Cauli, that's a great attitude! It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer. I'm one of those people who has always had a very difficult time accepting the things I cannot change. My usual approach is to try everything possible and that often only makes things worse. If I focus on changing the things I can, I find that life is much better.
Wayward son, you are far from alone in having a relapse. I had many before finally doing an IOP during this time last year. That gave me solid tools to deal with sudden cravings. Since then I had a very brief slip during an unusually difficult time in my life. I immediately went to see my pdoc to ask for help and ended up on meds. That helped me over the "hump" and I now have no desire to drink at all. White-knuckling is for me a sure-fire path to relapse.