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Codependency and Beyond - Part 25

Old 09-24-2012, 06:37 AM
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Morning everyone,

Amy wow that was a shocker and knowing somethings about plagiarism I know there has to be more to the story? Our professors were always so adamant with all of us that if they even suspected they would make sure we got expelled so I was always afraid to even use quotes, and when I did you can make sure I set it up in quotation marks and cited the source.

I need to vent again. So I tried going to church over the last month and to be truthful while I was doing it it felt great but I slowly started seeping into depression it seemed the more I went on this spiritual journey the more depressed I was becoming. So yesterday I just couldn't even make myself get off the couch to go. I don't know if there is a bigger strong hold on me now cause I am trying to know my HP or not?
I thought I would write about that here cause I know a few of you believe in the same HP as I do and I thought you may know what I am talking about cause to be honest I am really confused about it all. Maybe if you e mail or PM me it might be better don't want to get to deep as I know everyone has their own HP and it may clash with your belief.

Anyway that's enough out of me. Next case.
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Old 09-24-2012, 07:26 AM
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The plagiarism stuff was that my classmate's work and mine were too much alike, but on one we never even SAW each other's work.

((Newby)) - I missed the past couple of weeks at church. I don't know if it was depression or what, but just didn't want to get up and go. DID feel much better after going yesterday, even though I was a bit distracted during the service.

Heading to the sr. center and praying all is calm...and if it's not, I can keep my distance from whomever is grumpy.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 09-24-2012, 12:17 PM
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Monday, September 24, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Allowing Ourselves to be Needy

We can accept ourselves as people who have needs - the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, and healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things. These needs make us human and healthy. Getting our needs met - believing we deserve to have them met - makes us happy.

There are times, too, when in addition to our regular needs, we become particularly needy. At these times, we need more than we have to give out. That is okay too.

We can accept and incorporate our needs, and our needy side, into the whole of us. We can take responsibility for our needs. That doesn't make us weak or deficient. It doesn't mean we are not properly recovering, nor does it mean we're being dependent in an unhealthy way. It makes our needs, and our needy side, manageable. Our needs stop controlling us, and we gain control.

And, our needs begin to get met.

Today, I will accept my needs and my needy side. I believe I deserve to get my needs met, and I will allow that to happen.
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Old 09-24-2012, 12:17 PM
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happy birthday Amy <3
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:55 AM
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Tuesday, September 25, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Peace with the Past
Even God cannot change the past.
—Agathon

Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.

"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.

"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.

"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.

I've been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.

"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.

"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.

"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.

"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.

"What I've learned has been acceptance - without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."

We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for others and ourselves. I know, because that woman is me.

Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.
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Old 09-25-2012, 01:14 PM
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((Lisa)) - I sooo need to print out today's reading and look at it every single day!

So, turns out sm really IS sick. They wanted to admit her to the hospital today and she refused, has a lot of tests on Fri. Is already saying what she WON'T do but did concede that I've tried to tell her what she should and shouldn't eat with Crohn's and she eats everything that is on the "don't eat" list.

Initially, I did feel guilty. I'm so used to her complaining of this pain and that, it's like a normal conversation with her. However, I got over the guilt. I did take her to the ER, I did tell her dr. (without her knowledge) that she takes much more pain meds than she admitted.

When she was rattling off what she wouldn't do, I reminded her that if she couldn't get out bed again, and dad wasn't here, she'd have to stay IN the bed as I can't get her up.

On a good note, the HR dude has been thanking me left and right? They had a staff meeting, I did the dishes and the dishwasher was shocked at all I had done. Mr. HR was in there, told me thanks again. One of the chef's said that my name was mentioned, frequently, as one who just does what needs to be done.

They are debating whether to hire another staff member. It may or may not happen, it may or may not be me, but at the worst...I'm having a blast and they appreciate me. Can't hurt to have an HR person to add to my references, either

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 09-25-2012, 02:30 PM
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just dropping by to say HEY

Judy - so glad you had that phone call from your day - you know I have shared how my Dad & I talked almost every Thursday for YEARS!!!!!!!! I so miss those phone calls dearly! Sometimes I would miss his call & have to call him back - he would leave me the best message ever on my phone - "Hello sweetheart, it's Thursday & I'm suppose to talk to my daughter" - Oh what I would give if I had not deleted one of those messages - just to be able to hear his voice still!

anyway - love & PINK HUGS to all!

Annie - keep taking good care of you and REMEMBER YOU ARE ENOUGH - today, right this very moment - that was my reminder I was given today!!!!!

Amy- hope the school stuff gets worked out & SM is ok!

Judy - I would love to share more about my HP when i have time -He is my bestest friend!!!!

Lisa - hope all is going well with you - (mailed your copy of my speaker cd today finally!)

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 09-26-2012, 01:13 AM
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Evening all,

Ms Pink I would love to hear about your spiritual journey when you have the time, maybe you could e mail me? I am on pretty shaky ground w/mine right now. There is a bit more to it but I don't really want to get into on here.

Amy how awesome at the SR center I bet they end up hiring you cause they know a good employer when they see one. If they don't their loss, and you will find a better one. As far as SM being really sick this time and you not believing her well, she did that to herself because you can't keep crying wolf and expect others to fall for it every time. I did exactly what she is doing for a few years when I lived in Mt. At first it started out with real ailments like kidney stones, and ouch they really hurt bad. They know how much they hurt so they load you up and I got strung out really fast. Then I learned how to shop for Dr's, and clinics, hospitals anywhere you could get narcotics. I used to pride myself in how good I was, but that was way back when computers didn't keep track like they do now and have over the last 10 years. Maybe she will get help one day. I will hand it to you I could never in a million years live with someone who was active and I have been sober almost 9 years.

