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Class of August 2015 Part 4

Old 08-27-2015, 03:04 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi all,
Checking in...
Welcome to anyone new. I'm glad you joined our class! It's almost September!!
I am a teacher so I go back to work next week. Usually very depressed and miserable but actually looking forward to it (though I will never admit it out loud). But I know it will be Soooo much better for me to keep busy. I have been so down and getting caught in my own head and listening to AV etc. Being busy and focused will be better for me.
I, too, have been eating tons. I never eat much when I drink. It was definitely for the quicker buzz. I have to get on a healthier routine.
Thinking of you all today and wishing you a sober Thursday.
Enjoy xo
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:14 AM
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Checking in... day 4 I guess? Nothing to really say, just checking. Still sober.

Hope everyone is doing well, and enjoying their day.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:11 AM
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Checking in today, which for me is Day 5.. I'll be much happier once I get through this weekend without drinking. If I could somehow remove Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays from the calendar then I think things would be a lot easier for me in these next few months... I doubt I'd be very popular if I did that though haha.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:32 AM
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Hi SJ, I think that sometimes too. Or yesterday I thought about wishing I could time-leap from 9 PM until 6 AM past my cravings....but I did muddle through sober.

I'm new to this class. Day 3 for me today. Had a nasty bender on Monday night that I'm still recovering from. I feel better, but still not 100%. My appetite has been crummy (although getting increasingly better) and I hope later today I can get out for at least a walk to get the blood pumping. I'm also on day 3 from not smoking, which may be making things worse as far as how I feel, but I'm just glad to be done with both my unhealthy habits...I've quit both smoking and drinking countless times, so I know I can do this. It's the staying quit that is hard.

Feeling half-confident and half-hopeful and half scared out of my wits. I'm so scared I can't do this and will have a repeat of monday night's destruction. But joining this class will help me to feel less alone and that there are others who lead a double life like I am doing. My close friends and family think I don't drink, they don't know that for the last several years that every few months or even more that I go out drinking and sometimes it gets out of control. I am not sure I can tell them the truth, but I thank you guys for reading and being my support group.

Hugs to all in the August class!
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:38 AM
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There comes a point when what we do is different to what we did in the past kittycat.
You can do this, just like everyone else here

D
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:47 AM
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Officially vacation day! I've needed this so much! Hubby has been gone last few days, comes home today. We are still working on things so needless to say he is one of my big triggers at times. We are determined to work this out so I'm not worried about that part. I worry about the depression creeping back. I'm determined I won't drink.

10 days vacation and on day 39!

I pray for you all but even more for those having difficult times. Hang in there. (((Hug))) I pray all that crap we deal with eases up and you can find some peace. Those doing well a big YAY! Well done I'm so happy for you!
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Old 08-27-2015, 05:17 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Joining your class 8/27/2015
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Old 08-27-2015, 05:19 AM
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KeyofC, I hear you on the depression thing. I've been thinking about it myself lately, and have realized that's going to probably be one of the main issues to maintaining my long-term sobriety.

Gotta say, if I put in the necessary struggle to maintain long-term sobriety, only to find out I'm going to be depressed 95% of the time, I'm going to be pretty pissed off. At least when I'm constantly drunk, I'm only depressed about 20% of the time, and comfortably numb the other 80%.

Anyway, hope you enjoy your vacation, and have work things out with your husband. If you ever find yourself in an emotional jam, you know we're always here. Take care.
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Old 08-27-2015, 05:20 AM
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Welcome to the class nmd and kittycat3.
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Old 08-27-2015, 07:09 AM
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You think that's true troy, about the 80/20? Even in my drunken euphoric states, I see that as part of a wild swing to depression...and because it is alcohol induced it feels synthetic, it's not real. It's unearned I suppose.....brought on by alcohol and not the joy of living a good life. So I'm trying to be patient w my depression, alcohol is a depressant and I need to give my body time to adjust and come to equilibrium without it.
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Old 08-27-2015, 07:35 AM
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Hi kitty,

I didn't mean I was happy or enjoying life during that 80% of the time. I was still lonely and didn't like my life, but was comfortably numb, and got through the days just fine. Worse part though is I don't get anything done, and am basically just on a hamster wheel constantly spinning while getting nowhere. Then I would binge too hard, have an emotional breakdown, and that would be the 20% of the time.

Nonetheless, I don't particularly like that feeling as if a large eagle's claw is wrapped around my rib cage, squeezing the hell out of me, causing paralyzing pain, while knowing there's nothing I can do about it except ride it out. I'm sure others here can relate.

