courage2

Thanks for the congrats! Did I mention that he doesn't even know what country he'll be married in, because they're "shopping for the country that will give them the best citizenship deal"?

How is everyone? Any signs of spring -- or autumn, as the case may be?

I've been meaning to ask, do you call April-June "autumn" in Oz, or do you merely expect an increasingly chilly and dark spring? Dee, Alice?

Tazzle, Napster, where art thou?

Dee74

Where I live there's not much autumn- it usually gets here by May then it's lovely weather (cold nights and chilly mornings but temperate days) till about September until it heats up again.
I'll be interested to see if there'll be changes this year after our hot summer and your cold winter

Tamerua

What are they looking for in terms of citizenship? Just curious. How is everyone? All is the same here, working (blech), meetings, Zumba. I am going to have to tell the sponsee this isn't working (no call, no write and when she does, she gets mad at me for suggesting going to meetings). Oh well. I'll find another, I'm sure.

gonzo4419

Our winter was basically over 2 weeks ago, we've been getting the pineapple express from Hawaii. It was 15 C yesterday and supposed to be all week. Down here its great, but the ski hills have been getting destroyed. They've shut down lifts because there are 25ft long pools of water at the base of the lower ones, so that sucks. On the other hand the little municipal golf courses opened last week, so that's great. I'd call it official as the standard up here is everyone plates their bikes at the start of April, and I've been seeing them everywhere already.

Hope everyone is doing well.

courage2

Please explain, G.

gonzo4419

Errr, for their Harley's and such, you don't insure them in winter obviously, so you just insure them from say April-September. Been Goldwings and Yamaha's and Harley's all over the place for almost a month already.

So it's kind of the unofficial start of Spring when they show up.

courage2

Never would have known that. I was thinking making people were silver-plating their bicycles to give them that extra springtime shine!

courage2

News update -- girlfriend is a citizen of UK as well as Switzerland so they will probably get married in the UK. I didn't know she had dual status. Apparently someone -- her father? -- has figured something out to do with visas, and things are looking easier vis-a-vis whether he'll be able to work legally in the UK. If he can find work, that is, of course. You have to understand, I almost never ask him anything. I've found that it works much better with most people to wait until they volunteer information.

She sounds like she's not committed. Someone I know tried to hook me up with a woman who was looking for a sponsor tonight. I walked the young woman to the subway. She told me she thought she was an alcoholic because 10 years ago when she was in college she used to drink on weekends sometimes. Do I need this?

What are people's spring plans?

ReadyAtLast

Oh poor jr RAL is sick. It's the middle of the night here and he's just gone off to sleep but I can't sleep as watching him. Paranoid about him being sick in his sleep

I have to take someone somewhere this morning - court. I have promised and they have no other way of getting there. I will have to ask Mr RAL to look after Jr RAL. Realistically and expectedly he will ask where I am going. I am sworn to secrecy about the court thing but it sounds bad that I cannot explain where I am going, as though I am putting someone else before my child. This is not the case. I cannot let the other person down. Where we live you can't get a cab and there is no bus or public transport. Also I need to be there to emotionally support the person who is in a bad way. Then I feel bad leaving my child when he is ill.

what to do? I don't want to lie.

Dee74

why can't you tell the truth RAL?

D

courage2

They say in AA, you're only as sick as your secrets. I don't think all secrets are sick -- if this is a secret that you're keeping in good conscience for someone else's real welfare, then it will be ok for you to tell Sam's dad that you simply can't talk about it. You have a prior & serious confidential obligation -- when he asks you what and to whom, you'll have to (as we say over here anyway) butch it out. He might not like it but you won't be in the wrong.

ReadyAtLast

Thank guys. I can't tell the truth because the other party is scared Mr RAL will turn up at court to be malicious and worsen proceedings. I don't think he would and logistically he couldn't with jr RAL anyway but I have given my word not to tell him before the event and cannot. I will tell him after the event so this morning will say I can't explain NOW but will tell all when I get back.