Anyway it is 1am again, time to hit the hay. Nite all
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Old 09-26-2012, 04:36 AM
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Judy - will try to email when I get a chance -

stopping by for a quick second - another busy day at work!

Reminder for the day ~ try to share a smile with everyone you meet - they too might be facing untold battles!

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 09-27-2012, 04:41 AM
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Be Safe today my friends ~ in case you haven't been told today - you are special, you are missed & you are loved!

PINK HUGS!
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Old 09-27-2012, 08:59 AM
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Thursday, September 27, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Temporary Setbacks

Sometimes, after we begin recovery, things in our life seem to get worse for a time. Our finances, our relationships, or our health may seem to deteriorate.

This is temporary; this is a normal part of recovery and healing. It may be the way things will be for a time, but not for long.

Keep working at recovery, and the trend will reverse. Before too long, things, and us, will be better than they were before. This time, the foundation will be solid.

God, help me trust You and recovery, even when I have setbacks. Help me remember that the problems are temporary, and when they are solved, I will be on more solid ground.
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Old 09-27-2012, 10:18 AM
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setback!!

wow - haven't we all been there ~

some of the ones I have gone thru like many of you have been devasting - but thanks to a program of recovery, my HP and a determination to never go back to the darkness I lived in before - I was able to just keep walking ODAT!

wonderful reading - THanks Lisa!

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 09-27-2012, 11:54 AM
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I know I've certainly had my share of setbacks.

((Rita)) - Got your CD - THANK YOU!! Haven't listened to it yet. Just got home and sm is trying to get hold of her dr. Pretty sure I'll be taking her to the ER to be admitted but not sure.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:22 AM
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Friday, September 28, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Prayer

Here are some of my favorite prayers:

Help. Please. Don't.
Show me. Guide me. Change me.
Are you there?
Why'd you do that?
Oh.
Thank you.

Today, I will tell God what I want to tell God, and listen for God's answer. I will remember that I can trust God.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:45 AM
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Hi friends!
I am burned out, fried around the edges and yet, I am ever grateful and have much joy in my life. One of my favorite prayers is credited to Assisi, reminding me to give comfort rather than seek it, to seek to understand rather than be understood.

I have been on a whirlwind tour lately, lots of grand baby time, lots of family events where I am grateful to be of service and even some odd jobs here and there. After 30 years of asking to borrow my dad's Porsche (he has had many) I have the car. 1987 carrera convertible. It odd, people feel the need to talk tome and oogle it hahah. MW took it for a day and gave more people rides and showed it off to more people in a day than I have all week.

I am definitely not a car girl BUT, it was on my bucket list, and it feels good to mark it off.
The ex wife drama seems a bit worse post-settlement mediation. I am starting to look around for a new sponsor, a step work shop or a retreat so that I can paper and pencil away some of the dirty residue, and I am codie-hoping MW does the same.
Things with his daughter are going well on their visits. That makes it suck less,

I am off to another PACKED weekend, uhg. All we talk about when MW and I are alone is running away for a weekend with our phones off, I hope it happens soon.

quality problems =)
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:50 PM
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((Lisa)) - The car sounds really nice, the drama with the ex doesn't. It does sound as if you are handling it well, though.

Sm did get admitted, I got home late. I did make a codie move. When she was getting an ultrasound, I looked in her purse. It just verified my gut was right - 4 empty bottles of a LOT of pills prescribed in the past 2 weeks.

I told the dr. of sm's abuse, she asked if anyone could dispense them to her - "nope", if someone else could pick up her Rx - "nope". Told her sm doesn't let them out of her sight. She was a nice and good dr., but I seriously wanted to tell her that it's impossible to keep an A from getting their drugs.

Worked at the center, then ran some stuff up to the hospital for her. I am SO tired, but need to study. Even though I took my books with me to the hospital, opiates make sm talk nonstop and even when I tried to ignore her or point out "I'm TRYING to study" she kept on.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 09-29-2012, 01:36 AM
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Evening everyone

GF I like the one that says Show me, Guide me, Change me. That is short and sweet and to the point. I think I will start saying that and see how it works.

Not a whole lot to report just hope all of you are doing okay? Have a great weeknd guys and gals and remember
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Old 09-29-2012, 01:16 PM
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amy - glad you got the Cd - hate it took me so long to get it mailed hope you enjoy it!! feel free to share with anyone else if you want

Somedays life is so overwhelming I can't even pray the entire Serenity Prayer - so I learned to say "God, Serenity, Courage, Wisdom Thank You Amen"

PINK HUGS to all
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Old 09-29-2012, 01:34 PM
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((Rita)) - I've often used your abbreviated version of the serenity prayer I still haven't listened to the CD, but I will. Sm is still in the hospital and no sign of when she will come home, I am behind in my schoolwork and trying to get caught up. Add that to paranoia and lack of motivation after the "plagiarism" thing (she still hasn't graded one assignment that we turned in 3 weeks ago) and well...it's just been a rough week. My classmate buddy who was going to help me with the blog thing has not responded to any e-mails, so if you hear screaming from GA, it will be me trying to figure it out

Other than that, though, have all kinds of reasons to be grateful!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 09-30-2012, 09:20 AM
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Sunday, September 30, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Not a Victim

You are not a victim.

How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.

Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!

Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn't run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .

You've got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we've had such hard times. . . .

Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .

I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.

Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.

Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.

We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.

We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.

Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!

And learn to enjoy what's good.

Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.
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