Gypsy Feet

MW and I leave probably Friday for Washington (we will be near you Newby in Tulalip). I will miss at least a few days of posting when we are on the road

MsPINKAcres

Lisa - hope yall have a wonderful trip!

Judy - glad you bought you the roses - we all should treat ourselves to little gifts like that

Amy - thanks for the prayers - sending out thoughts of encouragement on the school work - wahoo for you for keeping ahead on your work!

Chino - praying for you!!! and sending out good healing thoughts!

It's a fabulous monday filled with blessings & grace -

Share a smile today - we all know everyone could use one!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

BigDreams1

(((Gypsy)) (((Newby))) (((Pink))) (((SM)))) ((((Amy)))
Missed you all.
In the middle of class so can't talk long...but a mini miracle showed up this weekend.
With the help of a prayer partner...I called out to God to give me the strength to let go of AH and his mistress. I "ran" into them together at our health club and went home crying but called out for strength again to accept it and "get out of God's way" and let him do the justice.
By the time I got home, I felt some peace and husband sat me down and told me he needed to rethink his "friendship" with gf...that it was causing him too much stress to see me when he was with her...and causing my kids and I so much stress too.

Not much of a committment to chagne...but at least now he sees a problem.
Thanksful for that!

Impurrfect

((Annie)) - Good for you! I know that must have been very painful, but you took the high road

((Lisa)) - hope you guys have a great trip!

((Newby)) - Wow, it seems strange to hear you guys need rain - I thought that's all you GOT out there?!?!?! I don't know how this year's holidays will play out. I usually spend Christmas day at mom-Kay's, Thanksgiving dinner has been at my stepsisters but I wasn't able to make it due to work. This year, we will have a new BABY, so will just wait and see.

I got a call from the person about the sitting job. She had gotten my application, had some questions. I lied, and I'm not totally happy about it, but I know I won't get the job if I reveal my past. I told her that I got burned out on nursing, had family deaths and illnesses, yes, there are some facilities that would say they won't rehire me. I told her that I left nursing because of the burn-out and that I wasn't able to give it my all.

Though I don't like lying, I'm okay with this. I am totally aware that you mention "addiction" and some people will shut down. I am NOT the person I was over 5-1/2 years ago, I have oodles of references and I will not shoot myself out of a job because of guilt. I honestly don't FEEL guilt, as what I did led me to who I am, but I am past the wondering "tell the truth, don't tell the truth" feelings that paralyzed me for so long that I wouldn't even apply to a job.

I have to get a copy of my MVR, as I did have 3 accidents in a year (2 in one day, but I told her it was a reaction to the novacaine at my dentist's office). I will get the MVR tomorrow, and mail it to her. They have liability laws or rules so it is necessary. Pretty sure (99.9%) that those are the only traffic violations I've had in 7 years.

Before the MVR thing came up (she called me back), she had said that she would call me tomorrow or Wed. to set up the "first interview"? At first, I thought "OMG, how many interviews do I have to do?!?!" but in reality, I'm not worried about it.

That, in itself, is totally amazing. I'm confident of who I am, I KNOW I can do this job, so bring it on. HUGE difference from a few months ago when I was all wrapped up in who I was. I know who I am, and I owe a lot of that to all of you...so thanks

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

Annie ~ again I hate so much that you are in this situation - I pray God's very best for you ~ that one way or another ~ you can maintain your peace!

Amy - also still praying God's very best for you on the job situation!

newby1961

Morning all,

GF how exciting I sometimes make it out to the Casino over there. If you want a tour guide PM me and I will give you my cell #.

BD1 where the heck you been? Great to see you and hope all is well?

Amy yes generally it rains a whole lot but before this it hadn't rained in over 45 days which is hardly ever heard of. Believe me it is making up for it now. It hasn't stopped raining for 4 or 5 days now and the wind is so loud and heavy it is shaking my windows and front door something terrible. Princess my poor cat is freaking out over all the howling. Woke me up out of a dead sleep at 4am.

Have a great day everyone and remember

MsPINKAcres

another busy day in the life & times of PINKAcres - but it's always full of blessings ~

PINK HUGS to all of you ~

Rita

Impurrfect

I'm trying to focus on FAITH and not fear. I'm down to where I can't pay my car insurance, though it's not due for almost 2 weeks. Dad just left on a trip to NY, so that's great for him - HE was at the point where he had no money coming in except a short trip he did yesterday.

