Class of May 2018 Part 4
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Rolling the dramatic music here to Free's characterization of us! Ba, da da da, daaa, da, da da, daaa da! 
Although I'm feeling some anxiety this morning, my composure is good and my outlook is hopeful.
I'll be working with Mom today on some logistics regarding getting Dad to their home for Hospice care. That is the decision for now, which will avoid the high costs of sending him to a facility, but it will still be expensive and more risky for both my parents; it's what my Mom wants to do, and she gets my support on her choice. Tons of paperwork to be done on Monday, I know. So, it's unclear exactly when my Dad will be released from the hospital. The doctor definitely believes his time is on the short side, his kidneys are already failing.
My oldest sister arrives on my birthday in the second week of March to visit with Dad and to help out. If it looks like Dad doesn't have that much time, I'm sure she will come earlier. She has been my go-to for advice in the family on these matters, as she dealt with my brother in Hospice care before he died of his addiction and AIDS.
I suspect more family will be coming soon as well.
I haven't spoken to any of my "off-world" (non-SR) friends about any of this yet. Here has been such a great place to cope with it all. I will tell my best friend soon, he went through this not so long ago with his very close grandmother. I want him to know that I care enough of him to tell him what I'm facing, and he knows I'm in recovery but doesn't know how long I have not been drinking and perhaps thinks I've dropped out of reality again.
I think I raised eyebrows from the doctor yesterday when I asked about what pain killers and anti-anxiety drugs my Dad would be taking and used the slang Benzos to talk about the Ativan and Xanax that he will be put on. No, I'm not going to raid his drugs, Madam Physician. I'm sure this behavior has happened from others in addiction, though. I drank my parents' booze at times and concealed it.
My kitties seem to notice things are a bit different with me lately and are very close companions. Or maybe I am projecting on them. Whatever, they are helping me to feel better.
I'm quite busy at times in the workplace, other moments I'm impatiently waiting for others to get back to me. I'm thinking of you, Willow, with your venture back into working. Free, I trust it's still madness in all that you are doing, continued strength out to you, too.
Speaking of crazy times, Dee, I don't know how you sustain yourself in keeping things in order around here.
Although I'm feeling some anxiety this morning, my composure is good and my outlook is hopeful.
I'll be working with Mom today on some logistics regarding getting Dad to their home for Hospice care. That is the decision for now, which will avoid the high costs of sending him to a facility, but it will still be expensive and more risky for both my parents; it's what my Mom wants to do, and she gets my support on her choice. Tons of paperwork to be done on Monday, I know. So, it's unclear exactly when my Dad will be released from the hospital. The doctor definitely believes his time is on the short side, his kidneys are already failing.
My oldest sister arrives on my birthday in the second week of March to visit with Dad and to help out. If it looks like Dad doesn't have that much time, I'm sure she will come earlier. She has been my go-to for advice in the family on these matters, as she dealt with my brother in Hospice care before he died of his addiction and AIDS.
I suspect more family will be coming soon as well.
I haven't spoken to any of my "off-world" (non-SR) friends about any of this yet. Here has been such a great place to cope with it all. I will tell my best friend soon, he went through this not so long ago with his very close grandmother. I want him to know that I care enough of him to tell him what I'm facing, and he knows I'm in recovery but doesn't know how long I have not been drinking and perhaps thinks I've dropped out of reality again.
I think I raised eyebrows from the doctor yesterday when I asked about what pain killers and anti-anxiety drugs my Dad would be taking and used the slang Benzos to talk about the Ativan and Xanax that he will be put on. No, I'm not going to raid his drugs, Madam Physician. I'm sure this behavior has happened from others in addiction, though. I drank my parents' booze at times and concealed it.
My kitties seem to notice things are a bit different with me lately and are very close companions. Or maybe I am projecting on them. Whatever, they are helping me to feel better.
I'm quite busy at times in the workplace, other moments I'm impatiently waiting for others to get back to me. I'm thinking of you, Willow, with your venture back into working. Free, I trust it's still madness in all that you are doing, continued strength out to you, too.
