bexxed

Hi everyone

I had a long day. It's important, though... what I was doing at work today and yesterday was almost always followed with drinking. Sometimes just one or two, to unwind after massive stimulus and effort. Sometimes four or five. Never an all out bender.

Those impulses are hard to fight. It's the "frustrating, rewarding, tiring, end of day, accomplished, post-adrenaline" feeling. I came home, though, and stayed here. It was the best thing I could do. I came home and made soda water on my soda water machine, and cuddled with my cat, who was unimpressed with the 13 hour away-from-home workday. I know I sound like the crazy, newly sober, cat lady, but she knows when I've been drinking, even just a little, and she acts differently.

I said to someone today that I can't drink anymore because when I do, I have bad reactions and get anxiety attacks. I don't feel the need to say to anyone who asks that I am an alcoholic, but I don't feel like fully lying at this point either. It's true. And the person said "Oooh. Yeah, wow. That's too bad".

I agree with her. It is too bad. It's too bad that I can't have a glass of wine with her. I don't need to get into the details with her, but I can agree that it's too bad. Agreeing that it's too bad finalizes the deal. I can't.

This approach with others seems to work. I can't drink. When I drink, it affects me negatively. It's what I remember, privately, when I have the urge to. I play the tape and remember that it affects me negatively. Anxiety attacks are one major big way. But there are others. It's really very simple, and not difficult to understand.

On to day 28, which I feel really, really good about.

patricia68

Awesome! Thank you so much Time2Rise!

I love Thich Nhat Hanh, a while ago I watched a video of him doing Calligraphic Meditation, I found it fascinating. Maybe when my mind is not so foggy I'll try that too

Thank you so much for the links!

Soberwolf

Have a great day everyone

hpdw

Day 2 now , Thank God yesterday's gone . Had a strange dreamy sleep last night , dreamed I was taken prisoner during WW2 , How odd hmmm .
Its Sunny where I am in UK so im planning a walk to get the stiffness out of my body .

Bexxed well done . Back during my 2 year sobriety I would skip some social events and go to ones that mattered ( wedding , family reunion etc) but say I was off alcohol as part of a health regime . I didnt care what they thought as my sobriety was all that mattered .

Where I did have to be careful more than anything was quiet times alone while I was feeling good .




Love and best wishes

lovehoops

Good morning all,
Welcome tam.s. I, like you, find the times when I am home alone. The social events don't bother me. Actually sometimes I get disgusted watching people getting drunk and am grateful I'm not one of them.
This is what happened yesterday. I had to go to a work party for my boss who is getting promoted to a new job. She will still be my boss in a different way. I HAD to go. I have a good relationship with her and need that to continue. I'm glad I went. Lots of drinking went on and it was getting sloppy towRds the end. I just stayed with the non drinkers and mingled when I had to. I drove myself home and was grateful.
I'm doing okay today. I wish you all a sober Friday. Welcome to anyone I missed!

JL2014

Hangin on for a Friday , sober !
Felt yucky and sore this morning. Kind of had to wake up on the way to work, sort of day. Had a hard emotional week and I just realized last night that I haven't worked out any this week. Gotta get back to it.

SoberFish

Alone time is what I'm worried about Lovehoops. I haven't had that opportunity yet. I think holding myself accountable in solitude will be the biggest challenge. I'm more reluctant to let someone else down. That party sounded like a booze fest and what an accomplishment by not drinking! Great job and thanks for the inspiration! Fourth Friday for me today!

bblackbirdflyy

Woke up early this morning to get a bunch of nursing textbooks from a coworker. It was way nice of him, probably saved me about $500. I had that old familiar itch last night but... I won. As a result the kids are ready for school without being rushed. I'm hangover free and i didnt cancel arrangements to pick up the books, which would have been an inconvenience for the person who was doing me a favor. (Im a total flake drunk, buzz is #1)

Going shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding tomorrow with a friend. Also, mexican food!

I've failed at weddings before but I am determined not to drink tomorrow. Or ever for that matter! I'll have a coke and some good food and a dance with my SO. We are not staying at the reception long, as we had to find a sitter for the kids.

Have a good day/night all.

SoberFish

Speaking of a booze fest! Weddings! Stay strong and I hope you have a good time blackbird!

TroyW

Whew, long day. Or I don't know, whatever a "day" is called during the insomnia period. Been up I think 28 hours now.

