Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 7
 

last part here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-6-a-20.html

D

Thanks, Dee

Goodnight Dee and good morning Free! ❤️❤️

We are on lucky part 7!

Yay!

That means, almost 3000 posts by our class, all of us wanting to get and stay sober. THAT IS AMAZING !!!!

We feel at home here. We come here when we are happy, and when we need support, and we KNOW our classmates are respectful and wonderful cheerleaders.

We are men and women, who come from all around the globe, seeking solace with our addiction/problems.

It works, it really works!

The book I’m reading now, Biology of Desire, touches so much more than the desire for alcohol, although that’s it’s main focus. It speaks of the brain parts that work so well to expend less energy when we have repetitive behavior.

How a habit is formed from impulses, (thought carried through to action), and how those repetitive actions, thought to action, brings the brain around to take shortcuts, because the brain is EFFICIENT, not defective.

Sooner or later, those impulses suddenly turn to compulsions. We flush the toilet wherever we are, after we use the facilities. We don’t even THINK. It’s done. Many years, many many times, = no thought involved.

The brakes on the car, we drove, but when we are in the passenger seat, and we want the brakes on because we see a danger, our brake foot goes down to the floor. It’s not even there! We KNOW it’s not, but our brain’s subconscious is trained for fast action, so embarrassingly, down our foot jams into the floor. 🤯

New residence? Travel? We feel a little out of sorts, because the brain has to work a little harder. New way to the bathroom, doesn’t have memory to fall back on for food source, pleasure, etc. It must work harder, and travel can be exhausting, because there is no auto pilot going on.

This is what happens in our conscious effort to cease a devastating habit, and to forge new ones.

Stress? Bam! That impulse to drink pops up as much as that foot goes down on the passenger floor.

It takes time, effort, and most importantly, support and stories from those who understand,

We CAN do this, we are a GREAT class!

Awesome post!!! Thanks, Free!

I second that, great post Free!

I'm having trouble falling asleep. I’m reading The Wish by Nicholas Sparks which is a welcomed lighter read. The last few weeks I’ve been reading How to Do the Work, the Recovery Dharma book, and Happy Days. I’ve been rotating between the 3 and they’re all fantastic self help heal and accept yourself books, but it was all too much at one time and a few days ago I felt spread too thin and burnt out. Ive toned it down to a Self-love journal and a daily 10 minute mediation. That’s been a lot less overwhelming. Im loving having a unwind “beach read” book to drift off to sleep with but my mind is just a buzz!

One of the self-love journals prompts was to write about a conflict you’re feeling and what wounds underneath that may need to be healed. My conflict was the friend group it’s been hard for me to let go of. Things have gotten a lot better since I left the group chat (not taking up as much mental space) but that’s what popped up with the prompt and it made me think of some of the first friendships I formed in elementary school that was a very cruel bullying friendship. That wound needs some healing. I don’t think much about those friendships or feel any intense emotions about it I’m pretty unfeeling/numb to it but I’ve repeated the bullies disguised as friends and me sticking around way too long for whatever reason pattern over and over again. These are things I’ll have to dive into deeper during therapy.

Night everyone!

Glad to hear from you, Bodhi!

I was just reading Finding Me, a book a member recommended here in 2014. This lady was one of three captured by Ariel Castro. Horrific things, and now I’m up too.

i should switch to calmer things, you have the right idea.

sweet dreams 🥱😴

Good morning friends. So much good stuff on here over the last couple of days. Been busy with the granddaughter, but found a little time to catch up during her naps. She's back home now, so I have much more time to sit and absorb everything.

Viking, to answer your question about the basketball games, yes, the Celtics was one of the two games that I was following. I really enjoy the NBA playoffs, but I 'cut the cord' with my cable company when I retired several months ago. The cost was too prohibitive, and I don't watch a lot of TV. Figured that I could get by with streaming, as needed, and an antenna to pick up the ABC, NBC, CBS feeds. Unfortunately, the majority of the basketball is on ESPN and TNT, so I'm left with sports bars or restaurants, if I want to watch those games. Boston has such passionate sports fans. They could win the title this year, for sure.