Speaking of crazy times, Dee, I don't know how you sustain yourself in keeping things in order around here.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Big times ahead Guener. I’m glad you have a plan in place that your Mum wants, that’s so important. Also that you’ll have more family coming. My family also rallied when Dad’s time was getting short. It’s so important to have people to share the love, the work,the fears and I think most importantly, just to connect with each other, with shared caring and love ❤️ And I’m sooo glad you have the kitties Guener!
I start my new job today, and I’m a tad nervous, to say the least... but it’s all going to be fine
I agree, I don’t know how you do it all Dee, you’re amazing ❤️ Thank you for all your support ❤️
I start my new job today, and I’m a tad nervous, to say the least... but it’s all going to be fine
I agree, I don’t know how you do it all Dee, you’re amazing ❤️ Thank you for all your support ❤️
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,340
I third that, Dee!
You are indeed, amazing!
Guener, so good you’re opting for hospice. We did that for my ex husbands grandma. Best thing ever.
Willow, how exciting!! You’ll do great and they will be nice to you! Give yourself some slack about being newbie at this job.
GN all
❤️
You are indeed, amazing!
Guener, so good you’re opting for hospice. We did that for my ex husbands grandma. Best thing ever.
Willow, how exciting!! You’ll do great and they will be nice to you! Give yourself some slack about being newbie at this job.
GN all
❤️
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Hi all,
Just popping in to see how you are all doing?
I'm on day 62 at the moment, it's going well. As you all know I quit end of April 2018, managed 140 days initially but then had a few drinking days. Nothing too bad, I generally managed ok but it still made me feel dreadful and I regretted it.
I have this bachelors weekend coming up this week and I am still on the fence about going. I've booked my tickets and the guy organizing it still thinks I am going. The guy who is getting married knows I may not go so that's not an issue, he knows about my decision to stop drinking, but I'm so torn. On the one hand, I never see this group of people together in one place for a weekend, it just never happens, so I feel like I'll be missing out hugely. I am thinking about going back to drinking for this weekend only and then stopping again when I get back.
But I don't want to go back to day 1 again, and I know the drinking will make me feel awful, depressed and anxious and there is a good chance I end up on a binge after a heavy weekend of drinking, which this will be.
When I've relapsed in the past year, it's been in a controlled environment and I've managed to get back on the sober horse easily enough just after a nights drinking, but a weekend away worries me, as I could easily let the drinking spiral out of control.
I know the sensible thing is just not to go, and it's probably what I will do, I need to text the guy organising it and let him know I will be a last minute cancellation.
Or I could just jump in a taxi on Friday and be there, but everyone will start drinking at the airport at 8am! I'm really struggling to know what to do.
Just popping in to see how you are all doing?
I'm on day 62 at the moment, it's going well. As you all know I quit end of April 2018, managed 140 days initially but then had a few drinking days. Nothing too bad, I generally managed ok but it still made me feel dreadful and I regretted it.
I have this bachelors weekend coming up this week and I am still on the fence about going. I've booked my tickets and the guy organizing it still thinks I am going. The guy who is getting married knows I may not go so that's not an issue, he knows about my decision to stop drinking, but I'm so torn. On the one hand, I never see this group of people together in one place for a weekend, it just never happens, so I feel like I'll be missing out hugely. I am thinking about going back to drinking for this weekend only and then stopping again when I get back.
But I don't want to go back to day 1 again, and I know the drinking will make me feel awful, depressed and anxious and there is a good chance I end up on a binge after a heavy weekend of drinking, which this will be.
When I've relapsed in the past year, it's been in a controlled environment and I've managed to get back on the sober horse easily enough just after a nights drinking, but a weekend away worries me, as I could easily let the drinking spiral out of control.
I know the sensible thing is just not to go, and it's probably what I will do, I need to text the guy organising it and let him know I will be a last minute cancellation.
Or I could just jump in a taxi on Friday and be there, but everyone will start drinking at the airport at 8am! I'm really struggling to know what to do.
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I know the drinking will make me feel awful, depressed and anxious and there is a good chance I end up on a binge after a heavy weekend of drinking, which this will be.
everyone will start drinking at the airport at 8am! I'm really struggling to know what to do.
From your post I think you feel like you're not ready yet - and that's ok
D
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Hi Primativo 
Good to hear from you!