Got lots of work done though, feeling much better emotionally. Got myself stuck in a position this morning I shouldn't be in, but a total stranger helped me out of it, which of course I repaid him for plus reward. That was quite nice, and helps restore my faith in humanity a little.

Anyway, just need to stay up a little, cook dinner for the dogs, let them hang outside a while longer to take a crap, then I'm off to bed.

Hope everyone is enjoying their day.

benice

Welcome to our new classmates. I'm glad you are with us and not waiting for the Sepetember group. Looks like the common thread is poor sleep, strange dreams, emotional mood swings, big fights with the AV, and weight loss or gain. Unfortunately I'm on the gain side.��

I am ready for a couple of tough situations. Tonight is dinner at a new resturant with friends. This group always orders a few very nice bottles of wine, and I am often the one reading the list and picking the gem. I've played it through and I am ready. Tomorrow is a ballroom celebration with an open bar. I've played it through and I'm ready for that one too.

Today is day 27. Happy Friday August class!

wallup

8-28-15 seems like a good day. 8 2 8 2o15 or eight 2 eight 2 fifteen or maybe just eight twenty eight fifteen. Sounds ok. Not sure I like the way the word 'eight' looks, kind of weird actually.

Retread1959

Good morning, everyone! Day 2 here. I'm not anticipating huge detox symptoms because I detoxed a few weeks ago and my level of drinking hadn't ramped up that far yet, but you never know.

Today I'm headed back to work after my big pancreatitis episode on Wednesday. Feeling pretty well, just a little bit of pain in my abdomen, and I have an appointment with my GP this morning to follow up. There's the chance that he'll send me back to the hospital, and I'm prepared for that. I hope he doesn't, but if that's where he thinks I should be, I'll go.

I hope everyone here has a great Friday. I see several familiar names still here and several who I haven't really met yet. Wishing the best day to all of you!

Retread1959

Glad to hear you are feeling confident. Please let us know how it all goes. Look at you with almost a month done now.

benice

Thank you SO much Retread!

Wallup, how's it going with you? Are you on day 26 or something like that?

bexxed

Morning all.

For the first time, I had fitful dreams and woke up feeling almost hungover this morning. I ate something very salty last night though, and didn't drink enough water all day I think.

I'm fine when I'm by myself. It's when I'm in the company of others that I have to watch out. And it's not so easy, because it's not like I hung out with people who hung around and drank to get drunk in bars. My friends will drink a few socially or with a meal and then go home. I would not be able to stop and continue the night. I did also drink alone in my house but there was very little about that that held a trigger for me. The times that I have had some sober time and walked away from it have been when I was around other people, in those socially appropriate situations I've described. And I know what I did wrong - I didn't prepare, and I romanticized it, which can be easy when you conveniently leave out the "not being able to stop when the social event is over" part. For example I'd split a bottle of wine with a friend over an early evening, and she would go to sleep at about 9:30, I'd leave her house and go to a bar, then get booze to go when the bar closed and either go drink it somewhere or take it home and drink it. So the trigger is always thinking I can be "normal".

Day 28 today.

bexxed

Benice, I hope you take care tonight! We are right on the same track with the number of days sober. I'd find that situation a little scary. What did you do to be ready for it?

Welcome back, ReTread. I hope you continue to improve. I've heard pancreatitis is the most painful condition humans can have. Hugs!

Troy, you cook dinner for your dogs??? That's awesome!!!

patricia68

Good morning. It took me forever to fall asleep last night and I woke up too early, but at least I didn't wake up every 2 hours during the night. I'm grateful for that

Have a great day!

benice

Bexxed, I kinda "rehearsed" it. When the wine menu comes, and they hand it to me, I will hand it to the other one in the group that likes to read and pick. I will say I'm not drinking tonight, Joe can pick it. And if/when the conversation continues, I get to say I haven't had wine in about a month and it feels pretty good. These folks know my off button is slower then theirs.

TroyW

Yep, not every day. Maybe once every 4 days, as I like to force them to eat their dry food, as it contains a bunch of nutrients, etc. Then about 2kg of pork, 1kg of minced pork, 1.5 cups steamed rice, and some veggies later...


... they're still hungry, and asking where their treat for dessert is. Bloody pigs.

Congrats on day 28 though. That's an awesome achievement.