One Year and Under Club Part 48
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
There's some great info here on recovery groups, dealing with cravings and making recovery plans wayward son 
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by Incontrol15 
Cauliflower....
My thoughts may not be completely relevant, but maybe there's something there to think about. Keep in mind, I tend to look at what MY roll is in situations and quick to blame myself before others. All I'm doing is throwing out a different perspective?
I know you already know this and that this is not the issue.....but your Dad loves your monster-in-law. Your Dad obviously loves you. The truth of the matter is he's a grown man and can choose to love who he wants. Even if he's wrong, even if he's blind to her antics, no matter what they are, NOBODY can change his feelings for her except himself. But you know that already.
The peace your looking for is between you and your Dad. You can hate her all you want. You don't have to love her or even like her. But things would be a lot easier between you and your Dad if you didn't judge him. Maybe you don't, but maybe that's what he's feeling?
You don't like her and you let him know that. But meanwhile, he does like her. So there's a gap there, and how he fills that gap in is mind and how he internalizes that may be a strain on your relationship.
Agreeing to disagreeing is probably the best thing you can do. Let him know how much you love him, and that your happy for him. He's not alone and lonely. He has someone with him every day and night that he can love.
Can he do better? Sounds like it. But that is his choice to settle for less.
It sounds like your monster-in-law treats you like total crap and your Dad does not defend you or take your side. If that's the case, there could be a bunch of reasons why. But one of them is not that he doesn't love you. I'm sure he loves you with all his heart and that's all the matters.
It's possible that he thinks you are jealous of your monster-in-law. Just a possibility. Could be a whole bunch of reasons he doesn't defend you.
Anyway...food for thought.
My thoughts may not be completely relevant, but maybe there's something there to think about. Keep in mind, I tend to look at what MY roll is in situations and quick to blame myself before others. All I'm doing is throwing out a different perspective?
I know you already know this and that this is not the issue.....but your Dad loves your monster-in-law. Your Dad obviously loves you. The truth of the matter is he's a grown man and can choose to love who he wants. Even if he's wrong, even if he's blind to her antics, no matter what they are, NOBODY can change his feelings for her except himself. But you know that already.
The peace your looking for is between you and your Dad. You can hate her all you want. You don't have to love her or even like her. But things would be a lot easier between you and your Dad if you didn't judge him. Maybe you don't, but maybe that's what he's feeling?
You don't like her and you let him know that. But meanwhile, he does like her. So there's a gap there, and how he fills that gap in is mind and how he internalizes that may be a strain on your relationship.
Agreeing to disagreeing is probably the best thing you can do. Let him know how much you love him, and that your happy for him. He's not alone and lonely. He has someone with him every day and night that he can love.
Can he do better? Sounds like it. But that is his choice to settle for less.
It sounds like your monster-in-law treats you like total crap and your Dad does not defend you or take your side. If that's the case, there could be a bunch of reasons why. But one of them is not that he doesn't love you. I'm sure he loves you with all his heart and that's all the matters.
It's possible that he thinks you are jealous of your monster-in-law. Just a possibility. Could be a whole bunch of reasons he doesn't defend you.
Anyway...food for thought.
.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Cauli, that's a great attitude! It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer. I'm one of those people who has always had a very difficult time accepting the things I cannot change. My usual approach is to try everything possible and that often only makes things worse. If I focus on changing the things I can, I find that life is much better.
Wayward son, you are far from alone in having a relapse. I had many before finally doing an IOP during this time last year. That gave me solid tools to deal with sudden cravings. Since then I had a very brief slip during an unusually difficult time in my life. I immediately went to see my pdoc to ask for help and ended up on meds. That helped me over the "hump" and I now have no desire to drink at all. White-knuckling is for me a sure-fire path to relapse.
