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One Year and Under Club Part 48

Old 09-09-2015, 11:44 PM
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Thanks for all the good advice. Expectations are clearly an issue. I'm coming off the back of a good run without cravings and free of depression so I have "expected" that to continue and found myself a little surprised when it didn't. Oh well!!! Time to rally and find that strength that has got me this far!

I went shopping for a book for my kindle yesterday and I read a review about The Complaints by Ian Rankin (who's stuff I have always loved). When I read that it's about a teetotal detective wrestling with his boredom in a world governed by an intense drinking culture (I paraphrase), I pressed download on the spot!.

It's nice being sober because now I remember what's happening in books from one sitting to the next and don't need to backtrack hardly at all anymore!
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Old 09-10-2015, 06:08 AM
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Being in control is important to me. I made a promise to myself that THIS YEAR I would be in control. I put "in control" all around me to serve as a reminder.

When I was drinking full time, I had a TON of problems that I let build around me. I didn't resolve a single issue for probably 3 years or so. Nothing. I simply would drink, then I would forget.

Eventually, there wasn't enough alcohol in the world that would hold back the issues that were bothering me the most. A was overwhelmed every minute of every day. Completely out of control.

I'm finding now that I still lose control once in a while. I become overwhelmed with the issues I'm still dealing as I rebuild. Most pressing is a consistent source of income. I am in sales now after losing my precious job.

I've been overwhelmed for a couple days now. I finally figured out its largely due to the fact that I'm not taking time for emotional/spiritual/mental health.

If I want to be emotionally healthy, I need to work on that more often than I am. After all, if I want to be healthy physically, that means I need to eat well and take my vitamins every day. I can't expect good results eating fast food and junk food 5 days of the week.
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Old 09-10-2015, 10:01 AM
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Good thinking, IC! This is one of the things I think we really need to do to anchor ourselves firmly in a healthy, sober life.
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Old 09-10-2015, 05:15 PM
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Originally Posted by tootsl1 View Post
We do not deserve to be treated poorly by those who profess to care about us.
Toots - Spot on. I was fortunate to have a you as sounding board as I wrapped my brain around this concept. I vividly recall when it hit me how poorly I had grown to let everyone in my life treat me. (I was PM-ing you at the time!) It's taken me some time to figure out how to have better relationships. There is a learning curve to anything new.

The funny thing about alcohol is, the first time I ever took a drink it was to have fun. Even though my great grandfather ditched his wife and kids to die of alcoholism on skid row, even though my family staged an intervention with my Uncle due to his drinking in my parents' dining room 30+ years ago, even though my cousin lost his driving privileges due to multiple DUIs, I never thought alcoholism could happen to me. Truth is, it took me to a dark place.

Amp - I love to read and back when I was drinking my schedule permitted a lot more than it does today. Recently a friend was talking about one of the last books I read drunk 18 months ago, Gone Girl. I realized that I don't remember the surprise twist at the end. No clue. Honestly even though it was made into a movie that people talked about, I don't really even remember what the book was about.

Incontrol - In my first year sober I took tons of time for my emotional and spiritual health. It was out of necessity. If I didn't, I was going to drink, plain and simple, and I didn't want to go back to that. I couldn't go back to that.

It's ok to be overwhelmed. We all are sometimes. I'm finding for me that learning how to accept when I'm overwhelmed and leaning into it - instead of finding a way to escape - has been incredibly therapeutic. It can show me what I want more of, what I want less of, and provide clarity on the actions I need to take to meet those goals.
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Old 09-11-2015, 12:24 AM
  # 105 (permalink)  
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InControl, I agree with Glee, we sometimes have to learn to cope with the emotions we feel when we are overwhelmed, as yes, I does happen. Recently I went through those feelings when I had a lot of things to draw together during the process of putting my second book out and building a website. I had to do a lot of things I hadn't done before, taking me out of my comfort zone. I wanted someone to rescue me and offer to take it all off my hands and deal. Of course, no one did, though I did get lots of support, advice and offers of help. What worked was just taking everything one bite at a time. Instead of looking at the thing as a whole, I dealt with everything one part at a time. It turned the mountain into a series of claimable hills that, once achieved gave em an immense feeling of satisfaction.

