freein14

Solil, I'm thinking of you. I hope your husband can help you to have some breathing space when he comes home tomorrow. Their visit will come to end at some point, but you do need a coping strategy to make sure it doesn't leave you mentally and emotionally exhausted.

Kitten, have you seen a Dr recently about anxiety/mood swings? Just in case there might be some helpful advice which would lessen the impact. Your resilience is such an inspiration to me. I hope things improve soon for you.

Applekat

I think I'm going to make it....

Soliloquy

My best friend texted me. She is at a party with alcohol and said its kind of hard. So I've been texting with her. I said we should start picking out frivolous things to work toward and buy at the end of each sober month and we decided that's a good idea.
It's really cool that I am able to support and distract her like that, and to know that I can text her when I am in a similar situation.

Upward2Enlightenment

That's a good idea.... gives you a goal to shoot for

Soliloquy

Freein thank you. He will definitely take the pressure off of me. He knows that I am not up for company. Problem is, I didn't tell him that till the plan was in motion and they were on their way here. I just didn't want to offend or put anyone. Right now I have retreated to the sanctity of my room by way of using the treadmill.
I'm trying to be more positive about the situation since I can't change it. At least it will be out of the way, whereas if the visit was postponed a couple of weeks I would be counting down the days with anxiety. And maybe my husband and I will actually be able to go on a long needed date.

Applekat

Solil - yes, focus on the positive. You're getting workouts. And a potential date night! Those are two awesome points - and both sometimes hard to come by!!

Soliloquy

AK yeah well I definitely need the workouts. I put on about 10 lbs in the past couple months. I'm not letting it get me down though. The scales going to be going in the other direction from here on out. 4 miles on the treadmill woo hoo I feel great!

obosob

Very hard couple of days.......
Quick ceck in....
Anxiety, anger and negative thoughts!!!
Friends visited didnt have the guts to tell them im sober!
Weak!
Sometimes i really am pathetic.
Day 80 but not happy at all, could smash a thousand drinks in this mental state..

Hang in there fools,...!

Applekat

4 miles, nice!!!!!!! Do you read or watch TV while you 'tread'?

I should have done that so I could justify the ice cream I'm about to enjoy. Haha!

Panacea

Hey there Fools,

Glad we are all hanging in there despite the stress, crazy guests and friends. I am REALLY REALLY tired right now and struggling a bit. Going to turn in early and try and get to a run in early tomorrow, in the hopes of screwing my head back on somewhat straight. The never ending move going well, but I am suffering from Soli's House Guest Syndrome, as my mother has decided to descend upon me to help out. She is a wonderful person, but drives me absolutely crazy. Know that these are all little problems in the grand scheme of life...but, I have less reserves to deal with them right now.

Good news, tomorrow is a new day and we/I will prevail.

Sending hugs and good wishes to the Fools for a good week.

xo Pan

Soliloquy

AK I mostly watched TV but during the second half I got motivated enough to run so I turned on my YouTube workout playlist and watched/listened to that.

Panacea well hopefully your mother does help you out. That's another positive about my inlays being here. They did help out a lot today by doing yard work for us.

Soliloquy

Hang in there Obosob! You're doing great. You are not pathetic whatsoever. Day 80 is quite admirable. Give yourself a pat on the back. Seriously, literally, do it, you deserve it.

Lucrezia

Obosob! Not pathetic at all! Day 80.... that is so not pathetic. Hey, I'm on day 19 and I haven't even told my family or the people I'm living with that I'm sober... I know we shouldn't compare, but... I'm just trying to say, you have come so far.
And yes I understand though that you're upset... but please remember also how far you have come, as well. I think maybe that once we're sober we have to feel a lot more emotions and figure out how to manage those emotions sober... so it can seem like things are getting worse. To me, I think maybe this is us practicing sober life...a lot of things come up. Sorry if I shouldn't be saying these things. I know I'm no expert.... such a newbie, heh. I just want to say I'm proud of you, that's all.

areyoukittenme

Good morning, Fools!

obo, 80 days was I think around when I started feeling crummy. Be kind to yourself, you're doing everything right.

Hope you feel better soon, Pan!

freein, I used up all the doctor-seeing I've got in me for a while with my shoulder adventures in May. At the very least I've got to let my HSA recover first.

It's Monday, you guys. Stay alert for falling lasagnas!

kellyg

Soli - Is the in-law visit necessary for them? I'm a bit surprised that they didn't double-check the visit with you knowing that your mom passed not too long ago. I am sorry you have to deal with this all on your own. Keep up the good work of just saying No and passing on the margaritas. I find it's easiest to not drink in the beginning then it gets harder and harder. We need to fortify ourselves with a positive attitude to not drinking anymore.

Up - 90 days is so awesome! Congrats!

Chick - Glad you are back on here!

Kat - Glad your 5k went great!

Free - Good for you for having fun without drinking! I am jealous you are spending time in London. It's one of my favorite cities ever. If you haven't already, check out the Tower of London

Obo - You are doing wonderfully with 80 days under your belt!