Wayward son, you are far from alone in having a relapse. I had many before finally doing an IOP during this time last year. That gave me solid tools to deal with sudden cravings. Since then I had a very brief slip during an unusually difficult time in my life. I immediately went to see my pdoc to ask for help and ended up on meds. That helped me over the "hump" and I now have no desire to drink at all. White-knuckling is for me a sure-fire path to relapse.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Originally Posted by Cauliflower
Thank you Inc, you are my sober buddy that's for sure, from the beginning you've been so supportive, and 
.
.Honestly I reached out to strangers like that to surround myself with people who care. It was a bit selfish, but I figured the more I give, the more I receive. I'm lucky to have you in my court. You're an awesome sober buddy. And YOU rock!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 12
60 Days is great Key I love reading people's milestones and things. Makes me feel I can do it as well.
This afternoon I felt like a drink but then realised it was just because the sun was shining for the first time in ages and that's what I would do before and so I ate chocolate instead. But that's not a good habit to get into lol. I'm going to enjoy these days when I can say no while I can. I don't think it's always going to be this easy with summer just around the corner.
Good Night and have a great day/Night wherever you all are
I love reading people's milestones and things. Makes me feel I can do it as well. This afternoon I felt like a drink but then realised it was just because the sun was shining for the first time in ages and that's what I would do before and so I ate chocolate instead. But that's not a good habit to get into lol. I'm going to enjoy these days when I can say no while I can. I don't think it's always going to be this easy with summer just around the corner.
Good Night and have a great day/Night wherever you all are
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by HappinessIsHere
I'm going to enjoy these days when I can say no while I can. I don't think it's always going to be this easy with summer just around the corner.
Good Night and have a great day/Night wherever you all are
Good Night and have a great day/Night wherever you all are
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Originally Posted by HappinessIsHere
60 Days is great Key I love reading people's milestones and things. Makes me feel I can do it as well. This afternoon I felt like a drink but then realised it was just because the sun was shining for the first time in ages and that's what I would do before and so I ate chocolate instead. But that's not a good habit to get into lol. I'm going to enjoy these days when I can say no while I can. I don't think it's always going to be this easy with summer just around the corner. Good Night and have a great day/Night wherever you all are
I love reading people's milestones and things. Makes me feel I can do it as well. This afternoon I felt like a drink but then realised it was just because the sun was shining for the first time in ages and that's what I would do before and so I ate chocolate instead. But that's not a good habit to get into lol. I'm going to enjoy these days when I can say no while I can. I don't think it's always going to be this easy with summer just around the corner. Good Night and have a great day/Night wherever you all are You soo gonna do this, and you're soo gonna be happy you did. You had an urge, you took inventory, then you took action.
Yeah...summer will be a trigger. This will be your first sober summer. You are really smart to pick up on that. Now you have the upper hand. Your AV just showed you its hand!
This is the perfect time to decide how many new cards you want to draw and make a plan.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,181
Hi Undies,
It has again been a while since I posted here. I just wanted to offer some thoughts...
While I may not post often, I remain a frequent reader and have really enjoyed reading the recovery discussions.
My recovery, which is approaching 28 months, found a real home among a core of about 10 of us Undies that posted daily when I started on this thread in July of 2013. My first response was from the now infamous, Toots. She made me feel right at home, and, as you can see, continues to give back in so many ways.
That kinship led to my actually meeting a handful of the Undies face to face...and attending AA mtgs together. Nothing quite like sitting next to an Undie and listening to them share face to face about recovery at an AA mtg. The first time I met Glee was in NYC at Christmas season and Santa Con day, with 10,000 dressed like Santa bar hopping as we weaved our way to three meeting in some storied venues. With others, I text and/or msg with on fb, etc. Often those discussions revolve around recovery issues.
The purpose of my post isn't to say that you need to reach beyond what is actually right here on this thread. I am just offering what an amazing thread and big part of my recovery Undies REMAINS!
Bottom line, I am saying "Thank You" for discussions that help at keeping me on the beam. It is said that there are three outcomes for an alkie; jails, institutions and/or death.