NapsteR1

Hi All, sorry no posts for a while, all got quite messy over here, the plug is still in the jug but me and Mrs N are getting divorced, hence me being abit careful about what I post and where. Its all very amicable so far but we're only 36 hours into having agreed it between us. Part of me feels that I've been stuck in this relationship out of guilt for my drinking but have been drinking because I've been unhappy in the relationship which is a vicious cycle that means I'm a poisonous aspect in the relationship and my wife has developed a poisonous series of defensive strategies to deal with it all. Therefore I've taken her up on her continued offers / threats of splitting up, which wasn't what she expected but I think we'll both be better people for it in the end. There's a new-ish system in the UK called mediation which works as long as both parties agree on the terms and can be all done in 3 or 4 months without the need for expensive lawyer types.

courage2

Wow Napster. You be careful now, ok? No high-jinks in single-land. I understand what you're saying about the poisonous habits of a relationship that's been mired in alcoholism, and I'm sorry because even though you don't say much, I expect you're feeling some loss.

NapsteR1

thanks C, loss, disappointment at wasted time, annoyance that it's come to this, pain at having to split the kids time between us yes.

Ultimately though when there's no pressure on we have a pleasant almost housematey type of arrangement albeit nothing to talk about other than the kids and work. I've always had my doubts about our long term suitability and due to the age of the kids I've stuck my head in a bottle and hoped it would all go away somehow. Now the kids are older and can speak for themselves and know right from wrong (so are safer in the care of Mrs N's new other half (when he comes along)) and I am no longer hiding in a bottle the doubts are still there (and now have years of evidence based support) and as I've got nothing to drown them out with now it's time to call it a day sadly.

ReadyAtLast

Sorry to hear that Napster. Don't rush into anything though. I think you may find it takes a bit longer if your kids are under 16. Think you have to be separated 12 months before the court will sign the papers.

I do understand as felt much the same when I left Mr Ral. Just getting sober made me realise I wanted something different because I'd changed so much as a person. But I was just short of 2 years sober and so many things happened in that time. not that I'm comparing but you are reasonably early on in sobriety and you don't need to rush into anything. Hope you don't think I'm preaching

NapsteR1

all good points RAL, out of the last 30 months I've spent roughly 27 of them sober, no booze at all for the last 200 days (today - but had to look that up which is a good sign!).

I don't think you're preaching at all, its part of the point of this site hey! Its scary stuff but not new stuff, I don't want to stay in a relationship where I get threatened with divorce unless I tow her line any longer, it worked when I was drinking and guilty and I hated it and drank more. I've done everything she's asked and yet I still get beaten up even when I now have no guilt to wash that against.

We're going (at the moment) through Mediation (which has grown to prominence since the UK Government stopped providing state funded Legal Aid for divorces / family law) which basically means that if the 2 people agree with a split agreement - which is talked through via Mediation - this then gets signed off by a solicitor, I'm not sure that the court has a say tbh but I'll let you know more as I go through the process.

Tamerua

Courage, to say not committed is an understatement. And I think she broke up with me via text. Oh well, onward.

RAL, I'm sorry Sam is sick. I think your plan for tomorrow is a good one though.

Napster, sorry to hear about you and Mrs N. Glad the plug is in the jug though, where it belongs.

Just stopping by to say hello, off to bed... We are all doing a detox thing (whole 30) and I haven't had diet dr pepper in 3 days....
Had no clue that stuff was juicing me up, I'm beat.


Have a good night

ReadyAtLast

hi everyone

Good to hear from you Tam. Good stuff re the detox. I need to do the same so will follow your example.

Napster- that sounds a really unhealthy environment and very imbalanced. I know people say wait, which I agree with. BUT If you've made up your mind for other reasons then I wish you the best. People say we make our spouses suffer when we're drinking which I can agree with but at what point is it just simply a case of actually, even with or without the alcohol we're just not that compatible? For me, I knew I would be happier living alone with jr RAL so that was foremost in my mind.

I know when I left Mr RAL people said 'oh are you sure you're doing the right thing' or 'can you not make it work' I'd been trying to make it work for years but got to the point where I had to put my own needs first. And yes I was doing the right thing- it was the most difficult thing I've ever done but I've never regretted it. Scarily, I wish I'd done it sooner but I do think timings happen for a reason- things happen when they are meant to so I let that one go.

ReadyAtLast

Interesting thread on newcomers got me thinking. I know we can't but if you could drink in moderation would you do it now after x sober time eg if a pill was invented that enabled you to drink moderately would you do it?

I thought about it and I say absolutely not. There is nothing that drinking can give me or add to my life so it's easier to just not drink. I wonder how I would feel if I was having a bad time though and the urge hit me. Would I take it then? Food for thought.

Hope this doesn't seem to be encouraging drinking or moderation Dee - that is definitely not what I'm advocating. just thinking out loud really and looking forward to all your thoughts