Class of April 2014 Part 14
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
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Soli I was digging thru old CDs and mini disks and found this, I thought of you
Although it's not Danzig the cuts from the crypt album is awesome, some live stuff and more rare tracks. "I wanna be a New York ranger" and their live cover of "rise above" and 10000000 years BC too but that's a common song it's just a different cooler version of it
Soli I was digging thru old CDs and mini disks and found this, I thought of you
Although it's not Danzig the cuts from the crypt album is awesome, some live stuff and more rare tracks. "I wanna be a New York ranger" and their live cover of "rise above" and 10000000 years BC too but that's a common song it's just a different cooler version of it
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
ST, I can sense your excitement from here. Are you keeping a journal? (To look back on when you finish the programme) btw you sound amazing (aka "on fire").
Solil, Sunday will be here soon, and when they're gone you can be be so proud that you kept your resolve and didn't cave in. This is tough, but you're on the home straight now.
Maybe for the last few days you could squeeze out some alone time by going to bed as early as possible, and getting up in the morning as late as possible. Would that be possible?
I'm in awe of you, you've coped incredibly well. Not long to go now.
Hugs from me.
Solil, Sunday will be here soon, and when they're gone you can be be so proud that you kept your resolve and didn't cave in. This is tough, but you're on the home straight now.
Maybe for the last few days you could squeeze out some alone time by going to bed as early as possible, and getting up in the morning as late as possible. Would that be possible?
I'm in awe of you, you've coped incredibly well. Not long to go now.
Hugs from me.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
ST believe it or not, thats the first Misfits album I ever bought! I still remember the day I got it. I fell in love.
So I just got back from the lake. I think I've mentioned on here how much I dislike the lake. It just doesn't sit right with me after living by the ocean my whole life up until a year ago. Salt life for me. Anyway the second, the SECOND we pulled in from coming back from the dreaded lake... the visitors pulled in behind us. And there is not two, but three. I'm going to lose my mind. I really have been fighting tears. I am right now. I can't take it.
Freein it might not be Sunday anymore. They might stay longer
And I found out how this whole visit from my in laws came about to begin with. A trip to Hawaii fell through so they decided to come here instead. So this is their vacation. Who cares that I just came back from a month of dealing with my moms death. C'mon everybody! Party at Soliloquy's house!
So I just got back from the lake. I think I've mentioned on here how much I dislike the lake. It just doesn't sit right with me after living by the ocean my whole life up until a year ago. Salt life for me. Anyway the second, the SECOND we pulled in from coming back from the dreaded lake... the visitors pulled in behind us. And there is not two, but three. I'm going to lose my mind. I really have been fighting tears. I am right now. I can't take it.
Freein it might not be Sunday anymore. They might stay longer
And I found out how this whole visit from my in laws came about to begin with. A trip to Hawaii fell through so they decided to come here instead. So this is their vacation. Who cares that I just came back from a month of dealing with my moms death. C'mon everybody! Party at Soliloquy's house!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Maybe he could say something but I don't know how to go about it. I don't know what he could say.
Honestly I don't even think he understands. It makes me feel crazy or like a b word that I feel this way. That's why I have to talk about it on here. It helps to hear that other people would feel the same way about this situation.
I bet these bonus guests end up staying more than one night.
Imagine my delight as they were ushered through my room as part of the tour of the house, and remained in my room for several minutes
Honestly I don't even think he understands. It makes me feel crazy or like a b word that I feel this way. That's why I have to talk about it on here. It helps to hear that other people would feel the same way about this situation.
I bet these bonus guests end up staying more than one night.
Imagine my delight as they were ushered through my room as part of the tour of the house, and remained in my room for several minutes
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 99
Soli,
I've been reading back through the posts and following your horror story. I am so sorry you are having to deal with such BS! I know it is difficult to stand up for yourself when you are emotionally beat down. I know you can find the strength to at least survive the onslaught intact... hopefully it is over with soon. I feel like you need someone to have your back... where is your husband? Last post I read he was at work while all the chaos was going on. I wonder if you should just tell everyone that this is YOUR home and alcohol is not allowed in it, thank you very much. I made that a hard and fast rule in my home. My whole family drinks except me so they know when they come over it is iced tea and lemonade If they want to drink, they need to go elsewhere.