Haha, this highly functioning alcoholic, (or so thought I), had all the outside appearances of someone that was successful in life. Being told that I was about to loose everything if I didn't shape up went in one ear and out the other. How was it possible to lose my family of 25 years, the respect of my amazing daughters, my career, material things, my privileged to drive, my freedom? Absurd!
Yes, lost them all. I went to rehab and came home and drank again. I went to jail for drinking and driving and drank and drove again...and again. My good friend and boss of 15 years at three different companies asked me to resign. I woke up one morning and kinda remembered that I had sideswiped a tree on the way home...when I went out to assess the damage, I had taken the entire side of the fancy foreign car off...etc, etc.
This disease is insidious and progressive and had death knocking on my door. My normie friends had resigned themselves that I would be dead in short order. I was able to inflict all that pain and suffering on me and my family while actually having spent about 17 of the past 25 years not drinking.
What I found in AA and this thread from SR was not only a way not to drink...but a way to live and thrive in recovery.
It really does get better and better, so let's not sit back, but grab on tight to the gift of sobriety and share it among ourselves.
Carlos
It has again been a while since I posted here. I just wanted to offer some thoughts...
While I may not post often, I remain a frequent reader and have really enjoyed reading the recovery discussions.
My recovery, which is approaching 28 months, found a real home among a core of about 10 of us Undies that posted daily when I started on this thread in July of 2013. My first response was from the now infamous, Toots. She made me feel right at home, and, as you can see, continues to give back in so many ways.
That kinship led to my actually meeting a handful of the Undies face to face...and attending AA mtgs together. Nothing quite like sitting next to an Undie and listening to them share face to face about recovery at an AA mtg. The first time I met Glee was in NYC at Christmas season and Santa Con day, with 10,000 dressed like Santa bar hopping as we weaved our way to three meeting in some storied venues. With others, I text and/or msg with on fb, etc. Often those discussions revolve around recovery issues.
The purpose of my post isn't to say that you need to reach beyond what is actually right here on this thread. I am just offering what an amazing thread and big part of my recovery Undies REMAINS!
Bottom line, I am saying "Thank You" for discussions that help at keeping me on the beam. It is said that there are three outcomes for an alkie; jails, institutions and/or death.
Haha, this highly functioning alcoholic, (or so thought I), had all the outside appearances of someone that was successful in life. Being told that I was about to loose everything if I didn't shape up went in one ear and out the other. How was it possible to lose my family of 25 years, the respect of my amazing daughters, my career, material things, my privileged to drive, my freedom? Absurd!
Yes, lost them all. I went to rehab and came home and drank again. I went to jail for drinking and driving and drank and drove again...and again. My good friend and boss of 15 years at three different companies asked me to resign. I woke up one morning and kinda remembered that I had sideswiped a tree on the way home...when I went out to assess the damage, I had taken the entire side of the fancy foreign car off...etc, etc.
This disease is insidious and progressive and had death knocking on my door. My normie friends had resigned themselves that I would be dead in short order. I was able to inflict all that pain and suffering on me and my family while actually having spent about 17 of the past 25 years not drinking.
What I found in AA and this thread from SR was not only a way not to drink...but a way to live and thrive in recovery.
It really does get better and better, so let's not sit back, but grab on tight to the gift of sobriety and share it among ourselves.
Carlos
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Awesome IW. Thank you for sharing. Very inspirational. It's really a shame that we have to lose so much before coming to our senses. Many people are lucky enough to stop before it gets out of hand. I'm not one of them.
I look at all those fine folks who are starting to see the clues and consider quitting, only to give that up. Things haven't gotten bad enough for them yet. It's hard to watch. I don't want anyone else to experience what I did before finally quitting.
I have to believe posts like yours makes a difference. Not everyone is as bullheaded as I am.
