Class of April 2014 Part 14
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Solli, I'm glad you're back with us, and ready to take care of yourself. Things can only improve day by day. We're here with you every step of the way.
Present, 90 days is amazing! Hope things calm down for you soon.
Kelly, I was just getting used to Greenturtle again! You'll be posting about your own 90 days soon enough!
ST, how are you doing?
I'm having a really early night tonight, bliss! Time to read before sleep, and hopefully be wide awake before the alarm tomorrow morning.
I have a presentation to do tomorrow at work, and I'm hoping it will go well. It's not something I have much experience with, so I'm not that comfortable standing up in front of people. I'll be glad when it's over.
Hope everyone's had a good day today.
Present, 90 days is amazing! Hope things calm down for you soon.
Kelly, I was just getting used to Greenturtle again! You'll be posting about your own 90 days soon enough!
ST, how are you doing?
I'm having a really early night tonight, bliss! Time to read before sleep, and hopefully be wide awake before the alarm tomorrow morning.
I have a presentation to do tomorrow at work, and I'm hoping it will go well. It's not something I have much experience with, so I'm not that comfortable standing up in front of people. I'll be glad when it's over.
Hope everyone's had a good day today.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
90 days Lisa - that is inspiring!! I'm sorry that you have "stuff" going on that makes like difficult & hope that you find moments of peace & contentment. Kelly, glad to see your post & hope this week is good to you
How are you doing tonight Solilo? ST & Luce?
15 days for me today...this is usually about the time the AV starts in on me, telling me I've been good & a couple of beers would be OK....remembering that is a lie & following the advice I have received here on SR, not to engage in that conversation & playing the tape through.
Freein - you shared this morning how you had a moment yesterday of appreciation for being "present" to enjoy life. I had the same feeling yesterday, standing on the riverbank, looking at the beautiful mountains I am blessed to live in....just how precious our time is here on this earth & how I so much want to enjoy the time I have left...sober.
Sending positive vibes your way Freein for a successful presentation tomorrow - You will be great!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Congrats to everyone celebrating a milestone today no matter what it is.
A big shout out tho to lurking Aprillers - we all want to hear whats going on with you guys too - good bad or indifferent
D
A big shout out tho to lurking Aprillers - we all want to hear whats going on with you guys too - good bad or indifferent
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
I have been tired all day. I didn't accomplish much. Just did a lot of unpacking from when I was gone.
I was just thinking...what a relief it would be to know I'd never drink again. Just to make the decision and have no doubt that I'd stick to it. Then I got angry with myself because it IS possible. The only thing that has stopped it from being a reality is myself. Why can't I choose not to drink ever again, be confident in that choice, and then not look back? Why does it have to be this big ordeal that I must think about and second guess?
I'm very frustrated. But perhaps that's because I have come to the realization that this is something that I'm going to really have to work hard for. I know I can't just make the decision and say "hocus pocus". It's like wishing to win the lottery but never even buying tickets. I do wish it was something that would just "happen". Like "poof" I never drink again.
I see a long road ahead of me. I know I shouldn't look into the future like that, but at least maybe I'm seeing it more clearly. Long roads go further than easy streets.
I can't wait until I have at least a week under my belt. I hate this feeling of starting over. I feel like a failure.
I was just thinking...what a relief it would be to know I'd never drink again. Just to make the decision and have no doubt that I'd stick to it. Then I got angry with myself because it IS possible. The only thing that has stopped it from being a reality is myself. Why can't I choose not to drink ever again, be confident in that choice, and then not look back? Why does it have to be this big ordeal that I must think about and second guess?
I'm very frustrated. But perhaps that's because I have come to the realization that this is something that I'm going to really have to work hard for. I know I can't just make the decision and say "hocus pocus". It's like wishing to win the lottery but never even buying tickets. I do wish it was something that would just "happen". Like "poof" I never drink again.
I see a long road ahead of me. I know I shouldn't look into the future like that, but at least maybe I'm seeing it more clearly. Long roads go further than easy streets.
I can't wait until I have at least a week under my belt. I hate this feeling of starting over. I feel like a failure.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by Dee74 
A failure wouldn't try again Solil
You know what you want.
You know what you want.
Dee is so right ( as usual) .... a failure sure wouldn't try again.
Lisa, glad you checked in and congrats on your new milestone !
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
You are not a failure Solilo & neither is anyone else who is struggling with this. I too wish it was as easy as "hocus pocus" - I will never drink again....it really is a cunning, powerful & baffling beast. I know how hard that first week is....be kind to yourself more than anything & know that you are not alone in this.