I've been reading back through the posts and following your horror story. I am so sorry you are having to deal with such BS! I know it is difficult to stand up for yourself when you are emotionally beat down. I know you can find the strength to at least survive the onslaught intact... hopefully it is over with soon. I feel like you need someone to have your back... where is your husband? Last post I read he was at work while all the chaos was going on. I wonder if you should just tell everyone that this is YOUR home and alcohol is not allowed in it, thank you very much. I made that a hard and fast rule in my home. My whole family drinks except me so they know when they come over it is iced tea and lemonade
If they want to drink, they need to go elsewhere.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 99
ST - Glad to hear you are getting mental health care. Hope it is going well for you. You sound so much better
Luc - I hope you are doing okay. I can tell you from experience, keeping the drinking a secret is terribly damaging - at least it was for me. I felt like I was living a lie and it was eating me up inside. It was horrible and painful to have to tell everyone, and I mean EVERYONE - my husband, kids, mom, sisters, bosses and coworkers. But now that it's out in the open, I am free. No one judges, they are all supportive and not in a "oh you poor thing" kind of way, but they just don't drink around me and help me stay away from dangerous situations. Essentially, life is going on as usual, minus the drinking. And that is okay.
Freein, Osob, Adna, Dee, Mariah, Kelly, Apple, Topspin, Up, Rocks, and everyone else (I'm sure I missed someone) I hope you are all doing good, I want you to know I am thinking about everyone even though I am bad about posting and reading posts.
I feel really good and wish I could pass that goodness around to all of you, especially if you're struggling. Hang in there everyone.
Who came up with the Fool's Bargain? Could you please post it for the upcoming weekend?
Luc - I hope you are doing okay. I can tell you from experience, keeping the drinking a secret is terribly damaging - at least it was for me. I felt like I was living a lie and it was eating me up inside. It was horrible and painful to have to tell everyone, and I mean EVERYONE - my husband, kids, mom, sisters, bosses and coworkers. But now that it's out in the open, I am free. No one judges, they are all supportive and not in a "oh you poor thing" kind of way, but they just don't drink around me and help me stay away from dangerous situations. Essentially, life is going on as usual, minus the drinking. And that is okay.
Freein, Osob, Adna, Dee, Mariah, Kelly, Apple, Topspin, Up, Rocks, and everyone else (I'm sure I missed someone) I hope you are all doing good, I want you to know I am thinking about everyone even though I am bad about posting and reading posts.
I feel really good and wish I could pass that goodness around to all of you, especially if you're struggling. Hang in there everyone.
Who came up with the Fool's Bargain? Could you please post it for the upcoming weekend?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Solil - you can make it. You're doing so well. Keep retreating to your room to exercise or sleep/rest whenever you can. That said, don't let your guard down when everyone finally does leave. I've had many instances in my past where I've "behaved" for the "main event" only to go home and drink by myself. Know what I mean? Stay vigilant. You rock!!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Present thank you. It is hard for me to stand up for myself even when I am not emotionally beat down. I am terribly shy and not at all assertive. There's no way I'd ever be able to tell them not to have alcohol in the house. I'm okay with the alcohol being in the house while they're here. Believe me I will not let this drive me to drink! This visit has caused me so much stress and brought me down, I'm not going to let them get the best of me. My husband has been at work most of the time. He has to stand duty days at a time. Thank God he is off this weekend and comes home tomorrow.
Thank you AK! THat's really good advice not to let my guard down when they leave. I haven't even thought about that. I have been so proud of myself for not drinking while they're here. I need to be on the lookout for that little voice that might say I deserve a reward. They will likely leave alcohol behind and I didn't think about that until just now either. I will try and get them to take it with them and if they don't I will pour it out when they leave. Hopefully my husband won't get mad at me for wasting it, but he did say he wasn't drinking anymore (or at least until football season) so that's my plan. I kinda hope they do leave some. I think it would be empowering to pour it out when they leave like "HAHA you didn't break me down!"
I was able to go bring my husband dinner at work tonight alone so that was a nice break. He called and asked his mom becuase I was afraid that if I asked everyone would want to come with me. And I would have rather stayed home than do that. I talked to him about how I feel about everyone coming and I didn't really have any time to settle or grieve alone. I told him that I feel like I'm being treated like nothing happened when my mom passed away just last month, lilke I'm expected to go do things all the time. He told me that he talked to his mom before they came. He told her not to ask me to go do things and that I needed time alone. So much for that. He also told me that he thinks she has been acting super crazy and annoying since she's been here. I still don't think he can understand how much of a burden this has been but it was good to talk about it out loud.
I think I jinxed myself. I kept daydreaming "maybe I could pretend I'm sick" to give me an easy out of things. Of course I never did it because I couldn't bring myself to lie like that. Well now I think I'm really getting sick. THings just keep getting better and better...
