LoftyIdeals

Hi All,

Happy March! Congrats on all the soberversaries! I like reading about your lives, the triumphs and the trials. You each have my thoughts and prayers.

Life goes on for me as well. Since the start of the year, I live in a neighboring state 6 days of the week for a job I took. Its been hard since this is my twins last year at home that I am missing. That, and my oldest son enlisted in the army and left a few weeks ago.

Its tough to imagine, but we will be empty nesters in August. It's a year of adjustment, for sure. And, I'm not handling it as gracefully as I should.

Glad you are all still here. And glad you are still sharing.

aussieblue

Checking in , drinking again things have been rough lately. I will post again when I get a grip.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear that C. If you want to talk about it, you know we're here

D

aussieblue

Thanks Dee, its just one of those times when everything keeps going wrong , we have had one thing after another break down on us and major things at that (with my husbands business) mechanical, we get one thing fixed and something else goes wrong , its costing us a fortune and with no work coming in , so things have been tense at home. I am constantly stressed , I struggle with anxiety at the best of times and I just needed to find some relief. Its no excuse I know but it did give me the release I needed.

Dee74

Does it really give you the release tho?

D

aussieblue

At the time yes , short lived though I feel like crap today and nothings changed.

PeanutButterCup

Lofty, it is so nice to see you! This is a big change in your life ... I can imagine it wears on you. One day the empty nester thing will be your new normal, but right now it must seem like scary, unchartered territory. Feel free to vent here - it's all about the love in this forum.

Aussie, no need to wait to post. There's lots of love for you, too, just how you are. No judgment ... we've certainly been there. I just want so much for you to be past this pain.

Today I celebrated 18 months of sobriety with my AA friends. I didn't even know they had coins for that, but I got one! Tomorrow one of my favorite guys is celebrating 43 YEARS of sobriety! It CAN be done! I'm constantly learning and growing in this program. I had no idea that I had so much growing to do! But I do. And the more I see, the more I realize that I have so far to go. But the journey has been really, really positive. Soooo much more positive than the defeat and shame and darkness and fear I felt when I was drinking.

Hugs to you all, my dear friends! I really do love you guys.

Dee74

Congrats PBC

Dee74

There must be better ways to deal with stress that don't have you paying for it later, & making the stress worse aussie.

D

Dee74

Missed your post while I was away Lofty.
where's your recovery in all of this?

D

aussieblue

Congrats PBC!!!!!!

Good to see you Lofty.

Of course there are better ways Dee, I took the worst way , I know that, I am very weak when it comes to drink.

Dee74

just addicted Aussie - not the same as weak IMO

PeanutButterCup

I so agree with Dee, Aussie. We're not weak, and sobriety isn't about willpower. In fact, I'll bet alcoholics are some of the strongest people out there. We have to be simply to SURVIVE.

One of the most powerful quotes I've heard is this: I'm not a bad person who needs to get "good" ... I'm a sick person who needs to get well. That really resonates with me. I'd always seen my addiction as a personal moral failing, and I couldn't figure out why my faith and my character couldn't save me. I wasn't adding the physical component. I am sick. When I drink alcohol, I forsake my sanity and am incapable of making good choices. I can avoid the worst symptoms of my disease as long as I avoid the catalyst, which is alcohol.

Rest it off, and start again when you wake up.

mirage

Shoot aussie, I'm sorry you're struggling. I feel you about the release thing. I have not been close to drinking, but I have been feeling...bitter? lately about the fact that I don't have an escape like the casual drinking does. Those days when you just need a couple glasses of wine to take the edge off, to make you a little more relaxed, to make things a bit funnier. I do miss that. I know drinking isn't the answer for me, I don't want to go down that road, but I do understand where you're coming from. Part of that (all of that?) is the addiction part. We're used to relying on a substance to cope with unpleasant feelings of stress or sadness. I think that even when the habit is broken and we are sober, there can be some remnant of addiction that lurks because of how long we drank. It's important to see it for what it is and remember that is does us no good in the long term. Don't worry about getting it together before you post hon, this isn't the sobriety thread. It's a thread for friends to help each other when we need it. Please don't feel like it's some sober club that you're not a part of. That doesn't help you OR us.

Good to see you, Lofty. Wow, things are changing over there, huh? I hope you're not struggling or unhappy. Hang in there.

Congrats, PBC! I'm so glad you turned that corner and left the dark side. I'm proud of you and so happy for you. You wanted it so badly and you figured out how to get it and make it work for you. You should feel so proud of yourself.

Happy St. Patty's day! Today T turns 16. Very exciting. No driver's license, though. He took driver's education, but hasn't practiced driving. He's just not really ready, still scares him. That's fine, I told him there's no hurry and that I will drive him whenever he needs a ride. (He had a classmate die in a car accident this summer. He had his permit and was driving his mom and they were both killed. It shook T up, as you can imagine.) So anyway...for most kids, 16 means driving, but not today! haha We took him to an Irish pub on Sunday, he's always to go to one for dinner. He wore his kilt, ate Irish stew and was in heaven. lol Love that kid.

Dee...LOVE that avi. Really made me smile today. Hope you're doing well, my friend!

Have a great day, all!

Dee74

Fine thanks Mirage - happy birthday to T

about the escape thing - maybe you need a hobby - something that's just 'yours'?
Thought about getting back into music?

D

LoftyIdeals

I think youve hit the nail on the head with this challenge, Aussie. Unfortunately, its a crooked nail. Finding that way to deal with or soften the edges of life events without having to numb ourselves is the key. And the key can get jammed when we dont surround ourselves with people who understand. Even though there will always be relationships that refuse to understand, i am finding that fleeing those that do leads to a lonely misery. So, I guess I am back for that reason. I need to fight the battle for me, and fill my quiver with the right arrows and weapons to succeed, rather than go it alone. By fighting the battle for me, not only do I win, but so do those around me, by inheriting a better me. Keep up the good fight, Aussie.

Lots to share, but little time. Congrats to PBC on 18 months! Happy birthday, a day late, to T. My twins turned 18 yesterday as well. I didn't know they shared the date til yesterday.

Great to read from all of you! Dee, are you all settled in now? I hope all is well with everyone else.

Recovery is returning for me. Its been a long, difficult winter.

mirage

I'll think on that Dee, thanks. I am missing the 'I feel passionate about a hobby' chip, but yeah, I think that would be helpful.

Dee74

I've been here 6 months now Lofty - all is well. Sad to leave the beach, but I prefer living here to my old place in many many ways.

mirage

Hmm...I have an idea about a hobby that might be a good for me. I'll let you know when I decide.

Ooooh....so mysterious! How will you sleep tonight?!

Dee74

D