Class of May 2018 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
Hi guys!
just a quick check in. Hoping you are all doing well.
g- thinking about you and your family
p- I skipped my 20 year high school reunion in October, it was open bar. I knew it would be too much for me. I honesty don’t regret that decision.
willow- oh the emotions. I feel them too... my body def isn’t used to feeling them. But slowly I’m learning how to manage them... sometimes. Sometimes I just eat a lot of food or scream.
Im doing well over all. My husband is switching to nights next week. Not really looking forward to that. He will have to sleep during the day.
Have a a good day guys!
just a quick check in. Hoping you are all doing well.
g- thinking about you and your family
p- I skipped my 20 year high school reunion in October, it was open bar. I knew it would be too much for me. I honesty don’t regret that decision.
willow- oh the emotions. I feel them too... my body def isn’t used to feeling them. But slowly I’m learning how to manage them... sometimes. Sometimes I just eat a lot of food or scream.
Im doing well over all. My husband is switching to nights next week. Not really looking forward to that. He will have to sleep during the day.
Have a a good day guys!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Congratulations Free! That’s awesome !
I just thought, it’s the gestation period for humans, 9 months and you’re birthing a new you!!! A new life
how exciting, and congratulations!
Here’s a big hug from the big isle Downunder
I just thought, it’s the gestation period for humans, 9 months and you’re birthing a new you!!! A new life
how exciting, and congratulations!Here’s a big hug from the big isle Downunder
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Yay, free! It does feel good to be close to a year. There is every reason and opportunity out there that can continue to support us in every day ahead.
I hate not having my phone during these days when I need to be easily in touch with my family, and I have some private calls to make that will be hard to do but are important, difficult to do so when I will have to use my office phone. I am sending it off to get repaired tomorrow now that I have the package from Apple to get it there by FedEx. I thought about doing it today, but I needed the phone with what little charge it has left to be there for emergencies if they came up while I was busy taking my Mom to her appointment. Ugh.
Two of my sisters are here, and they did a fantastic job in doing some arranging in my Mom and Dad's house today, and they bought a microwave for her to boot to replace the one that died. I am so glad that they are here to help. It's been very stressful, and the care giver that was supposed to come today flaked out, but they managed to care for my Dad just fine. I had to come home tonight to look after my kittens, and when I left there was a game of cards being played over a bottle of wine.
I stared at that bottle with no desire to pick up a glass for myself, so things must be going okay by me on that front. It was weird to see them enjoying the wine, though, as I have not been around that kind of thing in so long. I don't resent that they can drink a glass to relax and I cannot, which is nice.
Dad is gradually withdrawing more and more, though he enjoys our presence, I think. We talk to him without the expectation of a response, just so he knows that we love him. No doubt he knows that he is dying, so I wonder what is going on in his own removed world. He is still eating and taking liquids a little, so he has some time yet with us, we just don't know how long.
Sorry for the morbid topic, but it does help me to get this out to those who understand not only this kind of loss but also who are committed as I am to not letting anything jeopardize sobriety, nothing.
I have a few things to do still tonight and am looking forward to some rest.
I hate not having my phone during these days when I need to be easily in touch with my family, and I have some private calls to make that will be hard to do but are important, difficult to do so when I will have to use my office phone. I am sending it off to get repaired tomorrow now that I have the package from Apple to get it there by FedEx. I thought about doing it today, but I needed the phone with what little charge it has left to be there for emergencies if they came up while I was busy taking my Mom to her appointment. Ugh.
Two of my sisters are here, and they did a fantastic job in doing some arranging in my Mom and Dad's house today, and they bought a microwave for her to boot to replace the one that died. I am so glad that they are here to help. It's been very stressful, and the care giver that was supposed to come today flaked out, but they managed to care for my Dad just fine. I had to come home tonight to look after my kittens, and when I left there was a game of cards being played over a bottle of wine.
I stared at that bottle with no desire to pick up a glass for myself, so things must be going okay by me on that front. It was weird to see them enjoying the wine, though, as I have not been around that kind of thing in so long. I don't resent that they can drink a glass to relax and I cannot, which is nice.
Dad is gradually withdrawing more and more, though he enjoys our presence, I think. We talk to him without the expectation of a response, just so he knows that we love him. No doubt he knows that he is dying, so I wonder what is going on in his own removed world. He is still eating and taking liquids a little, so he has some time yet with us, we just don't know how long.
