - vacation time is really tough for me too. I almost always cave. We have a destination wedding coming up in two weeks in Wisconsin and I am already working on a plan to get through the tought times.
I think in the past I have given myself permission to have "just one" at certain social events because nothing terrible has happened and it doesn't go beyond that, but who am I fooling? That "just one" will ultimately lead to more ... maybe not right now, maybe not a month from now, maybe not 6 months from now, but assuredly it will lead to more at some point.
I know this sounds crazy, but sitting out on my porch this morning without Mr. LHW next to me has had a profound impact on me. The stillness is almost eery, the only sound I hear is the birds chirping and my own thoughts in my head. It's like my drinking past is flashing before my eyes as I sit here and I am shedding all of that and planning a life where alcohol has no meaning at all and I won't give it any more space in my head. I wonder if this is kind of the "spiritual awakening" as it is said in AA? Anyway....
Thanks for being here. Have a wonderful day!
LHW
It's very early here...I've been awake since about 4:30 AM. Having trouble sleeping these days since I had some medication changes a few weeks ago.
Thanks, Bodhi, Free, for the advice. I do have to alter my routine somewhat during the danger zones. There is no need to have to suffer through certain periods of the day, just change things up a bit. I always walk in the morning, but maybe I will change that to the afternoons for awhile if it's not too hot out. Or do both! A better idea!
Bodhi - vacation time is really tough for me too. I almost always cave. We have a destination wedding coming up in two weeks in Wisconsin and I am already working on a plan to get through the tought times.
I think in the past I have given myself permission to have "just one" at certain social events because nothing terrible has happened and it doesn't go beyond that, but who am I fooling? That "just one" will ultimately lead to more ... maybe not right now, maybe not a month from now, maybe not 6 months from now, but assuredly it will lead to more at some point.
I know this sounds crazy, but sitting out on my porch this morning without Mr. LHW next to me has had a profound impact on me. The stillness is almost eery, the only sound I hear is the birds chirping and my own thoughts in my head. It's like my drinking past is flashing before my eyes as I sit here and I am shedding all of that and planning a life where alcohol has no meaning at all and I won't give it any more space in my head. I wonder if this is kind of the "spiritual awakening" as it is said in AA? Anyway....
Thanks for being here. Have a wonderful day!
LHW
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Wow. All I can say is wow this morning as I sit here with tears in my eyes, embarking on Day 2. The feeling of connection and support that I am feeling right now is somewhat overwhelming. Connection. The quote you shared Lynn, regarding feeling safe with other people, really resonates. I've been an outside observer for my entire life. Sitting on the sidelines. Never able to make meaningful, deep connections. I know where these tears are coming from, and it feels so good.
Advbike, I can't thank you enough for dropping in and providing support. You are so right about the physical exercise. I was feeling my best last year when I was out there running as the sun was coming up, really pushing the cardio. I've gotten soft, to be perfectly honest. I'm going to turn this around, starting today. Can't believe that you are 67. Just do it, indeed. You are proof of where that will take you. Thanks so much for the push.
Bodhi, to say that you did a lot is a huge understatement. So many great suggestions here. Really appreciate you taking the time to share them and offer your support.
Lynn, you never cease to amaze me. Those quotes are spot on. As are all of your suggestions. You are a special person, my friend. Some of these quotes are getting printed out and going up on my wall.
LHW, I'm feeling the same way as you as I sit here and soak in the love and support. I'm ready to take this walk with you, starting now. And thanks for sharing the link to the meetings. I'll be there on Wednesday.
Really, I don't know how to thank you guys properly. Other than to make this my last Day 2. You've shaken me out of my doldrums and I start anew. I can do this, side by side with you.
Advbike, I can't thank you enough for dropping in and providing support. You are so right about the physical exercise. I was feeling my best last year when I was out there running as the sun was coming up, really pushing the cardio. I've gotten soft, to be perfectly honest. I'm going to turn this around, starting today. Can't believe that you are 67. Just do it, indeed. You are proof of where that will take you. Thanks so much for the push.
Bodhi, to say that you did a lot is a huge understatement. So many great suggestions here. Really appreciate you taking the time to share them and offer your support.
Lynn, you never cease to amaze me. Those quotes are spot on. As are all of your suggestions. You are a special person, my friend. Some of these quotes are getting printed out and going up on my wall.
LHW, I'm feeling the same way as you as I sit here and soak in the love and support. I'm ready to take this walk with you, starting now. And thanks for sharing the link to the meetings. I'll be there on Wednesday.
Really, I don't know how to thank you guys properly. Other than to make this my last Day 2. You've shaken me out of my doldrums and I start anew. I can do this, side by side with you.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
Ahhh, James, reward yourself, my friend. YOU are special, YOU are worth it………
The reward? Kick that bad habit aside forever, now. You CAN. We Believe.
BELIEVE.
The books I got those from are great reads, as are Alcohol Explained, I also have been using some AA Steps, as I said. That long you tube session, I actually did it. Nothing magical happened. Until about two months later and all those ruminations were GONE. GONE.