Going to get my MVR, get it in the mail and pray something happens with this job or dad gets a trip for me to do...something

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

Amy - this was one of my FB post this morning

Promise # 10 "fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us" - one of the promises I hold onto daily, sometimes hourly. Pink hugs and happy Tuesday & a special Happy Birthday to Ashley Elizabeth!!!


Remember how well your HP has brought the Promises to be a REAL part of your life ~

love ya!

Impurrfect

((Rita)) - You are right. I have to admit I went back to smoking after about 6 weeks, am going to quit again as soon as I'm through with the cigarettes I bought yesterday. I had been planning on quitting again, it's just something that feels like a stress-reducer and I didn't want to go through the stress of quitting again, along with everything else. I'm fine with it though. Dad told me he will be more than glad to help me out, financially, as long as I quit.

Spent 1-1/2 hours at the DMV. They now require SO much for new/renewed driver's license, the 3 people in front of me were back for the second time. We had fun, joked with each other while waiting in line forever. When the young kid got called up, the other lady and I were giving him and his gf the thumb's up and when the lady got called, I wished her luck. They did both get their license but I had to laugh at myself..I can start a conversation with damned near anyone!

Got a pleasant surprise, too. Had told the lady at the job that I had 3 wrecks on my record, told her about the 2-in-one-day due to reaction to novacaine from the dentist and the one when I totaled out my car. Surprisingly, ONLY the 2-in-one day are on my 7 year record? They were exactly 3 years and one month ago and that is ALL that's on my MVR.

I know most people around here do not like when people come by from Jehovah Witnesses, but I've got two friends who drop by and they just left. XABF#3's mom was one, and I found out we had a lot more similarities in our faith than differences. These are sweet girls, were driving by when sm wrecked the car and stopped to check on her. We've been talking about school, dogs, cats, etc. I'm probably the only one in the neighborhood that talks to them but I truly thinks it's recovery that has taught me to be open and look for similarities.

Sorry for the novel, but it's turned out to be a good day, once I stepped into FAITH, not FEAR

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

yeah on the MVR stuff - hope it all continues to go well ~

I have to agree with you on the Jehovah witness ~ I have a very close internet recovery friend that is JW - she doesn't share with many people that is her faith because of the negativity it receives - She and I have enjoyed sharing many things and I respect her for her faith ~
Last year when I mailed out Christmas cards - I mailed her a Happy Day card - to acknowledge and thank her for her friendship - I wanted to be respectful of her beliefs but at the same time I didn't want to leave her out of my acknowlegement of the many blessings I had in friends!

For me, it's all about being Honest Open and willing ~ right?

Impurrfect

((Rita)) - I totally agree. They are NEVER pushy. I told the ladies, today, that another man had come by Saturday with his two young daughters, so I had the literature that they leave (and I actually get a lot from it!). I'm out on the driveway, looking like a bum, they're dressed up but we relate.

Today we talked about faith, told them about not having a job, trying to get one, almost done with school. It was like talking to any other friend. I told them "you say Jehovah, I say God, but from talking with my ex bf's mom, we think a lot in the same way". They're open, I'm open, and I like them.

Back in the day, when I was not open to other's and their way of life or opinions, I would have shut them out. There was a time I was extremely judgmental about the so-called "crack-wh***s". Well, I became one. Teach ME to be judgmental.

I think that's why I don't do well on those stupid job assessment tests. A bunch of other RA's and I were talking about it. They always ask if you've done anything you regret. I know I set off a red flag when I say "no". Am I proud of being a raging codie and A? No. Do I regret it? No. I wouldn't be who I am had I not lived through what I did. I think they make those tests for kids. Most adults would not answer the same way a kid would.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Impurrfect

Sorry for the double post, but I am about to blow a gasket Sm just got home from her followup visit with the GI dr (stomach/intestines). She has SWORN she has Crohn's disease, her dr. in SC said she had it, her SISTERS have it and whatever they have, she has. I told her it could not be diagnosed without a colonoscopy. A nurse in the hospital told her and dad the same thing.

She does NOT have it (oh, poor baby, no pain meds). She has diverticulitis and diverticulosis. Short story, nuts, anything with seeds (even tomatoes) are a no-no. I tell her this, she snaps back "he said I could eat them every now and then". I tell her that 7 wrappers from payday candy bars (peanuts) is NOT every now and then.

They want her to have another "scan" but she has no idea of what KIND of scan. I try to tell her what she needs to get her driver's license renewed, she's not comprehending. I sent the link to dad in an e-mail.

