Willow00

Hi gettingcloser great to hear from you
I know what you mean about the disconnect... I keep reminding myself of early recovery to help keep me on track. I don’t want to go back there again!

Guener

Hi, Gettingcloser, it's great to have another from the group pop in to say how things are going. I like your handle, it's reflective of many things that we go through in abstinence and in sobriety. I find abstinence is more natural as time goes by and I know I have to do more all the time to be a truly sober person.

Willow, nice job on getting through another travel-related hardship and coming through clean.

So, an update on my visit with my parents is something to say, too. We ended up not taking my Dad to the hospital, as he was improved enough over what my Mom had related that they just would have looked him over and sent him home. Still, he is not doing well at all, can barely walk a few yards even with a walker without getting shaky and exhausted. He was more communicative when I was there but still withdrawn and depressed about his condition. Unless we can find something to do for his present state, I know he is going to get worse. I shared some more research again with my Mom about financial options that they will face if he has to go into a skilled nursing facility, and we talked about her own issues like eyesight failure and more. It was a hard visit in many ways, with no real "buts" to share that are positive about how things are going.

I'm not used to using the phone app for posting, so my getting back to report how things went is a bit tardy, but I'm doing pretty well with my own feelings about all of this and just have to be as supportive as I can be. I'm doing a few chores for my parents tomorrow that means that they don't have to go into town or find a person to stay with Dad at home while my Mom takes care of those, but until after those hospital tests there isn't a whole lot I can do on solutions.

I will be happy to be working tomorrow, too, to take some of this off my mind a bit.

Dee74

Hope you're well on your way home now willow

wishing you strength to sort out the situation with your folks Guener.

Hi Gettingcloser

D

Free2bme888

Great updates everyone.


Just a quick fly by


More later


Hi GC!

Free2bme888

Dear Lord please help me my friends I’m having such a rough day and want to have a drink so badly. I’m freaking out I feel like not doing any of this and just going to live with my sister on a farm

John65

Hang on in there Free, I'm having a rough day too and have bad cravings that came on out of nowhere yesterday. We can do this, let's be strong and resist.

Part of me, my AV, says F it, just have drink. The rational me knows it's a terrible idea and even playing the tape forward is not helping with the urge. I have a huge list of reasons why I shouldn't drink, why I can't drink but I feel like I'm up against it.

I know all the bad things that will happen if I drink .

I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.

Take care Free, the storm will pass.

Willow00

Hi everyone, I’m safely home and rested. It was a long journey and I slept for 12 hours when I got home.

Thinking of you Guener with your parents declining health, especially your Dad. Getting old and frail is so sad. I still question the why’s of it all. A lot. Why do people have to suffer with declining health, it doesn’t seem fair. But all we can do is be as supportive as we can. It seems like you’re a real support to your Mum and Dad Guener and I’m sure they realise appreciate it. It’s wonderful that you’re nearby and able to help them ❤️

I still miss my parents terribly, even after 6 months. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m going to the new psychologist tomorrow, hopefully it will help.

Free hang in there! You too John! I know what you mean totally! I have had those thoughts too. Sometimes I think to myself “Why am I putting myself through this? Why don’t I just have a drink?” I find myself thinking that I will. Then I realise it’s the AV talking, not my true self. Some days it’s so hard to resist. But we’re all in this together. Hang on and the urge will pass. Sending you loads of love and support to get through the tough times

Free2bme888

Thanks you guys so much! It even got worse after I posted.

Besides moving in a pinch here I’m trying to get my house ready all by myself, someone that was trying to buy some things online change their mind and they last about $700. Worst thing is I have to work with this lady until I leave next week.

Next thing is the painter came by this morning to finish the things that he done wrong or sloppy, and when I got back from the doctors office he did not do what he was supposed to. I was very aggravated but just kept moving forward with cleaning and organizing etc. and having woken up at 3:45 in the morning.

Then I discovered that about two weeks ago the painter must have noticed water leaked out when he changed out the sink but ignored it— so underneath my sink was flooded and there was a container filled with yucky water underneath it for this whole time so my wood was ruined underneath my sink and it smelled terribly. I would not have even known of it but I had to remove everything under the sink because the countertops man is coming

Then I saw my lint catcher from my dryer on the basement floor and it was soaking wet. I knew what had happened! They had used it as a screen for their paint! OMG I was so mad

I cried, I called my sister, I felt like calling this whole move off and crawling into a hole. But I kept plowing forward. It’s nice that my sister also quit drinking, and when I called her I said “hey I just really would like a drink so that I could just numb my emotions and not feel all of this anxiety and anger! “.

We laughed, and we JOKED that if only we drank, our problems would go away, right? And I told her it is so hard even though it’s almost been a year, to deal with really high Stress issues when for over 35 years I drank instead of handled problems.

Guener. I’m sorry about your parents. It’s such a worry but you are so supportive!! How lucky they are to have you, and have you sober in their time of need.

Willow, I’m sorry too about the tough time your having. It was just so much to deal with at once. Traumatic. Glad you’re going to someone else —best wishes you click with this one.

John—yes, I hung in there!! I start working on the house and I ran some errands, then stopped at the gym to soak in the hot tub for a few minutes before I dealt with one of the realty people . It totally helped.

I love everyone here so much, I think of all of you often. Thank you for your thoughtful responses.

Best wishes for a great sleep tonight

Dee74

Hi Free

I'm sorry for all that but I'm glad you're sober - it's the only way to get through high pressure situations.

You are strong and capable you can do this

D

Bumblebee2

Guener

Free, that is all crazy stuff to fall upon you all at once with you working so hard to see things through as expediently as possible. Don't let it drag you down, you are a go for it person who will rebound in the face of these things. I know you will pull yourself back up and march forward.