I’m with Dee on this one. Sounds like too much temptation to me. I try to avoid temptation where possible. I have nearly given in to drinking on a few occasions where friends have gathered and been drinking heavily. I hung on only by the skin of my teeth a few times, it was difficult and I didn’t really enjoy myself as I had to be constantly vigilant, then I got annoyed as they got drunk and started talking complete crap while I was still sober. I had a plan and had a choice of a few non-alcoholic drinks. The first time was my 50th birthday when I drank non-alcoholic wine and most people thought I was drinking as I was too uncomfortable to tell them I wasn’t drinking. Now, 9 & 1/2 months down the track, I’m happy to tell people I’m not drinking. I’m also happy to avoid heavy drinking situations, or cop out early when things get too messy.
Good to hear from you!
I’m with Dee on this one. Sounds like too much temptation to me. I try to avoid temptation where possible. I have nearly given in to drinking on a few occasions where friends have gathered and been drinking heavily. I hung on only by the skin of my teeth a few times, it was difficult and I didn’t really enjoy myself as I had to be constantly vigilant, then I got annoyed as they got drunk and started talking complete crap while I was still sober. I had a plan and had a choice of a few non-alcoholic drinks. The first time was my 50th birthday when I drank non-alcoholic wine and most people thought I was drinking as I was too uncomfortable to tell them I wasn’t drinking. Now, 9 & 1/2 months down the track, I’m happy to tell people I’m not drinking. I’m also happy to avoid heavy drinking situations, or cop out early when things get too messy.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Originally Posted by Dee74 
If I have a vote my vote is no. I'm willing to bet this is not the last time all your mates will be in one place - and next time, down the road aways, you'll be that much stronger.
From your post I think you feel like you're not ready yet - and that's ok
D
From your post I think you feel like you're not ready yet - and that's ok
D
Thanks, I know I need to miss it. It's too early. Besides, I don't ever feel I'll be ready for a weekend **** up, if I don't drink anymore then it's something I have no interest in.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
A few regrets over missing out on the chance to see some friends is much better than a LOT of regret over relapsing, Primativo. Good choice, one that you will not regret in short order. I'm glad that you came to get some input before going.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Good morning yesterday at work was good, I don’t work again till Thursday now (it’s Wed morning here). I like working casual jobs, it gives me more freedom and flexibility... Well after my first day on and now a day off I can say that lol. Will see how things pan out over the coming weeks
I’m struggling to get up and get moving today. I think I need another coffee perhaps
yesterday at work was good, I don’t work again till Thursday now (it’s Wed morning here). I like working casual jobs, it gives me more freedom and flexibility... Well after my first day on and now a day off I can say that lol. Will see how things pan out over the coming weeks I’m struggling to get up and get moving today. I think I need another coffee perhaps
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I am happy to hear that your day at work was fine, Willow. It's crazy in my office these days, all sorts of little problems to sort out. It keeps me distracted.
My iPhone charging port has gone out or has something jammed in it, so I am without telecommunications except for Skype or FaceTime on my iPad. It is making keeping in touch with Mom more interesting. And I have to phone in for Jury Duty this weekend to see if I am called for next week, oh my. What's next, a murder trial?
I am holding out okay, and two of my sisters are on their way from California to see Dad, will be arriving tonight late or tomorrow morning. Things will just be getting more nuts. On Thursday I have to drive my Mom to an appointment in the closest city we have to our small town. I'm going to be ready for the weekend to spend more time with my family.
Take care, everyone!
My iPhone charging port has gone out or has something jammed in it, so I am without telecommunications except for Skype or FaceTime on my iPad. It is making keeping in touch with Mom more interesting. And I have to phone in for Jury Duty this weekend to see if I am called for next week, oh my. What's next, a murder trial?
I am holding out okay, and two of my sisters are on their way from California to see Dad, will be arriving tonight late or tomorrow morning. Things will just be getting more nuts. On Thursday I have to drive my Mom to an appointment in the closest city we have to our small town. I'm going to be ready for the weekend to spend more time with my family.
Take care, everyone!
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I’ve been posting in the weekender thread about emotions. I seem to have such a roller coaster of emotions going on. I guess I suppressed them for so many years it’s only natural that now they’re all coming up to the surface and now I have to actually deal with them instead of suppressing them and drowning them in alcohol. What a journey! 
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