Hi kitty,
I didn't mean I was happy or enjoying life during that 80% of the time. I was still lonely and didn't like my life, but was comfortably numb, and got through the days just fine. Worse part though is I don't get anything done, and am basically just on a hamster wheel constantly spinning while getting nowhere. Then I would binge too hard, have an emotional breakdown, and that would be the 20% of the time.
Nonetheless, I don't particularly like that feeling as if a large eagle's claw is wrapped around my rib cage, squeezing the hell out of me, causing paralyzing pain, while knowing there's nothing I can do about it except ride it out. I'm sure others here can relate.
It's mild right now, but has come and gone in the past couple days. At times in the past it's stuck around for weeks or months at a time, so I'm assuming during long-term sobriety I'm going to have to face it head on, and learn to deal with it.