We had snow yesterday, with more forecast for Thursday and Friday. It couldn't be at a more difficult time to have bad roads out to my parents right now. I had to go out there yesterday to bring my Mom her anti-seizure medication and help with Dad who has had a very rough time. He is about to be checked into the hospital after an ambulance ride this morning. When I left for work this morning from their home, he was very unresponsive. I am waiting for an update from Mom later today.

Things are also very busy at work with our conference coming up in April, and as the coordinator of logistics I have many details I'm looking after now that are on my mind all the time. Keeping busy now is a good thing, but I am distracted. I'm home for lunch trying to organize my thoughts, and to check in on SR to help keep my mind from anything so stupid as thinking about drinking. I'm not, but got to be proactive.

Thank you all for your thoughts on my family, it helps me to keep going strong.

Free2bme888

Hi bumble!!

Same about yucky snow. That’s why I’m moving to desert.

Oh G, prayers for you and your family. Keep sober and keep us updated.

John65

Thanks folks, I'm feeling much better now but still have to tread carefully.

Best wishes to all.

J

Guener

Yesterday was very tough, and the days ahead will be also, as my Dad has been diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 cancer on his kidneys and moving into his liver.

Chemotherapy is not an option for him now, either, so it will come down to making his final time as comfortable as possible. My Mom is not capable of caring for him alone, so we have to figure out what can be done to either get her support, in a remote area, or to think about a hospice situation. Right now a lot of things are unclear, but I hope that the social workers at the hospital can provide some advice. Insurance will not pay for either, I don't think, until my Mom spends down their savings to nothing, but I have to find out for certain.

I have been preparing for this mentally, so I am not falling apart in any way, no thoughts of breaking my sobriety. My Mom will have to depend upon me for more support, and I will be there for her as much as possible. My oldest sister is probably going to come out for a visit, and maybe another as well. They will do what they can as well.

I see my addiction counselor today for a recovery plan review and update, so that is fortuitous.

Bumblebee2

Willow00

Hi everyone

Oh Guener, I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad. It sounds very similar to what happened to my Dad last year I’m sending you heaps of love and support to help you through this tough time ❤️

Free, you poor thing! So much crap to deal with all at once! You’re going to be so relieved once it’s over and you’re settled in your new place sober! What an awesome thing it will be for you. Think of the rewards, a new life, a fresh start, hope for a brighter future. Sending you heaps of love and support too ❤️

I saw the grief counsellor yesterday and started working through stuff about my feelings around losing Mum and Dad. It’s 6 months now but feels like yesterday. I really clicked with her and think it will be really good talking to her.
I’m also starting work again next week so that will help keep me a bit more stable, financially and hence emotionally too I hope. Plus it’s a distraction from feeling yuk.

Free2bme888

Good news willow!

I’m glad you are taking this news resolved in sobriety Guener, and glad your sister will be helping too. Social workers are great at figuring what places/services are covered.

Glad you had a better day John.

Finding more stuff with painter issues. Realtor thinks I’m too picky.

Going to bed sober!!

GN

Guener

So good to hear, Willow, that you think that you will be able to develop a rapport with your grief counselor. And starting a new job, to boot, that's a turn of events that you have been thinking about for a while now, and I hope that it will prove to be not just good financially but also something that you will enjoy. Lots of life changes are happening around here.

Speaking of changes, you be as picky about getting things done right by those contractors as you feel is needed to work on your home sale. Your realtor probably is being mindful of your need to move the property quickly, but you understand the home better than everyone else and how to make it show the best. Paint, after all, is one big stand-out to anybody looking at buying.

John, I'm glad that you reported that you were feeling better yesterday morning and are wise to the need to do things to stay that way: it's always "en garde" when it comes to that AV, isn't it?

I had a very good meeting with my therapist today, and we discussed how I am doing. I was please to say that I don't feel tipped over or want to tip it back right now, and that felt good. Oddly enough, when things are tough on more than just me I can rally to the challenge much more easily than just for me. But for that, I know that there will be some times ahead where I will have to be especially mindful of how I am thinking and emoting (or lacking emotion) to ward away that AV that I know is still inside me. I explained my class here on SR here to her, and she was very pleased that I'm coming here every day to keep grounded.

Bumblebee, my parents and I live in New Mexico, USA, and the insurance that my parents fall under is Medicare with a supplement that covers medical related expenses that the 80% Medicare pays doesn't address. Unfortunately, the way Medicare works, it does not cover a condition that is not the result of injury or onset of illness; long term care is omitted by the plan and is also not part of the supplement. Until a couple's assets reach a certain threshold, basically poverty, Medicaid does not kick in to cover in home care or any form of hospice. Financially, it is going to be tricky and will leave my Mom with very limited resources for herself when my Dad has passed. Unless you plan your fall toward Medicaid at least five years in advance, no assets are transferable toward others without that being considered possible income. The house is protected, but it's too far out and too much for my Mom to manage alone now, but it takes time to sell. In any case, unless you have saved considerable assets or are able to afford long-term elderly disability coverage, you end up being at the poor end of the stick.

It is supposed to start snowing here any time now tonight and continue through tomorrow, unless the weather prognosticators are completely wrong from what I read yesterday afternoon. The kittens look at the snow I track in when it's around and are just fascinated by the stuff. I'm actually glad that the weather may give my Mom a chance to just stay at home out in the mountains, and I can take care of business here in town. I will check in at the hospital to visit Dad in her place.

My dear friends, you are so kind to be here with me through this, I cannot say thank you enough.

Dee74

I'm sorry for the news about your dad Guener.

D

John65

Very sorry to hear about your dad Guener. I was in a similar position a few years back so know what you're going through.