I am DONE. She is going to do what she is going to do, eat whatever she wants, get pain and/or "nerve" medicine anywhere she can. Dad will b*tch about it, but pay for the prescriptions.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. She doesn't want ME going with her to dr. appointments because I tell her "secrets". As for now, I will NOT take her to the ER (unless she is at risk of dying), I will NOT tell her what the diet she needs to follow. I'm giving up, surrendering, whatever. I have enough going on in MY life, I don't need to try to control hers.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

Amy - for me one of the most freeing moments was when my exah had another fender-bender car accident just a block or so from our house because he drove under the influence and of course he said he was in horrible pain! He wanted me to take him to the ER. I calmly said, "I am unable to do that. It's not a healthy thing for me to do."
He tried to start an arguement "What? You don't think I'm hurt? You won't let me go?"
I replied "I never said any of those things, I simply said I am unavailable to take you, You are a grown man, if you feel you need to go to the ER, you need to make other arrangements to go"

I left him there filling out the paperwork with the sheriff's dept - still to the day don't know if he went or not - He was already taking quite a bit of meds - so he could have just doubled/trippled up on what he was taking ~

But the best thing was I refused to be part of the insanity!!

Good for you to do the same for you ~

PINK HUGS to all
Rita

MsPINKAcres

everyone has rough days - when both people in a marriage have a rough day - it is very difficult NOT to take that out on each other ~ especially when you find major things wrong in your home ~

This was our nite last nite ~ ugh ugh ugh

It wasn't as bad as it could have been - but it sure wasn't smooth either ~ it took every ounce of control for both of us to make it thru the nite ~

This too shall pass ~
today I pray it passes soon

I pray that each of the issues you encounter today be minor and easily fixed ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Impurrfect

((Rita)) glad you got through the night okay

Well, the GOOD news is, that power point assignment I've been so worried about? Got a 90 and excellent feedback. Sent my instructor a nice thank you note.

Bad news is, once again I was in fear of the house getting burned down. Sm was passed out, slumped over, I took her cig pack/lighter. She said "okay" when I said "DO NOT SMOKE, go to bed". 30 min. later, going to the kitchen to get something to eat - she's got a new pack of cigs in her hand - take them, she is unaware. Wake up this morning, ANOTHER pack, and a lighter and she had one in the ashtray.

Snapped them up, she asked why (still barely coherent) and told her I was NOT going to burn up in this house because of her smoking. Just disabled her car. It's a bit cool outside, but I let Elvis out in case she finds the cigarettes or has more hidden - the cats can survive the house buring down, I can't do anything about the dog - she can't stay outside.

I'm going to the sr. center. I NEED it today, more than usual. Will come home and use all my pent up anger to work on my room. I'm on my last few cigarettes, so that will be a challenge but *I* will be fine. I'm putting my laptop and pictures of mom in my trunk, as I just don't trust sm. She's bee "out" for over 11 hours, but she's still breathing so no need to call 911.

Sorry for the vent. I SWEAR I'm trying to get back to FEELING the 3 c's, and I do, but I also feel the need to keep my home safe.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

newby1961

Morning everyone,

Amy as you have probably read on some other posts we both frequent I have a new understanding of what you are going through w/SM but thank God I don't live in the house with my sister or I would probably be getting loaded right next to her.
So for the repeat of the story so please bare with me as others haven't heard it yet. I was going to post it last night but I just couldn't write about it any more.
So I get this call from my sister who had just spent several hours in the ER for those that don't know she has Cancer. Anyway this was for some new back issue that she has had for several days and it got to its breaking point yesterday. Well she has never been into narcotics vodka and wine yeah. So at the hospital they loaded her up with tons of pain meds enough to put a baby elephant down as she put it. The conversation went on and on about what kind, how much, blah blah blah. Now mind you narcotics are my DOC (drug of choice). So not only did I start having euphoric recall but at one point I didn't like what was coming out of my mouth. So after about 20 minutes and yes I waited that long, shame on me, I finally told her that this conversation was getting to my addict and we needed to stop. Well then I heard for another 10 or so minutes how sorry she was with this condescending voice. After I got off the phone I and then proceeded to beat myself up about how unsupported of a sister I was and how by almost 9 years I should be able to deal with these kind of issues and then I shut my phone off for fear of another call.
Now there is no way in Gods green earth that I could deal with this f2f so thank God I live 3K miles away.
So since I am new to all this co-dependent stuff I have not a clue on how the healthy way of dealing with this situation is? I think maybe doing what I did but not waiting 20 minutes right?
I really need some insight from some of you who know healthy vs unhealthy ways of dealing with these sort of problems because I know there will be more that crop up with her.
Hope everyone has a great day and thanks for the support it means so very much to me.