Sorry for the morbid topic, but it does help me to get this out to those who understand not only this kind of loss but also who are committed as I am to not letting anything jeopardize sobriety, nothing.
I have a few things to do still tonight and am looking forward to some rest.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Guener, fantastic news!
Thanks for congrats everyone!
Willow. That’s so funny. 😂
I never thought 10 months ago I’d be changing EVERYTHING
But I NEED it.
Prayers that everyone has peace and fortitude today.
Thanks for congrats everyone!
Willow. That’s so funny. 😂
I never thought 10 months ago I’d be changing EVERYTHING
But I NEED it.
Prayers that everyone has peace and fortitude today.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Guener, my heart goes out to you. You’re doing a really great job in a really tough situation. My Dad dwindled too, eating and drinking less, speaking less, but still able to sit with us for a little while, until he stayed in bed. He continued to drink a little through a straw, until he didn’t do that anymore. We just cherished the time we had with him, and I believe our presence comforted him. The nurses came in daily for an hour or so to help, but ultimately it was up to the family to care for Dad as he got weaker in his final journey.
Dad’s wishes when he was still able to communicate in earlier days was that he wanted to stay at home. And so his wishes were able to be honoured and he stay at home. It was a sad time, but I also think it was a time of family bonding and a privilege to be there for him and share that time. We took turns in looking after him. I didn’t do as much as others in Dad’s final days as my Mum also because sick and I needed to be with her.
I am still questioning it all and wondering about all those existential questions. Why are we here? Why do we have to suffer and die? What is the purpose of it all? Intellectually I know we have to die to make way for new life, but emotionally I still struggle with letting go. My Mum had a strong faith in God and my childhood faith has come back into my heart and mind, largely I think as a survival mechanism. I have to believe, have to have hope there’s more to this life than I can see. It’s necessary so I don’t fall into a deep black hole and drown my sadness in alcohol. I don’t talk to anyone about this (except here). But yesterday I rang and booked in for another counseling session with my grief counsellor but it’s not for another month as she’s so busy.
I hope you get your phone back soon Guener, it must be frustrating and stressful with that loss of connection on top of everything else going on. Stay strong as your sisters drink wine. I totally empathise with what you’re going through. When my family rallied around Dad in his final weeks, my sisters were drinking wine too. I was offered wine but declined. I hadn’t told them the extent of my drinking issues, just that I wasn’t currently drinking.
Sending you lots of support from across the world ❤️
Dad’s wishes when he was still able to communicate in earlier days was that he wanted to stay at home. And so his wishes were able to be honoured and he stay at home. It was a sad time, but I also think it was a time of family bonding and a privilege to be there for him and share that time. We took turns in looking after him. I didn’t do as much as others in Dad’s final days as my Mum also because sick and I needed to be with her.
I am still questioning it all and wondering about all those existential questions. Why are we here? Why do we have to suffer and die? What is the purpose of it all? Intellectually I know we have to die to make way for new life, but emotionally I still struggle with letting go. My Mum had a strong faith in God and my childhood faith has come back into my heart and mind, largely I think as a survival mechanism. I have to believe, have to have hope there’s more to this life than I can see. It’s necessary so I don’t fall into a deep black hole and drown my sadness in alcohol. I don’t talk to anyone about this (except here). But yesterday I rang and booked in for another counseling session with my grief counsellor but it’s not for another month as she’s so busy.
I hope you get your phone back soon Guener, it must be frustrating and stressful with that loss of connection on top of everything else going on. Stay strong as your sisters drink wine. I totally empathise with what you’re going through. When my family rallied around Dad in his final weeks, my sisters were drinking wine too. I was offered wine but declined. I hadn’t told them the extent of my drinking issues, just that I wasn’t currently drinking.
Sending you lots of support from across the world ❤️
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Willow, you and Guener are so strong.....
My prayers to you both.
Guener, my ‘great news’ exclamation was about the support your sisters are giving you, and your lack of desire to dull your uncomfortable feelings with alcohol. Hope I was clear on that earlier.
I am horizontal for the last night in my home as a primary resident. Feels good and weird at the same time. I am so tired.
Good night my aMayzing class😍
My prayers to you both.
Guener, my ‘great news’ exclamation was about the support your sisters are giving you, and your lack of desire to dull your uncomfortable feelings with alcohol. Hope I was clear on that earlier.