I'm two weeks today. I had some AV thoughts but either ignored them or played the tape through. Av is a tricky bugger.

Only 4 more days until Friday and my three day weekend

Soliloquy

I love Garfield! I thought he was so cool when I was little and loved reading the comics. Used to draw pictures of him all of the time. I loved lasagna because of him.

Well that damn dog started barking at 1 am. Right when I was starting to fall asleep. I'm going to have to get my husband to do something about that. I try not to hate the dog because it is not the animals fault, but boy does it **** me off. I found out it doesn't even belong to the guy whose yard the pen is in. It belongs to his son who lives down the street. Our other neighbor has threatened to call the police but hasn't. He is old and wears a hearing aid, and it still disturbs him. As far as I can tell it is in the pen 24/7. No wonder it barks.

OK I'm drinking coffee and I got a new ipad case with a keyboard so I'm typing fast.

First thing I hear this morning coming from the living room "well are we going to go or sit around all day?" Obvs I didn't go. In laws went and my son went with them. Just me and little girl right now. I cannot wait until husband gets home!!!! Even though he's probably going to go to sleep when he gets home because he was up until 4am doing work.

OK time to unleash. I have been exceedingly worried that I have a brain tumor. Yesterday especially. I had a headache in the back of my head off an on, I usually only get them in the front, and I don't get headaches often. An hour didn't pass without me worrying about it. I wrote about it on here quite a few times over the past few days but always deleted it. I also have been getting a pressure on one side of my head. But the thing is, it seems to get worse when I think about it. So I think it could just be anxiety or stress. I didn't feel this reasonable yesterday. Yesterday I was seriously convinced at times. To be honest, I have worried about brain tumors frequently over the past couple of years and if I am truly truly honest with myself...it's always when I'm going through a tough time in my life. I do not know why. Maybe stress can cause pressure build up in the head.
Yes, I know that I need to go to a doctor if nothing else to put my mind at ease. But either I am crazy or I really do have a brain tumor. And I can't deal with either of those possibilities at this moment in time.
OK I finally got that off my chest. Can't talk to anyone else about this because I already have and either I am told that I am a hypochondriac or "just go to the doctor already". The sensible part of me knows that I am a hypochondriac but it doesn't make it any less scary.

Well today I feel great! I mean physically I am a bit tired, but man I have been excited about life and getting healthy. More and more each day, the future seems brighter. I'm not merely talking about quitting drinking. Quitting drinking is just one of the many steps I am taking to improve my quality of life. I am striving to be my best self. I know now that I cannot reach that with alcohol in my life.

I've decided to keep a small blank journal in the drawer of my night stand. It is my full intention to leave this journal blank forever, for it's sole purpose will be to record any setbacks with the date and details. It is the ugliest little notebook with bright smiley faces that I just happened to have. It will be a reminder that I am holding myself accountable for my actions.

Soliloquy

Kelly G I agree that it would seem the sensitive thing to do to check with me if it's ok. No one ever asked if it was OK. And it seems like I am expected to carry on and just go out and about no problem. It seems to come as a surprise when I don't want to go do things. Yes it is easy not to drink now, so that's another reason maybe it's good they came now. If they were to postpone and come later it might've been harder for me to resist alcohol undress the stress of company.
Good job and congrats on 2 weeks!

Present4614

Hello my friends.

I've been distracted with family drama but things are better now, so I will be better at being Present (haha). I have lots to catch up on, I haven't read any threads for a week or so now!

As for me, I have been going to EMDR therapy weekly and have recently come to a turning point in my recovery. I have worked through so much trauma from my past and it has all become just a distant memory that no longer has any power to hurt me. I am also now at 99 days of sobriety and just in the past few days, I no longer have any urges or cravings for any mind altering substances. For the first time since I can remember I feel free from everything. No pain, no need to self-medicate. I have learned how to handle stress without letting my emotions go straight to extreme level of anxiety or anger. My therapist believes that because I am around the 90 day mark, physically the neurotransmitters are starting to reconnect and my brain is healing. What a great feeling! I keep waiting for the cravings to creep in, but so far, all is quiet in my head. I am not having that constant conversation with myself about whether I need something to make me feel better, or to make me feel nothing.

I hope everyone is doing well and that all the April Fools are still on the bus I will be Present more often now XO

SolitaryThinker

Hey everyone! Short but quick...I took off 3 weeks of work to get healthy.
I did my 2nd day of an extensive 3 week therapy program. 7 hours a day 8-2, I have seen every type of doctor one could for someone like me. Been going back to my regular doc thru all this as well. Saw a ear nose throat specialist for my drug related nasal problems and got a hearing test (my right ear is perforated). I'm actually here now. Getting healthy has become a full time job for me now. I see what you guys were saying tho, I needed more. This therapy is deep but is really what I needed, I'm not a minor case.

kellyg

Best of everything to you ST!