Thank you AK! THat's really good advice not to let my guard down when they leave. I haven't even thought about that. I have been so proud of myself for not drinking while they're here. I need to be on the lookout for that little voice that might say I deserve a reward. They will likely leave alcohol behind and I didn't think about that until just now either. I will try and get them to take it with them and if they don't I will pour it out when they leave. Hopefully my husband won't get mad at me for wasting it, but he did say he wasn't drinking anymore (or at least until football season) so that's my plan. I kinda hope they do leave some. I think it would be empowering to pour it out when they leave like "HAHA you didn't break me down!"
I was able to go bring my husband dinner at work tonight alone so that was a nice break. He called and asked his mom becuase I was afraid that if I asked everyone would want to come with me. And I would have rather stayed home than do that. I talked to him about how I feel about everyone coming and I didn't really have any time to settle or grieve alone. I told him that I feel like I'm being treated like nothing happened when my mom passed away just last month, lilke I'm expected to go do things all the time. He told me that he talked to his mom before they came. He told her not to ask me to go do things and that I needed time alone. So much for that. He also told me that he thinks she has been acting super crazy and annoying since she's been here. I still don't think he can understand how much of a burden this has been but it was good to talk about it out loud.
I think I jinxed myself. I kept daydreaming "maybe I could pretend I'm sick" to give me an easy out of things. Of course I never did it because I couldn't bring myself to lie like that. Well now I think I'm really getting sick. THings just keep getting better and better...
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 99
Hang in ther sweetie, you are stronger than you know. I'm glad you and your husband got a little time for a heart to heart. It's no wonder you're starting to get sick with all the stress you've been under. Take some EmegenC and try to get a little rest :-)
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Solil, I think your husband should politely explain that they must leave on Sunday (morning). Give them no options at all, just explain that as a family you've been through a lot recently and need time alone to regroup. Your health is far more more important than any potentially uncomfortable situation. The children need you to be fully functioning, and this whole situation is causing far too much angst for you all.
It would be better to let them know as soon as possible, so they don't feel too pushed, but quite frankly whether they feel pushed or not is not something you need to worry about. They are being so discourteous, I think they need to know they've overstepped the mark.
Please forgive me for being so blunt, but what you're describing is quite possibly my worst nightmare. People invading your home, bringing in alcohol and constantly eating away at your precious time, it's intolerable. I don't know how you've managed to hold it together for this long. But enough is enough, your husband absolutely needs to make sure that it ends on Sunday (or before).
Kats advice about letting your guard down when they're gone is so important. For me that would be a huge trigger.
Bless you Soli, I agree that sainthood is on the cards for you!
It would be better to let them know as soon as possible, so they don't feel too pushed, but quite frankly whether they feel pushed or not is not something you need to worry about. They are being so discourteous, I think they need to know they've overstepped the mark.
Please forgive me for being so blunt, but what you're describing is quite possibly my worst nightmare. People invading your home, bringing in alcohol and constantly eating away at your precious time, it's intolerable. I don't know how you've managed to hold it together for this long. But enough is enough, your husband absolutely needs to make sure that it ends on Sunday (or before).
Kats advice about letting your guard down when they're gone is so important. For me that would be a huge trigger.
Bless you Soli, I agree that sainthood is on the cards for you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
OK, the weekend is upon us again, so the Fools Bargain is reinstated:
1. Check in to SR, have a rant if needed.
2. Drink something healthy.
3. Eat something tasty.
4. Do some exercise, get some fresh air.
5. Take a luxurious nap, or a relaxing bath.
Also, remember the Weekenders thread, it's full of folks like us inspiring each other to keep focused and enjoy the weekend free from all things nasty.
Have a great day all.
1. Check in to SR, have a rant if needed.
2. Drink something healthy.
3. Eat something tasty.
4. Do some exercise, get some fresh air.
5. Take a luxurious nap, or a relaxing bath.
Also, remember the Weekenders thread, it's full of folks like us inspiring each other to keep focused and enjoy the weekend free from all things nasty.
Have a great day all.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,480
For what it's worth I agree with Freein Solil - get your husband to tell them point blank to leave.
It might be well meaning from their point of view, but it strikes me as thoroughly thoughtless and selfish in mine.
D
It might be well meaning from their point of view, but it strikes me as thoroughly thoughtless and selfish in mine.
D
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Soli,
I really think Freein is right on point on everything she wrote.
I'm so glad you have a plan for the stuff they leave behind, as no one will travel with open containers normally. Hopefully when this is behind you, you can find a way not to carry any resentments about the whole thing going forward.