I look at all those fine folks who are starting to see the clues and consider quitting, only to give that up. Things haven't gotten bad enough for them yet. It's hard to watch. I don't want anyone else to experience what I did before finally quitting.
I have to believe posts like yours makes a difference. Not everyone is as bullheaded as I am.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
133 days no booze....no meds...
Just eat ok, drink water and other non alcoholic beverages, take some vits., and sleep as much as I can. Excercise a bit too.
Anxiety is really starting to weaken it's grip.
Without this site, I would have went to a Dr. Because I was freaking out. He would have put me on some anti d.s...
I probably would have lost my job. I probably would have deserved it too. I was powering through some heavy withdrawal and recovery stress. I feel like I am beginning to see the end of the forest through the trees.
Thank God for you all. I learned so much here. I try to help new people, even though I know my recovery is far from over. Early stage all the way. I have heard so many relapse stories here and in my 3 AA meetings....
I am working the steps. Currently focused on 4 and 5 of 12. Moral inventory.
What is wrong w me.....
Hate some people at work. Hate parts of my job.
Pissed off my wife until she just ignored me when I was drinking.
Neglected my son when I was drinking.
Driving drunk.
Neglected my health.
Wasted money.
So...now this is shared..sort of...still need to talk about it w AA f2f and Sponser. .
Thanks again...bbl..
Just eat ok, drink water and other non alcoholic beverages, take some vits., and sleep as much as I can. Excercise a bit too.
Anxiety is really starting to weaken it's grip.
Without this site, I would have went to a Dr. Because I was freaking out. He would have put me on some anti d.s...
I probably would have lost my job. I probably would have deserved it too. I was powering through some heavy withdrawal and recovery stress. I feel like I am beginning to see the end of the forest through the trees.
Thank God for you all. I learned so much here. I try to help new people, even though I know my recovery is far from over. Early stage all the way. I have heard so many relapse stories here and in my 3 AA meetings....
I am working the steps. Currently focused on 4 and 5 of 12. Moral inventory.
What is wrong w me.....
Hate some people at work. Hate parts of my job.
Pissed off my wife until she just ignored me when I was drinking.
Neglected my son when I was drinking.
Driving drunk.
Neglected my health.
Wasted money.
So...now this is shared..sort of...still need to talk about it w AA f2f and Sponser. .
Thanks again...bbl..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
I've been lucky. Still got my family and job. I've seen so many people lose it all and my drinking was going bad to worse. A matter of time. I feel extremely lucky to have got out while the going is still good. Powerful posts like Carlos's just reinforce that to me.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Eugene Oregon
Posts: 306
Intro
Posted on the May thread, but thought I'd re-post here.
Hey, thought I should introduce myself a little. I'm Susan, 47, had about a 4 year run drinking nightly. Had been drinking a glass of wine nightly for about a year before to help lose weight before that. Up till then hardly drank at all--had a bottle of rum that would last a year, xmas cheer... When I was a kid I had my bouts of debauchery with alcohol but developed a meth addiction that trumped alcohol by far. I got pregnant at 21 and that was the end of everything (except smoking a little pot). I started drinking like I did the last few years because of personal reasons. It's really hard to explain it to someone but I had a crush on a co-worker who was also involved in a relationship and to cope--I'd drink. Every time I tried to get over him I was suicidal--like visiting gun shops suicidal-- as bad as I've ever been. My reason to quit drinking was because I was recently passed over for a pretty important promotion. I had to re- evaluate my life and change something. Well-- I decided drinking was the problem. I had no idea how bad I'd gotten until I quit. Was already cutting back on drinking, but in cutting back I was doing the same thing everyone else did-deciding it was ok to have a few more on this night etc. I'm sure it would have just been a matter of time until I was back up to where I was. So I'm kind of glad this happened in a way- I wouldn't have ever quit. The thing with the boy-- I'm not over him, but it's kind of running it's course anyway. I barely see him any more with cutting back to 20 hours. I just want what's best for him--he's 17 years younger than me and I'm Not. At least he's finally out of a horrible relationship....