Bodhi, I have no idea how you juggled three books simultaneously. That would be overwhelming for me as well. I'm glad that you have settled into a routine that is working for you. It's interesting that you mentioned the bullying friendship that you experienced in elementary school. I took my granddaughter to the zoo yesterday, and they have a playground that she loves to play on. There were several older kids there, as it must have been a field trip day for a few of the local schools. I saw a kid there that reminded me so much of a bully that used to terrorize me in elementary school. A kid that was noticeably bigger than the others, who didn't really fit in, and just seemed to use his physicality in ways that intimidated the other kids. It took me back momentarily. I felt sorry for this kid, as well as for the kid that used to bully me. It was never really about me, though I was an easy target, as I didn't fit in either. There was something healing in that moment I think. So strange how those moments present themselves.

Free, I loved your post about desire/habit/impulses. I have spent so much of my life in kind of a robotic state, where I just do the same programmed behavior over and over again, without really questioning it, or thinking about if it truly makes me happy. Most of it doesn't, and I'm certain that the behavior was developed early on as a defense mechanism for growing up in an alcoholic home. I'm drawn to creative, spontaneous people, though I have lived my life as the polar opposite. Wow, does it seem daunting to unlearn/relearn this at my age. But what choice do I have, really? I have to break out of the same thought patterns, the ones that always led me back to drinking, if I'm going to find the peace and happiness that I am looking for. By the way, good luck with the excavation process and thanks for the pics.

I hope that everyone has a good day.

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you all are doing well and have some enjoyable activities planned for the weekend. Even if those plans are just rest and relaxation.

While sitting with my afternoon anxiety yesterday I was contemplating its origin, as well as what to do with it. 99% of my solo drinking (which is by far the majority of my overall drinking in my adult years) has been in response to afternoon/evening anxiety. A kind of emptiness and unease has frequently washed over me at the end of the day, as the sun is setting, and nighttime approaches. I don't know if circadian rhythms play into this, as I have always fancied myself a morning person, but I think there is more to it. Thinking back to my childhood, the evenings meant that my father would come home for dinner, after spending the afternoon with his friends at the bar that he owned (next door to our house). There was always a sense of dread about what version of him would come through that door. And we kids (I was youngest of three) were usually on pins and needles, hoping to avoid an outburst. Can it be that, fifty years later, this dread still has a hold on my psyche? No one is coming through the door. And it wasn't my fault. I was just born into crappy circumstances, like so many of us here.

It really is helping to sit with these feelings, no matter how uncomfortable. Sitting through them with a clear head. Not running from them. And, most importantly, not medicating them.

LHW, I don't recall when your wedding party was, but feel like it's right around the corner. This weekend? Wishing you a joyous occasion with your family and friends.

CP, what an insightful post!

Glad you are being so effort fun in finding the roots of those feelings. I’ve been doing that too!

My ‘stuff’ has to do with abandonment and shame. Yes, I think in our formative years we got some permanent tracks laid down about stress, habits, etc.

It’s so good to be sober to be able to ponder these things, so,that we may let them go after letting our thinking brain process them. When we were active in drinking, we have very little forward or backward insight. Sobriety allows us a little more clarity, although it may be painful at times, to feel the feelings and to be aware of what is a real threat or imagined.

The other day I thought I was going to lose my mind. I felt so uneasy. What am I doing? Where am I going? Am I on the right path? Have I done things I’ve wanted to? Can I do things I want to?

For me it’s being aware of boundaries and keeping them (hard part). To be able to listen to that intuition, and trust it. I had weakened it so much by drowning its voice for so long.

Going to try and get more active with stretching and core workouts, three weeks until we leave for MIL. Visit and bier today party. It will be stressful because hubby’s cousin is going to be staying in the same residence, and he’s the one who keeps promoting the continuation of hubby’s ex girlfriend into hubby’s life.

Anywho, keeping sober as I work all that out in my head, and visualize not anxiety but confidence and calm, and boundary setting with him and others….

Hi guys- I want to speak to the last two posts, but I’m heading out. Let’s just say there are some real kindred feelings going on! See you in the AM.

Thanks Free. I can relate so much to this. I thought that retirement was going to usher in happiness and peace for me but instead it has ushered in more self-doubt. Did I do the right thing? Should I have rode it out another 5 years, so that I would be in a much more comfortable financial situation? And on and on it goes.

You certainly strike me as someone who is on the right path, regardless of what your inner voice is trying to tell you. You provide so much inspiration and good advice to so many people out here. Don't allow the negativity of your husband's cousin get you down. He doesn't know you like we know you. Your husband is lucky to have you (let that soak in), and you have earned all of the good things that are coming your way.

