Class of April 2014 Part 14
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Obosob That post was awesome. Thank you.I love Nofx but there are only a few select songs that I can listen to in front of the kids haha. I love Fat Mike. I've had two dreams where I was hanging out with him. Idk why I would dream that but they were two of the funnest dreams I've ever had.
Tops They haven't decided when they are leaving! Ughh I swear I'm going to go insane. Oh and believe it or not it gets worse!
So I was feeling really ungrateful and guilty that I came on here complaining. THinking maybe I'm just being too sensitive, Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she is trying to support me? Then I heard my mother in law on the phone making plans with someone, about them coming to visit and staying at my house. They sorted out details and then, while she's still on the phone, she asks "Hey, "Soliloquy", it's fine and Jan and Shirley come visit tomorrow and spend the night, right?" This was like 20 minutes ago.
UGHHHHHGHGHGHHGHGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really feel like crying I'm so frustrated. My husband is back at work and won't be back until Sat.
I've never even MET these people!!!!!Again, I do not even have a guest room. THese people will likely be camped out in the living room unless they stay in the basement. My daughter has been sleeping in my bed for the past 5 nights. So NO I do not think this visit has anything to do with helping or supporting me. This is a vacation.
AM I crazy???THis really is messed up right? I'm not overreacting am I?
Applekat there is an open bottle of pinot grigio in my fridge also. And margaritas. And beer.
Man I can't wait to be in control of my surroundings again!
Tops They haven't decided when they are leaving! Ughh I swear I'm going to go insane. Oh and believe it or not it gets worse!
So I was feeling really ungrateful and guilty that I came on here complaining. THinking maybe I'm just being too sensitive, Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she is trying to support me? Then I heard my mother in law on the phone making plans with someone, about them coming to visit and staying at my house. They sorted out details and then, while she's still on the phone, she asks "Hey, "Soliloquy", it's fine and Jan and Shirley come visit tomorrow and spend the night, right?" This was like 20 minutes ago.
UGHHHHHGHGHGHHGHGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really feel like crying I'm so frustrated. My husband is back at work and won't be back until Sat.
I've never even MET these people!!!!!Again, I do not even have a guest room. THese people will likely be camped out in the living room unless they stay in the basement. My daughter has been sleeping in my bed for the past 5 nights. So NO I do not think this visit has anything to do with helping or supporting me. This is a vacation.
AM I crazy???THis really is messed up right? I'm not overreacting am I?
Applekat there is an open bottle of pinot grigio in my fridge also. And margaritas. And beer.
Man I can't wait to be in control of my surroundings again!
. I really need to grow a back bone
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Me too. I really wish I could. I know I'd feel way comfortable in a hotel than I do in my own home right now. I mean even if I could go and take the kids with me! Ahhhhh. Heaven.
I've got all of this going on and a fridge full of alcohol. Ugh. Oh and vodka in the cabinet, cranberry juice... if nothing else, I know I've got some will power in me after this.
I think I deserve a prize after this is over!
I've got all of this going on and a fridge full of alcohol. Ugh. Oh and vodka in the cabinet, cranberry juice... if nothing else, I know I've got some will power in me after this.
I think I deserve a prize after this is over!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Soli,
I wish you had some really labor intensive job like exterior house painting you could recruit them for tomorrow and the rest of the weekend !?!
Maybe a complete landscaping overhaul, ....you could do a beautiful rendering of how the place will look once "y'all" do the shoveling, and weeding, and dig 300 feet of ditches for the new irrigation system. Once all that's knocked out, the nursery can deliver all the new plants "y'all" can put in. Hopefully the weather forecast is hotter than hades !?!
Or maybe just invite them to join you in a long, long quick paced walk., ...since you *really need some company* on those.
Seriously, I'm really proud of you for holding the line on the drinking , as any kind of solution. Whatever happens, that is always my biggest success today.
Kat, .... your success today is a huge triumph, and will make you all the stronger when that situation rolls around again !
Tonight's supposed to be my slow night, but it's been anything but.
I have no idea why my pc cursor jumps around like it does either !?! Is it some grand plan to teach me to type without looking at the keys, ......because that's about all I can do at this point.
maybe I need to tape a dollar to this pc and throw it in the river,
.....so it'd be worth something.
I wish you had some really labor intensive job like exterior house painting you could recruit them for tomorrow and the rest of the weekend !?!
Maybe a complete landscaping overhaul, ....you could do a beautiful rendering of how the place will look once "y'all" do the shoveling, and weeding, and dig 300 feet of ditches for the new irrigation system. Once all that's knocked out, the nursery can deliver all the new plants "y'all" can put in. Hopefully the weather forecast is hotter than hades !?!