There was also Quit Like A Woman, but it has so much good information in it for anyone.
Lots of good reading at the fingertips from online Libby connected to your library, and from Amazon.
No more shopping at the bookstore with judging eyes turning your book over and over and over so everyone behind you can see what your buying.
Nope. It’s our own personal hell, and the only way out is through it.
Get those 90 days in, in a row.
Vacations? I’m on vacation now. And I have found, nobody notices if I’m drinking or not.
Ive learned it’s not about me.
Love you all, your transparency, and our vulnerability. We are safe here, we are safe.
A great place to grow into the person we love, before it’s too late.
🤓❤️
The reward? Kick that bad habit aside forever, now. You CAN. We Believe.
BELIEVE.
The books I got those from are great reads, as are Alcohol Explained, I also have been using some AA Steps, as I said. That long you tube session, I actually did it. Nothing magical happened. Until about two months later and all those ruminations were GONE. GONE.
There was also Quit Like A Woman, but it has so much good information in it for anyone.
Lots of good reading at the fingertips from online Libby connected to your library, and from Amazon.
No more shopping at the bookstore with judging eyes turning your book over and over and over so everyone behind you can see what your buying.
Nope. It’s our own personal hell, and the only way out is through it.
Get those 90 days in, in a row.
Vacations? I’m on vacation now. And I have found, nobody notices if I’m drinking or not.
Ive learned it’s not about me.
Love you all, your transparency, and our vulnerability. We are safe here, we are safe.
A great place to grow into the person we love, before it’s too late.
🤓❤️
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,430
Hi, all, I have been following along- thinking of you all the past two days for sure.
James, LHW- I feel very strongly for you both- that push and pull to both stop and then to give in only to have it all start all over the next day. In the beginning, I just sat right HERE. I would read for hours, until I found something that resonated with me. That was the first weeks. I came right to this spot every NIGHT- it became my replacement for the drinks, and it didn't take long for me to look forward to it. I hadn't even found you guys yet! Slowly, I stretched my wings- I made sure I left my house (home is where I drank- if I went out window shopping, I was safe) or met up with someone who I could just sit and talk with (not about drinking) and I didn't care what I did- it had to be something DIFFERENT. Not my usual. And it always ended with that sober crossword in my bed, with the little number of days sober in the upper corner with the date written next to it. I will NEVER be rid of that book. Ever. Sometimes I would jot a few words on a page. I looked at it the other night and it's a literal map of my journey. And it reminds me how hard I was working to change, because now I feel like I've always been this non-drinking person- and I need to remember that it's always work. Each day, I realize something about sober me that I didn't know yesterday. Hey, yesterday I learned I LIKE to mop the kitchen floor!!! It's not a punishment, it's a privilege to be able to physically do it, to have clean water in my home and to be able to enjoy my living space. Gratitude. Every dang day. Slowly, the things I did pushed out any thought of alcohol- and after about, oh, I don't know, a month or two, the thoughts just went away. It was like a switch flipping. On. Off. It comes, and all the sudden, it gets so clear that alcohol is poison, there is no joy to be found in it, only misery and that's the way it wants us to be. Miserable and alone. I didn't want that anymore. Not wanting it was the dream- and there it was, right in front of me. Be patient, be persistent and for god's sake, keep trying so hard that you think your head will pop off. Do whatever you have to do to NOT TAKE ONE SIP. The longer you do that, the less you will want to.
CP- I'm talking to you here- you aren't posting enough. I don't mean here. I mean on the forum- this class is great and everything but start a thread and get some more support than just us. That helped me sooooo much. Reading and commenting is great- but sometimes having everyone speaking to you directly helps beyond what you might expect. I still go back to early posts to read what was said to me, and I've thanked most of those folks personally, because I hold many of them directly responsible for pushing me up the hill. I've been thinking that a while, so there, I said it. Please forgive me if I've overstepped or if I sound harsh. I just want you to succeed, and while I'm trying to stay somewhat emotionally detached, it's so hard with this group. I feel like we are a little online family. I miss our friends who we started with and I wonder about them from time to time.
LHW- It sounds like you are experiencing the shift- let those feelings come and process them any way you can, writing, meditating, go for a walk. Find the GOOD in every little thing- and know you would be blind to all of it if alcohol was in the mix. Be proud of every day sober, every accomplishment, every time the AV pops up it's ugly craw and you send it packing. You deserve good things.
We all deserve them. I am honored to be member of this smart, funny, wise, empathetic and generous group. Stay strong, and ONWARD, together.
Have a fantastic, and sober weekend. It's the only way to be.