I am horizontal for the last night in my home as a primary resident. Feels good and weird at the same time. I am so tired.
Good night my aMayzing class😍
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Willow, what you write sounds precisely how Dad is for us now, and I think that he is relieved to have his wishes honored and to have his family around him now.
Today I was so tired after work that I decided to not drive out tonight to see him but am waiting until morning. That choice eats at me a little, as I think I should be there all the time, but I know I have to look after myself, too, and not get worn down, and he is just resting a lot this past 24 hours. I fell asleep right after dinner and am now just on sleep "break". I see the folks who can help with grief counseling next week, but maybe I wrote that already, and I will look forward to hearing what they can offer. Maybe tomorrow I can just help my Dad sip a little coffee, that he loves, and I can sit with him.
Free, I understood what you meant, and thank you, too.
I had a small victory at work today with just getting some name tags for the upcoming conference that we are hosting to print right. Sometimes little things are what make me happy now, LOL. I also don't have a jury trial to report to next week as a juror, so that will not be taking my time up, yay!
Glad to be sober ... it makes such a difference.
Today I was so tired after work that I decided to not drive out tonight to see him but am waiting until morning. That choice eats at me a little, as I think I should be there all the time, but I know I have to look after myself, too, and not get worn down, and he is just resting a lot this past 24 hours. I fell asleep right after dinner and am now just on sleep "break". I see the folks who can help with grief counseling next week, but maybe I wrote that already, and I will look forward to hearing what they can offer. Maybe tomorrow I can just help my Dad sip a little coffee, that he loves, and I can sit with him.
Free, I understood what you meant, and thank you, too.
I had a small victory at work today with just getting some name tags for the upcoming conference that we are hosting to print right. Sometimes little things are what make me happy now, LOL. I also don't have a jury trial to report to next week as a juror, so that will not be taking my time up, yay!
Glad to be sober ... it makes such a difference.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I hope you’re feeling more rested now Guener and I hope you get to spend some precious and special time with your Dad and Mum and sisters. One thing I’ve realised in the last 6 months and more is the importance of my family to me ❤️
Hope things are going well with your packing and moving Free!
Hi to Bumblebee, Manta, John and the rest of the aMAYzing class too!
Sunday evening here, bedtime for me
Hope things are going well with your packing and moving Free!
Hi to Bumblebee, Manta, John and the rest of the aMAYzing class too!
Sunday evening here, bedtime for me
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Hi. Sunday morning here I’m in the Denver area and I drove through blizzard conditions last night white knuckling it all the way. There is a very remote area that I did not understand there were no gas stations and I ended up being just on electric power and gliding in The gas station thank the Lord !!!
it was 0° out with wind gusts to 50 mph
There is supposed to be between 12 and 24 inches of snow over the continental divide in the road right now is closed. I need to go get chains on my tires, and hoping some places near here can help me put them on since it is so cold outside.
We had my husband’s grandma at home when she was ill it was the best thing ever. Her own children wanted to put her in the hospital but my husband and I said no this is not what you wish you wish to be in a home and a fireman. And since we are both nurses we gave her 24 hour nursing care. It was the best thing ever and I feel so good about it
We had my husband‘s grandma at home when she was ill it was the best thing ever. Her own children wanted to put her in the hospital but my husband and I said no this is not what you wish you wish to be in a home and a fireman. And since we are both nurses we gave her 24 hour nursing care. It was the best thing ever and I feel so good about it
You are right though G because you do need to take care of yourself and you can’t take care of your mom and be there present in your mind for your dad or even physically if you don’t take care of yourself. It’s very good that in between all of your stress you are aware of that.
Been up since 4 AM of course there’s a time change, and I’ve been trying to Google places that are not out of chains for tires.
I will update everyone and give you pictures when I get there. On the other side of the mountains it is much warmer and I can’t wait to get there. If I get there on time .......I must be there Tuesday morning at 8 AM.
it was 0° out with wind gusts to 50 mph
There is supposed to be between 12 and 24 inches of snow over the continental divide in the road right now is closed. I need to go get chains on my tires, and hoping some places near here can help me put them on since it is so cold outside.
