Retread1959

That sounds wonderful. I've thought about trying Blue Apron but I don't like the expense. How does Sunbasket compare in price?

PennyLane76

Sunbasket same in price, others I looked at were more. The BA price for 2 meals is what I was spending on wine per day, so it works out for me. Some of the meals (pasta ones mainly) have been enough for leftovers too. They send you everything except olive oil, salt and pepper!

Retread1959

Oh, that sounds good. I'm spending my wine money on riding lessons. Isn't it great that we now have that extra cash to treat ourselves with?

KeyofC

46 days sober
Keep waiting for the "good" feeling to come back. The one where I felt alright and felt good I was doing something positive. The one where I don't need constant reassurance. I keep pushing out the negative me and try not to let those emotions control me. I don't want that anymore. Think I'm going to find me a therapist. Is anybody else dealing with these "set backs"?

kittycat3

Day 11 today! I'm feeling better overall but still have my moments....I'm thinking about attending AA meetings but haven't done it yet. I need to find ways to connect in sobriety and not isolate.

I am inspired by something I saw this morning, browsing around on FB I found the profile of a gal that lives / works near where I live. I used to see her frequently outside smoking cigs and now and then outside the bar drinking. I only talked with her a few times and never knew her well, but she seemed like she was part party girl and somewhat angry or disconnected I suppose. Detached...Never seemed happy or open to connecting...I haven't seen her around lately and somehow found her profile and she just posted that she is 1 month sober!
Not quite sure her age, but she is probably late 20s - early 30s. In her latest pictures she looks much healthier, clearer eyes and skin and even a few with a genuine smile!
I am happy to see her looking so great and I admire her courage for sharing about her sobriety!
Really uplifting to see someone making great changes.
Happy Friday y'all.

kittycat3

Hey key of C, I'm feeling quite unsure myself, I think you are far from alone. A therapist would be great! I fully believe in therapy. I think we likely all have pain or feelings to process that we were stifling w our drinking.
I also think we all hoped that getting sober would fix us, and we're learning that it's merely the most important but necessary step to start the healing process....be patient and kind and give yourself some time.

RustyBanjo

Yes - I'm still on a rollercoaster. Up and down. The first few weeks it felt like I had more ups, but now it almost feels like I've settled into a mild depression from obsessing about not being able to drink. I hope it passes with time, but I too feel like I'm always fighting my negative me. I've seen a therapist but its expensive and I feel like he tells me the same stuff he's told me a thousand times before.

40th Bday in a few weeks. I'm also going to the Seahawks home opener in a few weeks. I really hope I can find the outlook to find joy in those events and not just be bummed I can't drink.

bexxed

Therapy works, but you have to participate in it. It's hard. Despite how messed up I am and became, I firmly believe I would be dead at this point had I not had a therapist. I've been talking with her for a very long time. I'm quite sure the money is more than worth it. There have been so very many things that I've learned. I wouldn't be able to understand how to be sober if I hadn't seen her for, like I said, a LONG time first. I had no ability with what I understood about life, to surrender to anything at all, including admitting that I had ever been powerless to anything. It's a serious abuse issue. And moving on, and on, and on. I initially went to see her because I was upset that I had engaged in violence that could have very easily killed someone I loved (good thing I missed). Many years later, it paid off.

Today is five weeks sober. It's also the beginning of the second very busy month at work. Within the next three weeks I'm crossing the country east to west coasts three times. (USA). And pulling lots of late nights. The next few nights I have to be up. Can't believe I used to do this kind of stuff while drinking. I've noticed subtle changes in how I perceive "normal". If I don't get at least 7-8 hours of sleep now, I am downright cranky. Two months ago, it was par for the course. My stomach feels totally different. I thought I was just getting older, but apparently it was booze. It's hard to explain, but there was a feeling in my stomach, that's gone now. And as an almost lifelong vegetarian, I'd never experienced acid reflux until this year and last year. And that's gone now, too. And, I'm not gassy anymore. It's really great to feel so much better.

This time is clicking better, I think, but I'm very leery. I know that I don't want to drink. I don't want to feel what it does to me physically and see what it does to me emotionally. In getting to know myself better, I remember that I was humiliated the first few times I realized I divulged something, or otherwise acted in a way I hadn't planned while drinking. I was such a much cooler person sober and am becoming that person again. I know it's sneaky though, so I'm standing guard. I think that October will be hard. With all of this stuff coming up the real triggers aren't there. But in October I will take a well deserved vacation and go see my old friends. I'm planning for that ahead of time.

Anyway, I have to be off. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

xo-B

Yogapants

Dear Friends, I am really struggling this afternoon/evening. Friday night before a long weekend - always a bottle of wine, maybe some cheese and crackers, etc. It was tough driving home from work and even tougher now trying to relax at home. Ugh!

vanaprastha

Stick with it Yogapants -- post here as often as you need to. Play the tape through -- you don't really want to wake up tomorrow and admit you drank, do you?

Maybe go read about "urge surfing" http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

You can do this!