I thought a lot this week-end about something my counselor from outpatient told me & that is to "get mad" at this thing. I am mad at it....I'm sick of it calling the shots in my life, I'm sick of the misery it brings me, I'm sick of how it interferes with my having healthy relationships, I'm sick of it holding me back from doing the things that are important to me, being there for those that love & care for me.
Thinking of you ALL....
I thought a lot this week-end about something my counselor from outpatient told me & that is to "get mad" at this thing. I am mad at it....I'm sick of it calling the shots in my life, I'm sick of the misery it brings me, I'm sick of how it interferes with my having healthy relationships, I'm sick of it holding me back from doing the things that are important to me, being there for those that love & care for me.
Thinking of you ALL....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Thanks Mariah, I'm not used to standing up in front of people, so this presentation will be a challenge, but it's all learning, right? I'll let you know how it goes, good, bad or ugly!
Solil, in the first few weeks I made it as easy as possible for myself. My OH kindly agreed to do the shopping for us, and did not bring any wine home.
At first I was secretly hoping that he'd buy some, but he never did.
Then there was a beautiful turning point where I realised I was actually hoping that he wouldn't slip up and buy some. At that point I realised that yes, I had finally made the decision that I did not want to drink anymore.
My OH, now does buy beers for himself (i don't like the taste of beer, so I'll always go for the healthy option of water or juice), but we still don't have wine in the house at all. I can't see any point in having wine here, it's not welcome anymore!
It really helps a lot if your family are prepared to do all they can to help. I'm so grateful that my OH is incredibly stubborn, and when he makes a commitment to do something he will see it through. I think I even gave him some sob story about how lovely it would be if we had a bottle.....blah, blah. But he held fast, and didn't budge on his commitment.
Usually his stubbornness can be somewhat annoying! But as I write this I'm feeling an overwhelming gratitude to this man of mine, and his amazing gift of resilience.
Hope that helps, you'll get to that turning point too.
See you all later.
Solil, in the first few weeks I made it as easy as possible for myself. My OH kindly agreed to do the shopping for us, and did not bring any wine home.
At first I was secretly hoping that he'd buy some, but he never did.
Then there was a beautiful turning point where I realised I was actually hoping that he wouldn't slip up and buy some. At that point I realised that yes, I had finally made the decision that I did not want to drink anymore.
My OH, now does buy beers for himself (i don't like the taste of beer, so I'll always go for the healthy option of water or juice), but we still don't have wine in the house at all. I can't see any point in having wine here, it's not welcome anymore!
It really helps a lot if your family are prepared to do all they can to help. I'm so grateful that my OH is incredibly stubborn, and when he makes a commitment to do something he will see it through. I think I even gave him some sob story about how lovely it would be if we had a bottle.....blah, blah. But he held fast, and didn't budge on his commitment.
Usually his stubbornness can be somewhat annoying! But as I write this I'm feeling an overwhelming gratitude to this man of mine, and his amazing gift of resilience.
Hope that helps, you'll get to that turning point too.
See you all later.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Good luck with the presentation Freein, !
I've always read public speaking ranks no.1 on the personal fear scale, ...even more than the fear of dying. Have a feeling that must be a random survey though, ...and not one involving actual people who have a near death experience. lo
When I used to teach small classes of only 5 or 6 adult students, the anticipation, and anxiety I felt before getting started on the first day was palpable, ...but soon dissipated in about 5 minutes. I'll bet you do really great !
Have you read the technique where you imagine everyone in the audience is naked ?
The technique apparently helps some folks speaking to large audiences. My classes were so small , that didn't seem, uhm, ...necessary !?!
Mariah , ...I like your idea about getting a little stirred up at alcohol. Sometimes a little self directed passion can go a long way with me, ....to stay focused and all.
lo..oong day today, ...did a little work in the shop tonight at home after work. I probably have this extra energy from not getting any cycling in the past 5 days.
Goodnight y'all.
I've always read public speaking ranks no.1 on the personal fear scale, ...even more than the fear of dying. Have a feeling that must be a random survey though, ...and not one involving actual people who have a near death experience. lo
When I used to teach small classes of only 5 or 6 adult students, the anticipation, and anxiety I felt before getting started on the first day was palpable, ...but soon dissipated in about 5 minutes. I'll bet you do really great !
Have you read the technique where you imagine everyone in the audience is naked ?
The technique apparently helps some folks speaking to large audiences. My classes were so small , that didn't seem, uhm, ...necessary !?!