Hopefully your angst will ease some today and Saturday, just knowing "this too shall pass"
....and soon !!?!
I really think Freein is right on point on everything she wrote.
I'm so glad you have a plan for the stuff they leave behind, as no one will travel with open containers normally. Hopefully when this is behind you, you can find a way not to carry any resentments about the whole thing going forward.
Hopefully your angst will ease some today and Saturday, just knowing "this too shall pass"
....and soon !!?!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Freein - you have such a way with words. I agree with everything.
And thanks for reposting the Fools Bargain.
I hope to see some people check in!
ST thanks for keeping us filled in on your experiences!!
And thanks for reposting the Fools Bargain.
I hope to see some people check in!
ST thanks for keeping us filled in on your experiences!!
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Morning everyone ... it's a beautiful morning here.
Sometimes we look at the problems in our lives and think that they are too big for us to handle, we avoid them, ignore them, and often run from them. Much in the same way that people used to look at mountains and see that they had to go around....until someone decided to face the mountain and go over it. Then someone else decided that they could tunnel through it, and still others thought they could move it....one rock at a time.
When looking at the problems we face in life, often times we must simply break the problems down and figure our how to tackle them in sections. The overall problem may seem overwhelming, but once you have dissected it you will find that there are many smaller problems creating the one.
A wave in the ocean can be huge and powerful, often either knocking us down or carrying us to another place. Yet the wave is simply made up of drops of water(and yes salt and sand, etc.) which have become strong through a form of teamwork.
Our lives take those same forms, alone we may be defeated or knocked down. Together we can stand, fight, and triumph over most of our problems.
Nothing is too big once we stop and break it down, life is too precious to let something small build into a towering barrier in our path to happiness.
Look at your problems with great detail, join together with those who will help you and those you may help, be focused on the goal and look outside the box, and most of all.....never be afraid to ask for help.
Even Jesus asked for help, if not from his father then from his disciples....
Have a great day!!!
Sometimes we look at the problems in our lives and think that they are too big for us to handle, we avoid them, ignore them, and often run from them. Much in the same way that people used to look at mountains and see that they had to go around....until someone decided to face the mountain and go over it. Then someone else decided that they could tunnel through it, and still others thought they could move it....one rock at a time.
When looking at the problems we face in life, often times we must simply break the problems down and figure our how to tackle them in sections. The overall problem may seem overwhelming, but once you have dissected it you will find that there are many smaller problems creating the one.
A wave in the ocean can be huge and powerful, often either knocking us down or carrying us to another place. Yet the wave is simply made up of drops of water(and yes salt and sand, etc.) which have become strong through a form of teamwork.
Our lives take those same forms, alone we may be defeated or knocked down. Together we can stand, fight, and triumph over most of our problems.
Nothing is too big once we stop and break it down, life is too precious to let something small build into a towering barrier in our path to happiness.
Look at your problems with great detail, join together with those who will help you and those you may help, be focused on the goal and look outside the box, and most of all.....never be afraid to ask for help.
Even Jesus asked for help, if not from his father then from his disciples....
Have a great day!!!
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
ST I am so happy to see you doing so well ... I knew the happier you was hiding in there somewhere. The real you would make appearances here and there. I hope that he never gets trapped inside again. 
Soli, don't read too much into my posts. It is a good thing to help others. If more people cared for others in this world it would be a much better place. I even need to work on setting boundaries. There are so many that will try to take advantage of of your generosity, they see it as a weakness. It is truly a gift. Also you are setting a very good example for them by continuing to strive for your sobriety.
I'm not ignoring everyone just didn't have much to say on things. I hope you are all doing well, even the fools that are MIA at the moment, I am thinking about all of you.
Soli, don't read too much into my posts. It is a good thing to help others. If more people cared for others in this world it would be a much better place. I even need to work on setting boundaries. There are so many that will try to take advantage of of your generosity, they see it as a weakness. It is truly a gift. Also you are setting a very good example for them by continuing to strive for your sobriety.
I'm not ignoring everyone just didn't have much to say on things. I hope you are all doing well, even the fools that are MIA at the moment, I am thinking about all of you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Present it's too late to take the Emergen C
I'm definitely sick. I forgot to mention that the week leading up to their arrival I was dealing with a sick child. She was still sick when they got here. Now I have it. At least now I can stay in my room no questions asked. I made sure to let everyone know I'm sick, and "I hope it's not strep" hoping to maybe plant a seed in their heads that it might be good to leave sooner than later.