I also believe that managing recovery takes an holistic approach. Alcoholism ( or drug abuse ) affects every aspect of us mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, therefore full recovery dictates we look at all these aspects of our lives and 'put ourselves back together' . I found meditation an important part of my early recovery, spending a small part of each day focusing on my goals, my emotions, my body, helped me to maintain the strength I needed to continue moving forward.
SR is not just about advice in how to stop and maintain recovery, it can also be about accessing help and advice from so many different people who can offer practical advice to keep those mountains down to hillocks.

One thing I have learned time and again here, is that I am no longer alone with my demons as I figure my way through the 'grown up ' world, I have all you guys to ask for help.
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Old 09-11-2015, 04:27 AM
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Hey guys! amp123 We often set up unreasonable expectations for special events and holidays - and so can feel let down with or without booze.
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Old 09-11-2015, 07:03 AM
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Hi undies just checking in really quick. I've been very sick and in bed the past 2 days. Due to being understaffed I have to work both today and tomorrow. Hope I just make it thru the day
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Old 09-11-2015, 07:04 AM
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Morning all!
It's no secret I have been struggling with my emotions for several weeks now and how to deal with them. You can read my posts and my blog and see the issues I am having and have had. I have times where I win small battles but for the most part I feel like I am sinking and having to find out how to dig myself out.
It also seems to throw me into depression. So carefully I walk through the halls of emotions. I am trying to deal with one thing at a time. When my subconscious tries to be negative and stir up things that aren't true or that bare no grounds, I tell myself, "********-you know that's not true". I am recognizing that I have created a lot of this negativity by myself. It's a habit I got into all the years I spent thinking I was having so much fun drinking and "you are not going to tell me how much to drink or when to stop", that now I have to spend a lot of effort on untangling. The lies and deception I have done to even myself alone is/are truly unbelievable. However, I am not a quitter and I have no plans to ever drink again. All this crap I am dealing with now, in the aftermath, is still 100 times over better than any day I spent drinking.
Two things I keep telling myself is "Nobody said it was going to be easy, they only said it would be worth it" and "Not everybody will do the things I do because not everybody has a heart like mine". So when I feel like giving up, I know it will be worth the journey and when I get down or feel like things are attacking me, I know not everyone is as caring, loving, and giving as I am, so I won't get in return what I give, but it's important to keep giving.
Today makes 53 sober days and I am a work in process, one day at a time. Thank you Lord for not turning your back on me.
Happy Friday
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Old 09-11-2015, 07:27 AM
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KeyOfC, I understand what you're saying. Life without alcohol isn't necessarily easy nor is it always good. Some of us use alcohol to escape dealing with life's challenges - I am one of those. It's a big learning curve to develop new and better coping strategies. And in the meantime, life goes on.

Now past a year sober, I'm noticing that my highs and lows have evened out. I still have bad days but I'm dealing with my issues instead of drowning them. Now I feel more like the captain of my ship. I'm also finding it easier to let go of negative thoughts and feelings. It feels very comfortable.

BF, sorry to hear you've been sick and especially that you need to go to work when feeling crummy.
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Old 09-11-2015, 04:47 PM
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feel better soon BF

D
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Old 09-12-2015, 01:56 AM
  # 111 (permalink)  
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Feel better BeFree sending healing hugs your way xx

KeyofC door all your concerns, you sound strong in your belief, keep that focus. It sounds very like you are coming to terms with managing life without alcohol having used it as excuse, escape and company for so long. You are having to rethink and reboot your life. That is never an easy thing to do at anytime, but without the crutch you once used it is a tough hill to climb. Know that you have support here form all your friends and please feel free to PM me any time, I am a good ear.
Keep reminding yourself of the strength it took to get this far, and how well you are doing. Keep believing. And yes hun, it really really is worth it.

Sass, having spent a large portion of your journey with you, I have watched your spiritual growth and seen the changes in the way you have come to terms with and managed your alcoholism. I both admire and respect you for never giving up on yourself, for giving yourself a chance and for fighting. X

Hugs Unders, have a good weekend and Keep on Keeping on
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Old 09-12-2015, 04:04 AM
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BF - It stinks to have to work when you need to be lying in bed. I hope you're feeling better. Sending chicken soup vibes your way.