Mariah , ...I like your idea about getting a little stirred up at alcohol. Sometimes a little self directed passion can go a long way with me, ....to stay focused and all.
lo..oong day today, ...did a little work in the shop tonight at home after work. I probably have this extra energy from not getting any cycling in the past 5 days.
Goodnight y'all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 181
I hope your presentation goes well/has gone well today (not sure of your time zone) It's weird how scary public speaking can be. I used to get up in front of people every Sunday to sing all by myself and it never scared me as much as speaking did. Not sure what the difference is but it's there for sure!
Congrats to Up, Present, Obo, Mariah and anyone I've missed!
Glad you're back home and back at it, Soli. It's not over till it's over.
I'm at 88 days here and just feeling like a wreck. I snapped at my best online friend on Friday and now it seems like he's blocked me from everything so I can't even apologize. It's hard to understand how I can keep messing my life up this far into sobriety, but if there's one thing I'm great at it's finding novel ways to be a jerk.
I wish I could be a better example of how great everything is after you get some sober time under your belt. I wish I could give people hope. All I seem to be able to do is keep trudging on, too stubborn to give up but certainly not having fun. It'll get better eventually, I know it will. It has to.
Congrats to Up, Present, Obo, Mariah and anyone I've missed!
Glad you're back home and back at it, Soli. It's not over till it's over.
I'm at 88 days here and just feeling like a wreck. I snapped at my best online friend on Friday and now it seems like he's blocked me from everything so I can't even apologize. It's hard to understand how I can keep messing my life up this far into sobriety, but if there's one thing I'm great at it's finding novel ways to be a jerk.
I wish I could be a better example of how great everything is after you get some sober time under your belt. I wish I could give people hope. All I seem to be able to do is keep trudging on, too stubborn to give up but certainly not having fun. It'll get better eventually, I know it will. It has to.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
hey Kitten - I know 88 seems like along time - in one way it is, but in another it's really not.
I think we can underestimate the amount of recuperation our minds and bodies need - it took me at least 90 days to get any kind of emotional constancy.
I'll be surprised if you don't see a big improvement over the next 30 days
D
I think we can underestimate the amount of recuperation our minds and bodies need - it took me at least 90 days to get any kind of emotional constancy.
I'll be surprised if you don't see a big improvement over the next 30 days
D
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Morning Fools.
The past is the history of our choices, the experiences which have groomed us into the person we are today. Our history has prepared us for our future, our future paths in life are yet to be determined while the destination is already there.....unknown to us.
It is often said that the path less traveled will provide more experiences to learn, but making our own path will bring more options to those who come after us.
Follow the path of another or blaze your own, you will still create your own history and future.
Have a great day!!!
The past is the history of our choices, the experiences which have groomed us into the person we are today. Our history has prepared us for our future, our future paths in life are yet to be determined while the destination is already there.....unknown to us.
It is often said that the path less traveled will provide more experiences to learn, but making our own path will bring more options to those who come after us.
Follow the path of another or blaze your own, you will still create your own history and future.
Have a great day!!!
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
One of the reasons I quit high school my Junior year (besides that I just didn't fit in) was that public speaking was required and there was no way I was going to do that. I have had jobs where I needed to speak in a group at an office meeting & even if I wasn't speaking but attention was directed towards me, I turn bright red & my voice shakes if I have to speak....the anxiety from those situations are "over the top".
Great to see your post here this morning Kitten - I hope things get easier for you soon - you are doing the most important thing you can do - not drinking & that is fabulous!
So glad to see you here this am too Dee - your very missed
Hope you have a restful day Top before you head back to work tonight - you are sure being productive these days....good for you!
This quote comes from a book by Melody Beattie - Journey of the Heart
Look for the miracles. Hope for the best. But when you can't change what your going through, let the simple, quiet, daily miracle of acceptance find you.
Have a good day everyone - going to be a "scorcher" here again today - out to water my beauties before heading out for the day!
Great to see your post here this morning Kitten - I hope things get easier for you soon - you are doing the most important thing you can do - not drinking & that is fabulous!
So glad to see you here this am too Dee - your very missed
Hope you have a restful day Top before you head back to work tonight - you are sure being productive these days....good for you!
This quote comes from a book by Melody Beattie - Journey of the Heart
Look for the miracles. Hope for the best. But when you can't change what your going through, let the simple, quiet, daily miracle of acceptance find you.
Have a good day everyone - going to be a "scorcher" here again today - out to water my beauties before heading out for the day!
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