Freein great advice and I should ask my husband to make sure they leave by Sunday. However, I'm too scared to do that. I'm afraid they will know that I'm behind it. I know it might be hard to understand how I can be concerned about hurting peoples feelings after what has been forced upon me, as I don't understand it myself, but I don't want to cause any friction. It has been like a nightmare. ANd I hate myself for putting up with it. As much trouble as they have caused me I cannot bring myself to let them know that I'm the least bit inconvenienced. I do not know why. I should clarify, by "them" I really mean my mother in law. She is 100% the maestro.
btw I LOVE the Fools Bargain! A relaxing bath sounds glorious. I think the weekenders thread might be helpful as well.
Tops I'm sure I won't hold any resentments. Despite my complaints, I love my in laws very much and I feel very lucky to have them. My mother in law is my only mother now. I think that's part of why I don't want to let her know that I don't want them here right now. Everyone deals with grief different ways. Me, I want to be alone. THat might be hard for her to understand and I don't want to hurt her feelings
UP I have been taken advantage of in life, that is for sure. I'm a little more cautious now than I used to be, but I still tend to be naive and gullible. It's good to be kind, but it's good to be balanced. I am not.
This whole situation makes me feel really bad about myself. What kind of weak person keeps their misery silent while wearing a smile? It is not sainthood. It is cowardice. I am a complete coward. All of this could've been avoided if I'd just speak up. If they knew how I felt, they would not be here right now. As inconsiderate as this whole visit has been on their part, they do not want to hurt me. It is my fault. I am more worried about hurting other peoples feelings than taking care of myself. I'm fighting tears right now because I feel so small. I cannot even stand up for myself so that I can have time to properly mourn the loss of my mother. I am so sad and I can't even have alone time to cry. I just feel like they should have KNOWN this was a horrible time for them to have come. It seems like common sense to me. Their Hawaii vacation fell through and they decided to come here. One week after I got back. It just seems like a terribly insensitive decision to me. And it does hurt my feelings. But like I said, I could've put a stop to it and I didn't. It's no ones fault but mine, and I shouldn't complain if I'm not willing to do anything about it. I really hate myself.
I'm definitely sick. I forgot to mention that the week leading up to their arrival I was dealing with a sick child. She was still sick when they got here. Now I have it. At least now I can stay in my room no questions asked. I made sure to let everyone know I'm sick, and "I hope it's not strep" hoping to maybe plant a seed in their heads that it might be good to leave sooner than later.
Freein great advice and I should ask my husband to make sure they leave by Sunday. However, I'm too scared to do that. I'm afraid they will know that I'm behind it. I know it might be hard to understand how I can be concerned about hurting peoples feelings after what has been forced upon me, as I don't understand it myself, but I don't want to cause any friction. It has been like a nightmare. ANd I hate myself for putting up with it. As much trouble as they have caused me I cannot bring myself to let them know that I'm the least bit inconvenienced. I do not know why. I should clarify, by "them" I really mean my mother in law. She is 100% the maestro.
btw I LOVE the Fools Bargain! A relaxing bath sounds glorious. I think the weekenders thread might be helpful as well.
Tops I'm sure I won't hold any resentments. Despite my complaints, I love my in laws very much and I feel very lucky to have them. My mother in law is my only mother now. I think that's part of why I don't want to let her know that I don't want them here right now. Everyone deals with grief different ways. Me, I want to be alone. THat might be hard for her to understand and I don't want to hurt her feelings
UP I have been taken advantage of in life, that is for sure. I'm a little more cautious now than I used to be, but I still tend to be naive and gullible. It's good to be kind, but it's good to be balanced. I am not.
This whole situation makes me feel really bad about myself. What kind of weak person keeps their misery silent while wearing a smile? It is not sainthood. It is cowardice. I am a complete coward. All of this could've been avoided if I'd just speak up. If they knew how I felt, they would not be here right now. As inconsiderate as this whole visit has been on their part, they do not want to hurt me. It is my fault. I am more worried about hurting other peoples feelings than taking care of myself. I'm fighting tears right now because I feel so small. I cannot even stand up for myself so that I can have time to properly mourn the loss of my mother. I am so sad and I can't even have alone time to cry. I just feel like they should have KNOWN this was a horrible time for them to have come. It seems like common sense to me. Their Hawaii vacation fell through and they decided to come here. One week after I got back. It just seems like a terribly insensitive decision to me. And it does hurt my feelings. But like I said, I could've put a stop to it and I didn't. It's no ones fault but mine, and I shouldn't complain if I'm not willing to do anything about it. I really hate myself.
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