So I'm left with this train wreck of a life. Aside from my job, I have a daughter that I have only recently realized has been an alcoholic since she was 17 who is now settled down with 2 babies and a boyfriend and is basically following my footsteps. She says she's cut back quite a bit and I believe that but all the damage has been done to us as a family has left us not talking and I just don't know how to fix that right now and it hangs heavy on me every day.
So every aspect of my life is messed up but not to the point where it's completely irreparable I'm hoping. I've been working on household stuff that's been neglected by me and trying to pull my own weight around the house. Husbands picked up a lot of the slack over the years. Wanting to drink hasn't been a problem, it's just dealing with the recovery that's sucked. Insomnia at first, then tiredness, which is still a factor, but getting better. I had terrible stomach issues which are only a factor now if I don't eat fiber lol, and still have bad sugar cravings. I also have life beckoning me and it's scary and wants me to come out and play. I'm used to just staying in my safe cocoon. I am really trying to get stuff done, I've caught up on a lot of dr/dentist appointments for everyone. I'm trying to stay with my exercise routine but that's been hard because of the exhaustion levels.
On a side note, I've been married 25 years to a gruff but seriously supporting and caring husband, I'm originally from Illinois, (close to Peoria) only blood relative out here is my Mom and kids of course, staying with the crazy--owned by close to 20 rescued felines, Love music, reading, tv., movies, staying in shape. Union steward in a grocery store I've worked at 23 years until the recent sell to Haggen who in 5 months after taking us over has filed chapter 11 bankruptcy...yeah I'm trying to get it together to look for a job but for now it's still there. Anyway--
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Hey, thought I should introduce myself a little. I'm Susan, 47, had about a 4 year run drinking nightly. Had been drinking a glass of wine nightly for about a year before to help lose weight before that. Up till then hardly drank at all--had a bottle of rum that would last a year, xmas cheer... When I was a kid I had my bouts of debauchery with alcohol but developed a meth addiction that trumped alcohol by far. I got pregnant at 21 and that was the end of everything (except smoking a little pot). I started drinking like I did the last few years because of personal reasons. It's really hard to explain it to someone but I had a crush on a co-worker who was also involved in a relationship and to cope--I'd drink. Every time I tried to get over him I was suicidal--like visiting gun shops suicidal-- as bad as I've ever been. My reason to quit drinking was because I was recently passed over for a pretty important promotion. I had to re- evaluate my life and change something. Well-- I decided drinking was the problem. I had no idea how bad I'd gotten until I quit. Was already cutting back on drinking, but in cutting back I was doing the same thing everyone else did-deciding it was ok to have a few more on this night etc. I'm sure it would have just been a matter of time until I was back up to where I was. So I'm kind of glad this happened in a way- I wouldn't have ever quit. The thing with the boy-- I'm not over him, but it's kind of running it's course anyway. I barely see him any more with cutting back to 20 hours. I just want what's best for him--he's 17 years younger than me and I'm Not. At least he's finally out of a horrible relationship....
So I'm left with this train wreck of a life. Aside from my job, I have a daughter that I have only recently realized has been an alcoholic since she was 17 who is now settled down with 2 babies and a boyfriend and is basically following my footsteps. She says she's cut back quite a bit and I believe that but all the damage has been done to us as a family has left us not talking and I just don't know how to fix that right now and it hangs heavy on me every day.
So every aspect of my life is messed up but not to the point where it's completely irreparable I'm hoping. I've been working on household stuff that's been neglected by me and trying to pull my own weight around the house. Husbands picked up a lot of the slack over the years. Wanting to drink hasn't been a problem, it's just dealing with the recovery that's sucked. Insomnia at first, then tiredness, which is still a factor, but getting better. I had terrible stomach issues which are only a factor now if I don't eat fiber lol, and still have bad sugar cravings. I also have life beckoning me and it's scary and wants me to come out and play. I'm used to just staying in my safe cocoon. I am really trying to get stuff done, I've caught up on a lot of dr/dentist appointments for everyone. I'm trying to stay with my exercise routine but that's been hard because of the exhaustion levels.