Or maybe just invite them to join you in a long, long quick paced walk., ...since you *really need some company* on those.
Seriously, I'm really proud of you for holding the line on the drinking , as any kind of solution. Whatever happens, that is always my biggest success today.
Kat, .... your success today is a huge triumph, and will make you all the stronger when that situation rolls around again !
Tonight's supposed to be my slow night, but it's been anything but.
I have no idea why my pc cursor jumps around like it does either !?! Is it some grand plan to teach me to type without looking at the keys, ......because that's about all I can do at this point.
maybe I need to tape a dollar to this pc and throw it in the river,
.....so it'd be worth something.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Thanks Tops! Unfortunately, we do not own this house so I can't be doing all of that haha. As for the walk.. that wouldn't deter one bit. She tried to get me to go for a jog with her earlier today. I said no and she still kept trying to get me to go. I feel suffocated. That cracked me up about taping a dollar to the pc and throwing it in the river!
I do love my mother in law. I'm lucky to have one that I can get along with. Especially since my mom is gone, she is the only one I have. She does love me and she does a lot for our family. It's just... she is REALLY intense. And I need calm right now. I do feel angry that my feelings were not considered when they decided to come here. I do feel like my feelings are not considered when I am pressured to go do things especially when I say that I don't want to. It takes a lot for me to say "no". And the fact that she invited two strangers to come stay at my house on top of everything, well that is too much.
I have this fear that someone is going to find my profile on SR and figure out it's me and read my posts. It may be hard to believe, but I don't like talking about this kind of stuff on here for that very reason. I don't want to hurt someones feelings or make anyone mad. But I can't talk to anyone else about it. I don't want to talk to my husband about it because I don't think he understands and I can't talk to my best friend because her grandad just recently died.
I just want to say thank you to everyone for being there for me through all of this, everything I've gone through in the past couple of months. All of you truly have helped me. When the thing went down tonight where I was asked if the other visitors could come, I immediately thought "I can't wait to get on SR when I get home and vent".
Anyway I watched the movie "Frozen" earlier today and that "Let it Go" song is stuck in my head which is kind of ironic. I wish I could be like Elsa, go out in the yard and build myself an ice castle and not let anyone inside!
A cool thing is that by the time they leave I will have reached two weeks! Quite an accomplishment, under the circumstances. Luckily, I haven't been tempted. But I will likely have some arguments with my AV, Gollum, when I have to deal with the social anxiety of strangers staying in my house tomorrow.
I do love my mother in law. I'm lucky to have one that I can get along with. Especially since my mom is gone, she is the only one I have. She does love me and she does a lot for our family. It's just... she is REALLY intense. And I need calm right now. I do feel angry that my feelings were not considered when they decided to come here. I do feel like my feelings are not considered when I am pressured to go do things especially when I say that I don't want to. It takes a lot for me to say "no". And the fact that she invited two strangers to come stay at my house on top of everything, well that is too much.
I have this fear that someone is going to find my profile on SR and figure out it's me and read my posts. It may be hard to believe, but I don't like talking about this kind of stuff on here for that very reason. I don't want to hurt someones feelings or make anyone mad. But I can't talk to anyone else about it. I don't want to talk to my husband about it because I don't think he understands and I can't talk to my best friend because her grandad just recently died.
I just want to say thank you to everyone for being there for me through all of this, everything I've gone through in the past couple of months. All of you truly have helped me. When the thing went down tonight where I was asked if the other visitors could come, I immediately thought "I can't wait to get on SR when I get home and vent".
Anyway I watched the movie "Frozen" earlier today and that "Let it Go" song is stuck in my head which is kind of ironic. I wish I could be like Elsa, go out in the yard and build myself an ice castle and not let anyone inside!
A cool thing is that by the time they leave I will have reached two weeks! Quite an accomplishment, under the circumstances. Luckily, I haven't been tempted. But I will likely have some arguments with my AV, Gollum, when I have to deal with the social anxiety of strangers staying in my house tomorrow.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
Sorry to be absent so much guys - I'm doing my best.
I hope this period of uncertainty will be over soon.
to everyone rocking it - congrats
to everyone struggling like myself and Solil - just and focus on the fact that bad times are finite...the wheel will come around again and good time will ensue
Have faith - and stay sober
D
I hope this period of uncertainty will be over soon.
to everyone rocking it - congrats
to everyone struggling like myself and Solil - just and focus on the fact that bad times are finite...the wheel will come around again and good time will ensue
Have faith - and stay sober
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Soliloquy, your situation sucks, and I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this, especially right now. Your mother in law sounds a lot like my mom, and she drives me absolutely crazy. I think you're handling the situation a lot more graciously than I would.
