courage2

To be honest, Ready, I would. I'm at this particular moment wound up tight as a drum and I've been like this for several days -- I'm exhausted and worried and can't slow down my mind or even sort through priorities well, and I would dearly love a drink if I could have just one without awakening my whole addiction. As you see, maybe, just writing this wakes it up a little.

Alcohol was my first drug, my favorite, my expertise, and it hit the spot for me beautifully, which of course is why I abused it. I'm ok with being sober now. But I really loved to drink, and if I allow myself to think about it (which I ordinarily don't), I miss it like hell.

courage2

Not that I think I need to point this out, but just in case, let me add that the strength of my desire to drink, when I allow myself to think about it, which unfortunately I have allowed and now I have to put the lid back on that trashcan rapidly, is powerful enough to remind me vividly that I can't. Drinking and drugs have already done enough harm in my life.

gonzo4419

I wouldn't, because it isn't fun for me at all anymore.

Tamerua

I wouldn't. I'm probably more stressed and frustrated than I have been in a while (work and still not finding a new job, what the french toast?!?) but not for one second do I miss all that stuff going on in my head when I drank. And if you don't drink to get drunk, what's the point? Lol that's how I know I can never go back.

NapsteR1

I wouldn't because I'd want to see if I got drunk quicker by leaving out the pill.

Got my first call with the Mediator this afternoon, Mrs N had hers on Tuesday, then I'm off out on a customers work **** up - I'll be keeping a firm hold on the control levers, maintaining altitude and keeping the plug IN :o)

courage2

I was in a bad mental funk last week when I wrote those posts -- still happens sometimes, though the spells don't last, maybe 5 days this go-around. It's funny that today drinking in any way has no appeal at all, but when I'm in a mood like last week, even a small & medicated version of a mood, I still crave. I'm seeing the shrink on Tuesday, so I suppose I'll ask him about it.

How's everyone?

NapsteR1

All good thanks C - looks like you're not so much urge surfing as Tsunami swell surfing!

Weekend was good, getting more stuck into the financials of the split, we have our first meeting with the solicitor / mediator tomorrow at lunch time, all exciting stuff...

courage2

Hi folks. How is everyone? I just got back from a work trip. One of those. I'm really too tired, my decision-making isn't very clear. I'm having a lot of intrusive bad ideas and the best idea I can think of to cope with them is isolation. At some level I know that's a bad idea but it's very appealing. I hope I'll get some rest tonight. I have work all weekend for a hard deadline on two projects next week.

You Decembrists are the fortunate ones -- I try not to dump my anxieties all over SR anymore -- I save them all for you!

To make up for this self-indulgent post, here's a game -- the view out my window in Washington DC:



What does it look like to you?

courage2

Hi folks. How is everyone? I just got back from a work trip. One of those. I'm really too tired and overstimulated, my decision-making isn't very clear. I'm having a lot of intrusive bad ideas and the best idea I can think of to cope with them is hiding. At some level I know that's a bad idea but it's very appealing. I hope I'll get some rest tonight. I have work all weekend for a hard deadline on two projects next week.

You Decembrists are the fortunate ones -- I try not to dump my anxieties all over SR anymore -- I save them all for you!

To make up for this self-indulgent post, here's a game -- the view out my window in Washington DC:



What does it look like to you?

Tamerua

Hi courage!

It looked like and Erté until I opened it. Is that the Washington Memorial?

I was isolating. LOL foul foul foul mood from work the past few weeks and I didn't want to spew that all over here.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Dee74

Glad you're back home Courage

D

courage2

Thanks Tam -- for Erté , not familiar with him but I will be soon & will probably drive the 24 Hour thread buggy with him for a few days! My image is of the US Air Force Memorial. It's supposed to evoke Thunderbird contrails.


Erté

courage2

Thanks Dee, me, too. How are you feeling?

Tam, don't isolate. It makes foul moods more foul. Come here. Bring snacks.

Tamerua

Aha! I can see that, the thunderbird.

Erté is my favorite artist, I just love the clean lines and all of the women with their Art Deco inspired clothing.

I should not isolate, you're right, just don't want to whine.

courage2

If you don't whine, then I can't justify my own whines, and next thing you know nobody can whine, and where will SR be?

What do you feel whiney about?

Tamerua

Just work, the job is insane and I feel stuck and have been applying for 15 months and only has the 1 interview.... I did just use a consultant to redo my resume within the last couple of weeks. Just frustrated. And I got wind of info u didn't want to know ( someone making more money and the only real attribute that I can see is that he is a he).... So there is my whine. I did just work my steps around it and I feel a little better about it.

So that's it, frustrated and stuck feeling.

But I've been working out and hitting meetings to feel ok. And today I'm ok. And I don't need to drink, I remember why I drank for sure but I don't want it and that is what is important.

courage2

Tam, I'm glad you posted. You can share your usual whine here any time -- it never gets old, as far as I'm concerned. Let's put your boss in a dunking tank!



The minder whom I still work with (but differently) told me the other day that she really liked Dante's Inferno because she dug the idea of designing the ultimate torture for your personal enemies that people would be reading about for hundreds of years after each of the a-holes was dead!

Anyone else have a torment for a boss, co-worker, or former loved one they'd like to share?

courage2

Oops -- hope I didn't offend. By "usual whine" I meant as in any non-extraordinary whine, not as in "you're usually whiney" -- that description is reserved for me!

Tamerua

Lol no, no. Not offended! It actually takes a lot to offend me. Nah, I read it and actually, I'm getting along with my boss. Just the place in general is toxic, they don't meet their EBITDA and they have a layoff, usually twice a year. But the work doesn't stop so we are all doing multiple jobs. And the pay thing.... It's grating at me. Oh well.

Something fun! My partner (wife? So weird to say that, lol) dabbles in photography. She did a shoot at the fitness center that I go to and still get the free classes at for doing their online stuff and the photos were a hit. She did a set of photos for each class and then used the same ones for promotions/ads. They are soooo cool, all of the instructors loved them because they are all very unique. So then she said that she would like to get each instructor so that they can do better branding. This is all in her free time, but I'm excited because she has talked about doing photography as a side gig the whole time we have been together and I think that this could start it....

Anyway, it's awfully quiet in here. Where did everyone go?

gonzo4419

Yeah it's been quiet, can't speak for everyone but I've been enjoying (?) this thing called outside doing spring yard work. So much yard work....shaping up nicely though. Getting rid of my plantings that are high maintenance and putting in the xeroscape drought resistant plantings that don't need irrigation. Still deciding if I'm getting rid of all the turf or if I'll subject myself to another season of the lawn mower.

Hope everyone has a good week.