By the way, I really need to focus on stretching and core exercises too. Things to help prevent the back issues that flare up from time to time. At my height, it isn't going to get any better as I age.

Ahhh, I found you guys…new thread!

Thanks, CP, for remembering. The party was last night and it was great! Everyone seemed to have a wonderful time. There were a few minor glitches and our party coordinator for the evening did little to resolve them but likely no one noticed but me. I’ve been really busy with getting ready for it and now it’s all over and I can relax a bit. Glad I won’t have to do that again!

That said, I need to come clean and admit I had a few wines. Mr LHW also had alcohol. We regret our decision to give ourselves a reprieve from being alcohol free and are happily back in the saddle today. We do best if we stay out of social situations but last night was a tough one to stay out of! Not going to dwell on it, it’s over. Not happy I did it, there really was no need to, but I can’t rehash it.

One of my cousins who attended told me he is no longer drinking and said “he is no fun anymore”. I said I bet you feel great in the mornings though, don’t you? And he replied that it didn’t matter, he is still no fun. I don’t know the reason he quit and I don’t suppose it matters but I felt sad for him that he feels that way. His entire demeanor has changed.

I have a doctors appointment this week to get the results of my blood work and to discuss the changes in my health. The eye issue is definitely a cataract and surgery is tentative scheduled for the end of August. I have a full blown audiology evaluation and hearing test coming up this week as well. The sudden hearing loss is concerning.

I’m off to bed early tonight. It was a long night last night and we didn’t get to bed till 2am this morning.

Hi Free, Bodhi, Viking, Dee, Venus! Looking forward to catching up again!

LHW

Good to hear from you LHW.

I think everyones path is different, but in the end those who stay in recovery have to accept our lives have to change as sober people.

Our addiction will try and work the fear that it is a change for the worst - but it's really not.

I dread to think where I might be had I not stopped in 2007.
Its likely I would not 'be' at all.

I have as much fun as anyone else and I never feel like I'm missing out - quite the contrary when I see others drunk or worse for wear.

It is hard tho I know.

It's hard when you have a few wines and nothing bad happens.
It makes you think, even for just one night, that maybe moderation is possible.

That stuff about jails institutions and death seems remote.

We have a room years full of mental data that suggests its not possible...but that little hope lingers....

Its hard too when your partner decides to drink.

Its almost like permission for you to do the same.
Our addiction will use whatever It can.

In the end I had to change, for me, regardless of what others did.

I wanted to be the best me I could be - and I could not do that as a drinker.

D

Thank you, Dee! I agree wholeheartedly.

Hi LHW! I'm glad that your party went so well and that you have the rest of the weekend to relax.

I really struggled yesterday, but I think that the universe stepped in and gave me an assist. Had been mostly lazy all day. Laying on the couch watching golf into the late afternoon. Absolutely set myself up for failure. Not working any type of plan to avoid this scenario. I really think that I would have given in for the millionth time had my son not shown up at the door. He came over to work out in the basement, which refocused my attention for a time. Afterwards, we got something to eat. By the time he left, it was later in the evening, but my stupid brain was still entertaining thoughts of drinking. I made some tea instead and finally got over it. My sober muscles, if you can even call them that, are so very flabby. I guess that I exercised them last night, but it clearly showed how far I have to go. As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, this behavior is set like concrete in my subconscious and I have to WORK every day to unseat it. WORK.

Not giving up.

I hear you dear CP. One of the things I gave up when I got sober was lying on the couch watching tv. I am not suggesting you give it up, I am just mentioning it because it was a habit I needed to let go. It was just so representative of all of the zoned-out drunken hours for me. Even now, I think I would only lie on the couch if I was sick.

You are going to think I am nuts....lying on the couch is a completely normal thing to do, unless you grew up in my house. We weren't allowed.

I think you did really well getting through that dear CP!!! It is a big win. :) :hug: ❤️

Thank you Venus! I think that I'm going to have my son help me move the treadmill up from the basement to the living room. It may be a bit of an eyesore, but I'm the only one who has to look at it. That way I can earn my TV time. Only watch TV while moving.

Sounds like a fantastic idea! :)

I watch stuff on my laptop (beautiful picture) in the kitchen. And I sit on a bench, so I can move around easily.... I am usually up and about every 5 minutes, doing something or other.

Hi class,

been super sick here, me and hubby.

love and support to all

cp, glad you rode the wave

lhw, glad you came right back. As Dee says, tho situations will come up, and we do have a choice, WE control our first drink.