Keyofc - I'm so inspired to see you digging deep to change the thoughts that are at the core of your alcoholism. Protect yourself while you're working through your issues; don't give away so much that you have nothing left for yourself. Pour all that love and caring into yourself. There will be plenty of time to be generous with others once your healing is underway.

PHRD - Thanks for the reminder. Realistic expectations can be a challenge!

Amp - I'm going to pass along a gem from one of the folks with kind time sobriety in my home group who says anytime they have expectations they're bound to be disappointed. Acceptance is always the answer. However they're human, so they have expectations from time to time. What works for them is being able to turn to the principles of acceptance in AA when they're disappointed (or experiencing any other negative emotion) because it keeps them from drinking.

Have a good weekend Undies. Stay focused on the most important thing - your sobriety.
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Old 09-12-2015, 04:20 AM
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Thanks, Toots! I have always been a stubborn cuss!
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Old 09-12-2015, 05:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Saskia View Post
Thanks, Toots! I have always been a stubborn cuss!
Oh Saskia! You have worked at sobriety from so many angles and are an inspiration!!
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:04 AM
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"Keyofc - I'm so inspired to see you digging deep to change the thoughts that are at the core of your alcoholism. Protect yourself while you're working through your issues; don't give away so much that you have nothing left for yourself. Pour all that love and caring into yourself. There will be plenty of time to be generous with others once your healing is underway.
Anytime they have expectations they're bound to be disappointed. Acceptance is always the answer"

Gleefan!
Thanks for your thoughts and I agree. I am digging deep but I read what you said to Amp and I have that problem too. I expect and I get disappointed. I am trying so hard to not control things. To let go. To not have to make plans. To not be over-bearing. I have so much to learn that I am overwhelmed at times. People keep telling me to be careful to not overwork myself or let too much of myself go. I am having a hell of a time just letting things happen. It scares me to death to think of not being in control. Maybe I have been the control freak and not my husband that I have accused of such. Maybe I am the one with the problem. More so than just alcohol, I am learning I have LOTS of issues. Good thing I don't have a dead line or a destination. Thank God each day is a journey.
Thank ya'll for giving your time and thoughts. I always appreciate every one of them so much.
Day 54...Happy Saturday
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:49 AM
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Key, I've been a control freak all of my life even though I didn't always realize it. The image of a "trust fall" is excellent - it's what I'm figuratively learning how to do. It has taken me many years to get to this point and even though I'm rapidly galloping toward 71 years, I have never felt that it's "too late"! I now enjoy each day as it comes and for whatever it is. What an incredible blessing to finally begin to understand how great life can be.

Glee, you are one of those very special SR folks who have taught me much along the way - and I don't think I'll ever stop learning until the moment I breathe my last.
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Old 09-12-2015, 04:42 PM
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Hi undies.
Still sick but feeling a little better. Little cabin fever feeling since I haven't done anything fun in a week. I haven't talked to my sober friends that much, they seem busy with their group of sober people going to meetings all the time and stuff but I've been on my own majority of my life so not that big of a deal. One of my friends made the comment about just wanting to hang with other people in the program so I guess that doesn't include me. Oh well
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Old 09-12-2015, 05:06 PM
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I hope you feel much better in the morning, BFree!
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:01 PM
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Originally Posted by BoozeFree View Post
Hi undies. Still sick but feeling a little better. Little cabin fever feeling since I haven't done anything fun in a week. I haven't talked to my sober friends that much, they seem busy with their group of sober people going to meetings all the time and stuff but I've been on my own majority of my life so not that big of a deal. One of my friends made the comment about just wanting to hang with other people in the program so I guess that doesn't include me. Oh well
Omg ((((BeFree)))) my feelings would be so hurt!

It would be beneficial for your sobriety to go to meetings - with other folks in that group or elsewhere - and in time I bet your social life would get a boost, too.

Although you mention you've been alone most your life, please know that just because one friendship didn't work out, doesn't mean you need to be alone any more. Try your best not to let this bump in the road deter you from sharing the wonderful person you are with the people around you. It's what makes life interesting!
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:16 PM
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(((BFree)))! What Glee said ...
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