I think the hotel room suggestion is a good one. Is there any way you could tell your in-laws that you haven't had any time to yourself since your mother died, and that you need space for a day? You could ask them to watch your kids. If you frame it as being about what you need, it won't come across as hostile or resentful, it might actually make them feel good to give you something you need.
My ex in-laws used to show up expecting my attention without notice, too, and I hated it. I actually couldn't stand my mother in law, though I never acknowledged it to myself until I knew I never had to see her again. That woman set my teeth on edge. They usually just showed up for the day, they only live a couple hours away, but knowing how that made me feel, I can imagine what it's like for you. I handled the situation with lots of drugs, and I'm proud of you for staying sober through this. For all that this situation sucks, it's a great test of your resolve, and you're getting an A. Hang in there.
I think the hotel room suggestion is a good one. Is there any way you could tell your in-laws that you haven't had any time to yourself since your mother died, and that you need space for a day? You could ask them to watch your kids. If you frame it as being about what you need, it won't come across as hostile or resentful, it might actually make them feel good to give you something you need.
My ex in-laws used to show up expecting my attention without notice, too, and I hated it. I actually couldn't stand my mother in law, though I never acknowledged it to myself until I knew I never had to see her again. That woman set my teeth on edge. They usually just showed up for the day, they only live a couple hours away, but knowing how that made me feel, I can imagine what it's like for you. I handled the situation with lots of drugs, and I'm proud of you for staying sober through this. For all that this situation sucks, it's a great test of your resolve, and you're getting an A. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Adna I really can't bring myself to tell them that I haven't had any time to myself since my mom passed. I feel like they'd be offended. Actually, my father in law probably wouldn't be but my mother in law would be. But as you may have gathered, it's she who wears the pants in that relationship. I also do not feel comfortable asking her to watch the kids. My husband is always the one to do that. She never offers or anything.
This reallly makes me miss my mom. My mom was one of the sweetest, selfless people in the world. Practically every single person who gave me condolence used the word "sweet" in remembering her, anyone who knew her. Not kind, loving, caring, or like adjetives, everyone uses the same word..."sweet". Well she ALWAYS wanted to watch the kids, not only offering but often insisting that we go out and do things. She wanted to do it not only to spend time with them, but also because she knew I could use a break. It was never like she was doing us a favor. I hope to be that way when I have grandchildren.
I can't go stay in a hotel anyway because her friends are coming to visit and I'm sure she won't want to babysit. And they all want to go kayaking tomorrow. I know my daughter won't want to do that. I'm sure my mother in law is going to try and get me and my daughter to go "it'll be fun!" so I'm already mentally preparing to stand my ground.
I just can't wait till this is over. I think they'll leave on Sunday. My husband will be off this weekend and have to go back in on Monday. So I will have had only 5 days to spend with him at home, without company, since May.
This is definitely testing me. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger!
This reallly makes me miss my mom. My mom was one of the sweetest, selfless people in the world. Practically every single person who gave me condolence used the word "sweet" in remembering her, anyone who knew her. Not kind, loving, caring, or like adjetives, everyone uses the same word..."sweet". Well she ALWAYS wanted to watch the kids, not only offering but often insisting that we go out and do things. She wanted to do it not only to spend time with them, but also because she knew I could use a break. It was never like she was doing us a favor. I hope to be that way when I have grandchildren.
I can't go stay in a hotel anyway because her friends are coming to visit and I'm sure she won't want to babysit. And they all want to go kayaking tomorrow. I know my daughter won't want to do that. I'm sure my mother in law is going to try and get me and my daughter to go "it'll be fun!" so I'm already mentally preparing to stand my ground.
I just can't wait till this is over. I think they'll leave on Sunday. My husband will be off this weekend and have to go back in on Monday. So I will have had only 5 days to spend with him at home, without company, since May.
This is definitely testing me. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Solil you are maintaining a good attitude despite the situation. Venting on here is so good, a million times better than not venting and maybe caving to a drink. So...when is the visit totally over, lol! What's the countdown?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
I'm hoping Sunday! Oh dear God I hope no longer than that. Oh how I'd love to get drunk right now!!!
I'm about to get dragged out again and go do things that I REALLY have no desire whatsoever to do. But it's just me and her and the kids here now, so I don't early have a choice.
I really wish I could express to my husband how effed up this whole thing is. I really feel like he owes me one after putting up with this ****.
As you can tell, what little of a good attitude I did have is surely getting sucked out of me.
I'm about to get dragged out again and go do things that I REALLY have no desire whatsoever to do. But it's just me and her and the kids here now, so I don't early have a choice.