It's mild right now, but has come and gone in the past couple days. At times in the past it's stuck around for weeks or months at a time, so I'm assuming during long-term sobriety I'm going to have to face it head on, and learn to deal with it.
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Old 08-27-2015, 08:16 AM
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I'm on day 25 so I don't have any long term advice. Honestly I'm trying my best to not categorize sobriety into two parts, short and long. I know the thoughts you are having about failing in the future Troy because I have them too, but maybe try to think of it as sobriety only. I think some people survive the short term because a possible reward of drinking is down the road. I know my AV has tried that with me. Handle it for a month, 6 months, a year...then your a moderation ninja with the jazz hands to wave off the next round. Unfortunately I know that would not be the outcome. I like the "play the tape" scenario I've read on here several times. It's a good way to grasp reality for the moment if you start giving in. Take care everyone.
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Old 08-27-2015, 08:22 AM
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Absolutely. If I think long term it becomes so overwhelming and depressing. I just keep focused on today. Day 20
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Old 08-27-2015, 08:41 AM
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Good morning. I had a good night of sleep. I am feeling down this morning though...same old house chores, same old routine, same old small town living...I'm just not enthusiastic about books, TV, walks, hobbies, or anything...everything seems "blah".
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Old 08-27-2015, 08:51 AM
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
Good morning. I had a good night of sleep. I am feeling down this morning though...same old house chores, same old routine, same old small town living...I'm just not enthusiastic about books, TV, walks, hobbies, or anything...everything seems "blah".
By no means do I mean to make light of your situation, but you reminded me, you know what's funny about that? I come from a small town myself, so know what you mean. It can get very tedious and mundane very quickly.

Weird thing is, when we were younger everyone always said, "I hate this place, and I'm getting out of here. I'm moving to the city!". 80% of them returned, and are still living in the same town.

Not sure why. Guess it's just tough to break roots, eh? Anyway, hope you manage to find some way to make the day more enjoyable.

EDIT: Is there maybe anything you're interested in learning? Maybe check out somewhere like http://coursera.org/ -- tons of free, online courses in almost every subject available from top universities like Stanford, MIT, Duke, CMU, Princeton, Rice, etc.
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Old 08-27-2015, 08:52 AM
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
Good morning. I had a good night of sleep. I am feeling down this morning though...same old house chores, same old routine, same old small town living...I'm just not enthusiastic about books, TV, walks, hobbies, or anything...everything seems "blah".
Is AA an option? I find it good to go to a meeting and get out of my own head every now and then.

Wishing all you August-ers a happy and sober Thursday (or Friday for you upside down Australians)!
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Old 08-27-2015, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by CaseyW View Post
Is AA an option? I find it good to go to a meeting and get out of my own head every now and then.
AA is just not for me Casey. Maybe I just need a good cry, sometimes it helps...
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Old 08-27-2015, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
By no means do I mean to make light of your situation, but you reminded me, you know what's funny about that? I come from a small town myself, so know what you mean. It can get very tedious and mundane very quickly.

Weird thing is, when we were younger everyone always said, "I hate this place, and I'm getting out of here. I'm moving to the city!". 80% of them returned, and are still living in the same town.

Not sure why. Guess it's just tough to break roots, eh? Anyway, hope you manage to find some way to make the day more enjoyable.

EDIT: Is there maybe anything you're interested in learning? Maybe check out somewhere like http://coursera.org/ -- tons of free, online courses in almost every subject available from top universities like Stanford, MIT, Duke, CMU, Princeton, Rice, etc.

I guess I'm just having a hard time making friends here, half of the population is into hiking, skiing, etc...and I'm not fit to do that...the other half is into drinking...ugh

Thank you Troy, I'll check into those courses.
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Old 08-27-2015, 09:44 AM
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Patricia, not sure how long you've been sober but I hear you on having the "blahs". I am trying to be kind to myself and find a small reward for the end of each day. Yesterday's reward was going to bed early. Tonight I am going to get outside for a walk and enjoy some sunshine.

Also trying to set my expectations appropriately. These next few weeks and maybe months might be hard and not the most fun. But one day at a time, and also, I'll take a million nights of "blah" over the sh&tstorm I created on Monday night's binge. No thanks, not again. I remember another user on SR saying she treated her first month of sobriety like an illness, came home after work, got into PJs, cried, ate comfort food. She really mourned her "loss" and allowed herself that. I like that idea.
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Old 08-27-2015, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
I guess I'm just having a hard time making friends here, half of the population is into hiking, skiing, etc...and I'm not fit to do that...the other half is into drinking...ugh
Ohhh, you're not from there? Sorry, I didn't realize that. I just assumed you grew up there.

Then yeah, that makes it completely different, and I can definitely empathize with you now. When it comes to small towns, people generally seem to stick with "locals", and are usually hard pressed to let "outsiders" in. I've definitely experienced that myself as well. Sorry to hear it, and that makes more sense now.
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