We had my husband’s grandma at home when she was ill it was the best thing ever. Her own children wanted to put her in the hospital but my husband and I said no this is not what you wish you wish to be in a home and a fireman. And since we are both nurses we gave her 24 hour nursing care. It was the best thing ever and I feel so good about it
We had my husband‘s grandma at home when she was ill it was the best thing ever. Her own children wanted to put her in the hospital but my husband and I said no this is not what you wish you wish to be in a home and a fireman. And since we are both nurses we gave her 24 hour nursing care. It was the best thing ever and I feel so good about it
You are right though G because you do need to take care of yourself and you can’t take care of your mom and be there present in your mind for your dad or even physically if you don’t take care of yourself. It’s very good that in between all of your stress you are aware of that.
Been up since 4 AM of course there’s a time change, and I’ve been trying to Google places that are not out of chains for tires.
I will update everyone and give you pictures when I get there. On the other side of the mountains it is much warmer and I can’t wait to get there. If I get there on time .......I must be there Tuesday morning at 8 AM.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Oh, my goodness, Free! You really make an entrance ... So glad that you made it safe through the storm and running out of gas. When I lived in CO I always had an emergency box with me in case I got stuck, blankets, some water & food, flares, etc. Be safe out there!
My sisters left early this morning to return to Los Angeles, and it was sad. I'm also a little down for having come home to take care of things here but leaving my Mom alone to care for Dad until tomorrow. Guilt. She has arranged for some more help to come out tomorrow, and that's good, and I laid out my plans to drive out every other day or if she needs assistance, but you know I feel like I need to be there all the time. Ugh.
I am going to get some cleaning done today, eat some food, rest with my cats and watch a movie to clear my head of my thoughts for a while. I need to get a lot of things done at work tomorrow.
I wanted to check in with you all to say that despite what I have written about how hard things are for us now, we can all be sober, and it is a strength to enjoy.
My sisters left early this morning to return to Los Angeles, and it was sad. I'm also a little down for having come home to take care of things here but leaving my Mom alone to care for Dad until tomorrow. Guilt. She has arranged for some more help to come out tomorrow, and that's good, and I laid out my plans to drive out every other day or if she needs assistance, but you know I feel like I need to be there all the time. Ugh.
I am going to get some cleaning done today, eat some food, rest with my cats and watch a movie to clear my head of my thoughts for a while. I need to get a lot of things done at work tomorrow.
I wanted to check in with you all to say that despite what I have written about how hard things are for us now, we can all be sober, and it is a strength to enjoy.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Just a quick hi, I’m off to work.
Stay safe Free!
And look after yourself too Guener. What Free said is so important. You will find a balance between self-care and being there for your Mum and Dad. I had lots of guilt too, and felt torn a lot of the time. I’m going to be working through some of that with the grief counsellor. It’s really important that we find the balance though, because if we over-stress ourselves, we may cave in, and then we’re no good to anyone, not ourselves or others. So it’s important that your own mental and physical health maintains priority, while you still manage to provide some support to your Mum, to help with your Dad. Getting external help to come in, as you have organised, is a really good step, to help ease the burden on you. Sending you lots of virtual support across the ocean
Stay safe Free!
And look after yourself too Guener. What Free said is so important. You will find a balance between self-care and being there for your Mum and Dad. I had lots of guilt too, and felt torn a lot of the time. I’m going to be working through some of that with the grief counsellor. It’s really important that we find the balance though, because if we over-stress ourselves, we may cave in, and then we’re no good to anyone, not ourselves or others. So it’s important that your own mental and physical health maintains priority, while you still manage to provide some support to your Mum, to help with your Dad. Getting external help to come in, as you have organised, is a really good step, to help ease the burden on you. Sending you lots of virtual support across the ocean
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Oh my
I just reread my long dissertation above.
Dont know why sometimes paragraphs repeat....
Also don’t know what the heck I was trying to say with’fireman’
You guys are so graceful by not calling me out on that
Note to self.....read posts and edit before hitting ‘send quick reply’
Eating out tonight and grateful alcohol didn’t cross my mind. Getting there.
We can all just feel our one year sober versary. Can’t we?
Love to all
I just reread my long dissertation above.
Dont know why sometimes paragraphs repeat....
Also don’t know what the heck I was trying to say with’fireman’
You guys are so graceful by not calling me out on that
Note to self.....read posts and edit before hitting ‘send quick reply’
Eating out tonight and grateful alcohol didn’t cross my mind. Getting there.
We can all just feel our one year sober versary. Can’t we?
Love to all
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