On a side note, I've been married 25 years to a gruff but seriously supporting and caring husband, I'm originally from Illinois, (close to Peoria) only blood relative out here is my Mom and kids of course, staying with the crazy--owned by close to 20 rescued felines, Love music, reading, tv., movies, staying in shape. Union steward in a grocery store I've worked at 23 years until the recent sell to Haggen who in 5 months after taking us over has filed chapter 11 bankruptcy...yeah I'm trying to get it together to look for a job but for now it's still there. Anyway--
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Eugene Oregon
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by D122y
133 days no booze....no meds...
Just eat ok, drink water and other non alcoholic beverages, take some vits., and sleep as much as I can. Excercise a bit too.
Anxiety is really starting to weaken it's grip.
Without this site, I would have went to a Dr. Because I was freaking out. He would have put me on some anti d.s...
I probably would have lost my job. I probably would have deserved it too. I was powering through some heavy withdrawal and recovery stress. I feel like I am beginning to see the end of the forest through the trees.
Thank God for you all. I learned so much here. I try to help new people, even though I know my recovery is far from over. Early stage all the way. I have heard so many relapse stories here and in my 3 AA meetings....
I am working the steps. Currently focused on 4 and 5 of 12. Moral inventory.
What is wrong w me.....
Hate some people at work. Hate parts of my job.
Pissed off my wife until she just ignored me when I was drinking.
Neglected my son when I was drinking.
Driving drunk.
Neglected my health.
Wasted money.
So...now this is shared..sort of...still need to talk about it w AA f2f and Sponser. .
Thanks again...bbl..
Just eat ok, drink water and other non alcoholic beverages, take some vits., and sleep as much as I can. Excercise a bit too.
Anxiety is really starting to weaken it's grip.
Without this site, I would have went to a Dr. Because I was freaking out. He would have put me on some anti d.s...
I probably would have lost my job. I probably would have deserved it too. I was powering through some heavy withdrawal and recovery stress. I feel like I am beginning to see the end of the forest through the trees.
Thank God for you all. I learned so much here. I try to help new people, even though I know my recovery is far from over. Early stage all the way. I have heard so many relapse stories here and in my 3 AA meetings....
I am working the steps. Currently focused on 4 and 5 of 12. Moral inventory.
What is wrong w me.....
Hate some people at work. Hate parts of my job.
Pissed off my wife until she just ignored me when I was drinking.
Neglected my son when I was drinking.
Driving drunk.
Neglected my health.
Wasted money.
So...now this is shared..sort of...still need to talk about it w AA f2f and Sponser. .
Thanks again...bbl..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Hi BlueFairy! Sounds like you've had a lot of stock taking to do of your own life which has lead you here. It also sounds like, although you have a few pretty sizeable problems, there's still all to play for.
My decision to stop was after a rather disheartening stock check of my own which lead to the inescapable conclusion that I have serious alcohol issues that need addressing daily and constant work if I am to achieve a u-turn in my life trajectory. So far, since April, and with the support of those on SR things are going to plan!!
Thanks to all of you! Stay strong!
My decision to stop was after a rather disheartening stock check of my own which lead to the inescapable conclusion that I have serious alcohol issues that need addressing daily and constant work if I am to achieve a u-turn in my life trajectory. So far, since April, and with the support of those on SR things are going to plan!!
Thanks to all of you! Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Thanks for sharing those powerful stories lWLSAST and BlueFairy. Great reminders of the effects of alcohol and the importance and the difficulties of getting and staying sober. I needed to read them right now as I work on staying sober.
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