Impurrfect

((Newby)) - Not so sure I'm in a position to say what is healthy, right now, but I did look up the address and time for the next al-anon meeting, tomorrow night at 8:30.

Luckily, dad got home as I was getting ready to leave. I apologized for "hitting him with this when I KNOW he's tired but 'here's the deal'". Sm woke up and we got into a screaming fight, even though I told her to stop talking to me. Denial. She told me bratkin doesn't want me anywhere NEAR her baby - that hurt.

Dad was livid, she's telling him I'm drinking liquor every day? I told him where I'd hidden the cigs, that her car was disabled, where the vice grip was and I left.

I did tell a couple people at work some of what is going on (my buddies) and they both said "then you need to be with those of us who love you".

VERY busy, got numerous complements from members on what a great job I did. Also have a backup plan - they are only open 8-5, but they have wi-fi, and several of them to come whenever I needed, they will find me a quiet place to do my school work...no worries.

I had a good day. I don't know what happened here, other than dad didn't remember where I hid her cigs so she's been out of the all day. He said the next time he finds her falling asleep with one in her hand, he's throwing them all out. He also threatened to throw her pills away, boy did SHE go off and when I left she was wanting to go to her sister's. Dad told her they wouldn't take her, she's burned those bridges.

I don't know, I don't care. I'm catching up on here, going to turn my music up and start cleaning. The other Amy at the center asked if I could work next Fri. night for an october-fest thing, from 5-9 and I said "yes". At first I thought it was tomorrow night, then remembered the al-anon meeting, but they also have them on Sat.

I know I said I would go before, and didn't, but maybe I just wasn't miserable enough. When I take a break from cleaning, think I'll listen to ((Rita's)) CD again

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

first of all Amy - please don't accept any thing & everything that SM says "B" says about you & the baby - I learned the hard way that addicts say things that know will hurt us to take attention away from them -

I'm glad you put all your mom's stuff in a safe place -
and most of all I pray you are able to find a way to that meeting & find some peace for you ~

Newby - don't beat yourself up over 20 mins - so this time you listened for 20 mins, next time it may only be 10 or 5 or none - progress not perfection

The best part is that you recognize what is NOT healthy for you and DID something about it!!!

HOW wonderful - you have to be healthy for YOU before you are any good to anyone else!

prayers for your sister -

but most of all prayers for Newby & Amy - for a peaceful weekend!

Lisa I pray you & MW are having a great time away

Chino - I pray you are doing well physically - miss you!

Annie check in when you can!

SM - how's things with you?

PINK HUGS everyone!

Impurrfect

((Rita)) - Thanks ((Newby)) - I agree with ((Rita)) - you recognized that talking to her was causing you bad feelings. You are NOT a bad sister because you don't want to talk to her when she's high/drunk. If we can't do what's good for US, we're really not helping anyone else.

My disaster of a room is a manifestation of my depression, bad as I hate to admit it. I'm finding it quite therapeutic cleaning it up! Got my music cranked up, when I walk through the house, I'm singing and dancing. Found a pair of earrings in an old purse, a couple of ear plugs that will come in handy, and organizing stuff...a little at a time. The goal is to get it back to my haven, lay down tonight and relax, burn my good smelling candles, have the bed cleaned of all the school books, and feel good about it.

((Rita)) - I AM going to the meeting. I know this sounds crazy, but I know how al-anon has helped YOU so much, and though I KNOW it's not true, I feel like I will let you down if I don't go. Though I know it's not true, it's something that gives me motivation.

Don't remember if I told you guys the vivid using dream I had the other night. Got woke up suddenly with something beeping, not fully awake and I was saying "OMG, how am I going to tell my SR friends? OMG, how am I going to tell my family? OMG, how could I have been so STUPID?" and was in a panic. I then realized I was in my room, had not used. I think when I get stressed or down, I draw on the strength of everyone here as well as the friendships that I value so much.

Okay, time to do more cleaning, singing and dancing I DID look to see if there was an al-anon meeting tonight, but nothing in the surrounding area. If I like it tomorrow night, can go back to the same group Sat. Incidentally, it's the same one dad went to a couple times.

Love you all!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy