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Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 7

Old 06-02-2022, 07:58 PM
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Hi class, I’m thinking of you all. Update is there’s no update- quiet week. I’ll check in longer tomorrow night to fully catch with everyone.
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Old 06-02-2022, 09:04 PM
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Thanks Lisa
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Old 06-03-2022, 09:02 AM
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Good Morning everyone.

Boo on the insurance with the house, Free. I wonder if there is anything like FEMA that you could look into? I know that some people who have beach houses on the water have to go that route because they can't get any of the standard insurers to touch it. That's a beautiful view you have there!

Bodhi, I agree with Free -- just go cry in the ladies room and get it out. I did that many times over the years. I hope you feel better today. Thanks for the tip on the background of the Barnes Foundation. I do remember reading that his wishes really were not honored and that's a shame.

CP - sounds like a nice plan you have for the day. I used to travel to KC for work. Wish I could recall the name of that great take out BBQ place I used to go to. I also need to get my butt in gear and go walk, but it is super humid out. Mr. LHW suffered from heat exhaustion yesterday while playing golf. It was scary! I think I will probably wait till later on and just stay in the air conditioning today. When I read of heat advisories and it says to make sure the elderly stay inside, I never thought it would apply to us!

I'm feeling a bit down today. Another friend has ghosted me. I'm not sure what is going on or why. Just out of the blue, no responses to texts, phone calls, blocked on Facebook, etc. This has happened to me a lot over the years. I think I am a good friend to people but my friend list definitely has dwindled over the years and often I never know the reason why. Mr. LHW says then they were not friends if it just ended that way...they were acquaintances. It's hard to not let it bother me despite trying to put it out of mind. I didn't sleep all last night. But not knowing why alwlays hurts.

On a similar note, last night, Mr. LHW and I had dinner with my friend "S" and her husband "R". S and I have been friends for about 15 years. We were widowed around the same time many years ago and she remarried in 2018. She married a guy so unlike her deceased husband and so unlike her, too! Anway, I met Mr. LHW in 2019 and so the four of us get together every now and then for dinner and we even visited them at their home in Florida this past winter. However, last night at dinner, it became clear that we probably have simply outgrown the friendship. R is very pretentious and very much a showboater. Always having to tell you how much he sold his boat for, how much he paid for his new car, how much he paid to renovate their home, how many commercial properties he owns and how much money he makes, how many homes they have, how much he pays his ex-wife in alimony, blah blah blah. He never stops talking about himself and all of his expensive possessions. If Mr. LHW or I try to talk, he whips out his phone and starts scrolling, and acts like he is working on some big deal. He shows zero interest in anything we have to say. I had recommended a certain restaurant for them to try recently and so I asked if they tried it. I was shocked when my friend S said they didn't try it as they prefer a "more upscale" restaurant. I realized right then and there that this friendship probably will go by the wayside too but that is okay. I know it would be painful to continue. Me and S really don't have anything in common anymore since she married R and the life I have with Mr. LHW is so much simpler than theirs. And we like our life! So when they got in their car and said they had a very busy summer and to "stay in touch", I know they felt the same way. And that is okay. At least I know when it becomes apparent I probably won't hear from them much, if at all, going forward. Nor will I reach out either because I just don't like being in R's company and S has changed so much. Mr. LHW said I can't fit a round peg into a square hole and should just grieve the loss of the friendship and move on. I wish it was that easy. Letting go of anything is very hard for me.

Anyway, time to pull myself out of the funk. There is a LOT to be thankful for and I need to focus on that. Like our little class here! I am very greatful and thankful to have you all.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

LHW

PS - the modified 75 day challenge is proving to be quite challenging. We made it one day with the 2x/day exercising....
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Old 06-04-2022, 05:54 AM
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I'm hoping that cooler temperatures are heading your way LHW. And I hope that your husband is doing okay. Sorry to hear about your friends. The S and R situation would be so uncomfortable and stressful moving forward. Letting go is likely the right answer, but I'm sure that it is difficult, considering that you were there for each other during such a difficult stretch in your life. That would be hard for anyone.

Slow and steady on the exercise. Us "elderly" folk can't be overdoing it. Did you really include yourself in the elderly category? I'm not having any of it!
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Old 06-04-2022, 07:06 AM
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Ahhh, LHW, S and R sounds like our L and P. They came to our wedding last year, and before that we saw them in December of 20, then skied with them once by accident in February. They just happened to ski near us, then we hung out. We got married in July. All inquiries were met with ‘we have family in for a month’, we have so much company, we are remodeling, we are going with friends on a trip then, etc, etc, yada yada yada. We made dinner plans in November, it was good, but there was no chemistry. In March P saw me in town for her car. I asked one last time. Oh, it won’t be until May, we have solid company until then.

Done. They are heavy drinkers, my hubby is not, they are potheads, we are not. Same thing, pretentious, feel they are superior. No thanks.

We have actively sought out new friends that have similar interests, and being introverted that’s tough, but realize friends help us live longer, and help infuse meaning and purpose into our lives.

Our valley has an over fifty club, and there are sports and social events to go to. This year I volunteered us to lead seven hikes. We went on a snowshoe in March And met a couple who like golfing and hiking. Not too available, and not too clingy.

I also volunteer at a local live theater as usher. It’s been great at meeting new people, and our days have been packed.

Big hugs to you 😍🥰😘, maybe there are some ideas there?
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Old 06-04-2022, 07:11 AM
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Yesterday no Pilates, lungs feel a bit heavy, but we chain sawed and fell a few trees, and cut up fallen ones and took pieces to the road where they will be picked up soon.

The stupid scale was thrown out, we did order a new one, but I do a clothing check and feel that’s more accurate than a scale. With a scale you can lose muscle, Which weighs less than fat, and the clothes fitting and mirror checking is a good way to see muscle tone, etc.

Anyway, re reading alcohol explained, the author is a GENIUS IMO.

Hopefully go up to lot before golf. High 71, no heat stroke for us.

LHW, hope your hubby recovers quickly.

James, let’s hear some meaty stuff. How’s the grandkids?

I miss KC, not able to go there this year.
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Old 06-04-2022, 07:17 AM
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Old 06-04-2022, 10:47 AM
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What a beautiful day in the Boston area! I'm heading out to lie by the pool and feel some damn sun on me for a while. Went shopping for SMALLER pants today, got a pedi and a nice fella said I looked "beautiful in that dress." I am over the moon in a great mood. Take that, Ben Rector!

Not one second of this would be a fact without this place and you wonderful people. Have a great day, you are receiving a big, virtual hug from me- RIGHT NOW. Go rock your sober selves!

Lisa.

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Old 06-05-2022, 04:55 AM
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Thanks for the suggestions, Free! Mr. LHW has tons of friends and they are all very nice. A few of them are in the process of moving away to be closer to their children and grandchildren. I guess that happens at our age! Fortunately, he is meeting some nice guys at our golf club who call him to play from time to time. I'm glad because he often plays alone. It's strange..he finds an open spot on the tee sheet where there might be 1-2 other people playing so he puts himself in and then they immediately cancel or move to another time slot. I still shrug my shoulders over that. I thought belonging to a golf club would help you to make friends. And I will add, he is very good...a 5 handicap so it's not like they check him out and he is a 39 handicap and don't want to play with him. Oh well. He takes it all in stride.

I agreed to play in a Member/Guest tournament this coming week with a gal who I used to be very good friends with years ago. We lost touch after I moved to Florida and when I moved back here, we really never connected again despite my attempts. For some reason, she called me out of the blue last week to see if I wanted to play as her guest in this tournament. My suspicion is whoever she had asked previously backed out, because it is late in the game to invite someone to such a tournament. Anyway, I accepted but now am second guessing that decision. I haven't played in a few weeks and this tournament is very competitive. I told her I would play but if the pressure is intense to actually win the tournament I would rather not. Last time I played in this tournament (not with her), I played horribly and my team came in dead last. The gal who invited me to that was very upset and the other 3 ladies were so nasty about our standing that I went home and cried that night. Mr. LHW told me to just go play and try to have a good time and reconnect with some of the ladies. We will see. Can't back out now.

I hope everyone has a good rest of the weekend.

LHW
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Old 06-05-2022, 05:49 AM
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Hey all! Busy weekend over here so just getting a chance to catch up.

LHW- I’ve been going through similar situations with friends so I’m glad you’re sharing about your experiences. I too have noticed that I’ve outgrown people or the relationship has fizzled out but for whatever reason have a hard time letting go. I still want to reach out and try to repair things, make the connection better, or just even sift through the memories and the negative feelings/thoughts that come up. Friendships is something I’m really diving into because I have patterns of being friends with people but not really feeling like I belong. I have an insecure attachment style where I attach too quickly and don’t even ask myself is this a person I want to be friends with? And by the time I realize oh this person really isn’t a good fit for me it’s too late I’m already attached. I think for me a few things come into play:

1. low self-esteem/low self-worth
2. relying on external validation
3. the belief that having a lot of friends= I’m cool and normal (which is exactly how I felt about alcohol - interesting 🧐 )

Got a lot of work to do on the friend front and as I shed people who aren’t a good fit or healthy for me I’m fighting against the urge to quickly make more friends to replace those people and focus on my relationship with myself so that I make friends with people who are right for me. I never really knew myself before and I’m just starting to now so of course I would make friends with people who aren’t right - I didn't even know my preferences and had no standards.

Free- love the quotes you shared and I’m in awe of all of your activities! #lifegoals!

CP- I’ve never been to Kansas City and don’t know too much about the area. I’ve spent a lot of my time on the east coast and some time on the west coast I’ve got to get more acquainted with the Midwest!

Viking- hello! Glad to hear you’re having a quiet week and are feeling yourself!!

Today will be a nice relaxing day after a fun busy weekend. My husband gets home from Atlantic City today after being down there for his cousins bachelor party. Can’t wait to see him and I know Boatie can’t wait either. Gotta get some grocery shopping done, there’s a music festival in a park within walking distance I might check out with a few friends, and hopefully we can finish Stranger Things tonight.

Have a great day all!!
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Old 06-05-2022, 05:57 AM
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Not much to offer Lynn, meaty or otherwise. Not in a great headspace today, but wanted to pop on and say hello. That's so great about the compliment Lisa. It's amazing how a simple human interaction like that can change the course of our day. You deserve each and every good thing that is coming your way. LHW, best of luck with the golf tournament. Hopefully you can just relax and enjoy yourself. Great advice here on socializing and the importance of friendships. I fail miserably at this. Too much isolation. Too much time in my head. Something has to change.

Beautiful Sunday morning here, so a walk is in order. Rain forecasted for around Noon. I hope you guys have a good day.
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Old 06-05-2022, 06:00 AM
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Hi Bodhi, we posted at the exact same time. Sounds like you have a fun day ahead of you. Enjoy. But wait a minute. Boatie is your dog's name and Bodhi (which I pronounce the same way) is your user name. What's up with that? Coincidence?
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Old 06-05-2022, 06:21 AM
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It’s no coincidence CP! They’re the same name just spelled differently. Everyone always tells us how we spelled our dog’s name wrong, but there’s no right way to spell a name lol. I went with the more traditional spelling for my SR username.
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Old 06-05-2022, 07:51 AM
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Good morning!
I ended up not resting at ALL- ripped out some old container gardens, re-edged my brick patio (gained several square feet for living space) went to the plant store, spent waaaaay too much cash, but showered and watched a movie last night feeling very satisfied. I ALWAYS have music on- I don't like quiet- and while I was showering, Brandi Carlile's That Wasn't Me came on. Now, when I was drinking, I would listen wistfully to this song, full of remorse, regret and longing that I could be the person at the end of the song. So when the last stanza came up and those words washed over me, I cried. I finally cried. I cried for that poor, lost Lisa who couldn't save herself and I cried with happiness because when I sang "That will be me" it was REAL. I have come so far, we all have. Drinking didn't even occur to me yesterday, and doing yardwork or finishing a task without that "reward" was unthinkable a year ago. Gratitude is flowing, baby. Real, rich, luscious and abundant gratitude, served up with a healthy dose of humility and self-awareness.

Brandi Carlile - That Wasn't Me (Video) - YouTube
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Old 06-05-2022, 08:07 AM
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CP- sorry to hear you are feeling off today- what do you do to get in a better head space? Does nature help, or reading or going out and being around people? I sometimes will go to a coffee shop and just people watch, just to feel somewhat connected. I'm not a loner, but I'm alone a lot of time, it's a tricky balance to figure out. I have found that coming here helps A LOT. I knew I'd be alone Friday night so I arranged that little party thread- it really did help. I have an online dating profile- but wow are the pickings slim! My friends are great, but they have lives and families and I am not one to glom on to things. As a lomg-time married person and then long relationship person, it's been QUITE an adjustment- but now I see other relationships differently, and the thought of not being able to get away and be ALONE at times would be too much for me. I hope you have a good day. I'm around if you need to chat- PM me anytime. That's true for any one of you, by the way. Anytime.

LHW and Bodhi- I wish I could understand people's motivations better- don't you? Seeing people for who they really are has become one of my past times, just out of sheer self-preservation. All I can say is that the good ones stick to your face like an octopus (this is my mantra with my BFF- I saw it once and it just rang true) and the rest, well, we don't need them anyway. I also strongly believe that people come and go for a reason- they come into our lives to teach us something, and when we learn it- we just don't have that desire to stay together. It's natural. I listen to stories of people with friends from kindergarten, and sorry, I think that's weird. Often they still have spats like children. I don't have time for that. I'm not saying you can't have old friends, but in my case they are usually the ones with a more narrow view of things, in my experience, and they are often unwilling to try new things or meet new people.