I really wish I could express to my husband how effed up this whole thing is. I really feel like he owes me one after putting up with this ****.
As you can tell, what little of a good attitude I did have is surely getting sucked out of me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Yay I'm so excited that I'm about to go somewhere I don't want to go for God knows how many hours, and then I get to come home and prepare for two bonus guests that I've never met to come stay at my house. It's going to be so much fun especially since they'll be drinking and I won't!
OK sorry. I had to get that out of my system. If alcohol wasn't bad for my health, and had no physical repercussions, I would be getting hammered tonight. I really would.
OK sorry. I had to get that out of my system. If alcohol wasn't bad for my health, and had no physical repercussions, I would be getting hammered tonight. I really would.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
To be a role model for someone is an award that surpasses any that you can receive elsewhere. You become the example by which that person will emulate and strive to exceed. You inspire them to become more than they once thought they could.
Another reward is that because you have to provide an example for someone to follow, you know have the inspiration to exceed your own limits.
Effectively, when we inspire those around us they will inspire us as well.
It is clearly a win, win. Who can you be a role model to today?
Have a great day!!!
Another reward is that because you have to provide an example for someone to follow, you know have the inspiration to exceed your own limits.
Effectively, when we inspire those around us they will inspire us as well.
It is clearly a win, win. Who can you be a role model to today?
Have a great day!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Sorry to hear the struggle soli, and hi
I have such a hard time saying no, I'm learning how to and not to feel guilty when doing so, it's really important in life.
I had another amazing day of therapy, amazing amazing...I wish I would have done this sooner. People are quitting the program tho and I don't understand why, the big hearty group we started with has dwindled down to maybe 9-10 people, but the ones I liked the most are still with us. I donno some people look tortured to be there. I guess I was really ready and my situation was bad enough, not everyone can see that about themselvs. My natural openeness is working to my advantage so much. I'm really friendly with all 5 therapists there, they like me and want to see me do well, even my psych likes me and thinks I deserve nothing more then to feel good and excel in life from here on out. I'm learning so many things at once and getting so much input about my situation as well as other people suffering with anxiety and depression, as well as substance abuse. I think that's what I like too, it's not ALL substance abuse issues 24/7, personally it gets a bit daunting. I got someone to read "codependant no more"!!! I finished it so I gave my copy to him and he was very greatfull. I have even been staying late and helping to clean the rooms and kitchen when everyone leaves it a mess. I have been eating so well too fresh salads and been bringing cold cut sandwitchs and healthy snacks. I can feel my life changing...I haven't really been counting the sober days cause it's honestly depressing to me, I'm just Rollin with it as they say
....i highly suggest a 2 week program (if it's possible) to any of y'all really having a hard time...I so couldent do it myself with an app on my phone...this is real deal stuff guys, and thanks for still sticking with me! <3 much much love and appreciation from NY
I have such a hard time saying no, I'm learning how to and not to feel guilty when doing so, it's really important in life.
I had another amazing day of therapy, amazing amazing...I wish I would have done this sooner. People are quitting the program tho and I don't understand why, the big hearty group we started with has dwindled down to maybe 9-10 people, but the ones I liked the most are still with us. I donno some people look tortured to be there. I guess I was really ready and my situation was bad enough, not everyone can see that about themselvs. My natural openeness is working to my advantage so much. I'm really friendly with all 5 therapists there, they like me and want to see me do well, even my psych likes me and thinks I deserve nothing more then to feel good and excel in life from here on out. I'm learning so many things at once and getting so much input about my situation as well as other people suffering with anxiety and depression, as well as substance abuse. I think that's what I like too, it's not ALL substance abuse issues 24/7, personally it gets a bit daunting. I got someone to read "codependant no more"!!! I finished it so I gave my copy to him and he was very greatfull. I have even been staying late and helping to clean the rooms and kitchen when everyone leaves it a mess. I have been eating so well too fresh salads and been bringing cold cut sandwitchs and healthy snacks. I can feel my life changing...I haven't really been counting the sober days cause it's honestly depressing to me, I'm just Rollin with it as they say
....i highly suggest a 2 week program (if it's possible) to any of y'all really having a hard time...I so couldent do it myself with an app on my phone...this is real deal stuff guys, and thanks for still sticking with me! <3 much much love and appreciation from NY
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Thanks UP! I wish I had it in me to put myself first sometimes. I have a people pleasing curse.
Interesting you should mention role models. I was just thinking that I might be setting a bad example for my kids by being this way. I hope not. I feel like I encourage them to be true to themselves.
Interesting you should mention role models. I was just thinking that I might be setting a bad example for my kids by being this way. I hope not. I feel like I encourage them to be true to themselves.
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