Incontrol15

Yoga...good for you that you posted!
Playing the tape through and urge surfing are both very good suggestions. The brain works in weird ways. The more we want to ignore something, the more we focus on it. Yet, the more we try to focus on something, the more we become distracted. There's a name for it. Can't recall it.

Urge surfing uses that in your favor. You try to focus on the urge. Try to sense where in your body you feel it, try to focus on how it's making you feel emotionally. Read into it if you haven't already.

I'm 4 months sober now. I can tell you I am looking forward to this long weekend. I'm no longer stressed about what I'm going to do. I've been this way for a while. I still have my moments , but I have plenty of tools in my bag to use. My favorites being playing it forward and urge surfing.

You're doing great. Really great! Don't stop now!

Incontrol15

Almost forgot to add my pic of the day



image-1608195002.jpg

patricia68

I've seen two therapist until I finally found the one that "gets" me. I know it can be expensive to go shopping for a new therapist, but once you found the right one it's totally worth it.

Retread1959

You don't want to give in; it will only push this farther out, and you know that the only way out is to go through. Weekends are hard, evenings are hard, but they'll get easier if you just stay the course and don't let the AV win. All those feelings are normal, I get them too, but we really have to stay the course or we'll never get past this point. Glad you posted and didn't just go off and drink; that's what I have always done in the past and it never worked out very well.

bexxed

Hey Yogapants,

it's good that you came here and posted. I agree that playing the tape through is a really helpful thing to do, and little alternatives can help as well. We have to change our routine. Maybe a Friday evening yoga class? (I'm guessing by your name, haha) or, go the the gym... or a jog, or a walk, or a really good book and some sparkling water.... a trip to a bookstore, even if you don't buy anything, is something I've done...

I went to the movies one night, alone, and that was also helpful. Not as a long term strategy I think because it's not exactly social, but I was thinking about how the drinking scene, alcoholically, isn't really social. When we drink with people, they are being social, but for me, I'm not, because for me, it's more about the booze... when I'm really honest with myself... even though I may really like the people I was drinking with.

Posting here is also helpful.

Hang in there, I'll be on for a little while longer if you want to message someone, and I know there are 24 hour support threads too. You CAN do this. Really. You can. You've come this far, you can keep going. Inch by inch sometimes. It's like a good hike. We have uphills and downhills.

Yogapants

Thank you all for great suggestions. I really don't want to wake up hungover and disgusted with myself tomorrow morning! I think I'm going to have some coffee - didn't have any this afternoon and I'm kind of headache-y. Have you ever tried cold brewed coffee? My daughter made a batch. Just need to filter it.

brighterlife

Hey yogapants I was kind of craving my fri night red wine and take out Chinese. Then I was honest with myself and remembered the reality of it......whole bottle nearly drank before food is delivered, try eat food but have to keep running to the toilet with the 'you know what' pile all the wasted food into bin, move onto second bottle of wine, stumble about, break some glasses, wake up on the sofa 3am like a startled rabbit. We do not want to be that person ever again!!!
Here's to a peaceful sober weekend group

bexxed

Hey everyone, I'm checking in the middle of another long workday. I encountered someone today (you could call this person a client for lack of a better word) who had an issue I'm helping work through. I've known her from past work I've done. She was talking and I could smell alcohol on her. Not like she'd been drinking, and was under the influence, but it comes out of her skin I think. Or maybe she'd drank a lot last night.

I've drank with her before, a long time ago, and once, a few months ago, we met at a bar and had some drinks.

Recently she invited me to a party at her house, and I declined, saying I had to work, which was true, although, I "could" have gone. In some ways I really would have liked to have gone, but I remembered how every time I've been to her house I've overdone it, and it was an atmosphere that was normal to overdo it in. So I declined.

When we parted ways today, as she was rounding the corner, she said "drink some wine, it'll take the edge off, always works for me, (wink wink)"

I didn't have the time to say anything about not drinking. She was referring, by the way, to me being sleepy because I was up late on the night shift last night.

I wasn't triggered by this, or sad, really... well, maybe a little sad. But mostly, I just wanted to get this out so that I can hold fast to the fact that I am getting to know myself again as a non-drinker, and want to make sure that other people get to know me that way, too. I don't need to "get the edge off". I don't need to do anything. I was a little sleepy, and slower than normal, because I'm working extra, because I can now and need to, and I'm getting my work done better than I was before, and catching up. I'm also, really, just myself. I think that when I drank, the "big" part of my personality came out, and spilled over to the next day often, unless I was really hung over. Now, being sober, that "big" part of my personality isn't really there, like it was before. And I'm really ok with that.

Long post again. I guess I have a lot to say today. Thanks for listening.

xo-B

bexxed

I love cold brew coffee! Enjoy!

vanaprastha

Great to hear Yogapants! If you're still up at 9 pm EST (a little less than 3 hours from now) considering joining us in the Friday night chat meeting -- it might give you something to look forward to instead of drinking tonight.