Free- I'm with you on the health/fitness train and doing well. Getting within actual reach of my goals and that's not something I EVER thought would happen. My cousin saw me on FB and called my mom and said- OMG- I don't even recognize Lisa! What is she doing? LOL. Maybe call ME, genius. I don't get people. I just don't.

It's another beautiful day, and I'm going to go make the best of it. I'd love to hang out today but no one seems to be around so I'll take the dog to a farmer's market and make conversation with some folks. She's an excellent ice breaker.

Enjoy your Sunday, love to all.
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Old 06-05-2022, 08:28 AM
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Wow, just wow! Lisa, thank you for that……🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

I had never heard that before…….wow. Lots of stuff right now in my head, coffee getting salty fro teardrops dropping from my cheeks. Thank you.

Thank you James, for popping in, and sharing your thoughts and feelings. It’s hard for us to feel them, especially the first three months. Today there will be sunshine in the clouds, and lovely crackling thunder in the rain. Miss those storms. How about a trip to Nelson Atkins? A walk around the plaza. A stroll along ward parkway and the mansions there.

Bodhi, that’s funny about hour name. I thought it was “Bode High” 🤣😂😅
i appreciate the correction.

Friends, friends friends. I met a nice lady in October last year, we took a hike together, she was dating an eccentric friend in the beginning stages. I was starving for a friend, need someone to replace my ex lover, the booze I’d said goodby to six weeks before. That relationship with booze was long and dysfunctional. I’d already been married twice before, both dysfunctional. 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐

So, I looked at her from the outside, like a relationship with her might be like mine was with booze. Seeing, and hearing. I saw her puffy face, sensed her Juvenile motional state of intelligence for a woman our age, and politely listened with astonishment her drunk call to me one evening. I thought, if it works out with my male friend and her, I’ll keep her as a couples date option with hubby, but I’m not letting my soul in. I think she’ll be dead in a couple years. Every morning to ski, or snowshoe, it was ,”I don’t feel well this morning” from her. I knew what was going on……,so sad.

So, like sobriety, I believe there’s happiness out there in friends, and like sobriety it takes more than wishing.

I am a work in progress, and that I will do on the daily.

I like this song, to me, it’s about living clean, and loving it, this new life of freedom. Listen and see the words…

Live it.


i love you all, class!

Lynn


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Old 06-05-2022, 08:29 AM
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Lisa, I met my husband on match. It works😎😜🤓😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Old 06-05-2022, 09:07 AM
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Free- I love that song! Played it every day while actually on vacation….

I don’t doubt there are good people out there Free- but weeding through the mire online is more than I can mentally handle- now and probably ever!!
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Old 06-05-2022, 09:43 AM
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You guys......are......just the best. I feel better already.

Bodhi, I mentioned a while back that you guys make me smarter. I just Googled the word 'bodhi', and now I get it. Had never heard of it before and thought that it was a family name of some sort. I am now enlightened.

Lisa, that song is beautiful. I'd heard it before, but never really focused in on the lyrics. Nothing like music to get the waterworks started! I also saw that Brandi Carlile is going to be in KC on July 6. I might have to look into that. I went for a 3 mile nature hike after I posted this morning. Saw a few walkers/joggers/bikers on the trail, which was nice. Coffee shops are one of my favorite places to hang out, though sometimes I can feel a little self-aware. Would like to blend into the background, but my height makes that difficult. Same experience as you with the online dating, which I've lamented on here before. eHarmony. I probably gave up too easily, but it just wasn't a good experience . And I am a bit of a loner, when it comes right down to it. Thanks so much for your thoughtful support.

Lynn, you really do have a good memory of KC. I love the Nelson Atkins museum. That is one place that I can blend in and just kind of wander around in peace. I really enjoyed your song offering. Had never heard it before. Really upbeat and fun. I'd say that you are living this song.

Thanks again for helping lift me up.
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Old 06-05-2022, 11:07 AM
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If you can get tickets to see Brandi- do it. She's a special soul. Check out her music- all her albums are winners, but her early stuff is brilliant. Even saying that, though, I don't think I can pick a favorite- old or newer. She's picked up in popularity since I was a fan from day one in the early 2000's, so I like to feel like I "discovered" her! I find that when performers become super popular I tend to back off- but she's still going strong in my book.

Glad you took that walk and are feeling more yourself, James. Any day sober is a good day, when it really comes down to it.

This day has been one of getting stuff done and sort of hanging out here. I'm fine with that. When I want to be close to SR, I just go with it. Maybe my higher power wants me here today. Ok.
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