Hugs and love from me-
Lisa
James, LHW- I feel very strongly for you both- that push and pull to both stop and then to give in only to have it all start all over the next day. In the beginning, I just sat right HERE. I would read for hours, until I found something that resonated with me. That was the first weeks. I came right to this spot every NIGHT- it became my replacement for the drinks, and it didn't take long for me to look forward to it. I hadn't even found you guys yet! Slowly, I stretched my wings- I made sure I left my house (home is where I drank- if I went out window shopping, I was safe) or met up with someone who I could just sit and talk with (not about drinking) and I didn't care what I did- it had to be something DIFFERENT. Not my usual. And it always ended with that sober crossword in my bed, with the little number of days sober in the upper corner with the date written next to it. I will NEVER be rid of that book. Ever. Sometimes I would jot a few words on a page. I looked at it the other night and it's a literal map of my journey. And it reminds me how hard I was working to change, because now I feel like I've always been this non-drinking person- and I need to remember that it's always work. Each day, I realize something about sober me that I didn't know yesterday. Hey, yesterday I learned I LIKE to mop the kitchen floor!!! It's not a punishment, it's a privilege to be able to physically do it, to have clean water in my home and to be able to enjoy my living space. Gratitude. Every dang day. Slowly, the things I did pushed out any thought of alcohol- and after about, oh, I don't know, a month or two, the thoughts just went away. It was like a switch flipping. On. Off. It comes, and all the sudden, it gets so clear that alcohol is poison, there is no joy to be found in it, only misery and that's the way it wants us to be. Miserable and alone. I didn't want that anymore. Not wanting it was the dream- and there it was, right in front of me. Be patient, be persistent and for god's sake, keep trying so hard that you think your head will pop off. Do whatever you have to do to NOT TAKE ONE SIP. The longer you do that, the less you will want to.
CP- I'm talking to you here- you aren't posting enough. I don't mean here. I mean on the forum- this class is great and everything but start a thread and get some more support than just us. That helped me sooooo much. Reading and commenting is great- but sometimes having everyone speaking to you directly helps beyond what you might expect. I still go back to early posts to read what was said to me, and I've thanked most of those folks personally, because I hold many of them directly responsible for pushing me up the hill. I've been thinking that a while, so there, I said it. Please forgive me if I've overstepped or if I sound harsh. I just want you to succeed, and while I'm trying to stay somewhat emotionally detached, it's so hard with this group. I feel like we are a little online family. I miss our friends who we started with and I wonder about them from time to time.
LHW- It sounds like you are experiencing the shift- let those feelings come and process them any way you can, writing, meditating, go for a walk. Find the GOOD in every little thing- and know you would be blind to all of it if alcohol was in the mix. Be proud of every day sober, every accomplishment, every time the AV pops up it's ugly craw and you send it packing. You deserve good things.
We all deserve them. I am honored to be member of this smart, funny, wise, empathetic and generous group. Stay strong, and ONWARD, together.
Have a fantastic, and sober weekend. It's the only way to be.
Hugs and love from me-
Lisa
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Awww Lisa, you definitely did not overstep, and were not harsh at all. I always appreciate your thoughtful words. Honestly, I think that I feel like a broken record, going back to the Newcomers board. I've been on here since 2013 (originally as BarOwnersSon) and have spewed out a few threads in the Newcomers and Alcoholism forums over the years. It's depressing going back and reading them, to be honest. I thought that a blog was maybe the way to go for me, but I realized within the last week that it carries zero accountability. Just me talking to myself in written form. I will take your advice and post to Newcomers the next time I come up with something to share. Heck, at the very least I can be an example for the newbies of what not to do.
Anyway, here I am posting in the late afternoon after just finishing a 13.5 mile bike ride in the 90 degree heat. Mr. Advbike threw down the gauntlet on me and I just had to respond! And you know what? It felt great. Came home, toweled off, ate a banana, orange, and apple, and scurried back here to the computer to check in with you guys. And was so happy to see Lisa's message. You guys are all such great examples. Going to log into a meeting that LHW recommended this evening and push my boundaries. What a difference a couple of days makes.
I love you guys.
Anyway, here I am posting in the late afternoon after just finishing a 13.5 mile bike ride in the 90 degree heat. Mr. Advbike threw down the gauntlet on me and I just had to respond! And you know what? It felt great. Came home, toweled off, ate a banana, orange, and apple, and scurried back here to the computer to check in with you guys. And was so happy to see Lisa's message. You guys are all such great examples. Going to log into a meeting that LHW recommended this evening and push my boundaries. What a difference a couple of days makes.
I love you guys.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
Ok well, gotta confess, I don’t ALWAYS say the right thing, sometimes I forget to use my filter.
Bit sentiments are same, very much love you all too. You are my FOC 👩🏼⚕️
Bit sentiments are same, very much love you all too. You are my FOC 👩🏼⚕️
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
How did the meeting go CP?
I remember my first meeting was terrifying but in the end it was exactly what I needed. To bring my addiction to the light which is what I felt like I was doing in meetings was such a release for me. It was a big hurdle because I really hid the addiction so admitting it out loud to people changed everything for me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I realize it now. I also changed to a therapist who had experience with addictions. That was another way for me to stop hiding.
I remember my first meeting was terrifying but in the end it was exactly what I needed. To bring my addiction to the light which is what I felt like I was doing in meetings was such a release for me. It was a big hurdle because I really hid the addiction so admitting it out loud to people changed everything for me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I realize it now. I also changed to a therapist who had experience with addictions. That was another way for me to stop hiding.
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